Browns Fans, Get Ready To Vote Nader

In this time of rancorous political partisanship, people of all creeds and beliefs are encouraged to put their differences aside and find common ground in pulling for the Steelers. Okay, well, the VP candidates at least, because they both root for the Black & Gold.

One change in Biden since his ascent is his willingness to talk about the deaths of his first wife, Neilia, and their baby daughter, Naomi, in a traffic accident weeks after he won his first Senate race in 1972. Earlier this year, when Iowa voters would ask him about the accident, Biden would say that to talk about it was to relive it.

Now he accepts it as part of his appeal. On Friday night, when Obama and Biden met Steelers Coach Mike Tomlin in Pittsburgh, Biden recounted how “Old Mr. Rooney” — Steelers owner Dan Rooney — dispatched some players from his championship team to the hospital room in Wilmington where Biden’s two toddler sons, Beau and Hunter, were recovering from the accident. They brought the boys an autographed football as a Christmas present.

“And I have been a Steelers fan since that day,” Biden told Tomlin.

Odd, of course, that the accident happened in 1972 and Art Rooney soon thereafter dispatched his “championship team” despite the fact that the Steelers didn’t win their first Super Bowl until 1975. The Rooneys are only cheap because they splurge on time machines, apparently.

Sarah Palin can teach Republicans how to be Republicans. It’s a simple lesson. But it won’t be easy for anyone who thinks being pragmatic and principled are mutually exclusive. Mrs. Palin, 43, is the governor of Alaska and the brightest light in the land of the midnight sun.

She relishes moose burgers because “they taste better than beef with no chemicals, steroids or hormones.” She adopted the Pittsburgh Steelers because of the team’s success in the 1970s and because there are no major professional teams in her state.

Perhaps their shared fandom can help them skirt a few sticking points in their ideology (or help them commiserate over the fact that the vice presidency isn’t worth the proverbial warm bucket of spit). Sure, one’s in favor of gun control while the other is a member of the NRA. One likes stars while the other likes starfish. Luckily, they are of a piece when it comes to espousing alternate weapons.

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26 Responses to “Browns Fans, Get Ready To Vote Nader”

  1. Horseball's Clipboard Caddy Says:

    Hey! I like starfish, too! Ask Jeffy!

  2. Spatula Says:

    Can’t we just settle this whole thing with a battle royale? It would be a whole less painful than two months of endless crap and a whole hell of a lot more entertaining.

  3. Brady Quinn's Courage Says:

    I’m surprised Biden became a fan of the team. I would think that having the Steelers show up after a tragic loss would only compound the anguish and misery.

  4. Matty L-Train Says:

    So in other words, Sarah Palin is one of those shallow fair-weather fans that only roots for a team because they’re on the top of the heap. Why am I not surprised?

  5. Robut M. Nixon Says:

    “She adopted the Pittsburgh Steelers because of the team’s success in the 1970s…”

    Wait, there are Steeler fans who have never been to Pittsburgh? And only like the team because they won a lot in the 70s and get a lot of media attention?

    No. No, I refuse to believe that.

  6. Otto Man Says:

    Wasn’t Palin an aspiring sportscaster in the 1980s? Shouldn’t she be riding the 49ers bandwagon then?

  7. Horseballs Fan Says:

    You guys tellin me you wouldn’t eat the corn out of Sarah P’s shit? This woman is a MILF in every sense of the word.

  8. 85 Says:

    McCain is still a big Steagles fan.

  9. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    I heard that when Palin gave birth to the Down’s Syndrome kid, Tony Siragusa showed up at the hospital and gave her an autographed ham. Even though Tony ate it, she’s been a fan of his sportscasting ever since.

    Her other favorite teams are the Yankees, Celtics and Red Wings because of their success over the last century.

  10. Otto Man Says:

    You guys tellin me you wouldn’t eat the corn out of Sarah P’s shit? This woman is a MILF in every sense of the word.

    Well, you’ve convinced me. Let’s go ahead and give her the nuclear codes.

  11. TheStarterWife Says:

    Since both of them are complete asshats, I’m going to pretend this post never happened. Please get your politics out of my sports. (Looking at you Swann.)

  12. The Pirate Sloth Says:

    You would think she’d be a Seahawks fan, since the Seahawks play somewhere up there in Alaska.

  13. Man Bear Pig Says:

    Don’t blame me … I voted for Kodos!

  14. StuScottBooyahs Says:

    @Man Bear Pig: I voted for Zod.

  15. i make it dwayne on these bowe's Says:

    i’m voting for whoever hates the cowboys more.

  16. J.L. White Says:

    So not only is Palin a Republican, but also a Steelers fan, although she lives, like, 5,000 miles away from Pittsburgh? What, does she also cheer when Old Yeller gets shot?

  17. hercules rockefeller Says:

    Vote Quimby

  18. rich Says:

    Milfs for McCain!

  19. BeckEye Says:

    Both VP candidates are Steeler fans?? Boy, this doesn’t make it any easier for me and my fence-sitting political ways. I think Obama is gonna have to step it up a notch by getting rid of Biden and making Franco Harris his running mate.

  20. porky1 Says:

    I would argue that if McCain wins, the vice presidency is worth WAY more than a warm bucket of spit. I don’t care if you hate Obama, Biden, Democrats, black people, or anything else on that ticket…a vote for McCain is accepting the high probability that this very old and unhealthy man is going to die between the age of 72 and 76 and leave some Tina Fey doppleganger in charge. She’s a church-head whose “beliefs” have so little effect on her personal life that her underage daughter got knocked up. If you can’t control the children under your roof to that degree, FUCK NO you are not capable of leading my country. Hilary was a bitch, but at least her family issues were with Bill’s dick, not Chelsea.

  21. neworiginals Says:

    PoFlaWa! PoFlaWa!

  22. Johnny Damon's Laser Rocket Arm Says:

    Seriously, all of you, shut the fuck up!. No one, and I mean no one, cares what your political views are or who you think I/we should vote for. You have your opinion, and so does everyone else. Just keep it to yourselves and revel in the fact Belicheat and his boys are completely and totally fucked. Karma? You tell me.

    /Vince Young really, really sucks
    /dick joke.

  23. kiddicus maximus Says:

    KSK - a humor site dedicated to the NFL. oh, and politics.

    arguing political standpoints in a sports forum is gayer than AIDS.

  24. bme101 Says:

    FYI, the actual quote is not warm bucket of spit- Garner called it a warm bucket of piss. It has been euphemized, like Earl Butz’s immortal lecture on racial differences…

  25. Daniel Snyder's Bongwater Says:

    I give my nod to Zod! All hail Zod!

  26. K Kovelinski Says:

    What, you do a story about 2 political candidates, and get your panties in a wad when someone makes a political comment. What a whinnin bitch ! How typical Steelers fan of you.

    Now I hate politicians, but being from Dallas, and a used to be Cowboys fan ( I will rute for the boys again when Jerry Jones is gone ) I am absolutely shocked that someone would make political commentary about political candidates.

    After all, that is what you were shooting for in your article. If not, why do an article about 2 politicians.

    I do that Palin is a MILF. Maybe she should be working at the Bunny Ranch instead of looking for the highest position in the land.

    And too make matters worse for all of you republicans out there. I am a republican that cant stand the Bush type republicans. They do more whinnin and crying than liberals.

    And their version of corruption is a lot more sinister and damaging to the United States than anything that the liberals have ever been able to accomplish.

    Here I am, waiting for the Cowboys and my republican party to be restored to their former glory, so that Steeler fans will still be the biggest whinners in the US.

    Goodbye.

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