Introducing the Worst Third-String Quarterback You’ve Only Recently Heard Of
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Safety Brian Russell took snaps as a quarterback after practice, which was really like an emergency drill. He would be the Seahawks’ emergency quarterback behind backup Charlie Frye. Russell played quarterback until his junior season at San Diego State.
Don’t even THINK about it, fuckface! The team already sucks hard enough with you flailing around on one side of the ball. You weren’t good enough as a quarterback in high school to be recruited by ANY of the 119 D-I schools. The reason you play safety now is because you weren’t qualified to be a quarterback. At San Diego State. Ten years ago.
Jesus. You at quarterback could make you at safety look competent.
The way I see it, if Matt Hasselbeck and Charlie Frye get injured before Seneca Wallace’s calf heals, there are three choices:
- Wishbone offense! Starring Julius Jones at quarterback! Hey, it’s not like the Seahawks have receivers anyway.
- Ultimate fan experience! Always dreamed of playing quarterback in the NFL? Are you nearby? Does this helmet fit you?
- Suck-start a Beretta 9mm and shuffle off this mortal coil. Ahhh, the sweet release of death. So preferable to watching Brian Russell play for your favorite team.
(Via Sports Northwest)
Tags: Brian Fucking Russell, captain caveman, Homerism, seattle seahawks
September 18th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
Thanks for this. I’m feeling a lot better about Tyler Thigpen.
The Knob Creek is helping too. Sweet liquor eases the pain.
September 18th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
I, for one, welcome our new Arizona Cardinal overlords.
September 18th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
Suck-start a Beretta 9mm and shuffle off this mortal coil.
poetry.
September 18th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
Four wins this year. Tops.
September 18th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
Don’t worry CC - I’m crying too.
September 18th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
sad to say, but as a Seahawks fan, I kinda wanna see this happen
/if the team turns out to be a train wreck might as well go all the way
September 18th, 2008 at 10:07 pm
I like the idea of Russell at QB, only in the sense that if he plays on offense he’ll finally learn that other NFL defenders actually hit harder than a two-month-old baby with a stomach full of tittie milk. Perhaps a few sacks will convince him to retire, or better yet, use that Beretta on himself!
/sucky Seattle sports scene making suicide stereotype a sure thing
September 18th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
hey don’t feel too bad, seattle.. you still have the mariners and sonics..
September 18th, 2008 at 10:57 pm
On the positive side, this should create lots of comedy for Kissing Suzy Kolber. If the situation doesn’t kill Captain Caveman first.
September 18th, 2008 at 11:10 pm
Ha ha Ufford you’re two heartbeats away from Brian Russell time!
September 18th, 2008 at 11:17 pm
At least he won’t be the worst Russell to start at QB in the nfl if this happens.
September 18th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
I know of another QB that wasn’t recruited by a D1 school, and he’s a GODDAMN STAR!
September 18th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
Matt Hasselbeck is the brains, Julius Jones is the looks, and Brian Russell is the WILD CARD!
September 18th, 2008 at 11:43 pm
Even if the Phillies win the world series, Jamie Moyer should be available to start by week 8.
/braces himself for partially bringing up baseball.
//braces himself for suggesting Phillies will win WS.
September 18th, 2008 at 11:44 pm
Does this make Deion Branch the (dude) who doesn’t do anything?
September 18th, 2008 at 11:46 pm
Preach on Brother Mouzone! Tony’s gonna have all those fat wisconsin chicks all wet by the time he gets done performing surgery on the Pack’s Secondary.
September 19th, 2008 at 12:28 am
You know you’re bad when the Cleveland Browns let you walk while they still have cap room.
You know you’re team is fucked when the depth chart at QB features two former Cleveland Browns.
September 19th, 2008 at 12:55 am
fuck the wishbone its all about the flexbone.. duckett at fullback
September 19th, 2008 at 1:02 am
Could be worse.
You could have Tarvaris Jackson….
September 19th, 2008 at 1:04 am
Well, he is white.
September 19th, 2008 at 1:05 am
Geez, just saw that my comment landed after the Tarvaris one.
I’m really not racist, even though I’m from Minnesota, I swear.
September 19th, 2008 at 2:46 am
This Fuckstick is exactly like John Lynch, yet perhaps shittier. California college QB, moved to safety, dives on the pile late, spears whenever able, slower than shit, can’t cover anyone… etc. I hate Russell by osmosis.
September 19th, 2008 at 4:24 am
Quarterback??? Put this fuckstick in at WR and watch the body count grow.
September 19th, 2008 at 8:02 am
Ummmm, by my calculation 4 wins by Seattle is better than the utter suckitude of the Dolphins.
Dandy.
September 19th, 2008 at 8:27 am
Both your 2nd and 3rd string QBs couldn’t even cut it in Cleveland? I hear Tim Couch isn’t busy right now either…
September 19th, 2008 at 8:42 am
I actually think the Seahawks will get 3 wins (2 against St. Louis, the only west team worse than them, and 1 against Miami).
September 19th, 2008 at 9:21 am
Screw the wishbone; run the single wing with direct snap to the backs. They don’t have any receivers anyway.
September 19th, 2008 at 9:46 am
Feels so good to have a competent QB in tumultous times like these. If only I could find a way to kidnap the blonde and hold her hostage airhead until the end of the season.
September 19th, 2008 at 9:46 am
that’s blonde airhead…
/JEEZ
September 19th, 2008 at 10:50 am
It’s like a real life Major League. The owner force the GM/coach to anything to make the team suck more than it already does, so attendence will fall to 500 a game, and the owner can announce his move to LA/Oklahoma City/East Bumblefuck because he can’t afford to lose anymore money thanks to poor attendence.
A couple of wins for Russell and the Viking trade offers will come rolling in. 3rd round? 2nd round? OK, you win 2009 and 2010 1st rounders and a 2009 3rd rounder for Russell. Purple Jesus needs help!!
/points and laughs at the Seahawks
September 19th, 2008 at 11:25 am
This guy is the only reason that I haven’t tried to dump Torry Holt this week. Please Brian Russell: Work your magic to artificially inflate Holt’s value so I can dish you on some unsuspecting turd in my league.
September 19th, 2008 at 11:34 am
the bright side is that you get to debate who seattle should take with the #1 pick now. (since the vikes and chiefs are probably going with QB’s)
September 19th, 2008 at 5:54 pm
So did Holmgren look down the sideline at practice, notice a white guy and say, “Hey…you’re white. You’re now our #3 QB…”?
/searches for handgun