Drew Brees: Uh oh, guys! Hurricane’s coming!
Marques Colston: Aw, shit. Not again!
Scott Fujita: Another season in turmoil!
Reggie Bush: So many displaced citizens!
Jeremy Shockey: So when does the raping start?
Devery Henderson: Yo, that’s some fucked up shit.
Jeremy Shockey: That’s what I thought happens when hurricanes come through the bayou. People have a bunch of king cake and rape the shit out of each other. That’s the only reason I agreed to this trade.
[Shockey smashes storefront window]
I’m finding, not looting!
Mark Brunell: And when does the blaming the destruction on the city on the sins of the Big Easy start? There was just a big homofestival of homosexuals right before Gustav came rolling into town. That makes for good evangelizin’!
A lesbian comedian caused this!
Hurricane Gustav: ‘ow dare vous eee-vacuatre zis city before I kin commence with wreaking zee havoc! Geet back from your sheethole in Indianapol-ees. Geaux and show some balls, les Saints, vous bunch of filth-zy Mohammedians! I’ll tear vous Supairedome leem from leem!
Levees: /reinforced
Gustav: Aaaaiieeee! I sur-ren-daire!
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Oh goodness, as a former HS cross country runner, I can attest to the beauty of Carmel girls. Everyone knows the CC doesn’t host the best looking girls in the world, but Carmel’s girls were certified Grade A pieces of t and a. I can only imagine what they became after high school.
/not a pedophile if I wasn’t 18 at the time, right?
/oh yah and fuck them they were rich, and snobby anyway.
@Jackin’
Completely agree, given there is some talent in indy, but everyone knows that the only hotties come from Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, etc.
/went to IU, developed hatred for Indy
//I hope Bears fans burn Lucas Oil to the fucking ground Sept. 7th
Jackin makes a good point
Indianapolis is a smarmy shithole with unattractive women who get fuglier after age 18. I’m just doing what you asked smurphette…
/ducks
Say what you want about my hometown, but Lucas Oil Stadium is gorgeous.
On Gustav’s visit to the US, will he constantly rip on American culture while being simultaneously obsessed with it?
I see everyone’s chosen to forego telling jokes in order to nitpick about details.
Great work, everybody. Makes the site way funnier.
The Gustav was Ukrainian was supposed to be a joke – guess everyone’s back in serious mode after the Holiday. I’ll be sure to check my sauces next time.
And Gustav is German while Gustaf is Swedish. The meaning is Royal Staff or Staff of the Gods. I’m sure there is an Erin Andrews joke in there somewhere.
Have at it friends.
BTW, I’m just glad that shit didn’t do the damage that bitch Katrina did.
Now bring on the Tampa Bay strippers…I mean, cheerleaders!
Fine.
Change the hurricane’s dialog to “Bork Bork Bork Bork Bork Bork Bork.”
Holy shit, Sweden has a king? I learn something new from Wikipedia every time.
I thought Gustav was German. From a comedy standpoint, doesn’t a German hurricane invading a helpless French area make more sense? I’m just askin’…
And … you’re all wrong.
Gustav is Swedish. Gustave is French.
Dayumm Ape, bong hits before 9 am? Impressive.
Ukrainian? How the fuck is “Gustav” Ukrainian?
It’s a Ragin’ Cajun hurricane with a Ukrainian name. It makes perfect sense!
What the hell sort of accent does Gustav have? It’s not hurricane Pierre…
Geez ape that’s just wrong?
MMM, these beignets sure are rapey. The secret ingredient is sodomy.
A lesbian comedian caused this!
Which is it? Did the dikes fail, or did the levees hold?
Why would I not be surprised if Shockey went into Tommy from Quinzee mode sometime during the season?
WHAT THE FACK !
JS: Look you birthmark – sportin sack of dogshit. I am JEREMY FACKING SHOCKEY and you will thrown me the FACKING ball. I’m not down here in this sheit-ass humidity sweating my ballz off so that bust of a pick can get his fantasy numbers.”
RB: “Hey white trash, I gets plenty of fantasy with Kim’s big azz. You are right about the bust thing”
MC: “Can’t we all just get along” ?
JS: “STFU Marques. Did you play at the ‘ U ‘ ? I don’t FACKING THINK SO. ”
DB: “Listen Shockey – I’m the QB -
JS: “The one they ran out of San Diego for that gimp Rivers’? Talk to me when you win a Super Bowl. ”
DB: “Well technically – ”
JS: ” You get technical and I’ll d!ck – whip you with my unit. Speaking of which, I fekked this 17 year old the other night and since then it hurts to pee. Reggie, what doctor do you use” ?
RB: “Fek you cracker.”
Shockey, bringing the love and harmony since he entered the league.
Gustav does have a pretty sweet mustache.
Roo-sty