Inside a Patriots’ tailgate…
09.12.08We kid Patriot fans a lot around here, but we do it out of love. And by that I mean love for the traffic they bring our site—not that band of dickholes they cheer for. But in the interests of presenting an honest, unbiased look at Patriots fans, we offer this clip shot at the tailgate before and after last week’s star-crossed victory over the Chiefs. We’ve taken the liberty of providing a running commentary, so you won’t miss a thing…
00:05-00:41 Before our host takes us around the paahking laaaht, he mocks Brodie Croyle for not being Tom Brady. I can think of something that Croyle can do that Brady can’t… WALK, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!
00:50 “Why do all the women look like they were bussed in from 1982?”- Drew
1:04 Gratuitous jail-bait crotch shot. You’re welcome.
1:10 Chiefs fan leaves Pats fan hanging. He better hope that chintzy plastic batting helmet can withstand a Sam Adams bottle thrown at close range.
1:15 Kid wastes beer, looks for place to puke.
1:19 You Mu’s sure can party!!!
1:22 The Cavalcade of Morons begins.
1:32 “We have to post that Pats video. The guy with the Yankees Suck shirt saying ‘One and oh’ to the camera is enough.” – Christmas Ape
1:44 Real Deal in the hizzy!!!
1:53 Mother of four rocking the Bruschi tshirt. Her drunken stagger/dance leads me to believe that Tedy is a distant-second on her list of favorite “brewskis”.
2:11 Please don’t scare us like that. Our east-coast readers are trying to enjoy their lunch.
2:20 Inexplicable rant against a former Patriot great. HOW DARE YOU TAKE CONSIDERABLY MORE MONEY TO PLAY SOMEWHERE ELSE ON THE BACKSIDE OF YOUR CAREER!!!
2:29 Tommy fom Quinzee’s pals offer divergent opinions on the quality of Matt Cassel.
2:49 ZOMG!!! A minority, who let him in?!?
3:00 She thinks “her friend” Tom Brady might be hurt. Similarly, I can’t wait until “my friend” Tiger Woods is healthy enough for us to play nine at the local par-3 course.
3:30 Our host wraps things up and includes a heart-felt shout out to Danny O’Shea in Guatemala, who is bravely serving our country in……. the Peace Corps? Are you shitting me? Screw that hippie.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2010/01/the-real-U-b1tch1-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2010/01/h8-u-so-much-150x150.jpg)
Wow, Patroits fans are boring…. the most pathetic gathering of sports fans i’ve ever seen, looks like they are on their way to watch the PGA tour… Go Bills! at least we know how to have a good time win or lose
Yeah- because that was wayyyy different than a tailgate at any other stadium, right?
Is it wrong for me to want to machine-gun everyone in that video?
Could have used more suicide….
1:19 You Mu’s sure can party!!!
I think the Tri-Lam’s got together for their reunion this past weekend…Wormser (our losah host) looks like he put on a few lbs. Maybe he ate Booger?
1:15 Kid wastes beer, looks for place to puke. Then returns at 2:56 & speaks in tongues
1:15 Kid wastes beer, looks for place to puke.
That was the sorriest excuse for a full extension ive ever seen. wasting beer is only acceptable if your arm is fully extended, and half the beer ends up on your shirt, and you have to walk around with a wet, beer soaked shirt all day.
http://www.thefullextension.com
The chick at the 2:00 minute mark was the best looking girl we had in Boston, but then Tawwmy punched her in the grill after the game.
Oh and for the record that was the poor people’s pahking lot. The one that is actually near the stadium has a marginally higher class of fan, and cawsts fowty fahkin’ dollas.
As a Chiefs fan, I’m suddenly feeling even prouder than ever for the Brady Crippling.
I especially liked the taunting at the end of how the Chiefs need to get a real QB. Yeah, if only we too could have Matt Cassel.
@bfreakin3- Nice Little Giants reference
/was that FutureMrs in that long montage of fans walking?
1:41: “YANKEES SACK” !
Wrong sport a55hole.
I would rather shit myself to death than have to watch that again
That wasn’t a “crotch shot,” that’s just how they train their female young to say “Tom Brady.”
Life was a lot easier for a Pats fan when all people had were Super8 cameras with no sound.
You know that guy ranting about Ty Law wanted to say, “Enjoy KC yah fackin daahhkie!” but censored himself for the camera.
thanks flubby, but I should have said fahk Dan O’Shea
danny o’shea? doesn’t his brother own a chevy dealership in ohio?
Guatemala? Are you shitting me? That’s a fucking vacation, that doesn’t quality as “serving abroad”. I would expect as much from New England – fake fans, fake military service.
on a sort of related note, bill simmons just discovered charles haley’s penis in “boys will be boys”
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/080912
Inside a Patriots’ tailgate…sounds like a proctologist convention….wall to wall [m]assholes
Probably get a real coach, not a hybrid dahkie whitey like you have now.
Are these guys going to post videos every week? Pure. Comedy. Gold.
I wish I could pull a hit and run on that whole tailgating squad. Then come back later to back over them a few more times.
/revises definition of pussybaskets
That must have been the retahd section of the tailgate.
Boston fans wearing pink team jerseys!! NOW I’ve seen EVERYTHING!!
No black people and a “Yankees suck” comment. Must be gameday for the Pats.
Yup this only happens at Patriots tailgates, right? Nope.
I know that every tailgate features 90+% dipshits, but has a negative stereotype ever been so completely reinforced?
Urge to kill…..rising….
I wish I could bottle the despair the entire stadium felt when Brady went down and send it to Vince Young as a get well soon gift.
Great googly-moogly somebody fucking shoot me.
Not true. Women in the 50s were meticulous about their appearance and careful to always comport themselves with class and dignity.
I need to take a shower after watching that video.
Urgh.
Judging by their drunken cheers, by halftime they probably thought they were at a Sawx game.
And I thought Foxboro was in the middle of nowhere.
I kept waiting for Billy Costigan to get shot in the head with out any warning
Nice sunburn, fackface
Hello, inrection
+1, UU
fuck Dan O”Shea, the only reason he joined the Peace Corps and went to Guatemala was because he heard all the 19-0 Pats Super Bowl champ t-shirts were down there
So much for Sexy Friday.
Man, I thought no group of fans could generate as much douchebaggery as Cowboys fans or, even worse, OU fans, but I stand corrected. Is there a rule that all the dudes have to take their shirts off? Is that some sort of attempt at intimidation of opposing team’s fans or just a mating display? Or are they already drunk? I guess it could be all 3.
The Peace Corp? The Peace Corp is for draft card burning pussies.
All those people have more money than me.
urge to kill: rising.
It’s actually 1:02.
/excuses self to bathroom
I bet UM now has that crotch shot as his desktop image.
What really distinguishes Patriots fans, it seems to me, is their sense of sportsmanship.
Are we sure they aren’t camping?
that was one of the worst things i have ever seen.
that jail-bait crotch shot is no way gratuitous. I could have used about 10 more seconds of it, in fact.
That’s a WIIIIIIIIICKED BIG PAHHHKIN LAAAAAHT!!!
/fast forwards to 1:04
sufficient to say that no one at the game will be watching the patriots-jets game this weekend not a fwackin chance when the sawx are playin