Oh, There’s No Doubt We’re Winning This Geem By 50 Tonight
Hey! Hey, Bob! Yeah, I’m at the tailgeet! Yeah, I have the basketball jersey on! The same one! I wore it when Sean Teelor died last year, and the team really took off after that, so no way I’m taking it off. This is the jersey that’s gonna win us the Super Bowl.
(shotguns beer in front of grandchildren)
What’s that? Tonight? Oh, no doubt we’re winning by 50. Did you see us in the first game of the preseason? DYNASTY. Oh, yeah. DYNASTY. We were as dominant that night as we were during the Spurrier preseason era. Who’s gonna stop us?
(gets in car, swerves across 8 lanes of traffic, causing 7 accidents)
Zorn’s gonna open up that offense. There’s no reason we can’t score 45 points a geem. The way they’ll utilize Randle El, we’re talking 1,700 yards from him MINIMUM. Worst keese scenario. I think the players know that we Redskin fans won’t accept anything less todee.
(starts singing “Hail to The Redskins” to self)
Wait till you see Brennan get in the geem! Oh, he’ll get in. He’s gonna revolutionize the position behind these NEW new Hogs, who are better than the old new Hogs and I think could be better than the original Hogs who were new at the time.
He’s like Manning and Breedy combined into one super QB, with Joe Montana mixed in. No doubt. Have you SEEN Brennan throw the ball? No one talks about how strong his arm is. You let him throw deep, it’s 1991 all over again. And Mike Sellers is so strong. He can bench, like 7,000 pounds. It’s true. I saw it on the news the other night.
COOLEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(places Redskins pup tent in top of car)
What’s that? Jason Teelor? I KNOW! Whole new dimension to the pass rush. Best years in front of him. See, he knows how to plee now, and I think pleeing for a team with this kind of history will really motiveet him. No one apprecieets how many near hurries this d-line had last year. If they finally get to the QB this year, they’ll be terrifying.
(yells FAGGOT at Latino man walking by)
And don’t tell me Carlos Rogers stinks. He’s finally HEALTHY. Whole new player. He’s Darrell Green reincarnated if Darrell Green were dead. Absolutely. And Reed Doughty hits people harder than Sean Taylor ever did. I could see this D pitching at least 8 shutouts. You coming to the teelgeet? I’m making the FANCY curly fries in the oven.
(parks car, takes eight tries to get it right)
These plee-ers get it. They know what it means to be a TRUE Redskin. They know the importance of following in the footsteps of guys like Ricky Ervins. They’re not going to let us down, Bob. No wee. The neesee-ers haven’t seen this team plee like you and I have. I don’t think they’re ready for Zorn’s offense at all. It could take them dekeeds to adjust.
We’re totally building on the foundation that Gibbs set. You watch. He made it so that we’ll win the next twelve Super Bowls. I expect nothing less. Big return to glory. BIG.
HAIL!!!!!!!
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, delusions, entitled assholes, Kogod talks like this about the Skins all the time, maryland hicks, they really ARE this annoying
September 4th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
God I fucking hate you, Drew.
September 4th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Did Ape ghost write this?
September 4th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
Is that a bowling glove on his left hand? If not, can we pretend it is?
September 4th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Here comes “The Mayor” in 3…2…1…
September 4th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
No one apprecieets how many near hurries this d-line had last year. If they finally get to the QB this year, they’ll be terrifying.
OUTSTANDING!!!
/still can’t stop laughing
//funniest thing today
September 4th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Did Ape ghost write this?
Yep.
September 4th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
You know, I never did give you permission to keep showing my picture
September 4th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Sure Art Monk got in the Hall, but what about Henry Ellard? We’re gonna have a run on bor-eeng receivers!
September 4th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
(parks car, takes eight tries to get it right)
Damn, nice call. You’ve cut me to the core, I can’t fucking park my car. No matter how hard I try it’s always horribly askew.
And by the way, you should’ve mentioned “Warshington.”
September 4th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
I thought you were supposed to mock things NFL related, not just report them?
September 4th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Gerald Riggs is a sure fire HOF candidate!
September 4th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Nice photo. Maj has really let himself go.
September 4th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
When are they going to let Mark Rypien take his rightful place in the Hall? WHEN?!
September 4th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
and don’t forget the great history of Timmy Smith and Ricky Ervins
September 4th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
There really are champions walking among us.
September 4th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
What, no hover tag on the pic?
I propose “Shit before swine”.
September 4th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
As a Giants fan, there is no greater pleasure than driving to work through Arlington the morning after a ‘Skins loss and listening to Andy Poley and Co. take distraught fan calls.
I imagine the feeling is similar to mainlining heroin.
September 4th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Maj has really let himself go
That’s due to the no bake cookies.
September 4th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
How does one cut across 8 lanes in Rajon Rondo, MD? There are jersey barriers every 10 feet. Not to be confused with the Meadowlands where there are Jersey fags every 10 feet.
September 4th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Is that how they really talk?
September 4th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
That’s due to the no bake cookies.
I heard he swallows a lot of aggression … along with a lot of pizza!
September 4th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Wow, Sonny Jurgensen looks like Hell! It’s nice of him to show up at the tailgeet before the geem, though.
September 4th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
I am stunned by the genius that this is.
September 4th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
I don’t get the dialect or accent – is it supposed to be southern? It looks like something a bit more mid western.
September 4th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Why do I hear Pickles the Drummer from Metalacolypse talking when I read this.
September 4th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
289 – Rajon Rondo, MD. Excellent.
September 4th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
If you look at the archives at Extremeskins.com during the Spurrier era, they really did think they would score 40-50 points per game, and then they had an opening win against the Cardinals.
Of course, the Eagles exposed Spurrier in his second game of his career, on MNF. God, that was awesome.
September 4th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Don’t forget to mention the man’s son and his PG County wigger ’stache.
September 4th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Pizza and aggression…
THEY’RE GRRRRREEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!
September 4th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
as a long-time WaRshingtonian, I fucking salute you.
September 5th, 2008 at 9:51 am
Washington DC is in Minnesota?
I knew I recognized that accent from somewhere.
September 10th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
Dat’s hew day tawk in Merlin. Rilly.
(That’s how they talk in Maryland. Really.)