A Situation Like This Calls For Some Serious Hyperbole!
I’m not one of those reactionary Redskins fans, or one to go over the top in my reaction to a big win, but I think it’s about time we gas up the bandwagon and plan the trip to Tampa Bay. Continue after the jump for a clinical and reserved analysis of what we learned in yesterday’s win of the millennium at Dallas Stadium.
10 Things I Know I Know That I Know SI Writers Don’t Know
1. I may have been a bit hard on Jim Zorn in the past, but now I think it’s safe to say that he’s the single greatest play caller in the NFL. Watching the Zorn Star orchestrate a drive is like watching Kurosawa direct the world’s stickiest bukkake video.
2. It’s really about time that we start thinking about renaming the MVP award. The Jason Campbell Award For All-Encompassing Sexcellence is the leader in the clubhouse.
3. If the government’s nuclear football ever were to fall into the wrong hands Chris Horton would be called upon to intercept it on behalf of the Pentagon.
4. The only reason Clinton Portis isn’t leading the league in rushing is because Brian Mitchell’s bloated ass is dragging from his jock strap.
5. What happens when you mix Mark Mosley’s sperm with Jesus Christ’s sperm and then inject the resulting mixture into the womb of Kathy Ireland’s character from Necessary Roughness? Shaun Swisher Suisham.
6. The spirit of Sean Taylor has inhabited the body of Santana Moss and he’s giving the wide receiver superhuman powers. If you look closely you can see Taylor speaking through his brother from the U.
7. The foot of Durant Brooks is made of bone, muscle, ligament, skin, hematite, and sunshine.
8. Chris Paul is going to sweep the Grammy Awards.
9. If the Redskins offensive line locked arms at the old border between East and West Berlin communism would be alive and well in Europe.
10. The Redskins are sweet like apples and honey.
L’SHANA TOVA, BITCHES!
UPDATE: DAN SNYDER IS PUMPED, TO THE MAX!
Tags: Bandwagon, Homerism, I deserve this!, i feed on your hate, it's satire people, Reactionary Redskins Fan, Unsilent Majority, Washington Redskins
September 29th, 2008 at 10:49 am
Thank God you guys gave up a bunch of picks and money to grab Jason Taylor! God, what would you have done without him?
September 29th, 2008 at 10:51 am
Jason Cambell, best black QB in the NFL right now? Playing as well as McNabb at the moment.
September 29th, 2008 at 10:53 am
This analysis seems to be right on to me.
//not kidding
September 29th, 2008 at 11:10 am
Redskins suck a donkey dick.
September 29th, 2008 at 11:20 am
Redskins is for the gheys.
September 29th, 2008 at 11:28 am
This indeed is unprecedented!!! I’ve never EVER seen the Redskins get off to a blazing hot start only to fail miserably 3/4 of the way through the season and lose in the wild card round.
September 29th, 2008 at 11:30 am
BOOOOO. BOOOOO I SAY.
If only the Native Americans had a pox to give I would place a pox on your team and midget owner.
Bow to the Team of Slime, the Team of Filth, the Team of Putrescence. Boo. Boo. Rubbish. Filth. Slime. Muck. Boo. Boo. Boo.
September 29th, 2008 at 11:31 am
this will only end in tears and booze
September 29th, 2008 at 11:31 am
You deserve this? Fuck yourself. All Bengals fans deserve a win, maybe even two, for the years of misery inflicted upon us. You poor “deprived” Redskins fans can kiss my ass.
/no, not bitter at all about this season
// at least ohio state has a chance… oh nevermind.
September 29th, 2008 at 11:35 am
@Jackin – Small Pox?
September 29th, 2008 at 11:38 am
And to think I was worried about this from Alabama fans
September 29th, 2008 at 11:40 am
woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
the fact that i can’t ever predict which play Jim Zorn is gonna run next is a welcome change from the Gibbs era but godDAMN it’s scary to be having confidence in this team now.
September 29th, 2008 at 11:50 am
Hey Eagles fans, see you Sundee!
September 29th, 2008 at 11:51 am
Is “Zorn Star orchestrate” anything like Dark Star Orchestra? Cause if it is, awesome
September 29th, 2008 at 11:54 am
UM. How can you be this modest?
By the way, it is no coincidence that Jason Campbell shares initials with that guy Maj’s great great great…..great grandparents killed.
September 29th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Dan Snyder IS short. I take it that after a big athletic team win is one of the few acceptable reasons for a man to hug another man. So we can’t make fun of that?
Anything that makes Double J unhappy is OK by me.
September 29th, 2008 at 11:57 am
Well now that the Super Bowl has been won, let’s party!
September 29th, 2008 at 11:57 am
They’ll still lose at Qwest Field
September 29th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Poor Dallas! Eat a dick.
September 29th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
I think it’s the Skins turn to go 13 – 3 and lose to the Giants at home.
September 29th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Dan Snyder reminds me of a miniature Dan Snyder.
September 29th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
eh i saw that game washington played great and still could only win by 2 with with that onside kick being to high…. looked like the T.O. effect came into play not running the ball and trying to hard to get the ball to T.O….
lmao at the dan snyder video he’s still the worse owner in the league wosre than the guy who kept matt millen worse than al davis….. fedex field costs an arm and a leg for everything, probably to payback all the dumb FA moves he’s made
i’m not jumpin on a bandwagon from a win that came with help
September 29th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
@ TDub When was the last time the Redskins got off “to a blazing hot start only to fail miserably 3/4 of the way through the season and lose in the wild card round”? I genuinely can’t recall. Certainly not in the last 15 years, though.
September 29th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
@chris-bessmervin: That’s OK with me.
And that Sundee photo never gets old.
September 29th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
The GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG Men!
September 29th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
when I first bought a maroon and black “zorn star” shirt last spring, I never imagined I could wear it with pride.
September 29th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Hey has anyone else noticed the amazing symmetry between Anquan Boldin and Rod Tidwell? Its like a prophecy
September 29th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Dear Redskins,
We’re looking forward to waking you up from your wild card dreams,
/Patrick Willis and the 49ers defense
Congrats on pimp slapping them bitches yesterday, tho
September 29th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Didn’t Rod Tidwell get up from his hit and dance?
/hopes Boldin is alright or my fantasy team is toast
September 29th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
@JGraham,
I was thinking of 2003 when they started 3-1, only to finish 5-11… perhaps BLAZING might have been a mischaracterization, but what the hell, they’re still gonna blow it.
September 29th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Dear Dallas Cowboys:
I loved what you did yesterday, I wouldn’t change a thing. Run defense? That’s for pussies. Running game? How can Romo be a star by handing it off? 20 of your 60 offensive plays went to TO? Spreading is for dirty filthy whores. One head coach? You can’t handle all these stars AND call the plays with just one coach.
Looking forward to your annual one and done in the playoffs party in January.
Sincerely,
the rest of the NFC East
P.S. It’s pretty sad when Cowboy fans already refer to Garrett as the head coach and Wade as “that fat fuck” during games. Wade looks lost without a turkey leg in his hand.
September 29th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
@TDub, you were thinking of a 5-11 season when you references fading down the stretch and losing in the wild card round? Hm. Ok.
September 29th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
I assume he means the ‘96 Redskins, who started 7-1 only to finish 9-7 and narrowly miss the playoffs. Still, of late the Redskins have been a team that starts shitty, rallies late in the year THEN loses in the opening round of the playoffs.
September 29th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Sorry guys, I’ll have to brush up on my forgettable NFC East team history.
/hits self on forehead. IDIOT!
September 29th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
I’m sorry I called you the joke. You deserve 3-1 division leading Redskins.
September 29th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
Does no one find that video Dan Snyder chest-bumping in the locker room hilarious???
“We’re physical!!!…When we’re physical, we win!”
Does anyone seriously think that little butterball turd could even pass a physical right now? Who’s we? You got a mouse in your pocket?
SKINS ARE GOING TO GET BITCH SLAPPED NEXT WEEKEND IN PHILLY!!!!!!!!
September 29th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
TDub is ignant. Birdsfan’s team has never won anything. Ever. Skins.
September 29th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
Have you ever noticed that every football analyst/announcer is Cowboy related? Fox has Moose, Aikman, and Jimmy Johnson’s bitter beer face. ESPN has Darren Woodson, Emmitt “Flashdance” Smith, and at one point had Michael “sorry ocifer” Irvin. I’m convinced that there is some kind of Jerry Jones endorsed media conspiracy against the Redskins. For Fox to have Ache-man announce this rivalry is like having Michael Corleone write Fredo’s epitaph. Nobody can intelligently argue against the fact that the ‘Skins dominated every aspect of this game from the line of scrimmage on both sides of the ball, to the passing attack and the running game. Just look at the stats. But let’s talk about Romo’s dud of a game. For the entire duration of the fourth quarter, Romo had a quintessential “is it in yet” look plastered over his face. At least Ache got one thing right when he said that Romo was modeling himself after Tom Brady. Romo eschewed classic Super Bowl XLI Brady, taking a priceless walk of shame and then going home to have sex with an airhead celebrity. I guess Romo can take consolation in the fact that the ‘Skins D didn’t issue the final blow.
September 29th, 2008 at 11:26 pm
Skins fans are cumguzzlers. Get ready to suck the long dick of Donovan McNabb. You know you like it.
September 30th, 2008 at 12:55 am
Jerry Jones and his band of clowns take it in the ass, at home no less! Brilliant!!! I was in a good mood all fucking day because of it.
It’s almost enough to make me a Redskins fan…
September 30th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
@ Sarah Palin,
yeah I’m starting to get a taste of the douchejuice emanating from ‘Skins fans from this thread… I made one lighthearted joke about how everyone needs to settle down after a 3-1 start. Then I get 3 of these asstasters lashing out like I just made a Sean Taylor joke… settle down, assheads!
October 2nd, 2008 at 5:09 pm
three days later and still no one has made a comment marveling at the existence of a blond jewess?