Always Be Covering: It’s Not Who You Bet On, It’s Who You Bet Against
Hey brah, I’m not wearin’ a bra, brah!
Welcome to another week of Always Be Covering, the blogosphere’s premier source for retarded gambling advice. While the bets we make won’t always play out the way we envision, it certainly does make things interesting to see them blow up every week (I really did bet on that Thigpen guy…twice). What’s the alternative, dumping all of your money into one of those fancy financial stocks? That’s all well and good, but then every Sunday all you get to do is cheer for all the teams to play well. You pathetic piece of shit. Just sack up and make some foolhardy wagers based upon those of a blogger under the influence of various substances.
On to the picks!
Pittsburgh +3.5 at Philadelphia
Donovan McNabb, Brian Westbrook, and Andy Reid’s annual attempt to suck me in before draining my Bodog account have snagged me in the past, but this year I’m not letting them fuck me like that. Besides, the Steelers are easily one of the five greatest teams in NFL history and it makes Ape turn all red when you talk about it. I don’t see what the big deal is, then again I don’t believe in jinxes. In fact, I fucking love it when people talk up my favorite teams.
What’s that? Jason Campbell has all the tools to win the NFC and Gilbert Arenas is going to average 35 a game in the second half of the season before leading the Wizards to a playoff win over the Cavs? Please elaborate!
Cleveland +2.5 at Baltimore
Let’s all welcome Joe Flacco back into our lives and wait for the inevitable failure to shine through. Although I’m sure having an unscheduled bye in the second week of the season will do wonders for Baltimore’s rhythm. Who am I kidding? Derek Anderson’s just gonna screw me again (I do however believe in the reverse jinx, because that’s just science).
Carolina +3.5 at Minnesota
Did you hear that Adrian Peterson didn’t practice and might not play this week? Did you hear that Gus Frerotte is playing quarterback and his only receivers that don’t totally suck will be playing hurt, if at all? Did you hear that Steve Smith has been sitting around for two weeks waiting to make Antoine Winfield squeal the way Steve Smith’s bitch outta squeal? I forgot where I was going with all of this.
San Francisco -4 vs. Detroit
The Lions can’t cover for shit. I’m so confident in this concept that I’m putting money on those crappy, you’re not fooling anybody, Niners. The last time I put money on them Alex Smith was getting blowjobs from rebellious Mormon cockfiends.
Jacksonville +5.5 at Indianapolis
No Bob Sanders? Here’s all of my money.
Denver and New Orleans OVER 51
The largest number of the week, and rightfully so. Both teams have been gone over their number in the first two weeks of the season, and both teams are going to throw the shit out of the ball.
Denver -6 vs. New Orleans
The Saints will get back a few of the defenders they were missing last week in Washington, and not a moment too soon. But if they’re counting on the Scott Fujita’s and Randall Gay’s of the world to go from a team that gave up 455 yards to Jim Zorn to a team that can shut down the Broncos then they’ve been sipping on some GHB Hurricanes (or as they’re known during Mardi Gras, Hurricanes). Brandon Marshall is going to beat up on them like they were his former domestic partner. Uhh…the moratorium on domestic violence jokes is still six months, right? RIGHT?!
So uh…yeah. Hey, here’s a picture!
It’s relevant because Shockey plays for the Saints. Also, he’s a girl with low self-esteem who will get naked for money.
SEXY UPDATE!
Tags: Always Be Covering, Gambling, Leinart hit that, sexy friday, Shockey paper bagged her, Unsilent Majority
September 19th, 2008 at 11:49 am
Nice to see sexy Friday has arrived
Also, I like the Falcons -4.5
September 19th, 2008 at 11:50 am
Damn your Jew jinxes!
September 19th, 2008 at 11:52 am
/Looking for two post-it notes to put over their faces.
September 19th, 2008 at 11:58 am
Neither of those girls are over 18, hell neither is over 16.
I am conflicted, should I be feeling bad?
September 19th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Sign you may look at too much internet porn-when you can name the girls posted on “Always Be Covering” more easily than naming the 5 people sitting around you at the office.
September 19th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Woah, woah woah, Ape dropped a hard J…
September 19th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
They are both performers in the adult industry, so yes they are certainly over 18.
September 19th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Love me some Allison Angel with some gambling.
September 19th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
@ UM - Thank you for relieving my guilt.
/back to being a creepy, disgusting, overweight, drooling, balding, old lech/pig
September 19th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
“They are both performers in the adult industry, so yes they are certainly over 18.”
Link, please!
September 19th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
The eyes on the girl on the right just scream “I’ll blow you for an 8-ball.”
September 19th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
NSFW!
http://www.daily-amateur.com/2008/lia19-and-alison-angel/
September 19th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Mmmmm, Skittles.
September 19th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Jacksonville +5.5 at Indianapolis
No Bob Sanders? Here’s all of my money.
Who needs Bob Sanders? The Jags have a shitty offense.
Also, I’m going to need a bit more than two weeks before I decide that Jay Cutler is capable of shelling anyone on a regular basis.
September 19th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
Jags have no o-line and MoJo Drew is injured, Sanders will not be necessary. The question is whether Peyton can actually get the offense going from the beginning of the game.
also, the girl on the left looks like she’s not quite sure what’s going on but is happy to be hanging out with her friend and all these nice people with cameras
September 19th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Lia19 loves to get naked and tease, her dressup sets are very entertaining. This girl isn’t shy, yet you could still take her home to mom.
Anyone have her phone number?
September 19th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Who needs Bob Sanders? The Jags have a shitty offense.
The Jags and their shitty offense have covered at Indy every year since ‘04.
September 19th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
“awww, the denver broncos”
whats wrong with the denver broncos?
you just dont understand football marge
September 19th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
God, why do you hate me so? You take away the Colts #1 run stopper last week and PJ still can’t find the endzone. Now you get rid of Bob ‘Hit Man’ Sanders and MJD is hurt. Can you put the Jesus healing power on MJD this week? 3TDs is all I ask for, then I’ll leave you alone until next week. Oh and heal PJ’s hammy - thanks. Amen.
- j4b
September 19th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
MJD participated in practice yesterday. He’ll play.
September 19th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
The Jags and their shitty offense have covered at Indy every year since ‘04.
Well fuck me.
September 19th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Not that I should be handing out gambling advice, but Carolina +3.5 and San Diego -8.5 are my stone cold locks of the week! /puts giant lock on desk
September 19th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Do girls that look like they’re twelve go with Sexy Friday? Must be the pig tails and stripey socks.
September 19th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Alison Angel, I would do dirty, dirty, DIRTY things to you.
Alright, gotta go start the morning in my office’s bathroom.
September 19th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
The Leinart chick is 22, quit bitching or I’ll post pictures of your mom.
September 19th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Probably important for betting purposes: The Saints have signed Joey Harrington.
I’ll now proceed to let a team of cheerleaders kick me in the groin.
September 19th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
I fucking knew that Shockey and Leinart were gay!
September 19th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
as opposed to Cooley who takes pictures naked for no monetary compensation whatsoever
September 19th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
The least Cooley could do is include his wife in those pictures
September 19th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
P.S. — I think there is also an Alison Angel set with her in a Bears jersey. Or maybe it’s USC. Or something. Whatever. Use it. Please. Every week.
September 19th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
The one in the Shockey jersey looks like Elisha in a wig.
September 19th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
I was thinking more like pre-21 Chris Evert with no gag reflex, Jimmy, but whatever works yo.
September 19th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
Since when did KSK post kiddie porn? There’s no way those girls are legal!
September 19th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
I’m pretty sure that Alison’s QB rating is well above the Kordoza Line.
/70.7′ed
September 19th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
whoops! I posted that before reading the other comments. Flame away gents, that was pretty stupid on my part.
September 19th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
although UM might just give us a “sexy grandma Friday” just to spite us next week
September 19th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Maj, you start posting chicks from Naughty America and I’m setting this thread on fire.
September 19th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Those girls are definitely my age, if not older. It’s called makeup, boys. You can see the creases in their foundation. Stroke away.
Also, I have to say that betting on the Panthers feels rull rull good. Do it. Do it now.
September 19th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
I like your calls on the Denver game….
September 19th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
WWRD - What Would Romeo Do?
September 19th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
MJD participated in practice yesterday. He’ll play.
SWEET! Now I get to rook folwald to him not getting into the endzone for 60 minutes. Just stab me in the nuts already.
September 19th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
Broncos 47, Saints 29. If the Saints pull that game out, I wouldn’t know how to celebrate…
September 19th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Because the first thing I always look for is whether she has creases in her foundation. And YES and YES. Kinda looks like my ex.
September 19th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
The Maj knows a disturbing amount of detail about these ladies.
What’s the over/under on a restraining order in the near future?
September 19th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
@J4B
Did you just accidentally type like Hines Ward? If you did, that’s awesome.
September 19th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
i thought all porn girls used too much makeup because they have bad skin? i’m not sure i want to see one of them up close.
September 19th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
@ognihs: Bad skin because of the drugs. And no, up close is not good.
September 19th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
@L - yes, yes I did.
Glad to see that I’m becoming proficient in Hines-ese. Not all those hard characters to realn and shit like Chi-neesy or Japa-neesy.
September 19th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
can see the creases in their foundation
@fmra: as long as they don’t have creases in their tits were good to go.
September 19th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
I’m only worried about one crease
September 19th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Now this was a very informative blog. UM you are a scholar and a complete sleaze. Thanks!
September 19th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Hey, I recognise those whores.
September 19th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
@ Jay:
I’m stealing that quote every time I have to go to my girlfriend’s mom’s house to visit her predominately female family.
September 19th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
#80 has a Jay Cutler “Mr Softee” chin thing going.
September 20th, 2008 at 5:13 am
So I try to post something about the Denver Broncos, and then some guy tries to say I have testicles in my mouth! Yeah real funny man….