As you know, we are not a news site. We don’t even try to be one. Trying to break news in the blogosphere is like trying to be first in line at the DMV. Our job is to crack cheap dick jokes and concoct phony dialogues about how big of a tool Philip Rivers is. And Good Lord, is he ever a fucking tool.

But something came by our desk last night that we simply can’t ignore. And we got to it first! Nice!

I attended Michigan for a grand total of ONE semester back in the mid-90′s. but I stayed there long enough to become friends with a guy named Graham (not his real name) from San Mateo, California. If you know your Dreamboatology (and why wouldn’t you?), Graham hails from the exact same town as the one and only Tom Brady, and was friends with Brady in high school and all the way through college.

Now I had lost touch with Graham until a while back when he emailed KSK with a link, without actually knowing who I was. Reacquainted, we shared emails over the past year and had some back and forth about Brady. Graham, turns out, remained decent friends with Brady after college and through his rise to stardom. I always prodded him for info about Brady, but he never had much of anything interesting to report. He also became very good friends with Bridget Moynahan when she and Brady were a couple.

Now, here’s where it gets mildly somewhat more interesting.

I wish I could tell you Graham nailed Moynahan (whee!), but he didn’t. This is far more innocuous. Since Graham now resides in Los Angeles, and since he sees Moynahan on a far more regular basis than Brady because she too lives there, she gained “custody” of Graham as a friend after the breakup, and he fell out of contact with Brady, who has shrunk his number of close friends as he’s grown more famous, in an attempt to safeguard his privacy.

But, in a twist, as Graham has lost touch with Brady, he’s learned way about him as he’s become good buddies with Moynahan. And yesterday, he sent me an email that contained this pretty choice nugget.

Dude, Brady’s gonna retire. He told Bridget after the season was over he was definitely going to retire so he could help raise the kid. As it stands now, he’s pulled between football in Boston, New York where Gisele is, and LA where his kid is. So he said retiring from football would get rid of one of the drags on his time. And after the Pats go 19-0, he knows he’ll never top that. Only reason he’d stay around is to be the first QB to win five SB’s, but he doesn’t seem to care all that much. He’s the kind of guy that can live without the game.

Indeed. Who needs football when you have goats to milk and models to bang? Anyway, this whole bit of knowledge strikes me as horseshit, with Brady just making empty promises to his lady. It would be like me promising my wife I’ll never eat strawberry preserves straight out of the jar in front of our kid again. Oh sure, I mean it at the time. But do I follow through? Nah.

But Graham says Brady has been talking to friends about retiring for the better part of the season. I asked if Belichick was also going to retire, but he didn’t have an answer for that. I have no clue why Graham let me put this out there. But I’m not quibblin’. Nothing he’s told me in the past about Brady has been incorrect, so I’m throwing it out there. It’s a KSK Exklusive!

So enjoy 19-0, Pats fans. You may be looking at the end of an era.