If Bark Obama Wants To Secede In Tonight’s Debate, He Needs To Masturbate The Ball Down The Feel!
Tonight’s highly antiparticipated debate between precendental candied date Bark Obama and John McCain should be a real BARNBANGER! Now, McCain’s got a reparation for being a map trick in Washington. He beats off to the march of his own drummer!
But that map trick spirit can get him in trouble! When he tried to put off that debate earlier this week, he got absolutely PUMPERNICKELED for it! LAND BASTED! He may be an expert on natural security, but voters still have doubts about his ecological phyllo Sophie! And you what they say. “It’s the ecology, stupid!” He needs to be able to show he can command a deer issues like that! We’ll see if modern hater Jim Lair will screw the pooch to him!
As for Bark Obama, he sure was hard as a cucumber this week! But a lot of voters think he’s a bit a roof. AND VOTERS DON’T LIKE IT WHEN YOU’RE A ROOF! He needs to show voters he can reach them at a grass boots level! And not just get into bush gashing!
Now, I don’t want this to turn into some kind of political polenta. I’m not here to take sides. My job is to anal lice. And, in my anal lice, if Bark wants to secede, HE’S GOTTA MASTURBATE THE BALL DOWN THE FEEL!
I heard that Obama’s got a good ground game. Well, he better put his honey where his mountain is. He has to be aggregated. He can’t be a shrinking pirate. Because if voters think he’s weak, HE WILL GET HIS CLOCK CREAMED!
So tune in tonight! Will we have a “Senser, you’re no Jack Manatee” type of moment? We’ll see if this Bark has bite!
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, emmitt smiff, malapropogations, more articulate than sarah palin
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September 26th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
And Michael Irvin couldn’t find the time to stab Emmitt in the neck….Jeez.
September 26th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
BARK needs to exfoliate his possession on THE IF SHOES!
September 26th, 2008 at 8:01 pm
Emmitt Smith and Evander Holyfield would make a great news team.
Emmitt ‘n’ Evander: Sports Anchorers of the Back to the Future!
September 26th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Where he called Obama “a roof” … was that a joke left over from of those Hines Ward columns?
September 26th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
“And, in my anal lice, if Bark wants to secede…”
Matt Leinert’s anal lice all have droopy left eyes.
September 26th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
Still more articulate than Ms. Palin.
September 26th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
Screw you Drew. You libtard.
September 26th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Where’s the tag of “if you start a political flame war I’ll [insert crazy way of killing]“
September 26th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
I’m converting my spellcheck to Emmitt Smiff because I too beats off to the march of my own drummer.
September 26th, 2008 at 9:54 pm
I wish Babelfish would add Emmitt Smiff as a translation option.
September 26th, 2008 at 10:02 pm
even before i got to the tags, in my head i was hearing Palin.
/will need to wear adult diapers next Thurs
September 26th, 2008 at 10:22 pm
no John McClane??
too obvious?
September 26th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
I know this is a football blog. But i nominate Drew to do a live KSK – OFF Topic Blog of the Presidential Debate. Yes We Can
September 26th, 2008 at 11:55 pm
I’d like to get into some bush gashing later this evening…
September 27th, 2008 at 9:50 am
“Senser, You’re no Jack Manatee.” Almost better than the original line.
September 27th, 2008 at 11:11 am
“He beats off to the march of his own drummer!” Fucking classic.
September 27th, 2008 at 11:48 am
Mmmm Barq’s
September 27th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
“And you what they say”
Yes, Emmitt. We all what they say.
September 27th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
The “more articulate than Sarah Palin” tag is underused. What about those Roethlisberger posts?
September 27th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Now that facebook has “English (Pirate)” as a language option, they should make their pages viewable in Emmitt Smiff too.
September 27th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
@ robocats -
Hines Wald as werr
September 27th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
And you has to wonder if America’s glacial sensibilities is ready for a Effeminate-American precedent.
September 27th, 2008 at 10:51 pm
I agree with Jag Desai, I think it would be awesome to do a live blog of a political debate, but in football terms…and leave Smiff at home that night, figuring out what he’s saying is too much work in a live blog setting….
September 28th, 2008 at 11:25 am
I can hardly wait to Monday. I’m gonna do me some anal lice and then i’m gonna ask all my co-workers if they’d like my anal lice! Dat mak-ah me smirre…lemme tellya, ulright! :D :D :D