The less they cover they by, the more exciting it is.

Dear AFC South,

Get fucked by the Washington Monument. Houston, I knew you’d fucking suck, but the one week you don’t suck I turn around and you stick it in me dry. Speaking of which, how about those fuckheads in Jacksonville. You assholes let the Texans cover? The FUCKING Texans! Indy is coming off of a bye, but before that they were blowing a cover, and a “win”, against Jacksonville. It’s an endless cycle of suck that can only be saved by one thing.

The Tennessee Titans are the tits. Not the fake balloon tits you see everywhere, they’re the sweet plump natural titties that can never be defeated. The Titans are perfect against the spread and I’m going to ride them like a horse. A horse made of tits.

What the fuck do you mean the line is down on the Titans-Ravens game?

Dear Bodog,

Get fucked by the Washington Monument…

ON TO THE PICKS!

The “I picked out six games and I have $240 in my account so I’m going to put $40 on each game” singles of the week

San Diego -7 at Miami

Either everything we know about the NFL is totally wrong, or the Wildcat offense total bullshit. The Dolphins are a glorified high school team and Bill Parcells of all people should know it.

Seattle +7.5 at New York

The receivers are back, and look how happy they are to be there! But hey, you try not laughing when Mike Holmgren starts showing off his new trick…

Chicago -3.5 at Detroit

The Lions have dropped their last three by an average of 18 points, but apparently Vegas expects the firing of Matt Millen inspire them to lose by less than a touchdown. Progress!

Buffalo Pick at Arizona

Good god, Buzzsaw, what the fuck happened last week? Emmitt Smith found the performance of his former teammates to be quite debaculous.

New England -3 at San Francisco

Listen J.T. O’Sullivan, I’ll fuckin lay your nuts on a fuckin dresser. Just your nuts layin’ on a fuckin’ dresser. And bang them shits with a spiked fuckin’ bat.

Seriously go the fuck away.

In other news, the Wu Tang documentary has a trailer! Quoth the ODB, “Hawaii is the real, real, real bomb. It’s the macadamia nut. The lava alone make my dick hard. I ain’t even seen no lava, but I know that they got lava bitches here.”

Yes ODB, yes they do. But you have to watch out for the ice bitches up in Alaska.

Washington +6 at Philly

Will Brian Westbrook play? His brother Byron says no, and I say who the fuck cares? The Redskins shouldn’t be giving six to anybody, and the city is just one win away from going full retard and I can’t wait. Do you realize that they could be sitting at 4-1 having played each division rival on the road with their next three games coming against the Rams, Browns, and Lions? Yep, I’m feeling pretty retarded already.

Aw fuck, I picked all road teams again. That can’t be good.

Seriously folks, I’m an expert. You should take all of this very seriously.