Yep, That’s Pretty Racist
My online sportsbook of choice, Bodog Life, is known for some of their rather unusual prop and future bets. Now I’ve made no secret of my fondness for wagering on American Idol results, and any other stupid shit that can make daily life more entertaining and profitable. So when I learned that Bodog was offering odds on the first NFL player to wind up in cuffs this season I was intrigued. Then I looked at their list, a list that fails to include even one token white guy! Apparently Bodog feels that the only guys worth mentioning in the same sentence as “NFL player arrested” are black, and some of them don’t even make the slightest bit of sense.
Chris Henry, Bengals: 4/6
Well yeah, obviously. If we were just betting on whether a player would get busted or not in the next year I’d be all over this, but if it’s just the first guy to get arrested then I’ll need some better odds.
Pacman Jones, Cowboys: 1/1
Fair enough, but again, the odds are a joke.
Tank Johnson, Cowboys: 2/1
Shit, Tank lives in Texas now. If he gets caught with another cache of handguns and assault rifles he’s going to be nominated for a seat on the state senate. Of course there’s still a decent chance he could get pulled over for driving while black again, but they can’t actually charge him with that (outside of Mississippi).
Ray Lewis, Ravens: 5/1
Ever since Ray watched his buddies kill that guy and got caught obstructing justice he’s been a model citizen. Thanks, Jesus!
Steve Smith, Panthers: 5/1
As far as I know, Steve Smith has never been convicted of any sort of crime (and no, punching a teammate in practice is not going to get you arrested any time soon). What I do know (thanks Wiki!) is that he was raised by his mother, a drug counselor who taught him to stay away from that shit. As an adult he’s been a dedicated family man who has partnered with fellow Carolinians Dell Curry and Jay Bilas to form Athletes United for Youth. Oh, and most recently he began interning at Morgan Stanley’s Charlotte branch. HIDE THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN!
Kellen Winslow, Browns: 6/1
Kellen’s record is cleaner than Brady Quinn’s jersey, and if being a douchebag was an arrestable offense in Ohio the whole state would be be on lockdown.
Randy Moss, Patriots: 10/1
Sure, Randy has had some off-field issues in the past, but what jury would ever convict a guy of bumping a traffic cop or getting blazed “once in a blue moon?” Besides, as long as he’s playing in New England nobody’s gonna fuck with him. Unless of course he has a bad game, in which case Tommy’s buddies on the force will waste little time planting crack all over his person.
Ricky Williams, Dolphins: 15/1
Seriously, leave the poor fucking guy alone. Ricky’s never been behind bars because there ain’t shit wrong with a little bit (or a lot) of weed. Ricky, who suffers from Social Anxiety Disorder (like half of the blogosphere), once told ESPN that, “Marijuana is 10 times better for me than Paxil.” Frankly he must have been high when he said that, because marijuana is at least 100,000 times better than Paxil. Sure one gives you the munchies and cotton mouth, but the other one makes you fat and impotent. If anybody should be arrested it’s those cockbags in the pharmaceutical industry (except for whoever developed Xanax, that shit’s alright).
So who does belong on this list with guys like Henry and Pacman? Chris Mottram at the Sporting Blog lobbies for the inclusion of master drunk driver Jared Allen and cokehead Matt Jones, but why stop there? Surely there are more white guys worthy of inclusion on such a list, not to mention all of those mysterious Samoans.
Please include your picks for players (of any race) most likely to get arrested in the comment section.
Oh, and Dennis Northcutt is officially off the board.
Tags: Gambling, Racism, Unsilent Majority
August 27th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Dude, I could list white guys all day. Tom Brady, Jeff Garcia, Brady Quinn…
What? Being gay isn’t illegal?
Oh.
August 27th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
I’d say we’re only about two months away from a Shockey In The French Quarter story.
4-to-1 on a barroom brawl assault charge, 2-to-1 on a DUI, and even money on a solicitation bust for trying to seduce a tranny hooker.
August 27th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Drew’s on Paxil?
August 27th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
Matt Leinart. How many 14 year-olds can you intoxicate then fuck before one of their parents get pissed off?
August 27th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Chris Cooley will probably steal a few wax packs from the local hobby store because the season is out. Y’know, to relive that childhood rush.
August 27th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
It’s a shame when such a complete and accomplished body of work goes unrecognized.
- J. Stevens
August 27th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Really? After that last article about Aaron Rodgers I read on KSK I thought for sure he would be on the list. The minute things go bad in GB…Does he own any rifles by the way?
August 27th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
leonard little was snubbed.
August 27th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
I don’t see MarHar on the list. The guy’s rare gun was used in a shooting, found at his car wash, and a few witnesses placed him at the scene. Just wait til Sorgi starts bouncing passes off of Marvin’s feet.
August 27th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
It really pains me to say it, but, Jared Allen. It can get really boring up here come november, you know?
August 27th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Duh. Brady Quinn for soliciting. In Trannytown.
August 27th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Charles Grant, the DE on the ‘aints… I heard he put in some knifework
August 27th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
What no Matt Jones??
August 27th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
@ the Great Barstollio. Totally onboard with that pick. Because of that guy, I wish we had a prison exchange program with Nicaragua or Egypt.
August 27th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
I would think Marvin Harrison should be on there after the shooting thing!!!
And how is Brandon Marshall not on the list?!!!!!!
What about Bill Belicheat can you include coachs
August 27th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Guns are illegal in NYC, Brett’s gun rack on the pickup is gonna get him in the pokey. Oh yeah they don’t arrest famous people in NY.
August 27th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Seeing that the Jets play in NJ, Brett may be ok.
August 27th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Always bet on black.
I’ll take odds on any kid from the Ivy League, I don’t trust Ivy Leaguers. I’m looking at you Ryan Fitzpatrick, plus he plays for the Bengals.
August 27th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
“What? Being gay isn’t illegal?”
it is in some countries
August 27th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
“What? Being gay isn’t illegal?”
it is in some parts of the world
August 27th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
SAMOANS! do tha humpty hump…do tha humpty hump…
August 27th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Im going with Nick Kazur for possesion of okie herion, and Colt Brennan for a sex crime.
August 27th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
DeAngelo Hall or Jimmy Williams. They followed Vick at Virginia Tech and with the Falcons, you know they’ve been involved in dog fighting. Or at least with a rap stand.
August 27th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Zach Thomas looks like the kind of guy who’d get drunk at a kid’s birthday party and punch out the clown.
August 27th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
But seriously — Jeremy Shockey relocates to New Orleans, and doesn’t make the list?
August 27th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
yeah, well, it’s not a wager on who will commit the first crime, which might very well be whitey. but who will be the first one arrested? I’m with football469.
August 27th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
That dredlock looking punk Zak Keasey is my second choice out of the Ivy League.
August 27th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Jeremy Shockey may START some brawls, but his will probably be the ass that gets stomped.
And Brett Farve gets arrested for stealing…Peter King’s heart! Awwwwwwwwwwwwww
August 27th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Jeff Feagles rapes babies. It’s well-known around the league.
August 27th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Chad Pennington.
August 27th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Tony Romo? You just know that he’s gonna be bangin’ Jessica one night and he’s gonna cross swords with papa Simpson and then all hells gonna break loose. Someone could get knifed.
August 27th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
Billy Volek is a ticking time bomb. Wouldn’t you be too if Marmalard was constantly walking in on you while you were masturbating then exclaiming… iiiiiiiiit’s Vooooooooolektricity tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime
August 27th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
jeff reed - public nudity
August 27th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
I’m taking a long shot and going with T.O. It’s been too long since a Dallas player (WR specifically) got busted for having some white powder. Not to mention the whole suicide thing last year. Oh yeah, he’s due. Someone should give him Matt Jones’ number to help me out on this one.
August 27th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Jerramy Stevens is pissed that he’s not listed at 8/5 odds.
August 27th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Igor Olshansky. Never trust a Russian.
Also, Shockey’s gotta be there somewhere. Johnny Jolly…wait, does it count if they’ve already been arrested?
August 27th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
What’s the first offense going to be? With NFL guys, the charges are almost always domestic abuse, guns, drugs, DUI and tax fraud for the retired guys. Drunk driving is the most likely charge, but think about this: the Jets are going to play in San Francisco and Miami this season. Brett Farve is just out of a long-term relationship. 6/1 Favre gets popped for public nudity, lewd conduct and possession of ectasy.
August 27th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Let’s switch it up and got with Tom Coughlin. He’ll get arrested after killing Mathias Kiwanuka for letting go of another QB for a back breaking 4th qtr TD pass. It will happen!!!
August 27th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
What are the odds on the “field”?
August 27th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
what about that TE down in Tampa Bay Jeremy Stevens… ten bucks says he sodomizes a stripper on a thursday afternoon in the back of his pimped out pontiac vibe.
or Rex Grossman could murder Lovie Smith and the Neckbearded one after the bears start 0-8
August 27th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
Next Episode of “Cops”:
Police show up at the Favre residence on a domestic disturbance call. A battered, bruised Peter King answers the door and insists that nothing is wrong and that he just fell down.
August 27th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
I know it wasn’t JJ and Bitch-tits, but this is one of the site’s best posts.
/Hines Wald smirre!
August 27th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
Jeff Reed!
August 27th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
Gotta go with a newbie, how bout Darren McFadden? My Raiders couldn’t have any worse luck.
August 27th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
Ray Lewis’ boys killed 2 guys, not one. And the limo driver said he saw Ray punch the shit out of one of the guys and later that night saw them dump a laundry bag in the trash. When the cops asked Lewis for the suit he wore that night, to examine it for blood stains, Lewis said he “lost it”.
Classy guy.
August 27th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
Jay Feeley. After being cut by the Chiefs after just ONE day on the job, he’s going to be the first NFL kicker to ever get into trouble. Maybe aggravated assault, vehicular manslaughter, something along those lines.
August 27th, 2008 at 10:13 pm
Ditto on Igor Olshansky. For un-American activities.
August 27th, 2008 at 10:49 pm
Warner/Kitna gay meth porno film
August 27th, 2008 at 11:30 pm
@IVSPORT:
Ummmm…. first NFL kicker to get into trouble? I give you Sebastian “GHB” Janikowski.
August 28th, 2008 at 8:27 am
Jeff Garcia gets busted for doin’ the Larry Craig foot tap.
Cites Carmella Decesare’s bald snatch as proof of non-gayness.
No one buys it.
/ A gay Garcia is still better than any orientation of McNabb
August 28th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
also @ IVSPORT:
I seem to recall some punter-on-punter stabby action; perhaps our own MMP can fill us in on the details.