A Tale of Two Schmucks
Oddly enough, only one of these guys is one of the schmucks in question.
When Dan Snyder announced his takeover of DC’s SportsTalk 980 I knew we were in a shitload of trouble. Just two weeks into the season Mr. Snyder, unhappy with the negative tone of the local media, inserted his own right-hand-man Vinny Cerrato into the station’s lineup. So now the Redskins Executive Vice President of Football Operations (basically a castrated GM) gets to play radio host a couple of times a week in an attempt to skew the coverage back towards the positive along with Snyder-approved guests like the loathsome George Michael.
Needless to say, nobody in their right mind thought this was anything close to a good idea. And not just because the guy running the team should probably have something better to do with his afternoons than to shill for his own franchise, instead it’s because everybody knows that Vinny Cerrato is a worthless prick.
Why all the hate for Vinny? Well for starters he has absolutely zero qualifications to run an NFL franchise, unless you consider working as Lou Holtz’s “recruiting coordinator” (bag-boy*) at Notre Dame to be executive experience. This is the guy who traded for Brandon Lloyd, gave him a huge (and completely unnecessary) contract only to cut him loose and claim that he’s reverted back into a capable receiver in Chicago because he’s “desperate” without a huge guaranteed contract. Logic like that is what makes everyone in this city want to knock the chicklets out of his self-satisfied smile with a length of rebar.
Now for a little bit of background on this story’s (there is a story coming eventually) other player…
For those of you who are unfamiliar, the schmuck pictured above is one Jason La Canfora (an avowed fan of the Red Sox). He is the Washington Post’s beat writer for the Redskins, which is hard because he and Cerrato are not on speaking terms. The hatred between these two jackasses is nothing new, and for a while nobody could really blame LaCa. Hell, every Redskins fan I know would wait in line to tell Vinny to fuck off in their own colorful way. But that doesn’t excuse his attempts to subvert the franchise out of spite.
So what did he do that was so bad?
The Redskins beat writer called the NFL offices to “inquire” as to whether or not the Redskins could be considered guilty of tampering after Vinny and the guests on his new radio show were merely speculating as to what might be next for Lane Kiffin if he were in fact to be fired. It was clear to anyone who doesn’t have their head planted alongside their colon that Vinny was nowhere in the neighborhood of tampering. The only reason La Canfora pursued the issue at all is because he’s always on the lookout for anything that could possibly undermine the Snyder-Cerrato machine.
Now of course the league called up Vinny to let him know what was going on, and the fuckwad brought up the situation yesterday’s radio show. Only the way Vinny told the story, it wasn’t an inquiry so much as it was La Canfora attempting to “charge us with tampering.” This little bit of misinformation (the one field in which Vinny is actually competent) actually turned Vinny into a sympathetic figure (for a few hours), albeit one with the world’s most weaselly laugh.
While calling the league to “inquire” about a rule seems innocent enough, it seems pretty obvious that La Canfora was in fact trying to find a noose with which to hang his nemesis.
So how can we settle the bitch-fest between the world’s most misanthropic beat writer and the world’s shittiest front office executive? Normally I’d suggest a trip to the Thunder Dome, but then one of them would get to live.
*H/T to Czaban.
On Jason La Canfora, Vinny Cerrato and Tampering
Cerrato’s Special Working Relationship
Tags: Homerism, Jason La Canfora is a prick, rants, Vinny Cerrato blows goats, Washington Redskins
![[badge]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/themes/default/images/100121_FOXmsnBadge_200x50.gif)
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:25 am
I suggest a cliff-jumping contest. We push both off a cliff over and over until one’s dead, then we also push the other one off. Sell the TV rights to FOX and we’re looking at a jackpot.
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:27 am
moral of this story: never trust an Italian
Also, we get Czaban up here in NY. He isn’t that bad, especially when our only other morning drive sports talk is Mike and Mike.
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:29 am
@UU: That’s not cool bro.
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:29 am
I mean brah.
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:31 am
*So how can we settle the bitch-fest between the world’s most misanthropic beat writer and the world’s shittiest front office executive?*
First! We can make them watch Brokeback Mountain together, in a dark room. They can see how good guys get it in the end! :D
2nd! Send them to any game of the Rams. That should make them hang themselves and then we’ll never have to worry about this issue again!
3rd! Let’s just have Joey Porter HIT’em IN Dere Fuckin Moufs and have Hines Ward give’em a lecture on maturity. Dat would mak-ah me smirre! :D
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:31 am
It’s o.k. Rocco me and my wife are FBI (full blooded Italians) members. I practically have olive oil dripping out of everyone of my pores.
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:31 am
and I would’ve gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you kids and your lousy mutt!
seriously, fuck these two assholes
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:33 am
Yeah, First Team on Fox shits on Mike and Mike
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:35 am
I’ve never seen La Canfora before. Now I see that he fits the Red Sox fan regime – dick haircut with coinciding shaved sideburns to match.
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:38 am
These guys are handling their disagreement in a responsible, mature way compared to Herrera and Kawakami:
“Get your fucking hand off of me!!”
“Go ahead. [Hit me.] I’d love to own part of the team.”
“Potsmoker!!!”
“You’re embarrassing yourself”
“Liar Liar. Pants on Fire!!”
“Sue me.”
If only someone had caught it on videotape. What? You’re shitting me?
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:42 am
I suggest a nutsack kicking contest between the two – TO THE DEATH!
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:50 am
Vinny was not responsible for the Brandon Lloyd or Adam Archuleta debacles. Arch had been on Gregg Williams radar ever since the Rams took him one slot before the Bills in the 2001 draft, and his mysterious mancrush on him is what brought him to DC, not Vinny. Lloyd was a Gibbs/Snyder acquisition – rumor has it that Vinny was actually against both acquisitions. You recall this was back when the Skins were still using the “3-headed monster” in place of a GM (with Gibbs technically in control), and NOT when Vinny was THE guy.
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:59 am
Adam Archuleta getting slobberknocked by Miles Austin was my favorite play of last year.
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:13 am
Vinny was not responsible for the Brandon Lloyd or Adam Archuleta debacles
So you’re saying he has no real power on that team except to be Daniel Snyder’s mouthpiece? Just checking.
On the positive side, it looks like ol’ Zorny has decided to use Lionel Richie’s big arm and Santana Moss’ speed to get the skiks to 2-1. No more West Coast offense in DC? Should be a great game this Sunday!
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:13 am
WaPo hate is something I can get behind!
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:14 am
FUCK WaPo! FUCK WaPo! FUCK WaPo! FUCK WaPo! FUCK WaPo! FUCK WaPo! FUCK WaPo! FUCK WaPo! FUCK WaPo! FUCK WaPo! FUCK WaPo! FUCK WaPo! FUCK WaPo! FUCK WaPo! FUCK WaPo! FUCK WaPo! FUCK WaPo! FUCK WaPo!
I’ve got your back Ape.
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:25 am
I love my WaPo!
/steinz, wise, carter, lee, jenkins, and svrluga at least
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:26 am
@Ball Soup – Shouldn’t at least one of them have a ballsack?
I like the new Zorn offense. Run between the tackles and only throw it deep. It’s the offense the Raiders have featured with so much success with the past 20+ years, it should do wonders for the Skins.
On the bright side, since only the NFC East can beat the NFC East so far, the Skins will do no worse than 10-6. Get your playoff tickets ready.
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:28 am
Run between the tackles and only throw it deep.
It’s as if you watched almost a whole quarter of the game!
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:55 am
George Michael is still alive?! he must look like a stick of beef jerky by now. cryptkeeper east.
/left DC in 1991
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:59 am
I feel like “the west coast offense” is a hoax that got made up by Mike Holmgren and Bill Walsh to see if all NFL fans are idiots.
Have you ever heard someone intelligently describe what this offense is and how it works?
–”Yea you just have a lot of short accurate passes and lots of receivers without many extra blockers…”
Which makes sense until you realize that Favre, who is incredibly inaccurate and loves to go deep is probably the third best practitioner of the offense in the history of “the west coast offense”
Why can’t coaches just run the option like they used to?
September 23rd, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Obviously this is all leading the PPV tag-team match of Cerrato/Mitchell vs. LaCanfora/Portis. Only after Portis gets Mitchell’s Pockets Straight (I imagine this is the finisher), he smacks LaCanfora with a steel chair and leaves all three of them to rot.
/still catches WWE from time to time
September 23rd, 2008 at 12:46 pm
@UM – After 4 qtrs of Giants-Skins I don’t think I should be forced to watch more than that. That’s why God invented DirecTV, right? Or at least I’ll ask him when he releases his reasons for week three.
September 23rd, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Using your phone email to insanely get the rights to a washed up, barely-ever-was? Next year’s second, the following year’s first, and the GNP of a third world country.
Doing it while sitting on a “folding chair” that has more foam padding than the average Joe’s living room recliner? Priceless.
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:33 pm
I suck.
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:56 pm
As a metro Detroit resident, I would like to say that you, sir, have erred in proclaiming Cerrato “the world’s shittiest front office executive.”
September 23rd, 2008 at 9:44 pm
Ladies and gentlemen, your Washington Redskins. Take a bow!
September 24th, 2008 at 7:09 pm
This reminds me of the story in Next Man Up when Snyder harasses Mike Nolan for calling a defense that Snyder thinks is too vanilla by leaving a canister of vanilla ice cream in Nolan’s office with a note on it that says: “I don’t like vanilla defenses.”
Twice.
After Nolan left the team, Nolan told the story, and Snyder made Vinny Cerrato take the blame for it after it broke in the press.
September 25th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
We Caps fans got to experience LaCanfora before he moved up to the Redskins beat. He was commonly referred to as Jason LaCan’tReporta.