Sure I’m a little miffed about the whole firing thing, even a little baffled. It’s not every team that can carry a lead over the Bills at halftime. Wait, the Raiders did it last week too? Well, I imploded more spectacularly than they did! And I didn’t even need a horrible imperious owner to do it.

Fine. Whatever. Let me go. I’ll catch on somewhere else. 10 gets you 20 the Lions will have a place for me in their new power structure next season. Count on it. Just tell me you didn’t…you did, didn’t you?

Haslett? You replaced me with Jim Pre-Cum-Suffused Haslett, that dithering, aquiline-nosed motherfucker? That’s like replacing a downed traffic light with a disco ball. A flat tire with a circus seal. A burned out light bulb with a burned out defensive coordinator. Tell me it’s cronyism.

I mean, in a way it’s kind of beautiful. Replacing me with the coordinator of the defense that’s allowed the most points in the league. That’s positively Linehanian. I guess my work here is done.