I Have Nothing Against Vince Young Personally, But The Fact Is He Still Breast Feeds
People seem to think I have some kind of personal vendetta against Vince Young. Some might even say I have a bizarre obsession with making sure he fails as both a player and as a human being. But that’s not true. I’m an analyst. I’m paid to be critical. If that leaves me open to second-guessing, so be it. I can’t worry about that. All I can tell you is that, in my objective analysis, Vince Young is a closeted gay coward who still sucks on his mother’s floppy old titties for nourishment.
Again, I have nothing personal against Vince Young. I’m sure he’s a perfectly nice fellow. I’m also quite sure that, anytime something doesn’t go his way, he runs home to his mother, straps on a custom size 10 Huggies Overnight, drops a watery stool in his pants, and then nestles in his mother’s ample bosom like the little fucking bitch he is.
I also heard he’s a bedwetter. I spoke with Jeff Fisher before Young was drafted and he was adamant that the team NOT draft Young, because they learned in interviews that Young not only pissed his bed, but that he would pee in his bed even BEFORE he went to sleep, because it helped “protect him from all the ghosts”. That’s why he has that rubber fitted sheet clause in his contract. It’s also why no Titans want to room with him on the road. I heard his teammates hate him. I heard they wanted to gang rape him in training camp to “put him in his place.”
You know what else Vince Young did once? He beat a kid to death with a rock. No joke. The kid made fun of the way Vince threw the ball, so Vince went and grabbed this rock that was lying around. Then he just bashed the kid’s head in with it, until pieces of his brain were falling out and stuff, and then he left him in a ditch. I said this when he was drafted. I knew it. Why didn’t anyone else heed my warnings? That I don’t know. Again, I have no problem with Vince Young. Except that he fucks dogs.
Did I mention he’s a terrorist? Well, he is. I don’t think he’s happy just to destroy the Titans organization. No, I think he wants to wreak havoc on a global scale. Think about it. Infantile mind. Coddled by his nutjob of a mommy. Blames others for his shortcomings. Tall. Who does that remind you of?
Fucking Osama bin Laden. This kid is not ready to play in the National Football League, but I do believe he is ready to plot with several other terrorist masterminds to bring down planes or release biological weapons into a mall and/or subway tunnel. Don’t think he isn’t capable of it. Like I said, I mean no harm. I just think he’s a cock-guzzling momma’s boy who murders children and wants to end the world as we know it. NO ONE KNOWS HOW VINCE YOUNG’S MIND WORKS EXCEPT FOR ME! I KNOW WHAT HE’S CAPABLE OF! I’VE BEEN WATCHING HIM FROM OUTSIDE HIS HOUSE EVERY DAY FOR OVER FIVE YEARS! I’VE ROOTED THROUGH HIS TRASH! I’VE MASTURBATED TO HIM WHILE IN THE STUDIO! I’VE CUT THE BRAKES ON HIS CAR A FEW TIMES!
YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME! I TOLD YOU HIS FOOTWORK WAS SLOPPY! NOW I’M TELLING YOU HE WANTS TO BURN OUR OIL FIELDS AND SELL US TO CHINA! DON’T THINK VINCE YOUNG CAN’T DO IT! SPEAKING OBJECTIVELY, VINCE YOUNG IS A HORRIBLE HUMAN BEING AND A POX ON OUR ENTIRE SPECIES! IT WOULD BE BETTER IF WE KILLED HIM NOW TO PREVENT ANY FURTHER HARM! YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME!
NO! NOT THE PADDY WAGON AGAIN! MY MIND IS JUST FINE! IT’S VINCE YOUNG THAT’S SICK IN THE FUCKING HEAD, I TELL YOU!
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, concussions, piling on, this is all Lloyd Braun's fault
September 30th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
And that’s why I listen to the Worldwide Leader.
September 30th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Serenity now, indeed.
September 30th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Young not only pissed his bed, but that he would pee in his bed even BEFORE he went to sleep, because it helped “protect him from all the ghosts”.
This is the point where this went from “really funny” to “post of the year.”
September 30th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
I didn’t know Hoge was employed by Fox News. Those concussions really affect your objectivity don’t they.
September 30th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
Young has bought up Nashville’s entire supply of adult diaper. Don’t ask me how I know this…
September 30th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Merrill iz perty. And his name is Merrill.
Nuf said.
September 30th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
When did you guys start posting serious commentary? If I want deep analysis like this, I’ll read ProFootballTalk.com.
September 30th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Awesome stuff Big Daddy. Oh and Merrill? Only assfaces with Napoleon complexes wear 8 button suits. Dickwad.
September 30th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Terrorist accusations from a guy nicknamed Hodgi? Sim sim sali pot calling the the kettle black.
September 30th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
So thats how you keep the ghosts away…nice.
Hopefully Hoge will be available to advise me on my fantasy draft next year.
September 30th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
Wow that was funny, well done
September 30th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
This is all Lloyd Braun’s fault…..Classic tag
September 30th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
Najeh Davenport uses a different method to keep ghosts away.
September 30th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
First you guys tell me Anne Hathaway likes anal, now you’ve blown Vince Hussein Young’s terrorist cover. There’s a Peabody with your name on it, for sure.
September 30th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
Merrill sucked balls on Tecmo Superbowl
September 30th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Merrill Hoge can suck my fat irish cock
September 30th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
@Cumpidgeon: You’ll have to wait behind Santonio and Haley for that blow job.
September 30th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
I second yinzer
September 30th, 2008 at 6:16 pm
I cut the brakes! Wild Card, Bitches!!
September 30th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
Finally, a version of Les Miserables I can relate to!
/don’t trust football analysis from a brain that’s been concussed 976 times
September 30th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
I dont know what Vince Youngs problem is. I mean, Kerry Collins has an easier time masturbating the ball down the feel.
September 30th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
Way to fill your role, Charlie.
September 30th, 2008 at 9:25 pm
Merrill Hoge hit Young right where it hurts…….HIS DICK!
September 30th, 2008 at 10:23 pm
Mort is reporting that Merrill Hoge and Joe Buck have resigned from their networks to run a doggy daycare together in Providence, RI.
September 30th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
What? Merrill can go more than two sentences without saying “Factor Back”? I don’t believe it.
September 30th, 2008 at 11:18 pm
Holy fuck that was funny. Nice work Drew.
September 30th, 2008 at 11:30 pm
Why is there a pic of Neil Patrick Harris under the title?
October 1st, 2008 at 1:11 am
“again, i have no problem with vince young. except that he fucks dogs”- line of the year so far from KSK
October 1st, 2008 at 7:50 am
One of your best posts yet, Drew. I sent this around to my friends who don’t read the site.
They will.
October 1st, 2008 at 8:15 am
If this were four years ago, he’d have been accusing the Eagles of being al-Qaeda’s American home base.
/bitterness over the 8-8 prediction in our Super Bowl year
October 1st, 2008 at 8:45 am
You know what else Vince Young did once? He beat a kid to death with a rock. No joke. The kid made fun of the way Vince threw the ball, so Vince went and grabbed this rock that was lying around. Then he just bashed the kid’s head in with it, until pieces of his brain were falling out and stuff, and then he left him in a ditch.
And this didn’t make the news? Man, those media folks are clearly homers. I never heard this! All they talked about was some Wunderlic shit.
October 1st, 2008 at 9:46 am
“Jerry! Over here Jerry. It’s me! Jerry, where y’going?”
/car pulls away
“That was your best friend?”
“Yeah, yeah, but he doesn’t wear glasses.”
“That man was wearing glasses.”
“I know. Don’t you see? He was doing it to fool Lloyd Braun!“
October 1st, 2008 at 10:27 am
Wow, is about all I can say to that one!!