[Seahawks practice facility]
Mike Holmgren: As you all know, we’ve had some tough breaks at this position this year. Deion Branch is recovering from knee surgery. Bobby Engram’s got a broken shoulder. Ben Obomanu’s out with a broken collarbone. And now Nate Burleson with an ACL tear. I expect you folks to be able to step it up. Who are you people now?
[Courtney Taylor, Jordan Kent, Samie Parker, and Billy McMullen introduce themselves]
Holmgren: Kent, you’re fired. Pack your bags.
Kent: Seriously? Your top four receivers are injured, and you need four more, and I can’t be on the team?
Holmgren: I’m sorry, son, we’ve only got room for 8th-string receivers here. Beat it.
Now the rest of you hit the practice field. I want you to get some reps with the first team.
[Taylor performs a double move and catches a post pattern in stride. He then falls to the turf, holding his upper leg. A trainer attends to him.]
Holmgren: What is it? Hamstring?
Trainer: No, his hamstring’s fine.
Trainer: Looks like a severed femoral artery. If the paramedics don’t get here in two minutes he’ll die.
Holmgren: Ummm… Parker!
[Samie Parker does a nice catch-and-run off a slant. Tackled after twenty yards, he lays on the ground holding his stomach. The trainer, worried, signals for the team doctor.]
Holmgren: What now?
Doctor: I’m sorry… I’m afraid it’s… it’s canker.
Holmgren: Canker? You mean cancer? My receiver has cancer?
Doctor: Oh no, this is much more deadly. He died three minutes ago.
Holmgren: Daggummit. McMullen! Go out there and show me what you got! And try not to killed, okay?
[McMullen makes a diving catch falling out of bounds. His upper body lands in an unattended wood chipper.]
Holmgren: Oh jeez. I knew we shouldn’t have kept that there. Seneca, looks like you’re starting on Sunday.
Seneca Wallace: Aw hell naw.
I want more like this!
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