Introducing Our New NBC Sideline Reporter
Al: Welcome back to another NFL season everyone. Alongside John Madden, I’m Al Michaels. A great one tonight. A EE-YUGE NFC East matchup between the Washington Redskins, and the improbable Super Bowl champion New York Giants, who made that amazing, memorable run to the title last January. We have a new sideline reporter this season, who’ll be telling us about what’s going on to the field. Let’s throw it down to…
What’s this guy’s name?
Tommy: WHAT THE FACK AH YOU FACKS DOING WATCHING FOOTBAWL RIGHT NOW WHEN THE FACKIN’ SAWX AHH OVAH ON FACKIN’ NESN! EVERY TV IN THE BAHHHH SHOULD BE ON THE FACKIN’ SAWX RIGHT NOW!!!! FACKIN’ JERRY REMY IS GREATEST FACKIN’ BRAWDCASTAH IN THE HISTORY OF SPARTS! CAN WE ALL AGREE ON THIS RIGHT FACKING NOW?
Al: Did he just say fack?
Tommy: FACK YOU! Why is this game the season openah?! No one is giving the fackin’ Paytree-uts the prawpah respect they fackin’ deserve aftah goin’ 18-1, WHICH NO TEAM HAS EVAH DONE EVAH FACK YOU ETERNALLY!
THESE NEW YARK FAGGOTS GAWT FACKING LUCKY! THE CROWD AT FAWXBURROW WOULD HAVE MADE THIS FAR-AH MORE-AH OF A REAL SPARTS EVENT! THIS IS JOONYAH VAHHHSITY SHIT!
(cranks POD album)
Al: I think this is a completely farcical reporter.
Tommy: FACK YOU, YA BAY AREA CAWKSACKAH!!!!!!!!!!
September 4th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
and I’m spent
*has cigarette*
Was it good for you too?
September 4th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Heeeeeres Tawwwmee!
/Fack
September 4th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
I knew when I saw the large gray space that I was in for something good, and I honestly laughed out loud just seeing the fackin’ picture of Tommy. Keep the post-fest alive, Merry NFLmas!
/Tommy’s commentary actually more insightful than just about anything Madden contributes
//disappointed I haven’t heard anything about Elisha and Moishe’s adventures leading up to season opener
September 4th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
Cranks Gowdsmack album.
September 4th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
This is a day that will go down in infirmery here at KSK! Best Blog Day of the Year!
September 4th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Best character EVAH! I think Tommy may be my buddy Curly from college. I’ll have to check.
September 4th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Can’t wait for 19-0!
September 4th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
No one is giving the fackin’ Paytree-uts the prawpah respect they fackin’ deserve aftah goin’ 18-1, WHICH NO TEAM HAS EVAH DONE EVAH FACK YOU ETERNALLY!
The 1985 Bears say Fack You Tawmmy and they didn’t choke in the Super Bowl.
September 4th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
FACK YES!!!
September 4th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Ditto for Joe Montana and the 1984 Niners. Fuck the Pats! Whee!
September 4th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
THANK YA GAWD FOR TAWMMY…..WITHAWT THE INSIGHTS OF THIS MAHN, THE DAHKIES MIGHT GET THE UPPAH HAND
September 4th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Tawmmy’s a fackin’ cawpetbaggah!!!
September 4th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Jamboroo and Tommy too? I think I just peed my pants. Wait, that’s not pee…
September 4th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
This post just made my day, now if the Redskins lose by 30 tonight….dare I say…this could be the greatest day ever.
September 4th, 2008 at 6:17 pm
Al: I think this is a completely farcical reporter.
Nice reference to the infamous phony phone call during the OJ murder story. Baba Booey!
September 4th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
Fackin’ Tommy doesn’t even know the Sawx ahh off tonight. Pink Hat.
September 4th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
It doesn’t matter to Tommy that the Sox are off. NESN is probably showing world series highlights and he thinks its an actual game.
/he’ll be too drunk by third inning to FACKIN CARE-AH
September 4th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
I believe that’s pronounced “cay-ah.”
And I’m almost too drunk to cay-ah.
September 5th, 2008 at 8:29 am
Drew, all I can say is thank you!! As much as this character is realisticaly an asshole that I would like to cuntpunch, i fucking love the guy!!!!
September 6th, 2008 at 12:55 am
Guys, thank you for the wonderful evening.
/puts on bra
This was hands-down the best effort that the entire team has put together, ever.
//slips on skirt
I can’t tell you how fulfilled I am.
//Steals remaining beer from fridge.
But seriously, fuck you all for making me sleep in the wet spot.
///leave note on pillow.
I fucking love you guys, man.