America’s Team Is Back For Another Spin
Drew Brees: Uh oh, guys! Hurricane’s coming!
Marques Colston: Aw, shit. Not again!
Scott Fujita: Another season in turmoil!
Reggie Bush: So many displaced citizens!
Jeremy Shockey: So when does the raping start?
Devery Henderson: Yo, that’s some fucked up shit.
Jeremy Shockey: That’s what I thought happens when hurricanes come through the bayou. People have a bunch of king cake and rape the shit out of each other. That’s the only reason I agreed to this trade.
[Shockey smashes storefront window]
I’m finding, not looting!
Mark Brunell: And when does the blaming the destruction on the city on the sins of the Big Easy start? There was just a big homofestival of homosexuals right before Gustav came rolling into town. That makes for good evangelizin’!
A lesbian comedian caused this!
Hurricane Gustav: ‘ow dare vous eee-vacuatre zis city before I kin commence with wreaking zee havoc! Geet back from your sheethole in Indianapol-ees. Geaux and show some balls, les Saints, vous bunch of filth-zy Mohammedians! I’ll tear vous Supairedome leem from leem!
Levees: /reinforced
Gustav: Aaaaiieeee! I sur-ren-daire!
Tags: Drew Brees's birthmark, jeremy shockey, new orleans saints, xmasape
September 2nd, 2008 at 8:42 am
Roo-sty
September 2nd, 2008 at 9:01 am
Gustav does have a pretty sweet mustache.
September 2nd, 2008 at 9:19 am
Why would I not be surprised if Shockey went into Tommy from Quinzee mode sometime during the season?
WHAT THE FACK !
JS: Look you birthmark – sportin sack of dogshit. I am JEREMY FACKING SHOCKEY and you will thrown me the FACKING ball. I’m not down here in this sheit-ass humidity sweating my ballz off so that bust of a pick can get his fantasy numbers.”
RB: “Hey white trash, I gets plenty of fantasy with Kim’s big azz. You are right about the bust thing”
MC: “Can’t we all just get along” ?
JS: “STFU Marques. Did you play at the ‘ U ‘ ? I don’t FACKING THINK SO. ”
DB: “Listen Shockey – I’m the QB -
JS: “The one they ran out of San Diego for that gimp Rivers’? Talk to me when you win a Super Bowl. ”
DB: “Well technically – ”
JS: ” You get technical and I’ll d!ck – whip you with my unit. Speaking of which, I fekked this 17 year old the other night and since then it hurts to pee. Reggie, what doctor do you use” ?
RB: “Fek you cracker.”
Shockey, bringing the love and harmony since he entered the league.
September 2nd, 2008 at 9:23 am
A lesbian comedian caused this!
Which is it? Did the dikes fail, or did the levees hold?
September 2nd, 2008 at 9:27 am
MMM, these beignets sure are rapey. The secret ingredient is sodomy.
September 2nd, 2008 at 9:28 am
Geez ape that’s just wrong?
September 2nd, 2008 at 9:34 am
What the hell sort of accent does Gustav have? It’s not hurricane Pierre…
September 2nd, 2008 at 9:48 am
It’s a Ragin’ Cajun hurricane with a Ukrainian name. It makes perfect sense!
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:07 am
Ukrainian? How the fuck is “Gustav” Ukrainian?
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:11 am
Dayumm Ape, bong hits before 9 am? Impressive.
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:14 am
And … you’re all wrong.
Gustav is Swedish. Gustave is French.
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:24 am
I thought Gustav was German. From a comedy standpoint, doesn’t a German hurricane invading a helpless French area make more sense? I’m just askin’…
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:25 am
Holy shit, Sweden has a king? I learn something new from Wikipedia every time.
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:26 am
Fine.
Change the hurricane’s dialog to “Bork Bork Bork Bork Bork Bork Bork.”
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:29 am
BTW, I’m just glad that shit didn’t do the damage that bitch Katrina did.
Now bring on the Tampa Bay strippers…I mean, cheerleaders!
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:38 am
The Gustav was Ukrainian was supposed to be a joke – guess everyone’s back in serious mode after the Holiday. I’ll be sure to check my sauces next time.
And Gustav is German while Gustaf is Swedish. The meaning is Royal Staff or Staff of the Gods. I’m sure there is an Erin Andrews joke in there somewhere.
Have at it friends.
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:50 am
I see everyone’s chosen to forego telling jokes in order to nitpick about details.
Great work, everybody. Makes the site way funnier.
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:38 am
On Gustav’s visit to the US, will he constantly rip on American culture while being simultaneously obsessed with it?
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Say what you want about my hometown, but Lucas Oil Stadium is gorgeous.
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Indianapolis is a smarmy shithole with unattractive women who get fuglier after age 18. I’m just doing what you asked smurphette…
/ducks
September 2nd, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Jackin makes a good point
September 2nd, 2008 at 2:39 pm
@Jackin’
Completely agree, given there is some talent in indy, but everyone knows that the only hotties come from Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, etc.
/went to IU, developed hatred for Indy
//I hope Bears fans burn Lucas Oil to the fucking ground Sept. 7th
September 2nd, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Oh goodness, as a former HS cross country runner, I can attest to the beauty of Carmel girls. Everyone knows the CC doesn’t host the best looking girls in the world, but Carmel’s girls were certified Grade A pieces of t and a. I can only imagine what they became after high school.
/not a pedophile if I wasn’t 18 at the time, right?
/oh yah and fuck them they were rich, and snobby anyway.