Tonight’s highly antiparticipated debate between precendental candied date Bark Obama and John McCain should be a real BARNBANGER! Now, McCain’s got a reparation for being a map trick in Washington. He beats off to the march of his own drummer!

But that map trick spirit can get him in trouble! When he tried to put off that debate earlier this week, he got absolutely PUMPERNICKELED for it! LAND BASTED! He may be an expert on natural security, but voters still have doubts about his ecological phyllo Sophie! And you what they say. “It’s the ecology, stupid!” He needs to be able to show he can command a deer issues like that! We’ll see if modern hater Jim Lair will screw the pooch to him!

As for Bark Obama, he sure was hard as a cucumber this week! But a lot of voters think he’s a bit a roof. AND VOTERS DON’T LIKE IT WHEN YOU’RE A ROOF! He needs to show voters he can reach them at a grass boots level! And not just get into bush gashing!

Now, I don’t want this to turn into some kind of political polenta. I’m not here to take sides. My job is to anal lice. And, in my anal lice, if Bark wants to secede, HE’S GOTTA MASTURBATE THE BALL DOWN THE FEEL!

I heard that Obama’s got a good ground game. Well, he better put his honey where his mountain is. He has to be aggregated. He can’t be a shrinking pirate. Because if voters think he’s weak, HE WILL GET HIS CLOCK CREAMED!

So tune in tonight! Will we have a “Senser, you’re no Jack Manatee” type of moment? We’ll see if this Bark has bite!