‘Whachu Mean I’m Outta Timeouts?!’
[4th quarter, TV Timeout]
Romeo Crennel: HEY! Hey ref! I’mma call timeout after this play here! We gotta stop the clock!
Linesman: You’re outta timeouts, coach.
Romeo Crennel: Whachu mean I’m outta timeouts?! I only used three this half!
Linesman: Actually, coach, that’s all the timeouts your team is allotted for a given half.
Romeo Crennel: Well, you ain’t gonna screw me with these brand new rules tonight. I’mma stop the clock the next play.
Linesman: That’s great, coach, but that stoppage would be dependent upon the action on the field. There’s no way you can do that from here.
Romeo Crennel: Whachu mean I can’t stop the clock?! What if I wanna make a…you know…when I switch them guys around?
Linesman: A substitution?
Romeo Crennel: Yeah! You gotta stop the clock for that, right?
Linesman: No, coach, you substitute freely between plays, as you’ve been doing the entire game.
Romeo Crennel: Okay, what if I line up all my players on the field so that their bodies spell out the words TIME OUT?
Linesman: I believe that’s physically impossible to do with 11 people, coach. And if it were, such an action would have no legal significance in the game of football.
Romeo Crennel: But what if I wanna put in a pinch-hitter?
Linesman: What?
Romeo Crennel: YOU HEARD ME FOOL! What if I want to put in a pinch-hitter?!
Linesman: Coach, you…you just can’t.
Romeo Crennel: What if I want to make a pit stop for fresh tires?
Linesman: …Fresh tires? On what?
Romeo Crennel: AIN’T NO CONCERN OF YOURS, WHITE BREAD! You stop the clock for fresh tires, right?
Linesman: No.
Romeo Crennel: Penalty shots?
Linesman: No.
Romeo Crennel: Pitching changes?
Linesman: No.
Romeo Crennel: Running the Zamboni?
Linesman: No.
Romeo Crennel: Side outs?
Linesman: No.
Romeo Crennel: Tea interval?
Linesman: God, no.
Romeo Crennel: Then what the fuck, man? What am I supposed to do?
[TV timeout ends]
Linesman: Good luck, coach. [runs off]
Romeo Crennel: Man, that guy just really hates me. [looks toward team] Let’s go fellas, we can do this!
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September 15th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
spot on. unfotunately you’re spot on.
he took out K2 on 3rd down and put in a wicketkeeper at one point.
September 15th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
Somewhere in heaven Joe Gibbs nods approvingly.
September 15th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
I believe he was trying to argue that there was a Leg Before Wickett.
September 15th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
So rarely is the essence of a man captured accurately in print…
September 15th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
I agree with you, Romeo.
- C. Webber
September 15th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Time for Brady?
September 15th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Time out for the tiny little tea leaf in tetley tea!
September 15th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
i believe at one point he called in a Wendy’s order to Derek Anderson instead of the play
/Triple stack on one, on one, break!
September 15th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
I didn’t know Romeo Crenel talked like Kingfish on the Amos and Andy show.
September 15th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Romeo Crennell thinks Herm Edwards is one fine coach.
September 15th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
I want to see a debate on health care between Romeo Crennell and Chad Johnson
September 15th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
You know what would be awesome? Life timeouts. When shit starts to get too intense, you call a timeout. People jumping your shit at work? Timeout. Wife nagging you? Definitely timeout. Cop pulls you over? Well, you get the idea.
September 15th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
In the perfect world, Romeo is fired at the end of this year and hire Dave Wannstedt.
I hate the Browns
September 15th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
he should have eaten a twix
September 15th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
With the emergence of Zorn and Crennel as the men to beat in the “Worst Clock Management” category, Andy Reid’s going to have to work extra hard to piss away scoring opportunities at the end of a half in order to retain his title.
September 15th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
the only thing crennel burns through more quickly than timeouts is adult-sized diapers.
September 15th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
“I Pity The Fool” — Romeo Crennel IS Mr. T!
September 15th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
I get the feeling that Crennel’s house is just a movie backdrop.
/probably referring to the wrong character
September 15th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
i’m thought crennel was going to peel his face away, revealing really tyra banks in a fat suit, in her ongoing series showing how the public discriminates against fat people.
September 15th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
me got a good brain. type good too.
September 15th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
That outfit that he’s wearing resembles my deposit in the hopper this morning.
September 15th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
You missed the part where the 2002 Patriot Stalker rolls up on that ham-hock of a leg of his, thus tearing his ACL and MCL
September 15th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Time out for Break Cake!
September 15th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
“but that stoppage would be dependent upon the action on the field.”
Based upon the action on the field, the stoppage should have occured right after the opening kick off.
September 15th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
tea interval?
September 15th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
AIN’T NO CONCERN OF YOURS, WHITE BREAD
I’ll be trying this out on random white people today in the office. Thanks for that Punte.
September 15th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
I think it’s time to get rid of Romeo and get this team a real coach
September 15th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Mr. T pities Romeo Crennel.
September 15th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Bernie Mac’s in da house!
September 15th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
Is it me or does Romeo Crennel look exactly like a black Andy Reid? Is it too early to start referring to him as “Amos Reid”?
September 15th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
@ Marlowespade
Seconded.
/picturing Amos and Andy skits with those two…
/shits pants
September 15th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
“Then what the fuck, man? What am I supposed to do?”
I know! Im’ma call Herm!
September 15th, 2008 at 11:02 pm
Romeo definitely blew it last night, and I hate to make this comment because I love KSK… but… Oops! You’re racist! I mean, not really — but this was pretty lazy satire. You just gave him a bunch of black stereotype dialect. Then the commenters followed suit. Lame.
America deserves better.