Hello, My Name Is Tarvaris, And I Am F–king Terrible
“They say, ‘Eight guys in the box, you should be able to throw the football.’ But it’s not as easy as that.”
That’s because YOU’RE playing quarterback for this team, you horrible, horrible, horrible sack of shit.
Tags: dying for anyone else, dying for booty, dying for frerotte, Homerism, how can you not bench this asshole?, the horror the horror, wasted running backs, wasted seasons
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September 15th, 2008 at 7:25 am
worsethanhitler.jpg
Wow. Harsh.
September 15th, 2008 at 7:26 am
Two words: Jeff. Garcia. Done and done.
September 15th, 2008 at 7:30 am
As an Adrian Peterson owner, fucking seconded.
September 15th, 2008 at 7:40 am
If Peterson is Purple Jesus, does that make Tarvaris Purple Judas?
September 15th, 2008 at 7:45 am
Is he the worst QB in the league? Here’s how you find out. Ask a fan of any other team would they trade their QB for Tavarais - straight up.
(I used to do this with Falcons fans when they over-hyped Vick)
September 15th, 2008 at 8:22 am
Dan Dierdorf will hear none of this, Drew.
September 15th, 2008 at 8:46 am
At least Warren Zevon allowed the to Redskins win.
September 15th, 2008 at 8:47 am
I feel you Vikings fans (particularly since I live in Eden Prairie)…but as a Chiefs fan, I don’t want to hear your bitching. I know you were distracted by your own game yesterday, but trust me you’ve never seen a clusterfuck like KC put on display yesterday.
September 15th, 2008 at 8:47 am
Fucking Zombie Christ
At least Warren Zevon allowed the Redskins to win.
September 15th, 2008 at 8:48 am
To answer your question Tyler Durden…yes, I’d trade all 3.5 (Croyle, Huard, Thigpen and Hagans) for Tarvaris Jackson straight up. And I’ll take Childress for Edwards in a heartbeat.
September 15th, 2008 at 8:49 am
Listen, when there are 8 guys from the other team that close to you, it gets really scary. They smell and say bad things about my kitten. It really hurts my feelings.
- Tarvaris’d
September 15th, 2008 at 8:51 am
Nice playcalling by Childress, too. And you gotta love a “pass catching” TE like Visanthe Shiancoe. Is Jermaine Wiggins still available? I can’t believe I’m nostalgic for the Mike Tice era.
September 15th, 2008 at 9:06 am
Couldn’t get worse than Romeo Crennel’s play calling.
Oh, and Drew: You’re married, right? Isn’t “dying for booty” the obvious thing to say?
September 15th, 2008 at 9:07 am
He’s no Matt Cassel….
September 15th, 2008 at 9:13 am
I think Joe Pisarcik is still available…
September 15th, 2008 at 9:13 am
Monday morning, and this is the best you can do?
September 15th, 2008 at 9:16 am
Is Jeff George available? Does somebody in the front office still have his cell phone number?
Hey Tavaris, how about we put 10 in the box and see if you can complete a pass, mmkay?
September 15th, 2008 at 9:18 am
And yet, Joseph “I wish I was playing Mozart” Harrington hasn’t got a call.
September 15th, 2008 at 9:18 am
did anyone else see stephen jackson and marc bulger take each other out yesterday during a botched handoff?
September 15th, 2008 at 9:24 am
Drew — he had four drops that I counted between shots of Cuervo, Berrian can’t separate from a DE, and the playcalling was abysmal. TJack would be much better with a different HC, and maybe, vice versa. Easier to fire Childress than put in Frerotte, who is no better…. He played a significantly bedtter game than last week, and will continue to improve if the coaching staff PULLS THEIR HEADS OUT OF THEIR ASSES.
September 15th, 2008 at 9:25 am
@Jez: Relax, fuckface. We’re still waking up.
September 15th, 2008 at 9:25 am
2 games in and the Vikes are done. If ever a bounty was needed, it’s now. I’ll throw in $10.
September 15th, 2008 at 9:26 am
My name is Ziggy…here’s a sh*t load of money to spend in the off season. We’ll have such a great team this year!
Well expect for 3 key things. A) Childress is our coach and his play calling sucks balls, B) Our secondary is still terrible…and we use the Zone on every fu*cking down C) Tarvaris is our Quarterback…pain
September 15th, 2008 at 9:26 am
BTW, the Vikes were 109-0 at home when leading by 15 or more at the half. Doesn’t that give you a warm cuddly feeling? Fire the jackass with the IHOP menu, not the kid, at this point.
September 15th, 2008 at 9:28 am
I think it’s time for a new nickname, ReTarved.
September 15th, 2008 at 9:28 am
Jesus was a running back.
Pontius Pilot was a quarterback.
September 15th, 2008 at 9:29 am
I hear Daunte Culpepper isn’t doing anything these days…
September 15th, 2008 at 9:40 am
Bernard Berrian. What a load of shit. Our best WR is Bobby Wade, we have a vanilla game plan, etc., etc. Give the kid a chance fer chrissakes. And WTF is a Shiancoe? And WTF are we throwing bombs on crucial 3rd downs ???
CHILDRESS IS AN ASSHOLE.
September 15th, 2008 at 9:45 am
At least he didn’t try to kill himself. Wait, never mind that might have worked out better for you.
September 15th, 2008 at 9:48 am
But hes the next McNabb!
September 15th, 2008 at 9:52 am
As a Colts fan and AP fantasy owner, yesterday was Double Bonus day for me. Colts win, AP gets 160 yards and like 15 fantasy points.
On a related note, is it possible to fire both a coach and a QB if you don’t really have either? Based on what I saw yesterday, the Vikes have some bald guy doing the play calling, and some idiot behind center. Neither of them have any business on an NFL team.
September 15th, 2008 at 9:54 am
Paging Mr. Cowher, paging Mr. Cowher.
September 15th, 2008 at 9:57 am
I said this last week and I repeat with sentiment.
Quarterback with an anti-passing philosophy.
September 15th, 2008 at 10:12 am
Spend lots of money in offseason, look awful during regular season, somehow end up in playoff hunt/
The Vikings are the new Redskins?
September 15th, 2008 at 10:21 am
Actually, it probably is hard to throw into an eight man front when the recievers are running 2 yard crossing patterns straight to the linebackers. Maybe our ‘kick-ass’ offense should be a bit less horizontal.
September 15th, 2008 at 10:38 am
Even Jeff “tin man” George would be a welcome change from what Tavaris is giving the Vikes. At least until the games actually meant something, then he’d fuck you, and and not just with one or two fingers, I’m talking the whole fist!
September 15th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Best. tags. ever.
/loading revolver
September 15th, 2008 at 11:09 am
i hear trent dilfer has some decent mobility on his crutches.
September 15th, 2008 at 11:20 am
Turned out to be a blessing that I was on a plane for the first half. Sorry Drew, that totally blows.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
September 15th, 2008 at 11:23 am
Childress is as useless as tits on a boar.
I don’t know exactly what that means, but I think my point is clear: Fuck Brad Childress.
September 15th, 2008 at 11:41 am
New verb: Tarvarted. To be tarvarted is when a QB does something so moronical that you’d consider trading for Tarvaris Jackson, straight up.
For example:
“Dude, Marc Bulger is tarvarted!”
September 15th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Lurv ya, Drew. I guess it’s expected for Monday, especially when your team sucks. I really can’t complain. White Sox beat Detroit twice in one day and the Packers also beat Detroit. I guess if you’re a Detroit (or for that matter, a Michigan) fan, it might be a good idea to start looking forward to hockey/basketball season.
September 15th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
I wouldn’t trade any of the quarterbacks in the Big 12 for Tarvaris.
September 15th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Jon Kitna will be available shortly
September 15th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Dude couldn’t get laid on the Love Boat
September 15th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Agreed. And that’s why the Vikings are 0-2.
September 15th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
I used to joke that Brad Childress looked like Major Dad. Now I’m thinking he’s more like Tobias Fünke.
Yesterday’s game was so terrible that I got hammered and bitch-slapped my imaginary girlfriend. Don’t worry, she forgave me and the make-up sex was fantastic.
Skål Vikings. 14-2. Right? Right?
September 15th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Two Words: Steve DeBerg.
September 15th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
I used to joke that Brad Childress looked like Major Dad. Now I’m thinking he’s more like Tobias Fünke.
True. I bet Vikes fans feel like they just saw an analrapist.
September 15th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
You could have had Pennington for nothing, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, who wants to pull th trigger on that trade when we’ve got Tarvaris Jackson slangin’ the ball all over the place. And I also have Purple Jesus and it pains me to watch TJ not give PJ a chance to punch it in from the goal line.
September 15th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
I love the way Childress is coaching this team!
/Packer fan
September 16th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
I’m going to take a field trip after work to Eden Prairie to hit Childress, Jackson, and Shiancoe with my car. Anybody know the numbers for Abra and Miles Lord?