KSK Off-Topic: Email Scam Alert
Just a quick heads up about a suspicious e-mail that showed up in my inbox a few hours ago. Consider yourself warned:
SUBJECT: REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP
DEAR AMERICAN:
I NEED TO ASK YOU TO SUPPORT AN URGENT SECRET BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP WITH A TRANSFER OF FUNDS OF GREAT MAGNITUDE.I AM MINISTRY OF THE TREASURY OF THE REPUBLIC OF AMERICA. MY COUNTRY HAS HAD CRISIS THAT HAS CAUSED THE NEED FOR LARGE TRANSFER OF FUNDS OF 800 BILLION DOLLARS US. IF YOU WOULD ASSIST ME IN THIS TRANSFER, IT WOULD BE MOST PROFITABLE TO YOU.
I AM WORKING WITH MR. PHIL GRAM, LOBBYIST FOR UBS, WHO WILL BE MY REPLACEMENT AS MINISTRY OF THE TREASURY IN JANUARY. AS A SENATOR, YOU MAY KNOW HIM AS THE LEADER OF THE AMERICAN BANKING DEREGULATION MOVEMENT IN THE 1990S. THIS TRANSACTIN IS 100% SAFE.
THIS IS A MATTER OF GREAT URGENCY. WE NEED A BLANK CHECK. WE NEED THE FUNDS AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. WE CANNOT DIRECTLY TRANSFER THESE FUNDS IN THE NAMES OF OUR CLOSE FRIENDS BECAUSE WE ARE CONSTANTLY UNDER SURVEILLANCE. MY FAMILY LAWYER ADVISED ME THAT I SHOULD LOOK FOR A RELIABLE AND TRUSTWORTHY PERSON WHO WILL ACT AS A NEXT OF KIN SO THE FUNDS CAN BE TRANSFERRED.
PLEASE REPLY WITH ALL OF YOUR BANK ACCOUNT, IRA AND COLLEGE FUND ACCOUNT NUMBERS AND THOSE OF YOUR CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN TO WALLSTREETBAILOUT@TREASURY.GOV SO THAT WE MAY TRANSFER YOUR COMMISSION FOR THIS TRANSACTION. AFTER I RECEIVE THAT INFORMATION, I WILL RESPOND WITH DETAILED INFORMATION ABOUT SAFEGUARDS THAT WILL BE USED TO PROTECT THE FUNDS.
YOURS FAITHFULLY MINISTER OF TREASURY PAULSON
September 23rd, 2008 at 12:23 am
DO NOT WANT
(Bernanke pwned!!!!!1!!1!1!)
September 23rd, 2008 at 12:36 am
I heard Matt Millen got bilked out of everything he owns by Minister of Treasury Paulson.
September 23rd, 2008 at 12:42 am
wait…that’s a scam?
/just sent $250,000
September 23rd, 2008 at 12:53 am
WHAT? OF COURSE ALL MINISTERS USE THE CAPSLOCK KEY. OTHERWISE ITS HARD TO HEAR OVER THE SOUND OF HOW LEGITIMATE THIS SCHEME IS.
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:01 am
KSK > Huffington Post
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:05 am
real talk: in terms of bringing readers to this blog who may not otherwise visit and acclimating them to the consistent bringing of funny, i think this is the best post ive ever seen here.
good work flub.
forwarding like its hot.
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:09 am
KSK is a humor site dedicated solely to the NFL. Have you written something about another sport that you think we should see? Fuck off.
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:11 am
I got one like this about the war in Iraq, too.
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:18 am
stoopid americun we take you money! ha ha ha we take it all of it! you keep jets
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:44 am
Anyone stupid enough to fall for these deserves to have their money taken.
September 23rd, 2008 at 2:08 am
I think Christan Okoye sent me something like that.
September 23rd, 2008 at 3:46 am
@ H Cuz
Either you have a shrewd sense of subtle sarcasm that goes beyond my feeble detection, or that’s quite possibly the most ironic sentence ever typed. I pray it’s the former, yet I fear it’s the latter.
September 23rd, 2008 at 4:36 am
Did Borat type that e-mail?
September 23rd, 2008 at 4:45 am
But Treasure of the Republic of America sounds so official.
September 23rd, 2008 at 5:46 am
@ Matt
…Ah, fuck, that’s what I get for not reading the whole thing before commenting
Gonna go curl up in the corner now.
September 23rd, 2008 at 8:11 am
The post is great.
It’d be even better if you hadn’t chosen to print it as charcoal text on a black background, though.
September 23rd, 2008 at 8:43 am
I could send you at least 70 of these by lunchtime.
September 23rd, 2008 at 8:48 am
If we send tis to Nigeria, will anyone bite?
September 23rd, 2008 at 8:54 am
definitly send this to Nigeria along with the Rams, Pip…make those bastards miserable and it would mak-ah me smirre!
September 23rd, 2008 at 9:26 am
Forcing anyone to watch the Rams is cruel and inhuman treatment. And if we send the Rams to Nigeria, Nigeria would get their first win.
St. Louis Rams = Official Cupcake of the NFL
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:42 am
Great post. I’ve already stolen it!
Hey, in this economy, it’s all I can afford to do.
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:44 am
Similarly:
http://www.buymyshitpile.com
Hmm. Wonder what I could get for the Rams?
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:00 am
THIS TRANSACTIN IS 100% SAFE
Now where have I heard that one before? Oh right, now I remember.
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:01 am
And I found a spelling error (TRANSACTIN), which I’m sure was done purposely to increase the credibility of the e-mail.
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:24 am
I grow immediately suspicious of any email that begins, “DEAR AMERICAN:”
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:43 am
I bet I could make my dick a lot bigger with 800 billion…
September 23rd, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Hysterical. Get it out there!
September 23rd, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Do you know the Top 50 Swing Voter Demographics in 2008?
#50 - Hockey Moms
#49 - Godless Hollywood Liberals
#48 - Baristas
#47 - People with STDs
#46 - ???
http://swingvoters.wordpress.com
September 23rd, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Man that was a close one. I almost gave up my IRA to that joker. It just seemed so genuine.
Speaking of off-topic, I got a galley of Men With Balls and it fucking rules!
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Whoa, whoa ,whoa flubby, you got this all wrong. Now, I know monitoring KSK all day for outstanding posts is how many of us waste our workdays. But there’s also the possibility of getting one of these dumbfucks to hand copy & scan an entire Harry Potter Volume or re-draw a complete city of London street map in hopes of getting your money.
http://www.419eater.com
September 23rd, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Jesus, Flub, this got linked to, among other sites, the Huffington Post. I hope our evangelical conservative visitors enjoy “God Explains Week 3.”
September 23rd, 2008 at 4:29 pm
You boys done got ripped off. Time for some internet justice:
http://angrybear.blogspot.com/2008/09/your-urgent-help-needed.html
September 23rd, 2008 at 4:33 pm
Dude, I never claimed I wrote it. It really did show up in my inbox. However, the ALL CAPS was my idea.
September 23rd, 2008 at 7:07 pm
I get these all the time but usually they come from more exotic locales.
Congratulations!!! You have been selected as a beneficiary to United Nations Millennium Development Goal (MDGs )Global Fund during the recent Summit at Geneva. The beneficiaries to this fund are carefully selected at every summit and a total sum of $550,000.00USD is disbursed to them to engage in meaningful projects that will better their life, eradication of poverty and that of their communities.
Or this little gem,(
Contact Person: Alberic Kacou
Position: Co-Secretary to the Board
ATTN :
Re: Payment Confirmation:
MEMO
I GOT YOUR INFORMATION IN A PROFESSIONAL DATABASE WHEN I WAS SEARCHING THROUGH INTERNET FOR A RELIABLE, HONEST AND TRUSTWORTHY PERSON TO ENTRUST THIS BUSINESS WITH. I WAS SIMPLY INSPIRED AND MOTIVATED TO PICK YOUR CONTACT FROM THE MANY NAMES IN THE LIST OF THE DIRECTORY. AFTER MY VIEW ON YOUR PROFILE, I WAS VERY MUCH SATISFIED AND DECIDED TO CONTACT YOU IMMEDIATELY FOR THIS MUTUAL BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP.
I am Alex John Accountant general Federal Ministry of Foreign Affairs, Nigeria; my office monitors and controls the affairs of all banks and Financial institutions in Nigeria concerned with foreign contract payments .
I am the final signatory to any transfer or remittance of huge funds moving within banks both on the local and international levels in line to foreign contracts settlement.
I have before me list of funds, which could not be transferred to some nominated accounts as these accounts have been identified either as ghost accounts, unclaimed deposits and over-invoiced sum etc.A name similar to your name is among the people expecting the funds to be transferred into their account, on this note; I wish to have a deal with you as regards to this unpaid funds. I have all the files before me and hope to fix your data’s correctly once i hear from you as one of the beneficiaries.As it is my duty to recommend the transfer of these surplus funds to the Federal Government Treasury and Reserve Accounts as unclaimed deposits, I have the opportunity to write you based on this instructions,
I received two days ago from the Senate Committee on Contract Payments / Foreign Debts to submit the List of payment reports / expenditures and audited reports of revenues. Among several others, I have decided to remit your contract sum following my idea that we have a deal/agreement and I am going to do this legally.
Sweet,Yeah,I’ll send him all my financial information pronto.
This bailout is much the same as these scammers,but this really is with the blessing of The Ministry of The Treasury of The United States.Too bad I’m not buying this any more then I would these other “opportunities.”
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:27 pm
I love it! Why don’t we all send this spam as an email on to everybody we know? Humor is hard to fight and it could further get the American public inflamed about this unconstitutional bailout! Or if someone has $149 you can buy 4.5 million email addresses and spam it yourself. http://business-email-lists.com/National_Business_list_with_mail.htm
September 24th, 2008 at 9:18 am
@Tim
With that thinking we would have never had the greatest KSK post of all time.
http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2007/05/ksk-off-topic-towel-spot.html
This was back before the douche bags took over this comment board.
October 16th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
I am newboy on kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com .Let’s gets acquainted!
October 29th, 2008 at 9:31 pm
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Renew your domain now - http://www.networksolutions.com
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