I Can’t Believe Jeff George Was Passed Over For Vice-President
by Jason Whitlock
Once again , another presidential election is upon us and once again both major parties have ignored the most qualified person to serve as Vice-President. America needs Jeff George.
Now, before you dismiss me as someone shilling for a job for an old friend that has been forgotten by everyone except those who despise him with a passion, I have political bona fides galore. At Ball State, I wasn’t just playing O-line and reconfiguring the offense for my coaches. I was quite active on the student government scene. For instance, I talked my boy Duane into running for Student Senate, he lost badly, but I gained an insider’s perspective into the underbelly of government. America, I know politics.
John McCain, like Jeff Garcia, needs an able back-up due to his advancing age. Instead he goes and picks some woman I wouldn’t hire to run a petting zoo. Jeff George is way more qualified than Sarah Palin. Fact: the Fightin’ Illini dress more players than the entire population of Wasilla, Alaska. Look it up. She doesn’t even know what the Bush Doctrine is. Never mind that there is no such thing as the Bush Doctrine, she looked like Charlie Gibson asked her to solve some Chinese algebra.
Proper leadership demands improvisation when circumstances require. Jeff George once left his playbook in back of his El Camino during our junior year, but still improvised well enough to beat Bedford North Lawrence. Let me tell you about the Jeff George Doctrine: everyone goes deep and he airs shit out. Sounds like a strategy that will mend our fractured nation.
On the Democratic side, it vitally important we have a solid VP. You see, Barack Obama grew up without a father in his household; therefore he almost certainly lacks the skills to be President or a quarterback. I realize this may sound harsh, but Americans had been coddling Obama long enough, he needs to needs to be told the truth. In a perfect world, he would take his bling and his posse and settle for a Cabinet position—most likely Housing & Urban development.
With the cool under pressure leadership of Jeff George, we could rest assured knowing that a quality Commander-in-Chief was only a heartbeat away. Plus if George were to be elected, I guaran-damn-tee he will engage in no bojanglin’ whatsoever.
Tags: chinese democracy, jeff george fan club: membership of one, whitlock
September 18th, 2008 at 11:41 am
Jeff George + Sarah Palin = zero balls, no heart and 32 favorite NFL teams
September 18th, 2008 at 11:45 am
Brad Childress just LOL’ed.
September 18th, 2008 at 11:52 am
Never mind that there is no such thing as the Bush Doctrine
What? Amazon was offering to bundle it with Men with Balls for one low price the other day!
September 18th, 2008 at 11:57 am
all of a sudden i have a taste for Bojangles chicken
September 18th, 2008 at 11:58 am
It’s good to add some diversity to this staff. And an African American, who has been writing KSK-level comedy for years, is a major upgrade in the talent. I applaud KSK in its progressive mind-sets toward hiring minorities. Well done, KSK. Well done.
Seriously though, I think Whitlock really wrote that.
September 18th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
“everyone goes deep and he airs shit out. Sounds like a strategy that will mend our fractured nation.”
Affirmed.
/Sex Cannon
//yes, i went for the easy joke
September 18th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
BigSexy.jpg
nice
September 18th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
yea yea good article, whitlock is a fat retard
i was thinking…out of the following adventures, which is the winner and makes you smirre the most:
- marmalard
- jerry jones/wade phillips/pacman/etc
- big ben/hines ward
im gonna have to go with marmalard right over the steelers combo
September 18th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
People keep saying that Sarah Palin is scarier than airborne herpes. I think that when Gus Frerotte is an upgrade for you at quarterback that’s what’s scarier than airborne herpes. I’m Karl Rove, and I approved this message
September 18th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Hopefully, one day, folks will figure out that Whitlock is making a fool of anyone that actually thinks he’s serious when he writes the George articles.
September 18th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
@ Bob: shhhhhhh!
September 18th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
I gained an insider’s perspective into the underbelly of government.
he must have liked what he saw as he grew an underbelly of his own
September 18th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
The Jason Whitlock Doctrine: Preemptively hammer down everything at an all-you-can-eat buffet. Then pass out on the nearest couch.
September 18th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
You forgot, the reason why George was passed over for Obama as the nominee, racism.
September 18th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Flubby, this is the best thing you have ever written on this site.
Whitlock should have a myspace blog nobody reads, not a column on foxsports.com.
September 18th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
How many dicks did Whitlock suck to get that spot?
September 18th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Did Whitlock just call Obama a bojangler??? Oh-no-he-did-un…
September 18th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
@pistolabus: How can you leave the adventures of Ocho Cinco and Marv under one roof out of that list?
September 18th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Holy Shit the world is coming to an end!!!! After I posted that last one an add for Maury Povich, with “all new” who’s the fucking daddy for the 18th time episodes was up top. What is this world coming too?
September 18th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
It’s only Week 3. Damn this is early! Whitlock usually whips this baby out by Week 8 or 9.
September 18th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
“I gained an insider’s perspective into the underbelly of government.”
‘government’ is a strange name for a cheerleader.
September 18th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Simply brilliant.
September 18th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
You better ask about the 502 Doctrine Bitches!!! Fiesta Bowl Baby!!!
September 18th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Whitlock is black?
September 18th, 2008 at 10:23 pm
stop talking about politics on a football blog cuntface. you’re breaking your own rule. also, I’m a mouth-breathing jackass.
September 18th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
For some reason, the Jason Whitlock photo isn’t showing up on my computer. Thank you, internet!
September 19th, 2008 at 12:04 am
@ Tom Brady’s Knee Parts
Who’s whitlock? That’s Ruben.
September 19th, 2008 at 9:56 am
Jeff George
Golden Son of Warren Central….
1986 Gatorade Player of the Year
2008 VP Candidate on the “Deep Fly Pattern” Ticket
October 27th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
Maybe not VP, but perhaps the House? http://www.jeffgeorgeforcongress.com