We kid Patriot fans a lot around here, but we do it out of love. And by that I mean love for the traffic they bring our site—not that band of dickholes they cheer for. But in the interests of presenting an honest, unbiased look at Patriots fans, we offer this clip shot at the tailgate before and after last week’s star-crossed victory over the Chiefs. We’ve taken the liberty of providing a running commentary, so you won’t miss a thing…

00:05-00:41 Before our host takes us around the paahking laaaht, he mocks Brodie Croyle for not being Tom Brady. I can think of something that Croyle can do that Brady can’t… WALK, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!

00:50 “Why do all the women look like they were bussed in from 1982?”- Drew

1:04 Gratuitous jail-bait crotch shot. You’re welcome.

1:10 Chiefs fan leaves Pats fan hanging. He better hope that chintzy plastic batting helmet can withstand a Sam Adams bottle thrown at close range.

1:15 Kid wastes beer, looks for place to puke.

1:19 You Mu’s sure can party!!!

1:22 The Cavalcade of Morons begins.

1:32 “We have to post that Pats video. The guy with the Yankees Suck shirt saying ‘One and oh’ to the camera is enough.” – Christmas Ape

1:44 Real Deal in the hizzy!!!

1:53 Mother of four rocking the Bruschi tshirt. Her drunken stagger/dance leads me to believe that Tedy is a distant-second on her list of favorite “brewskis”.

2:11
Please don’t scare us like that. Our east-coast readers are trying to enjoy their lunch.

2:20 Inexplicable rant against a former Patriot great. HOW DARE YOU TAKE CONSIDERABLY MORE MONEY TO PLAY SOMEWHERE ELSE ON THE BACKSIDE OF YOUR CAREER!!!

2:29 Tommy fom Quinzee’s pals offer divergent opinions on the quality of Matt Cassel.

2:49 ZOMG!!! A minority, who let him in?!?

3:00 She thinks “her friend” Tom Brady might be hurt. Similarly, I can’t wait until “my friend” Tiger Woods is healthy enough for us to play nine at the local par-3 course.

3:30 Our host wraps things up and includes a heart-felt shout out to Danny O’Shea in Guatemala, who is bravely serving our country in……. the Peace Corps? Are you shitting me? Screw that hippie.