Fictional Cheerleader Bio: Mariel
I took this picture of Mariel at a charity event three years ago. She loved cheerleading. And I loved her.
We met in college at a vending machine. She asked if she could borrow a dollar from me, and I jokingly replied that I needed collateral. She wrote her number in my algebra book, and told me to call her sometime. We went out that weekend.
What I didn’t know was that Mariel was in the budding stages of a horrible meth addiction. At first I tried to ignore it, I really thought she was just a care-free girl. The night before graduation, she was strung out on meth, and I wasn’t sure what to do, so my best friend and I tag-teamed her under the goalpost in the football stadium. The south one, I think. It might be why she went out for the Redskins’ squad that fall.
But then her addiction got worse. Pretty soon, everything in her life revolved around getting her Next Fix. All she wanted to was get high. I went over one night to see her, and to get my dick sucked, when I found her laying naked in the driveway, face-down, eating through her own wrist. She had just been kicked off the cheerleading team, she said. Blood dripped from her mouth. I called 911 from my cell phone, and then I drove off.
And that was three years ago, and not a day goes by when I don’t wonder what actually happened to her. I feel like I should have done more, like I shouldn’t have abandoned her. I hope she managed to straighten her life out. Mariel, if you’re still out there, baby, I just want you to know, you still owe me a dollar you fucking bitch.
Tags: fictional cheerleader biography, meth, MMP
September 26th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
Geez Punter, that’s just… sad?
September 26th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
I can’t envision any anti-meth commercials using her likeness. It’s best if young impressionable male minds don’t associate meth with boners. People hooked on the other hand…how else will they satiate their addictive impulses? By winning in a high-stakes game of jacks? I think not.
September 26th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
So all it takes is one encounter with Punter at a vending machine to get hooked on meth?
September 26th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
That’s methed up
September 26th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
Zero points for not being able to spell my own alias…
September 26th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
No shit, Joba. Let’s discuss your incompetence over there, by that vending machine.
September 26th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
The night before graduation, she was strung out on meth, and I wasn’t sure what to do, so my best friend and I tag-teamed her under the goalpost in the football stadium.
This method keeps getting taught to social workers, but the science doesn’t support it anymore at all.
September 26th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
These poor ficitional girls never end well.
September 26th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
What kind of vending machine was it? If Mariel and MMP met at a semester abroad program in Tokyo… well, shit, you can buy ANYTHING from a vending machine over there.
September 26th, 2008 at 5:56 pm
I’m dissapointed in you Punter. You called 911 and left? When she was in that condition? Hooboy, you could have at least got some anal.
September 26th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
The night before graduation, she was strung out on meth, and I wasn’t sure what to do, so my best friend and I tag-teamed her under the goalpost in the football stadium.
That slayed me
September 26th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
What kind of mongoloid takes Algebra in college?
September 26th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
Forget the ass to ass scene, they should have put being tag teamed by punter and his buddy as the “hitting rock bottom” scene for Jennifer Connelly in “Requiem For A Dream. Would have been far more disturbing, though, not even remotely as enjoyable.
September 26th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
These poor ficitional girls never end well.
couldn’t help but notice the same thing. that said, i’m pretty sure if you gave these to any NFL cheerleader from a different squad, they’d think it was real
September 26th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
Dating a blogger from KSK isn’t normal, but on Meth it is
September 26th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
+1 Ball Soup
September 26th, 2008 at 11:43 pm
Method Man wants to know if you rolled that shit, lit that shit and smoked it.
September 27th, 2008 at 12:32 am
hoomamma you gotta love den wimmin
September 27th, 2008 at 5:21 am
Ya I hung out with this chick a few nights ago, shes down here in Arizona now. But shes cool now no more meth, only sticks to weed and we smoked a blunt yesterday.
September 27th, 2008 at 8:09 am
“Mariel was in the budding stages of a horrible meth addiction. At first I tried to ignore it,”
That didn’t work? Science might as well give up. Meth, we surrender.
September 27th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Fake titties and a cameltoe!! Mom, I’d like you to meet Mariel…
September 27th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
The night before graduation, she was strung out on meth, and I wasn’t sure what to do, so my best friend and I tag-teamed her under the goalpost in the football stadium.
Bravo Punter. Seriously, Bravo.
September 27th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
What kind of mongoloid takes Algebra in college?
The Ohio State kind.
September 29th, 2008 at 9:28 am
Substitute my ex-wife (ex-pro cheerleader) for Mariel, coke and e for meth, trip to the ER instead of abandonment, and $6k instead of $1, and that’s a true story. Minus the tag team part. And alegbra.