When Brainpower Collides
[4th quarter, Jets score a TD to cut San Diego's lead to 18]
Eric Mangini: We’re going for two.
Brett Favre: Nah, cummonthere Coach, duntwewannabe kickin dat bawl gittinusdown buh 17 poinsan gittintoo tuchday-owns inna fielgolen tiedispuppy up?
Eric: You heard me, Hee Haw. Slot left 535 razor monkey.
Brett: Ulright youda boss.
[Runs play, conversion fails, penalty called on defense]
Eric: What the hell happened out there?
Brett: Thempokeyboys wearindemstripeys donecalled penuldyonna deefey-nsin gonnamovdaball up–
Eric: I can see that, you fucking hilljack. Why didn’t you run the play I sent in?
Brett: Aw cummonthere Coach yewknow ol’ Brett dunlikedat monkeyrazor play no more thenna fiddlewit nostrings, lemme tellya.
Eric: I have no idea what you just said, but run the damn play I gave you this time.
Brett: Cummonthere Coach lemmerundat dangballup damiddlen gitdeez twopoin forya.
Eric: Just do it, you hogfucking hick.
Brett: Ulright youda boss.
[Runs play, conversion fails, penalty called on defense]
Eric: Goddammit, whaddaya doin’ out there?
Brett: Heydere Coach Laveranues wannaknow whywekawldatplay monkeyrazor, cuz heebeethinkin itsa bit racisten Iwannatellim itwadn’t butnow ol’Brett idn’t alldatshore it ain’t.
Eric: Is that why you didn’t run the play? Because you thought it was racist?
Brett: Now, cummonthere Coach ol’ Brett dunntoldya ainthavindat monkeyrazor play, notwhen 244 gypsy checkwitme workin’ somuchbedder, lemme tellya.
Eric: You don’t know the monkey razor play, do you Brett?
Brett: Nosir, aintgotta Gatdang clue.
Eric: Just tell Stuckey to run to the corner and throw it to him.
Brett: Hey coach, alligottadu stickdaballun mah bellybuttonin breethoutreel biggin wegonna gitdat toopoincunvershun, lemme tellya.
Eric: [confused] Why don’t you ever talk like this on TV?
Brett: Cummonthere coach playclockgonna runnout onnus now juslemme rundatbawl inthere.
Eric: Hey! Farmer Fuckhead! Throw it to Stuckey!
Brett: Ulright youda boss.
[Runs play, pass incomplete]
Eric: You gotta execute better than that, goatfucker.
Brett: Imgonnatell Laveranues you saiddat.
Eric: [to himself] Maybe we should onside kick it again.
September 24th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
This is the first time being from the Delta has ever helped me.
September 24th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
Possible instant classic!!! Am I detecting a little waterboy accent from Favra there?
September 24th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
“…Some folk’ll never lose a toe and then again some folk’ll, like Brett Favre the slack-jawed yokel”.
September 24th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
for some reason i read it in Boom Hower’s voice from king of the hill.
September 24th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
I don’t think Mangini speaks that well.
September 24th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Why don’t you ever talk like this on TV?
You can understand him?
September 24th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Hey Deanna….you what could wear these to your job interview
And scuff up the topless dancin’ runway? Naw….you best bring ‘em back wherefrom you got ‘em
Classic.
September 24th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
theres brainpower to collide there?
September 24th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
boy, I was going with the guy from Slingblade as my accent of choice.
September 24th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Oh god I am heaving. I can so see this conversation.
September 24th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
HEY MAW! GIT OFF THE DAG ROOF!
September 24th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
Somebody stopped playing Brett’s Thinkin’ Jug.
September 24th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Coach Mangini, don’t EVER stop in the middle of a hoe down!
September 24th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Very funny work.
J-E-S-T! Jest! Jest! Jest!
September 24th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
wow, this is the first time i had to reread things to understand them
/undelstands Hines Wald
//fackin’ Tawmmy too
September 24th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
I belie I dundevelup a facialdroop aftareadindat
September 24th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Gino,
It’s not a hoe down, its a hootananny
September 24th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
@daydream
If you can understand Boomhauer from King of the Hill, you can understand Favre. The Hines Wald thing took me a minute to get used too. A debate between Hines, Tawmmy & Favre would blow your effin mind.
September 24th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
@ Shane_Falco - don’t give them any ideas. i only have 8 hours a day to read blogs.
September 24th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Farmer Fuckhead
I’m calling him that from now on.
September 24th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
@Falco, i have trouble with Boomhauer too. a presidential candidate debate between Hines, Tawmmy, and Favre would cause the internet to fail
September 24th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
I THINK SOMETING IS RONG WIT YOUR MEDULA OBLON-GA-TA!!!
/Those wacky cajuns always playing games with our intellect
September 24th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
Holy shit. The guy in the cube across from me just asked if I was okay because I was wheezing so hard from not laughing. He probably thinks I have a respiratory disease.
Seriously, that was awesome. The best part of the KSKarakters is that there’s a 90% chance they might actually be like that.
In this case, it’s like 100%.
September 24th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
535 razor monkey
Is that a derivation of the audible Montana is calling on those NFL Films clips?
September 24th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
That was fucking classic.
September 24th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
So, basically this is the white version of the Lewis- Ocho Cinco duo?
September 24th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
@ognihs & Daydream
Yeah guys I think mabye I shouldnt have suggested it. Im thinking it might really fuck up the time-space continuum.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
This post needs less Eric Mangini as sympathetic figure.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
You’ll note that, outside of the hickishness, Favre was the smart one in this exchange.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
“You wouldn’t happen to need a messiah, would you?”
“Nossir, but I’ll take them sacks a money.”
September 24th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Brett: Leave my mother out of this
Deanna: Now Brett, she’s my mama too.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
I had the Moon’s voice from the Mighty Boosh in my head for some reason.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
footbaw!
September 24th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
I had simple Jack all the way. I imagined Head Movies making his eyes rain and everything.
September 24th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
I can see Brett and Mangini sharing a moon pie and a sundrop while fishin’ with a cane pole in the near future.
September 24th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
I’m surprised you guys haven’t said anything about the suspension on that other New York team… You know the good one… The one that won the Superbowl
September 24th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
What i wanna know is where you learned fluent Hick talk!
September 24th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
Out here in Wisconsin (where the cows do wander up and down the streets of Old Milwaukee), y’all have Fav-ray, we as Packer fans have the last laugh
This is a keeper
September 25th, 2008 at 1:06 am
Living in south Ala-fucking-Bama renders one immune to most accents but damn if this isn’t cletus from the simpsons. I live this. It sucks. Let’s go red Sawx!
September 25th, 2008 at 1:11 am
And fuck Brett Favre with a bag of dicks
September 25th, 2008 at 1:37 am
Just finished “boys will be boys”. What a great book. Read it now. That is all.
September 25th, 2008 at 7:29 am
So is a collision of the stal leceivel, Tawmy, Rongrastname, Favre/Mang, and Ocho/Marv in our future. After reading that I would probably just turn into a vegetable. Just pull the plug, no seriously pull it, I’ll never recover.
September 25th, 2008 at 11:00 am
Poor Poor Brett, I think the honeymoon’s over for him in NY
September 25th, 2008 at 6:38 pm
Fucking deadly funny! Do the Jets play the Steelers this year? Cos we have to have a Hines Ward/Brett Favre conversational hootenanny now! Dat wud mak-ah mee smirre for fucking ever!
September 25th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
*ol’ Brett dunlikedat monkeyrazor play no more thenna fiddlewit nostrings, lemme tellya.*
Gatdang it, now I got sum seerus fuckin teers commin outta my ice after done dere reedin dat stuff gonna havtum workin on my Brettanese…lemme tellya! Ulright?
September 25th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
@Tech N9ne
Careful, or next thing you know they’re going to turn someone into Ol’ Gregg. And that would be nightmare fuel. -.-
September 25th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
@Ball Soup
Were you ESPN’s featured commenter of the day sent to infiltrate the Suzywebs?
September 26th, 2008 at 4:34 am
All of you idiots are missing Punter’s highbrow literary homage here. A little bit of Faulkner, a little bit of Russell Hoban, a little bit of David Mitchell’s Cloud Atlas. Bravo!
September 27th, 2008 at 9:05 pm
Ha ha! — Ted Thompson