It’s Gonna Happen!
Lane Kiffin: What’s the big idea? Who crossed out my name on the door and wrote Lame Duckin? And, hey! What’re you doing in my office?
Greg Knapp: Howdy, Lane! Just trying to see how some of my Thomas Kinkade prints would look on the wall. Oh, this one with the cottage is right purdy.
Kiffin: On whose authority?
Public Address: Vould the owner of a vehicle vith the tags “LN KFFN” please be advised that your has been towed. Blllleeeaaah!
Knapp: His.
Kiffin: But I’m still the coach!
Knapp: Oh yeah. Yeah. Of course you are… Coach.
Kiffin: You took down my authentic cell of Kif!
Just threw it in the trash! Like it was nothing.
Knapp: Jesus, son. [Fishes it out, doesn't bother to wipe off coffee stains] Here. Aren’t you too old to be watching cartoons?
Kiffin: No, actually, not really. In fact, I was gonna test the waters with Animation Domination as a mantra for the year. Whaadaya think?
Knapp: Sounds like a winner.
[Door flies open, stench wafts out]
Tom Cable: Hoooo, man. Just had a commitment to excrement right there. You’re gonna need to let this place aerate a little bit.
Kiffin: You were in my executive washroom!
Cable: And you might wanna execute a little nose pinch if you try to go in there, my man. Anyway, If it’s all the same to you, I’mma hang on to the key.
Kiffin: What about when I gotsta go tinkle?
Cable: Well, we got fields. Lotsa fields. It’ll bring you closer to the fans.
Kiffin: That’s it! I hope Janikowski is ready for some 85-yard field goals in two weeks. I’ll right this ship yet! I’ll… did you already take the pictures of my family out of the frames on the desk?
Knapp: No, actually they came and got them. I think they know what’s up.
Kiffin: Fuck me.
September 30th, 2008 at 10:02 am
The one getting dumped is always the last to know.
Did I say “dumped”? I meant, “fired”. Really I did.
September 30th, 2008 at 10:09 am
Can they drop a neutron bomb on the Raiders HQ and wipe out all of those back-biting yes-men? Now I really want Kiffin to become the head coach of KC next year and kick the snot out of the Raiders until the end of time.
September 30th, 2008 at 10:25 am
Nice job of Photoshopping Kiffin’s head onto Rob Ryan’s torso in that first pic.
September 30th, 2008 at 10:30 am
Commitment to excrement…
well played ape, well played.
September 30th, 2008 at 10:53 am
Lane, we’re gonna need to go ahead and move you downstairs into storage B. We have some new people coming in, and we need all the space we can get. So if you could just go ahead and pack up your stuff and move it down there, that would be terrific, OK?
September 30th, 2008 at 10:59 am
If Kiffin goes to the Chiefs, then the AFC West would be comprised of three teams lead by former Raiders coaches, and the Raiders.
The Raiders are so bad, I actually refused to draft any on the grounds that they might poison my Fantasy clubhouse.
September 30th, 2008 at 11:01 am
I just hope that Al takes Lane’s red stapler.
September 30th, 2008 at 11:12 am
The day after he gets fired will be the most beautiful day of Lane Kiffin’s life. His breakfast will taste better than any meal you and I have ever tasted.
September 30th, 2008 at 11:14 am
I think it’s time to declare martial law in Oakland
September 30th, 2008 at 11:19 am
Al Davis blowing his brains out on the Jumbotron with the entire crowd chanting Do It! Do It! would allow the healing to begin.
September 30th, 2008 at 11:46 am
Mike Shanahan is waiting to welcome Lane into the Raider’s Exiles club. Revenge is always served cold there.
September 30th, 2008 at 11:56 am
OK, the weird thing is we all saw this coming from the moment they hired “Lane Who?”. What hallucinogenic drugs do you take to make the decision to work for Weird Al seem reasonable? How do you go home to your wife and say “Dear, I have this awesome opportunity to coach in the NFL!” and she says, “with who? I thought the only open job is Oakland?”
“Yea, it will be great!” Lane Kiffin / next fool says.
September 30th, 2008 at 11:57 am
Maybe if he had won some football games this would all be different.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
mort reports kiffin officially fired.
this means he’s team president now?
September 30th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
@Kimbo – PPV would be better. Something the whole country could enjoy.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your new coach and GM of the 2009 Oakland Raiders, MATT MILLEN!!!
September 30th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
Zapp: If it’s a lesson in love, watch out; I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kif?
Kif: [sighs] “Sex-lexia”.
September 30th, 2008 at 11:26 pm
That Al Davis press conference is either the worst or best press conference ever. I can’t decide. Just like I can’t decide whether Al has full-blown dementia, or is just insane.
October 1st, 2008 at 1:18 am
Lack of communication, lack of trust, hurt feelings, wow, that press conference is the gayest exhibition I have ever seen involving a 9000 year old vampire.
So sad that their May-April-of-the-following-year romance didn’t work out.