I Don’t Mean To Be Annoying, BUT I HAVE TO BE ANNOYING!
Look at Favre in that Jets uniform, Mike. Isn’t it surreal to see him in a Jets uniform? I mean, if you’re a Green Bay fan, could you ever have imagined IN A MILLION YEARS, that Favre would end up in a Jets uniform? I mean, is that not just utterly SURREAL to you? That, after all this time as a Packer, he would end up with a team like the Jets? Could you ever have foreseen this IN A MILLION YEARS?!
Oh my God, Philip Rivers just threw a pick-six! Jaws, that has to be devastating, DOES IT NOT?! I mean, is that just not utterly DEVASTATING to this team, when you think of the way they started the season? First, they have Jake Delhomme throw that last second TD pass, then they get the Hochuli non-call, and then THIS? I mean, if you’re a Charger player or coach, are you not TOTALLY AND UTTERLY DEVESTATED by a play like that? Do you think, a thousand years from now, people in San Diego will look at that play and say to each other, “That is where it all started to go wrong”? Doesn’t that have the potential to be THAT kind of play?
Oh, my God! Look at Favre throw that pass! He threw it off his back foot! Is that not classic FAVRE? I mean, I know I say this all the time, but isn’t that the kind of throw only FAVRE can pull off? Look at that, Jaws! HE IS THROWING OFF OF HIS BACK FOOT! LOOK! Can you imagine, in a million years, any other quarterback doing that?! Is that NOT what the Jets brought him here for? I mean, if you’re a Jets fan, are you not ECSTATIC that you now have a quarterback who can make that kind of throw? When you think of all the plays Brett Favre has made over the years, is that not just the CLASSIC example of what he does better than ANYONE?!
Oh, my God! Philip Rivers just threw a TD pass! HOW HUGE WAS THAT! Think about what this team just went through! They start off oh and two. OH AND TWO. Not two and oh. Not one and one. OH AND TWO. And then they start this game right off the bat by getting a pick returned for a touchdown. I mean, you simply COULD NOT start off the season in worse fashion. But now they scored a touchdown! Mike, how HUGE was that? If this Charger team goes on to win a Super Bowl, is this NOT the sort of play they will look to as the play where everything turned around?!
Jaws, hey Jaws, psst Jaws, yo Jaws, you know Rivers kinda threw that ball off his back foot. DID HE NOT?! I know, I know, I know! You’re not going to say it, BUT I AM GOING TO SAY IT. Were there not shades of FAVRE in that throw? Could Rivers be a sort of young FAVRE to these San Diego fans?! If you’re a Charger fan, is that NOT the kind of Favrian throw you want to see your quarterback pull off?
OH MY GOD FAVRE JUST THREW A PICK SIX! Isn’t that a reversal, Mike? I mean, is that not a COMPLETE 180 from what we just saw?! Did you ever think the Chargers would start off the game with a pick six, and would not only have the fortitude to come back, BUT TO GET A PICK SIX OF THEIR OWN?! I mean, is that not the ultimate redemption?! HOW HAPPY ARE YOU RIGHT NOW IF YOU’RE A CHARGER FAN?!
Jaws, about that Favre throw: is that not the sort of deal with the devil you make if you’re the Jets? I mean, IS THAT NOT WHAT YOU SIGN UP FOR WHEN YOU BRING IN A GUY LIKE FAVRE?!
I know, I know. I say it all the time. BUT I JUST HAD TO SAY IT FOUR HUNDRED MORE TIMES!
![[badge]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/themes/default/images/100121_FOXmsnBadge_200x50.gif)
September 24th, 2008 at 10:06 am
first Kornheiser is a douche
September 24th, 2008 at 10:10 am
It’s funny because it’s true.
This guy is the fucking worst!
September 24th, 2008 at 10:11 am
After Jaws strangles Kornheiser with his own come-over, we’ll look back on it and say that was the play that changed MNF forever. We really will.
September 24th, 2008 at 10:13 am
JAWS, DID YOU WATCH IDOL?
September 24th, 2008 at 10:13 am
Someone yelled FIRST in the comments? I mean, is that NOT just the douchiest thing you’ve ever seen, Jaws?!
September 24th, 2008 at 10:16 am
i’m gonna go ahead and say that this monday night game was the most ear-bleedingly awful announcing in history. just the favre cocksucking leading up to kickoff was enough to make me want to stick a broken beer bottle into my right ear and push until it came out the other side.
September 24th, 2008 at 10:18 am
and i’m a chargers fan, so i was FORCED to sit through it
September 24th, 2008 at 10:18 am
It’s a fucking SAINTS FAN, Drew…..what the hell did you expect??
September 24th, 2008 at 10:18 am
I didn’t really read that so much as I heard it. That’s spooky. Especially the fact that it made my ears bleed just like when I listen to him on MNF.
September 24th, 2008 at 10:19 am
Would anyone like to offer up a comparison of Tony and Leo Getz from Lethal Weapon Fame?
September 24th, 2008 at 10:19 am
Oh, and Jay Glazer is reporting that Matt Millen is FIRED. Can I get an amen??
September 24th, 2008 at 10:21 am
whats awfully sad is that i really used to like tony. when pti first started i was awed at its simplicity and genius. now it just gets kicked off my tivo, day after day, becasue i can’t stand him. and worse, espn still employs jay mariotti, who just couldn’t be more of a joke, and he FILL IN FOR TONY. holy shit it couldn’t get worse…..ohhhhh wait yes it could, because now MNF is ruined for me becasue of tony’s voice and the uncomfortable-ness of jaws trying not to tell tony he’s the most annoying prick ever.
BDD i am with you what a fag hopeless saints fan.
September 24th, 2008 at 10:23 am
“Stereotyping jews is terrrrrrrrrrrrible”
September 24th, 2008 at 10:24 am
detroit has just taken the first step in a long road of rebuilding that will culminate in several remarkable 8-8 seasons before they tank again
September 24th, 2008 at 10:25 am
I mean, would you have guessed that IN A MILLION YEARS, people would actually prefer the in-booth stylings of Joe Theisman?!!!!
September 24th, 2008 at 10:25 am
Barry Switzer fucked Lacewell’s wife like TWO HUNDRED MILLION times. Is that not the type of cocksman you expect to be coaching the Dallas Cowboys, Jaws?
September 24th, 2008 at 10:25 am
Thank you for this
September 24th, 2008 at 10:26 am
Man. Eerie how well you channeled that.
Also, that picture cracked me up. Looks like he’s trying to push out a fart.
September 24th, 2008 at 10:27 am
Can we get a moratorium on “pick six” being used by football announcers? It makes football sound like a lottery game my grandmother plays.
September 24th, 2008 at 10:27 am
Kornhole sucks, and so does Jaws he reminds me of a biology prof. “Let me break it down for you… I my simple voice”
However, at the end of last season and so far this year Mike Tirico has gotten better… or am I the only one looking for some sort of bright spot on MNF?? He did immediatley call that desean Jackson fumble…
September 24th, 2008 at 10:27 am
Now can you do that in a really shitty Howard Cosell impression voice?
September 24th, 2008 at 10:33 am
i think “hey tony shut the fuck up” should be a tag for every post.
September 24th, 2008 at 10:35 am
Kornheiser gets worse and worse with each broadcast. The terrible Cosell impression the other night was a fucking abomination. When is ESPN/ABC going to realize that the game is enough entertainment and we don’t need some half-ass “comic” relief in the booth?
September 24th, 2008 at 10:38 am
I just realized that Kornheiser talks like Shanoff writes
September 24th, 2008 at 10:39 am
TK: Now it’s time for my weekly mid-third quarter premeditated monologue, using a measured voice lacking the EMPHASIS that I typically put on every fifth word when I am speaking spontaneously. My topic will be human interest with some tangential relation to football, perhaps about some player, coach, owner, or other football family overcoming some personal adversity to be here tonight. It’s TK’s opinion time, a columnist’s breakthrough to patronizing oration, and you fans have no choice but to listen. When I am done, either Tirico or Jaws will make an awkward, one line comment about my monologue, and then (mercifully) we will return to the game.
September 24th, 2008 at 10:44 am
Why do they need a 3rd guy in the booth? We don’t need to listen to the douchey Dennis Miller’s and Tony Kornheiser’s of the world babble about nothing. If you want a 3rd person in there, throw another “analyst” or throw Emmitt in there for the comedy value. If ESPN is looking for comedy out of the 3rd guy, Emmitt is your man
September 24th, 2008 at 11:02 am
When Jaws snaps and plants an axe into Tony’s skull will anyone shed a tear? I for one with go to the courthouse and argue that he should be released immediately for saving mankind from more goddamn human interest stories during a FOOTBALL GAME!!!
/takes deep breath
//puts axe down
September 24th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Meanwhile, Tirico is sitting there thinking about fucking Kornheiser’s wife.
September 24th, 2008 at 11:29 am
My God, Drew is actually Tony K.
That is the only way to explain how reading this makes his voice appear in my mind like that.
STOP SHOUTING TONY, I”M TRYING TO WATCH THE GAME!!!
September 24th, 2008 at 11:38 am
I think we need to call LT in to gruesomely break Kornheiser’s leg; it worked the first time!
September 24th, 2008 at 11:58 am
I’m convinced that 95% of the people who use the word “surreal” have no fucking clue what it actually means.
Why don’t you all watch NFL with the sound muted and just fill in the dumbass announcing yourself, Mystery Science Theater 3000-style?
Also, I thought Kendra was a Chargers fan.
September 24th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
And when I criticize the use of “surreal,” I’m referring to this Kornheiser guy, not BDD. Just wanted to make that clear. There’s nothing “surreal” about seeing a football player in a variety of team jerseys, right? Don’t those dudes bounce around from team to team all the time?
September 24th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Slash, I’m gonna build off of your idea. KSK Gay Mafia, pirate broadcast of MNF with the 6 of them doing different jobs during the game.
BDD and Ape: booth broadcasters who actually talk about football and its apparent sexual innuendos; Jean Grey can be the booth guest
Maj and Uff: sexy sideline reporters (except during Skins and Seahawks games, no need for either to cum all over either team by being close to them)
Punte and flub: Halftime show and annoying “updates” that tell us nothing new since we just watched football all day on Sunday
Falco: dead in a ditch somewhere, replaces live shots of the city to show the economic imbalance between those at the game and those living in the city
Get to work on it boys. I want to see this pirate broadcast ready to go by next Monday night.
/spent 5 mins too long thinking about this
September 24th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
I can’t even begin to describe how ridiculous his hair looks in HD. It’s officially out of control that people let him go on the air like that. I think it’s worse than anything he ever says. I agree with cumpidgeon, Tirico is definitely getting better.
September 24th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Initially, I didn’t see the humor in this. Through the first three paragraphs, I thought it was actually a transcript from the game. Who knew?
September 24th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Why do you torment us big daddy drew??? We’ve just gotten a little distance from the latest Kornholer earfucking and you feel obliged to rip the stitches and ram it home again! bastard…
September 24th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Hey, at least Kornhole watched the Favre game. As an Eagles fan, I got to deal with the Andy Reid Kids and Jessica Simpson nonsense during one of the best MNF games ever. That ear rape will never heal.
September 24th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
TK on Monday night football just proves that God is cruel – and a Jew.
September 24th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
@Pirate –
That’s only 7 people. How can you have a good MNF with only 7 people? They need to hire at least 10 more people for this Monday.
One who professes his man-love for Favre. Another to profess his man-love for Romo. Another to pine for the days of Brady (I suggest fackin hiring fackin Tawmmy). A Jimmy the Greek to explain how the blacks were bred to be superior athletes. Counter-fackin-point by Tawmmy, of course. And someone to repeat everything Jay Glazer says as their own reporting.
September 24th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
(door flies open)
ahem…DOOR FLIES OPEN….
DAMMIT THE DOOR IS SUPPOSED TO FLY OPEN….
Ya betta ask somebodaaaaay? Remember???
/leaves dejected
September 24th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
RE PirateSloth
I would TOTALLY watch/listen to a pirate MNF broadcast. The gay innuendo alone would be worth the time. Gay innuendo aimed at the players, of course. The gay innuendo inspired by KSK itself is implied/understood. To crank it up to 11, any sideline reports should be done with the reporter standing as close as possible to the player/coach he’s interviewing (while the player/coach attempts to move away and shifts around uncomfortably) and intersperse football questions with comments like, “Your ass looks really good in those pants” and questions about which team member has the biggest member. Heh…
September 24th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
You left out him talking about the players he has on his fantasy football team.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
@Pirate Sloth
“Falco: dead in a ditch somewhere, replaces live shots of the city to show the economic imbalance between those at the game and those living in the city”
Im in for the pirate broadcast.
Dont get pissed guys, but Ill take Dennis Miller over Kornhole any day of the week.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Gus Johnson for play by play with Rome and Joe montana beside him
September 24th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
Hey Don Meredith is still available.
September 24th, 2008 at 7:13 pm
I have long enjoyed Tony on PTI (though his frequent summer vacations get annoying- few substitutes can run the show properly), but I haven’t ever felt he was right for MNF. He’s admittedly not even a football guy by nature. I wasn’t fond of Theismann much either but really neither of them are needed. Tirico is improving and is a consummate professional, and Jaws makes up for a lack of charisma with immense football knowledge that you rarely find in other analysts. I like their combination, and Jaws can be entertaining if he would tone down some of his oft repeated phrases. Diversify his vocab a bit. Kornheiser should stick to columns and PTI though.
September 24th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
All y’all realize that this was a transcription, right? This ain’t no made-up thing, I heard this during the broadcast.
September 24th, 2008 at 9:58 pm
Where on earth did you find that partial transcript of this part MNF broadcast? Is it on ESPN’s website?
September 24th, 2008 at 10:05 pm
This is the best post ever written.
September 25th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
I want to hear more from Hopeless Saints Fan
September 26th, 2008 at 5:34 am
i’d rather have a drunk joe namath in the booth trying to kiss mike and jawz than tony k………
September 27th, 2008 at 11:40 pm
Kornhole is an idiot, I finally muted the sound after that horrible Cosell imitation cuz I couldn’t take the pain anymore. What kills me is they pay him a giant salary to be that awful. I want his salary, god dammit! I could do MNF commentary twice as well as that ditz and I’m a fucking girl!!!