Always Be Covering: Even You, New England
The less they cover they by, the more exciting it is.
Dear AFC South,
Get fucked by the Washington Monument. Houston, I knew you’d fucking suck, but the one week you don’t suck I turn around and you stick it in me dry. Speaking of which, how about those fuckheads in Jacksonville. You assholes let the Texans cover? The FUCKING Texans! Indy is coming off of a bye, but before that they were blowing a cover, and a “win”, against Jacksonville. It’s an endless cycle of suck that can only be saved by one thing.
The Tennessee Titans are the tits. Not the fake balloon tits you see everywhere, they’re the sweet plump natural titties that can never be defeated. The Titans are perfect against the spread and I’m going to ride them like a horse. A horse made of tits.
What the fuck do you mean the line is down on the Titans-Ravens game?
Dear Bodog,
Get fucked by the Washington Monument…
ON TO THE PICKS!
San Diego -7 at Miami
Either everything we know about the NFL is totally wrong, or the Wildcat offense total bullshit. The Dolphins are a glorified high school team and Bill Parcells of all people should know it.
Seattle +7.5 at New York
The receivers are back, and look how happy they are to be there! But hey, you try not laughing when Mike Holmgren starts showing off his new trick…
Chicago -3.5 at Detroit
The Lions have dropped their last three by an average of 18 points, but apparently Vegas expects the firing of Matt Millen inspire them to lose by less than a touchdown. Progress!
Buffalo Pick at Arizona
Good god, Buzzsaw, what the fuck happened last week? Emmitt Smith found the performance of his former teammates to be quite debaculous.
New England -3 at San Francisco
Listen J.T. O’Sullivan, I’ll fuckin lay your nuts on a fuckin dresser. Just your nuts layin’ on a fuckin’ dresser. And bang them shits with a spiked fuckin’ bat.
Seriously go the fuck away.
In other news, the Wu Tang documentary has a trailer! Quoth the ODB, “Hawaii is the real, real, real bomb. It’s the macadamia nut. The lava alone make my dick hard. I ain’t even seen no lava, but I know that they got lava bitches here.”
Yes ODB, yes they do. But you have to watch out for the ice bitches up in Alaska.
Washington +6 at Philly
Will Brian Westbrook play? His brother Byron says no, and I say who the fuck cares? The Redskins shouldn’t be giving six to anybody, and the city is just one win away from going full retard and I can’t wait. Do you realize that they could be sitting at 4-1 having played each division rival on the road with their next three games coming against the Rams, Browns, and Lions? Yep, I’m feeling pretty retarded already.
Aw fuck, I picked all road teams again. That can’t be good.
Seriously folks, I’m an expert. You should take all of this very seriously.
Tags: Always Be Covering, Gambling, sexy friday, Unsilent Majority
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:40 am
I’m pretty sure she’s not related to Tommy from Quinzee.
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:43 am
I love Sexy Friday ™ but that bitch has got to take that disgusting jersey off.
Seriously.
Take it off.
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:43 am
The Bears are missing 4 players on the defense, look at the over
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:43 am
by ice bitches in Alaska you couldn’t possibly mean…
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:45 am
Geez, UM. Can we just make a NSFW origin URL for these weekly shots just a standard part of the post? Asking for them every week just gets tedious!
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:47 am
Do with it what you will…
http://images.spunkycash.com/1743-300-300.jpg
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:49 am
Seattle/Chicago is my parlay of the week. Fuck, I could cover that spread against the Lions. By myself. With only a badminton racquet and some pepper spray.
October 3rd, 2008 at 11:09 am
Props on that caption: love the double entendre even if it does come in conjunction with Tommy Fuckwit’s jersey.
October 3rd, 2008 at 11:17 am
If that is a NSFW, than I don’t even want to be an American. This is what we have to look forward for with Dr. Evil and Igloo snatch if they win.
October 3rd, 2008 at 11:20 am
Rest in peace, Ol’ Dirty Bastard.
/DUR DUR DUR
//and yeah, Maj, you’re fucked on that Bears/Lions game
October 3rd, 2008 at 11:20 am
Dammit Maj, don’t tempt me at work like that.
October 3rd, 2008 at 11:38 am
There’s always room on Sexy Friday for Wu Tang references even if you’re going to lose your $240 this week.
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSST.
October 3rd, 2008 at 11:51 am
Was hoping you’d pick the Denver game.
October 3rd, 2008 at 12:00 pm
You need to diversify your bonds, bitches!
October 3rd, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Must….. resist….. urge….. to cheer for….. PATRIOTS.
GAHHHHHHHHH!
October 3rd, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Just do it, Joba… I know, I know, it seems so scary and different, and maybe makes you feel a little slutty, but once you start I think you’ll really enjoy it. Did I tell you how nice you look tonight, by the way? You look really nice.
October 3rd, 2008 at 12:33 pm
I’ll fuckin hang you by your fuckin dick off a fuckin twelve story building.
October 3rd, 2008 at 12:45 pm
With the last pick, the Asian delegations selcts, the RZA, the GZA, Ghostface Killah, Inspectah Deck, the entire Wu Tang Clan.
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Romeo Crennel can do Holmgren one better:
http://www.biologicalfannypack.com/2008/09/point-counterpoint.html
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Also, I’d prefer to sew J.T. O’Sullivan’s asshole shut and keep feeeedin him, and feeeedin him, and feeeeedin him.
Awwww yeah! Agaaaain and agaaaain!
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:16 pm
betting on football is like having someone set a coat hanger on stove for like an hour or some shit. then slide that hanger in your ass, real slow like. tsssssssss
October 3rd, 2008 at 5:16 pm
I’d fuck that Patriots fan like I was Bernard Pollard.
October 3rd, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Dear Lord
Please don’t let my Bears shit the bed against the Lions.
If they do, please smite Unsilent Majority for jinxing them.
Amen
October 3rd, 2008 at 7:10 pm
…cut your neck off and glue your head back on and leave you like that!
October 3rd, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Nothing against Mike Holmgren, but that’s a sea lion, not a walrus.
October 4th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
I’ll fuckin …..sew your asshole closed and keep feedin you…and feedin you…and feedin you
October 4th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
I was the white boy listening to Wu Tang and thinking he was hard. Actually we probably all were.
October 4th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
I’m taking Mike Baby and the Haitian Headhunters to cover against Detroit. He’s going to get his revenge for all EIGHT YEARS of being a Lions fan…Then I’m going to invoke my right to kill any Haitian who was stupid enough to become a Lions fan, post-Barry Sanders.
October 4th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
DID SOMEBODY SAY BOND DIVERSIFICATION?
I hope not. That is an incredibly dull subject.