Jeff, I want you to visualize your career, right here, in my hand. I’m fondling your career in my right hand, right now, like a teenage tit. I know you don’t know what that’s like, since you’ve been blowing dudes your whole life, but I want you to…let…Jeff, let me finish. I want you know that you’re still my guy.

THAT’S A GREAT BALL, BRIAN! GREAT READ! WAY TO FIND THAT SAFETY VALVE IN THE FLAT!

Frankly, Jeff, I don’t know why you’ve been playing like shit. I know you’re under a lot of strain. I can only imagine how tough it could be to maintain a hetero front in the rough and tumble world of pro football. And then to switch around and be your true self while you cruise the streets at night and jerk off other guys in discos, that can’t…Jeff…Jeff, my turn to speak, Jeff. I just want you to know, I don’t care if you’re gay. These things are part…I’m trying to…Jeff, would you just shut up for a second? I’m trying to help you out here.

AW, IKE, YOU GOTTA CATCH THAT BALL! THAT’S INEXCUSABLE, IKE! GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!

Jeff, maybe you need to leave the team for a couple days. You know, get your head clear for a little bit. I don’t know, maybe you could round up your butt buddies and go for a little gang bang getaway to Cabo or some…Jeff, no Jeff, look, go ahead and take a few days, buddy. Don’t worry about this stuff here. Go and get yourself the cock that you really need, and we’ll be…Jeff, listen…look, there’s nothing to be angry about, okay? We’ll be here when you get back. Now go, run along. AND FORGET ABOUT FOOTBALL!

HEY, WATCH YOUR FOOTWORK, BRIAN! I WANT QUIET FEET! NONE OF THIS GREGORY HINES SHIT!

I tell ya, you get so much more out of your team when you really know your players.

[blows whistle] ALRIGHT, GUYS, LET’S BRING IT IN!