Recapping Kinda Sunday… Sunday!
Matt Bryant had a heartfelt and disquieting moment in honoring the son he buried a day before suiting up for the Bucs. Anquan Boldin and Clifford Russell had harrowing moments of a different sort. Brett Favre won the Ronnie Brown Award for the player who waved his genitalia at you from your fantasy bench. Meanwhile, between Philly/Chicago and Green Bay/Tampa, there were enough killer turnovers than to do His Gunslingness proud. Other gameday observations and marginalia after the jump.
No game needed gratuitous cheerleader shots quite like the Browns and the Bengals. I took in altogether perhaps four minutes of this clunker and every one of those moments I envied Paul Newman for dying before having to exist in the same world as this game. What was up with the last second Carson scratch? More pressing cornholing engagement? That had implications on thousands of poorly managed fantasy teams!
I’m fairly certain this ad made its way across some TV set I was watching no fewer than 78 eleventyseven times. Any football fan has long come to accept that only shitty beers advertise on sports broadcasts, but at least they don’t usually try to lie to you so blatantly. Quit trying to play up your American bona fides, you Eurotastic Belgian swill.
I watched the Washington-Dallas game in a bar populated equally by Redskins and Cowboys fans. I have to say, the two fanbases’ respective fucktardery is astonishingly even, almost to the point of being indistinguishable. Every time a team scored, some fuckwit would get up and whoop it up for about 20 seconds in front of the giant projection TV, then another 30 seconds trying to hear the subsequent trash talk from someone in the back of the bar. Where were you, meteor? I would have gladly taken one for the team.
And, really, no one should be subjected to Hail to the Redskins 12 times in one day without a conviction of war crimes. But then, Redskins fans aren’t shaving their logo into their hair (as far as I know, or even care to know), so we’ll score this round for them.
Before the Maj gets to the chance to wax jubilant about his ‘Skins triumph in Big D, let’s get in a quick installment of Knocked The Fuck Out Theatre starring Rock Cartwright and Keith Davis. It’s a stirring reminder that no player in the league looks tougher when getting their ankle rolled than Mike Sellers!
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September 29th, 2008 at 12:22 am
Let’s not also forget that Bob Ryan is scheming Kiffin’s dismissal.
September 29th, 2008 at 12:32 am
which came first, fantasy football or proctology? Discuss.
/until they use a speculum on you you guys need to shut the fuck up
September 29th, 2008 at 12:44 am
So far the Titans and Bears are better than expected, the Vikings and Seahawks are worse than expected and the Lions, Bengals and Rams haven’t gotten the memo that the season’s started.
Oh and Tom Brady’s still not coming back. So the Pats are still screwed.
September 29th, 2008 at 12:49 am
Dear Broncos,
You are who we thought you were.
Sincerely,
The Rest of the AFC West
September 29th, 2008 at 1:11 am
Really though, aren’t all NFL fanbases obnoxious?
September 29th, 2008 at 1:22 am
What are the odds Hochuli is shedding serious man tears as we speak?
September 29th, 2008 at 2:01 am
While, not a Budweiser fan, the “American Ale” is well an American Amber/Red Ale
So while the company may not be american, the beer style is…
September 29th, 2008 at 2:01 am
Brett Favre won the Ronnie Brown Award for the player who waived his genitalia at you from your fantasy bench.
Wrangler Jeans fly open…
September 29th, 2008 at 2:21 am
What would you do if you were told you had to “Battle for Ohio?”
I mean, can you blame them? Of course, CBS could have spared us having to watch that piece of shit game.
September 29th, 2008 at 3:01 am
I love that Jerry Jones got fined for criticizing Hochuli the same day Hochuli made another mistake.
September 29th, 2008 at 6:35 am
No way Kansas won. I demand a recount. There is trouble a food.
September 29th, 2008 at 7:43 am
Dear rest of the AFC West,
We want a mulligan. Fuck you Kansas City.
Sincerely,
The Broncos
September 29th, 2008 at 8:27 am
My suicide pool rules were as follows:
1. Pick team playing St. Louis
2. Pick team playing Kansas City
3. Alternate week-to-week, spend winnings on delicious Yuengling.
This was a Rule 2 week. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
September 29th, 2008 at 8:50 am
@Rikadyn
You’re right. That is how I saw it, too. Took me awhile to figure out what the complaint.
An American flag made by a sweatshop in China is still an American flag. Same with the beer.
September 29th, 2008 at 8:59 am
Is Hochuli mistake prone or is he just under massive scrutiny and anybody else would make these mistakes?
September 29th, 2008 at 9:01 am
@StuScottBooyahs: The Rams have a fan base?
September 29th, 2008 at 9:05 am
Beer style, schmeer style… if some local microbrewery makes a Weissbier, doesn’t make it a German beer, dammit. I rarely indulge in jingoism, but GODDAMN IT THAT IS NOT AN AMERICAN BEER NOW IT BELONGS TO THOSE WAFFLE-EATING FRUITS.
Dey tik ur jerbs!
September 29th, 2008 at 9:19 am
I clicked the “chiefs won” tag just to be sure. Nope. Nothing else.
September 29th, 2008 at 9:21 am
im feeling kinda monday, guh
September 29th, 2008 at 9:24 am
I think labelling it an American Ale is more a warning to Belgians who might think it’s an actual ale since it’s coming from one of their companies.
/Yeah, and screw them.
//Fat belgian bastards.
September 29th, 2008 at 9:48 am
Broncos nation, we’ll be just fine. Fine indeed….
/Cutler takes hit from old Travis Henry bong
September 29th, 2008 at 9:54 am
This week’s MEAST should be Matt Bryant. Kicks a game winner the day after he buried his son. If I ever lost one of my kids I would lose the will to live much less have the will to play a football game.
September 29th, 2008 at 10:07 am
agree with UU.
September 29th, 2008 at 10:15 am
It’s unanimous. Matt Bryant for MOTW. The NFL is one cold heartless sumbitch when it comes to bereavement leave.
September 29th, 2008 at 10:22 am
Do Matt Schuab and Neckbeard get honorable mention…. I mean if you had a team so bad you had Kyle Orton on your bench.
September 29th, 2008 at 11:08 am
I see an Emo Eagles post in the future.
September 29th, 2008 at 11:14 am
Bryant for MOTW – fourth’d.
September 29th, 2008 at 11:14 am
no mention of peter king having an erection that lasted more than 3 hours?
September 29th, 2008 at 11:27 am
@ognihs: Only because it still hasn’t gone limp and they wanted to give us an accurate count for the number of hours. If we’re lucky, it permanently damages his reproductive system and he can never get a QB-inspired boner again. Maybe then he’ll be forced to write about something else. Oh, if wishing made it so.
September 29th, 2008 at 11:45 am
@ smurphette – i can already see his next article: 10 reasons why gunslings are better than viagra
September 29th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Chiefs 2008 To Do List:
1) Week One – Fuck up everyone’s fantasy team by knocking Brady out for the season. Check!
2) Week Four – Sucker everyone into thinking we suck, then when everyone picks against us in the suicide pool, we’ll win. Check!
3) Week Eight – Let Favre throw for 10 TDs so everyone will have to listen Peter King profess his man-love for Favre on Sunday Night for the rest of the season.
4) Week Ten – Fuck up everyone elses fantasy team by taking out LT and Marmalard for the year.
5) Week 13 – Swap coaches with Oakland, see if anyone notices. Keep Kiffin anyway. Push Al Davis’ wheelchair down the staircase.
6) Week 17 – Let Ocho Cinco score 3 TDs so Cinci signs him to an extension as KC wins the AFC West.
7) Wild Card game – One and done. Can’t let our golf game go stale.
September 29th, 2008 at 10:16 pm
Yeah who would have thought you move from your shit town to DC and there would be redskins and cowboys fans at a bar? Steelers fans aren’t annoying either. Enjoy your 7 sacks allowed tonight.