Pittsburgh Is Still, Sadly, An Arians Nation
Bruce Arians: All right, Bruce. Think for a moment. Dick LeBeau always gets the credit for being the genius coordinator on this team. They all want to blame you for the playoff loss to Jacksonville. But here’s where you’re gonna show ‘em. You’re gonna put their doubts to rest, their minds at ease, their pants at knee level. By gum, you’re gonna dazzle ‘em!
Arians: Okay Ben. We had a pretty good first drive, but this is what I’m thinking for the rest of the game.
Ben Roethlisberger: GLUG GLUG GLUG
Arians: I’m gonna need you to stop drinking for a moment and pay attention, Ben.
Roethlisberger: HOKAY
Arians: They’re bringing the house on every single down. Rather than counteract that with some runs or screen passes or quick slants, I say we play directly into their hands. It’s just daring enough to work. What do you think?
Roethlisberger: YOU’RE THE COACH, COACH
Arians: Yes. Yes I am, aren’t I?
Arians: All right, guys. Our QB is taking a lot of heat. So I’m gonna need you to run a bunch of fly patterns that take forever to develop.
Hines Ward: All you sule, Alien? That sound rike exact long thing to do.
Arians: Look, dammit, don’t question me. I’m the coach. THE coach.
Nate Washington: Eh, I’ll drop it no matter what you call.
Arians: That’s what I like to hear, Nate. Way to be a team player.
Hines: It youl funelar…
Arians: Phew. Okay. Good. Okay. I think we’re gonna be aaaallllllll right.
Arians: Shit.
Hines: Tord you so.
Roethlisberger: ME HAS THE SAD. AND THE HURT. NEEDS CHOCO TACO.
September 23rd, 2008 at 8:19 am
Classic. So glad that douche is no longer coaching at Bama!
September 23rd, 2008 at 8:25 am
Poor Big Ben and the Steelers. At least they did a good job of starting the physical breakdown of McNabb…
September 23rd, 2008 at 8:42 am
The members of the offensive unit were manhandled by the Eagles. They were out muscled, out hustled, outhit and outsmarted — to say nothing of being out coached.
September 23rd, 2008 at 8:44 am
Great music on that video…it a mak-ah me smirre!
September 23rd, 2008 at 8:54 am
The Yakety Sax director’s cut is also available for a nominal fee.
September 23rd, 2008 at 9:16 am
Can’t Omar Epps do something about this?
September 23rd, 2008 at 9:23 am
That Benny Hill song never fails to make me smirre!
September 23rd, 2008 at 9:27 am
The “Mike Tomlin looks like Omar Epps” joke is in a dead heat with the “Jerome Bettis is from Detroit” joke for most tired Steelers-related gag.
September 23rd, 2008 at 9:30 am
wait… jerome bettis is from detroit?
September 23rd, 2008 at 9:34 am
Yeah, let’s run that one again, Bruce. Great call.
September 23rd, 2008 at 9:38 am
Bruce Arians looks like Kevin Nash and the offense plays like Scott Hall… drunk.
September 23rd, 2008 at 9:39 am
thekingofcheap is dead on. Everything’s funnier with Benny Hill music!
September 23rd, 2008 at 9:41 am
Apes’ Steely Mcbeam is wilting.
September 23rd, 2008 at 9:42 am
“Bruce Arians looks like Kevin Nash and the offense plays like Scott Hall… drunk.”
BWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, contest over! Give that man the $10,000 prize!
September 23rd, 2008 at 9:50 am
“3rd and 7? I’ll take “6-Yard Slants” for 500, Alex!”
Arians is a moron. And he’s going to get Ben killed. Or made more retarded.
September 23rd, 2008 at 9:56 am
Well at least if Big Ben goes down we have a solid backup who can get rid of the ball in a hurry….oh wait…
we are screwed.
September 23rd, 2008 at 9:59 am
HARF HARF HARF
HI DONOVAN
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:00 am
“lt’s fourth and fifteen, and you’re looking at a full court press.”
I bet this Naked Gun quote came out of Arians mouth sometime during that game.
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:02 am
who’s da guy dat backs up ben rongrastname ennyway? he probaby not-ah mak-ah me smirre!
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:22 am
@Christmas Ape:
Really? From my seat in the stands, commenters posting in Hines Ward pigeon English is the Usain Bolt of tired Steelers-related gags.
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:23 am
So I’m guessing you don’t want to hear about the Cowher-McBeam thing either then?
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:39 am
HI DONOVAN & “It’s youl funelar” = I’m dying
These Steelers skits are starting to rival your Marmalard posts, Ape. Terrific.
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:02 am
What?! No one’s ever possessed the acumen to employ a pidgin accent for comedic effect before me!
/flaps flying dickey
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:06 am
No way Ape. You sir are an innovator with the Hines Wald pigeon accent-speak.
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:32 am
Being first to do something is over rated. Being the best at something is where it’s at.
September 23rd, 2008 at 12:25 pm
HOKAY
It’s so simple, but I think that’s the best line of the whole thing. I couldn’t help but picture Ben with a huge grin on his face and a blank look in his eyes when I read that. So basically, I was picturing Ben Roethlisberger.
September 23rd, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Can we start the Bruce Arians death watch now? Please!
September 23rd, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Can you imagine how many picks I could throw in Arians’ scheme? It’ll be raining sploogeballs up and down the sidelines. Arians needs some Rextasy and this cock-armed QB is ready and willing.
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:11 pm
There’s no video clip that “Yakety Sax” can’t improve. Now where’s the British girls’ dance number?
September 23rd, 2008 at 8:51 pm
Oh man that game sucked. I wondered why not throw a screen every once in a while? Fuck. Rothlesberger is jumpin around the pocket like he got stuck in a sleeping bag. Fuck.
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:15 pm
Hines Ward: All you sule, Alien? That sound rike exact long thing to do.
Fucking Hilarious
September 24th, 2008 at 12:25 am
hokay.
as ben sez that, i see on his face the comfortably numb expression that vincent d’onofrio (gomer pyle) had on his face in full metal jacket while matthew modine (joker) was dressing him and telling him the entire platoon hated pyle.
thing is, ben wouldn’t be any better off today if he had been wearing a helmet on that motorcycle ride. ugly you can change; stupid’s forever.
September 24th, 2008 at 8:07 am
I could read Big Ben’s dialogue all day long.
September 25th, 2008 at 1:07 am
Ha! I was waiting for this! This son of a bitch is the same guy who tried to build the offense around 4-wide sets in Cleveland and now in Pittsburgh. Yes, each try is resulting in the death of many a quarterback.
September 25th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
So did Ben Rongrastname get his CHOCO TACO? I demand to know how this story ends.
October 1st, 2008 at 10:09 am
Arian needs to go. We have a 100 million dollar quarterback. We need an offensive coordinator that can at least copy some of tom bradys plays or maybe a few counter the blitz plays from Romo. plagurism i guess. not just run up the middle or send 4 receivers to the end zone. wheres Miller. i dont think arian knows what a tight end is.
Or no.. how about Parker up the middle until he breaks, or maybe mendenhall.
That was the browns only play with him, run up the middle then do the fake with a draw play up the middle. Whew were kicking butt now. think.. he left the browns and the browns offense nearly won the North last year.
This offensive attack with Bruce will lose us every year that hes here, and destroy plenty of good players.
October 2nd, 2008 at 12:11 am
ARIAN DOES NEED TO GO! Pittsburgh send Arian straight back to the depths of Clevelands Lake Erie where USELESS SLUDGE is properly disposed of! With a deficient offensive line you cannot run up the middle. You must first establish a strong passing game! To do this: Follow these easy steps:
Welcome to Joe Montana 101. I am your instructor Joe Montana.
1) Have a 3 WR minimum set each and EVERY play even if its 1st and goal at the one.
2) On EVERY play have at least 1 outlet receiver* (RB or TE preferably) apart from your 3 WR.
3) Automatic 3rd down shotgun formation if 3rd & 3 or more.
4) Quick passing routes by at least 2 WR not including your outlet. (This reduces sacks)
5) Pass. Pass. Pass. Pass and pass some more. Use your tight end. Pass to your tight end.
6) Throw a 35+ yard pass on first down whenever possible. (If QB does not have time, he throws to outlet receiver)
*Using a RB or TE for extra blocking is the most retarded waste of a play any coach can call.
RESULTS
1) Team should now have established the Pass which in turn has established the Run. Single back 4 WR set. Play: 2 hole dive should gain 4+ yards.
2) Quick passes to outlet receivers have defused the defenses attackers leaving them frustrated from no QB sack.
3) RBs do not get injured running up the middle because defensive LB’s are more hesitant and hit softer.
4) Entire defense is clueless because they don’t know where you are going to strike next.
“Will it be Hines Ward catching a quick 7 yard dump pass and running for another 5 yards? Will it be Holmes streaking down the field on a speedy post for 35 yards? Heath Miller catching a 2 yard outlet catch and throwing his body into some puny DB’s for another 8 yards after catch? Was it Willie Parker catching it just outside the tackle box box and sprinting 20 yards for another 1st down? Oh, wait, I think it was Big Ben hitting his 3rd WR for a simple but quick 6 yard out pattern.
DROP ARIAN! THE ARIAN NATION MUST BE STOPPED! PITTSBURGH! DROP HIM, USE THE MONEY FOR AN EXTRA OG or OT!!!!!!