I WOULD BE F—KING OUTRAGED ABOUT THIS IF WEREN’T SO GODDAMN NICE OUT!
FUCK YOU, ED HOCHULI.
Fuck you, right in your well-toned ass.
That’s what I would say to you if God hadn’t blessed me with a 200th consecutive day of fabulous sunshine and gentle breezes!
You fuck. Cutler fumbled the fucking ball, and you know it. Normally, I would NEVER get over you screwing us like that. Lucky for you, my house has a pool bar and a private cabana with eucalyptus mist machine.
Ahhhh.
GOD DAMMIT, I AM SO POTENTIALLY ANGRY AT YOU. I nearly had to get up from my hammock, you dicksmoker.
I have been a Charger fan for a long goddamn time, Hochuli. And I have almost nearly possibly suffered through tons of heartbreaking losses. All I had to comfort myself after such calamities were gorgeous blue skies, consistent 73 degree temperatures, sandy white beaches stretching as far as the eye can see, authentic and affordable Mexican cuisine, and tons of large-breasted women parading around in various states of undress at all times of day.
BUT YOU REALLY UPSET ME FOR TEN SECONDS THERE, YOU BODYBUILDING COCKTASTER.
I could fucking kill you. I could jam my hand right into your chest and tear your heart out. But, luckily for you, there are some fucking KILLER waves out there right now.
I kind of hate you so much right now, Ed Hochuli. I’d really hate you if I weren’t sampling these delicious fish tacos right now, but god dammit, THEY TASTE SO FRESH.
You’re lucky, Ed Hochuli. You are SO lucky I don’t live in some shit town like Pittsburgh, or Cleveland, or Indianapolis. If I did, I would have REALLY gotten worked up over that call. I also would have been suffering from severe depression due to those places’ terrible weather patterns and economic hardships. You can’t go kiteboarding in ANY of those towns. Can you imagine how awful that would be?
I am so going to write you an angry letter, Ed Hochuli. At least, I would if I didn’t have a killer bonfire party to go to tonight. Dylan’s bringing stuff for mimosas. God dammit, it’s gonna be sweet. You gotta see some of the pussy that’s gonna come round. I am the luckiest asshole on Earth.
BUT THAT STILL DOESN’T EXCUSE YOU FROM BEING A DICK! I’M TOTALLY MAD! I REALLY AM! I JUST HAVE TO GO JOG WITH MY DOG AT SUNSET AND ENJOY ANOTHER MAGICAL DAY IN AMERICA’S NICEST TOWN, YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD.
Tags: bad calls, Big Daddy Drew, can't blame them for being happy all the time
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September 15th, 2008 at 10:01 am
/misses frisbee golf course at Balboa Park
September 15th, 2008 at 10:02 am
You see, it’s funny because it’s true.
September 15th, 2008 at 10:03 am
Great one Drew! Especially….”tons of large-breasted women parading around in various states of undress at all times of day”. Fucking great!
September 15th, 2008 at 10:03 am
Anyone else lose their fantasy match-up this week thanks to Hoculi?
/urge to kill rises
September 15th, 2008 at 10:04 am
Walt Coleman sure likes the sound of this near vitriol and would-be death-threats. Oakland just needs to be a much, much less shitty place to live.
September 15th, 2008 at 10:10 am
Dylan wants to know why he’s always responsible for the mimosas. Couldn’t Lance or Colby pick up the Prosecco for once?
September 15th, 2008 at 10:16 am
Now I have to move to San Diego. Great.
September 15th, 2008 at 10:17 am
You see, UU, that’s why you need to be commish, so you can tweak the scoring prior to the season to grossly over-reward certain categories knowing the other schmucks in your league are too lazy to check the categories carefully. Thanks to this game, I got 82 points from Cutler and another 30 from the Chargers D even though they still lost the game. Bahahahaha.
September 15th, 2008 at 10:21 am
i always said SD is the only city i would move to if forced (wouldnt consider leaving chicago) for all reasons mentioned above.
September 15th, 2008 at 10:28 am
@fmra, I am the commish, however the guys in my league would know I was tweaking the points.
September 15th, 2008 at 10:31 am
82 points from Cutler? Sounds like you’re just plain tweaking.
September 15th, 2008 at 10:32 am
@Auksyte: But don’t you love the 4 seasons you get in Chicago? Wouldn’t you get bored with sunny and 80 all year long?
September 15th, 2008 at 10:35 am
Sums up this town perfectly — it’s very hard to stay bitter and angry out here. I’ve been to Padres-Phillies games, and the drunken, abusive folks from Philly genuinely confuse the locals. You can see the look on their faces — “Dude, settle down – why get so worked up? Have a fish taco.”
September 15th, 2008 at 10:47 am
I don’t think anyone drinks mimosas after dark. They’re really more of a breakfast / brunch drink. Perhaps you meant mojitos? It’s an easy mistake to make when you live somewhere less awesome where you can be blinded by rage.
September 15th, 2008 at 10:49 am
It’s pretty nice weather here in DC today. Substitute “Hochuli” with “Childress” and this could be Drew’s very own rant.
September 15th, 2008 at 10:52 am
Does Childress really have a well-toned ass? I think not. And when did we start recognizing Indy as an actual city?
September 15th, 2008 at 10:53 am
He does have a well-toned scalp.
September 15th, 2008 at 10:55 am
Substitute “Hochuli” with “Childress” and this could be Drew’s very own rant.
No, I really DO want to murder Childress. The DC weather can eat a dick.
September 15th, 2008 at 11:04 am
No, I really DO want to murder Childress. The DC weather can eat a dick.
On second thought, my comment makes zero fucking sense. Carry on.
September 15th, 2008 at 11:15 am
Chargers get burned. Broncos get burned.
Either way I’m happy.
September 15th, 2008 at 11:19 am
living in coastal california and being a raiders fan, i can tell you this is 100% accurate. by the time the weather gets “bad” football season’s almost over.
/west coast biased
September 15th, 2008 at 11:28 am
I wonder if Hochuli will spend some time this week practicing more bad calls while looking in the mirror.
(He does practice his calls in the mirror… no word if he does it shirtless & oiled up)
September 15th, 2008 at 11:30 am
San Diego is the only place I’d willingly move to if I weren’t offered a huge salary increase and bonus.
Unlike Philly, no one in San Diego cares that they haven’t won a major championship in forever.
Mostly because it’s so fucking nice out.
September 15th, 2008 at 11:31 am
THAT FUCKER COST ME MY OFFICE POOL!! I cant believe it… I picked Buffalo… even San Fran!! and I get screwed out of 500 bucks because of some juiced, meathead, spike-toting fuckstick of a zebra. I cant win tonight because the guy in front of me made the exact same pick and point spread… Jesus ice skating christ this couldnt be worse, i would have traded a kick in the balls for SD to have won.
September 15th, 2008 at 11:32 am
This dumb broad that was in my wedding party moved from Buffalo to San Diego back to Buffalo. WTF?
September 15th, 2008 at 11:52 am
4 seasons is nice rocco (favorite is RIGHT NOW – sept and oct are gorgeous in chicago). which is why im not all that upset about the bears loss yesterday. come november – feb when this place is the greyest ugliest pit on earth (almost as bad as cleveland) thats when the rage sets in. feb is by far the assiest month. combine that with a ricockulous SB loss, and yeah, thats the only time when moving is seriously contemplated.
September 15th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Who is this F-King that keeps showing up on these post titles? Any relation to Biff?
September 15th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
When you think about San Diego, Ricky Williams start to make a lot of sense. After all, it’s where he’s from. Then he goes to Austin (a potential candidate for second nicest city in America). Gets depressed in New Orleans (shitty weed, ugly girls). Goes to Miami, and parties until they throw him out of the league.
September 15th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
I’m a Bronco fan, and I don’t want to win that way. HUGE blown call, and as far as I’m concerned, HUGE blown 2nd half by Denver. Period. Sucks for SD fans.
Asterisk win.
September 15th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Son-of-a-bitch! I coulda called that play from my view!!!!
September 15th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
I read part of that last sentence as “America’s Incest Town,” but then I remembered that the Titans won yesterday.
September 15th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Say that to his face? I dare you.
This was great especially the kitesurfing reference. I am so tired of warm weather cities saying they don’t have as passionate a fan base because there are other things to do.
September 15th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
i moved to San Diego from east coast and did not like the lack of seasons. or was it the racism?
September 15th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
LaDainian Tomlinson is steadily approaching the ‘Lee Evans Hall of Fame’ for fantasy football players who need to die in a fire. Fuck LT and his hurt toe. In fact, can I cut off his bad toe and fuck him with it?
September 15th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
How someone hasn’t photoshopped Hochuli’s face over Ron Burgundy’s with the caption, “Go fuck yourself, San Diego” yet is a mystery to me.
September 15th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2006/players/01/10/nfl.workout0116/index.html
“I’ll have Cheetos when I’m feeling sorry for myself. Cheetos and chocolate kisses are my weakness.”
expect some orange colored flags next week
September 15th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
@ ROCCO Eventually they all come back. Must be guilt or something, I can’t figure how to leave.
September 15th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Fish tacos….mmmmm….tasty.
And Hochuli deserves to get shot with a Tazer…..to his balls for that call yesterday.
/not a Chargers fan, but urge to kill still rising
September 15th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Two months ago I traveled from Philly to San Diego for a wedding. I have never been so depressed about returning home as I was at the end of that week.
September 15th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
Lucky motherfuckers : http://weather.yahoo.com/forecast/USCA0982.html
September 15th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
@Rocco: Every person I’ve ever met in San Diego that is from Buffalo usually won’t shut up about how great Buffalo is and how much they miss it. Must miss having to actually own pants and coats and stuff.
September 15th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
No, no, San Diego sucks. You should all stay wherever the hell you are from. Seriously stay away. If you have to come move to P.B. I call that place little Ohio anyway. Get yourself a nice shell necklace and a 2004 red Camaro. If you have a vagina you should start starving yourself now because you Midwest chicks are FAT! Also you will need to have a pair of Uggs and short shorts that show ass cleavage. Make sure to route for the Packers when they come into town and talk nonstop about how unfriendly everyone is here…(HINT it is cause you are fucking annoying)
September 15th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Jim Jones for the win.
September 15th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
haha, little Ohio, thankfully they’re concentrated into the PB ghetto.
September 15th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
As a Philly transplant who’s been in America’s Finest City over 25 years, gotta say it was pretty damned close to the majority of folks I ran into today… never will understand how the natives just don’t get worked up about their sports teams, I was seriously pissed about that game and had to cool it in my 85 degree pool all last night……
September 15th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
“This was the best crew that we have had in the last 20 crews I have graded,” Shanahan said. “They did a heck of a job. Every game that you see that is within a point or a field goal over the last couple years, it may be a call or a non-call that wasn’t right, but that is the nature of this game.
R U KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!
September 16th, 2008 at 12:15 am
Blog Fail
September 16th, 2008 at 2:38 am
“haha, little Ohio, thankfully they’re concentrated into the PB ghetto.”
Well, that’s just redundant. I haven’t been to PB since I graduated from the high-school there, and granted it was more Little Brazil than Little Ohio then but unless some serious renovation has happened in the last five years, all of PB is ghetto (Mission Beach too). Oh the halcyon days of the PB Bar and Grill and Moondoggies at 16.
September 16th, 2008 at 11:54 am
1) It’s not “America’s nicest town.” It’s America’s Finest City – get it right UU.
2) The weather ain’t all that. It was fricking hot (82) here yesterday. (Yeah- we bitch when the temperature varies outside of 65 to 75 degree range)
3) Please come visit San Diego, but be sure to leave. Tourists are great, but we don’t need any more people living here.
4) @ Jim Jones- PB is definitely a ghetto, but nice for “sightseeing”
5) mmmmmmmm Fish Tacos
September 16th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
Derrick – What you said.
Please hate on SD more. Please. And stay away. It really does suck here. With the nice weather and hot chicks and whatnot. Nothing to see here, move along
Avain – PuBBa and Moondoggies at 16? Nice fake ID man. :)
September 16th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
SDmofo – fake ID? Never had one, never needed to. It’s called blonde hair and tits, dude.
June 14th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
haha