I’m Ready, Coach! I’m All Hot And Wet!
I know Derek is struggling, Coach Crennel. But I just want you to know that I am ready any time you need me! I am all showered and soapy and ready to be OUT THERE. I am ready to strap it on and get out there with 10 of my biggest, sweatiest teammates. I’m ready to have those big black linebackers chase after me. Brades loves the chase! I’m ready to be the hunted!
I’m ready to be stuck under giant, writhing piles of adrenaline-fueled manmeat. I’ve even got a safe word in mind for it. I’m ready to be exposed on the blindside. I’m ready to get dirty. I’m ready to signal for a hot read. I’m ready to reach around defenders and get the ball out. I’m ready to get my hands under the center and grasp the wet leather. I’m ready to meet Peter King.
I’m ready to wear my tight, tight uniform and come parading out of that tunnel. I’m ready to assume a wide stance. I’m ready to take us from the bottom. I’m ready to establish a connection with Braylon Edwards (and Michael Phelps, if Braylon’s open to it). I’m ready to pound and pound at defenses until they finally give in to my will, until we’re both exhausted.
(ties pink bandanna around arm)
I’m ready to be your cake boy!
Tags: a gayvior awaits
September 22nd, 2008 at 3:49 pm
no reference to his tight end and the fun they’d have playing soldier?
September 22nd, 2008 at 3:51 pm
that was K-Pax gay
September 22nd, 2008 at 3:51 pm
“Gayvior” is one of the best things I have ever read — and I’ve read most of Jonathan Lethem’s essays.
September 22nd, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Crennel to Quinn: Uhh…Iz you on dis team?
September 22nd, 2008 at 3:58 pm
If a defense can penetrate, there’s gonna be a Brown mess all over the field.
September 22nd, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Is he ready to ride this team to victory?
September 22nd, 2008 at 4:00 pm
I’m ready to meet Peter King.
You have no idea how long he’s been waiting to hear you say that.
September 22nd, 2008 at 4:01 pm
That was… Um… Gay. Really, really gay. Which I know was what you guys were looking for, but wow. That was gay.
September 22nd, 2008 at 4:02 pm
I don’t care if he blasts a gerbil out his ass to celebrate a touchdown, just as long as he helps the team win games.
September 22nd, 2008 at 4:04 pm
This just in: With groundswells of support among values voters, John McCain is introducing a constitutional amendment to ban Brady Quinn from starting at QB to protect the traditional definition of ‘gunslinger’
September 22nd, 2008 at 4:06 pm
Can someone go get a firehose to wash all the gay out of this post?
Shit, I just realized that Brady probably dreams of being hosed down by hot firemen. The gayvior wins another round!
September 22nd, 2008 at 4:22 pm
That picture exists?
September 22nd, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Ok, I shouldn’t ask.
I won’t ask.
I don’t wanna know.
.
Shit…
What is that photo from?
September 22nd, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Emo Phillips called… he wants his haircut back
September 22nd, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Of all the nauseatingly gay references in that paragraph, “I’m ready to meet Peter King!” might be the most disturbing.
Would Favre share?
September 22nd, 2008 at 4:36 pm
I dont care what happens. As long as Horseballs doesn’t throw another pass. Jesus.
September 22nd, 2008 at 4:37 pm
brady, you blowhard!
September 22nd, 2008 at 4:53 pm
even jeff garcia thinks this is gay
September 22nd, 2008 at 4:57 pm
i know i already suggested this for the al davis pic, but… nightmare fuel?
me thinks so.
September 22nd, 2008 at 5:00 pm
Hulk wet…. Hulk happy…. Hulk just heard won’t be traded to Chiefs!
September 22nd, 2008 at 5:03 pm
(Brady imitating Beavis)
hehehe…Football’s cool..hehehe
September 22nd, 2008 at 5:17 pm
its almost toooooo easy..
September 22nd, 2008 at 5:20 pm
I lost it at “I’m ready to meet Peter King.” Awe-inspiring.
September 22nd, 2008 at 5:26 pm
Mini Dagger + 1.
September 22nd, 2008 at 5:33 pm
He’s a maaaaaaniac
Maaaaaaaniac on the floor!
…what, no? Sorry, I thought it was “crappy 80s dance movie” day on KSK.
Up next: “Footloose,” featuring the Dallas running backs!
September 22nd, 2008 at 6:17 pm
the fbi will soon turn over quinn’s cell phone number to larry craig.
September 22nd, 2008 at 6:43 pm
I feel ill.
September 22nd, 2008 at 7:12 pm
Cock for everyone!
September 22nd, 2008 at 7:14 pm
I’m bummed… Shockey’s out for 3-6… damn.
Oh, and Brady Quinn is definitely ready.
September 22nd, 2008 at 8:49 pm
I think even flaming gay people are offended.
So, uh…congratulations?
September 22nd, 2008 at 9:39 pm
What? No reference to taking it into the end zone? Or scoring by connecting with a tight end? Or getting reamed raw by an 11-inch dildo?
September 22nd, 2008 at 10:07 pm
horseballs shouldnt have stopped listening to jervis
September 22nd, 2008 at 10:27 pm
I hope he likes getting his ass massaged into the turf like DA’s been takin’ it. This is a coach problem, not a QB problem.
September 23rd, 2008 at 9:04 am
*Brady Quinn’s Courage Says: I don’t care if he blasts a gerbil out his ass to celebrate a touchdown,*
/stands in applause and then collapses in gut wrenching laughter!
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:17 am
If Quinn plays well, the terrorists will have won. And I sure don’t want our old “friend” coming back to this site to tell us how smart he was two years ago. That would just suck.
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:48 am
keekles at the Braylon/Phelps line.
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:32 am
(Brady Quinn decides to improvise a play in the huddle…)
“OK, boys, pay attention [turns around, bends over] What we’re trying to get is a seal here [pulls aside left ass cheek], and a seal here [pulls aside right ass cheek], and we want to run this play…IN THE ALLEY!”
“Got it? OK, on three — ONE, TWO, THREE… guys? What?”