Abortion Fuel: Matty Ice vs. Tyler Thigpen. WHO YA GOT?
When I first looked over the schedule a couple months ago, this game stuck out as being the most lackluster of the entire season. And, now that Kansas City has announced its going with Tyler Thigpen as their starter, it’s gotten even lackluster…er. Surely, one could posit a decent argument that the Rams and the Koren Robinson/Keary Colbert-led Seahawks could be just as dismal an affair this week, I’m sticking to my guns and breaking down the matchup that just might make you reassess this funny little obsession you have with breathing.
Contestants
Matt Ryan_______________Tyler Thigpen
College
Boston College___________Coastal Carolina
Shame
Lost to Maryland senior year__________Bad enough to be released by the Vikings
Name Evokes
A Tom Clancy protagonist_________I don’t know. Yancey Thigpen? Bobby Thigpen?
Nagging Questions
Can he ever replace Mike Vick?_________You mean other than “why is there a skeleton on his dick?”
Favorite Music
“Coldplay and Goo Goo Dolls, some Dave Matthews, and a little bit of rap.“_____”Skeletons of Society”
Explained By
Punter______________________Osteologist
How You Know He’s Lame?
I mean, fuck, look at him________________Middle name is Beckham
Finishing Move
ATLians still dislike him______________Doesn’t finish game
Tags: matty ice, who ya got?, xmas ape
September 19th, 2008 at 8:48 am
He who has not humped a skeleton may cast the first stone.
September 19th, 2008 at 9:00 am
How long till Vick gets out of Leavenworth?
More importantly, how long will it take after his release for his anus to return to normal?
September 19th, 2008 at 9:07 am
He who has not humped a skeleton may cast the first stone.
Does a girl with an eating disorder count?
September 19th, 2008 at 9:21 am
Never trust a man who enjoys boning bones…
September 19th, 2008 at 9:21 am
Jeez, Nicole Ritchie will fuck anybody.
September 19th, 2008 at 9:23 am
i think drew sent a postcard to postsecret.
September 19th, 2008 at 9:25 am
“Coldplay and Goo Goo Dolls, some Dave Matthews, and a little bit of rap.“
This also happens to be how mrsfuturerickankiel describes her musical tastes.
September 19th, 2008 at 9:33 am
Yeah…my confidence in Thigpen is suffering. However, with Herm steering the ship I don’t think Joe Montana could pull this off.
September 19th, 2008 at 9:34 am
Is it just me, or does Matt Ryan kind of look like a younger, just-as-douchey Marmalard? They could be brothers.
September 19th, 2008 at 10:31 am
I think it’s frickin’ rude everyone is criticizing Thigpen for back-dooring the skeleton. Geezus. Like you’d do missionary with the face on that thing.
September 19th, 2008 at 10:32 am
“How you Know he’s lame…”
Uh, he likes the fucking Goo Goo Dolls and is willing to admit they are one of his favorite bands. That is a pretty good hint.
September 19th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Uh, he likes the fucking Goo Goo Dolls
To me, Coldplay and Dave Matthews are the greater sins.
September 19th, 2008 at 10:52 am
“. . . and a little bit of rap.”
Which little bit? Fuck you, you fence-sitter. In or out, man. In or out.
Unless you are Tyler Thigpen, in which case it apparently is in and out and in and out. I haven’t seen anyone fuck a skeleton with a cock that white and skinny since that weekend I spent at the Neverland Ranch.
September 19th, 2008 at 11:09 am
@StuScottBooyahs
Very true, all equally lame. I just have a special black hole of hatred in my heart for the Goo Goo Dolls for everytime I’ve heard “Iris.” Fuck, just typing the name of that song pisses me off.
September 19th, 2008 at 11:43 am
White QB vs. Whiter necrophiliac QB?
Tough choices here on a Friday morning.
September 19th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
@claude balls: my bets are Snow or Kriss Kross
September 19th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
How much you wanna bet that “little bit of rap” consists of “Milkshake”?
September 19th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
@devin hester’s speech coach Says: Back off pal. I’ll give you Iris sucks balls, but their early stuff is good. And they’re from Buffalo.
September 19th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
NB: Thigpen’s name evokes pigpens, which lead to pig shit, which, incidentally, is what his performance will be compared to when he gets generally fucked on Sunday/Monday. Whichever. I don’t care about fucking Kansas City.
September 19th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
fulking a skeweten is ust wong