Dear Matt Ryan
09.04.08
Dear Matt Ryan,
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit damn.
Fuck me up the ass.
I AM STONED.
Matt Ryan, I wanted to write to you on the inside of this toilet paper roll to tell you something important. And that is that… FUCK I’M HIGH!
No, wait. That ain’t it. I’m here to tell you that, no matter what you do, no matter how well you play, the people of Atlanta will never love you. Ever. Not the way they love me.
Know why? Because you’re a fucking cracker.
Also, you don’t fight dogs. EVERYONE in Atlanta fights dogs. People who don’t fight dogs are probably gay. So you should know that. That is, like, culture and shit. You ain’t country. You ain’t ever been country. So you can suck the sweet tea right outta my dong.
I bet you own a computer. You’re a fucking nerd.
You can’t do what I do. Just remember that. I am Atlanta’s first love. The people there will never accept a QB who stands tall in the pocket, makes sound decisions, and throws a catchable ball. Know why? Because quarterbacks who stand tall in the pocket are little white bitches.
In conclusion, fuck you.
Also, I am high.
Send Weed,
Ookie
Photo courtesy of The Onion
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Good one BDD. I always love the Ookie posts
Chad Ocho Cinco needs to calls MV for advice on how to deal with the pressures of living with Marv.
@ TDub:
I think it means that he’s saying it with a derisive sneer on his face.
today is a sad day for us on the west coast. not that sad, but the fucking game will be half over by the time i get home.
Best day ever. Thanks guys.
/no homo
Today has been truly EPIC. You guys are the best. Now go get shitfaced so you can get yer livebloggin’ on!!!!
WHOOO HOOOOO!!!! NFL STARTS TONIGHT BABYIEEEEE. GEEMS, GEEMS AND MORE GEEMS!!!!
/spent
so you think he gets all effed up of Jankem? You know when he can’t get his cheeba
Uh, my employer just got about one hour of work outta me today. Leaving to drink to excess, then call in sick tomorrow!
It’s the NFL baybee!
Why’s he writing on the toilet paper roll? You can make a bong out of that!
Well done! Is this one funnier than it is true, or truer than it is funny?
I want to see Matt Ryan have a decent couple of years and then have Vick attempt a comeback. That would comedy goldmine.
Which prison gang has Vick joined? According to “Oz”, there are the black Muslims, black gangsters, Italians, Irish, Bikers, Latinos, Nazis, Christians, gays and “others”. I’m thinking he’ll be in the “others”; rolling around in a wheel chair dispensing wisdom to whomever is listening. Wait, scratch the “wisdom” part.
just when I think the day can’t get any better, Ookie rolls in.
So we’re all nerds then I guess.
/pushes glasses up nose and pulls up pants…
Seeing Vick has inspired me to get really stoned tonight for the NFL kickoff.
/was going to get really stoned anyway regardless of whether I saw Vick
And we got liveblogging tonight baby! THE PARTY NEVER STOPS!
Well, after the liveblog it will.
I wish I lived in the south so I could use the “you can suck that sweet tea outta my dong” line ad nauseum.
Goddamn Drew, you’re on a roll today.
10 KSK posts today and a Jamboroo? NFL opening day kicks ass.
I am punch drunk and laugh uncontrollably at everything at this point. I think you are shaving days off the end of my life.
Wait … ‘laughter is the best medicine’?
/IMMORTAL
Thanks Gay Mafia!
@TDub: Probably makes it more cultural sounding. Fixed.
what exactly do italics do to the spoken word?
In writing, they add emphasis, but when saying “little white bitches,” I’m just not sure what it does. Probably makes it more urban sounding.
reading this was a great way for me to end the day at work.
Yes.