WOOHOO! Finally, Girls In Town Who Are WILLING To Have Abortions!
YES! I knew it! I knew staying in Denver after I got cut would pay big dividends. Oh, thank you, DNC. Thank you so very much. Finally, this town’s gonna be flooded with girls who are WILLING to have abortions!
Nice!
I can’t wait. For four whole days, I am gonna be surrounded by some seriously desperate independent feminazi poon tang. These chicks have been marching and canvassing and protesting all year long. Something tells me they’re ready to vote for some Travis Henry Cock to help wind down! It’s got the highest THC content of all!
Best of all, I don’t even have to TRY and convince these gals to go and get scraped! Hell, they can’t wait to get pregnant, then spin on over to the Baby Dispatch Clinic and get it all on video for their Master’s thesis art project at Oberlin. AWESOME.
Sure, most of these chicks are over 150 lbs, and old, and have short hair, and wear fanny packs. IT’S WORTH THE TRADEOFF FOR ONE KICKASS RU-486 PARTY, I TELL YOU! GET ME SOME PLASTIC SHEETING FOR MY CONDO FLOOR! All I have to do is tell them how hard it is to be a black man America today, and their lily-white, open-minded asses are MINE! Shit, I’ll wear a goddamn Obama mask if they want!
Finally. No more getting laid, then sitting around happily oblivious for six weeks, only to have the girl come knocking at my door talking about, “Hey, you’re gonna be a Daddy now, Travis. You have responsibilities. THIS IS MY BABY AND MY CHOICE!” God, what a bunch of tightasses these Denver chicks are. “I care about family!” Pfft. Whatever, Hitler lady.
No more trying to convince them. No more punching them in the tummy and hoping for the best. No more pretending to “sleepwalk” with my trusty wire hanger. No more calling Rae Carruth for advice. FINALLY, SOME CHICKS ARE IN TOWN WHO KNOW HOW TO FUCKING PARTY! THEY CAN’T ALL BE LESBOS!
I’m telling you, this town is gonna be Shangri-La for bareback riding enthusiasts the world over. I heard Larry Bird is even showing up! I’m gonna slip so many past the goalie, you’d think it was the goddamn NHL All-Star game. Just call me Alexander Inbitchkin!
I BETTER CALL WILLIS MCGAHEE!
Tags: baby making, Big Daddy Drew, hugely offensive posts, no poflawas please, rob lowe knows what time it is, they can all be lesbos
August 25th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
I hope Travis and Willis like ‘em hairy.
August 25th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
I’m more of a “flight of stairs” guy myself…
August 25th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
Where all the white women at?
August 25th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
This line should work: “Wanna protest Hillary gettin dissed? Let’s fuck.”
August 25th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Bravo, BDD. About time somebody around here started making with the abortion jokes. Dead hookers are soooo 2007.
August 25th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
“Just call me Alexander Inbitchkin!”
Priceless
August 25th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
BDD you and you’re killing FlaWas, I hate you so much.
How about a good MuFlaWa for no reason at all: I think that Bob Dylan is and always has been overrated. His shit’s just not that good.
August 25th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
jeez punter that’s just wrong
Oh, wait.
August 25th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
The headline and picture alone had me laughing my face off. Well played, Drew.
August 25th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Hysterically inappropriate AND strangely topical? And I thought Wade and Jerry couldn’t be topped! Bravo, my good man…..bravo.
August 25th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
rob lowe knows what time it is
We have a winner in the contest for “best tag.”
August 25th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Hey Hey Ho Ho, this penis party’s got to go
Thank you PCU.
August 25th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
/i’m bill clinton, and i personally approved this message. so did hillary.
August 25th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
‘Whatever, Hitler lady.’
Can I get away with using this in public?
August 25th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Alexander Inbitchkin…hmm…name change?
Travis Henry and Lilith Fair bitches? Pacman ain’t down wid it.
August 25th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
“‘Whatever, Hitler lady.’
Can I get away with using this in public?”
Only if she has the right kind of mustache.
August 25th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
RU-486? I didn’t know the lezbots enjoyed shitty submarine movies? I learn something new everyday from this site.
August 25th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
The RNC is in Minneapolis. Bryant McKinnie and Fred Smoot just chartered a boat to show some uptight Republican bitches “real-estate opportunities” on Lake Minnetonka.
August 25th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
The RNC is in Minneapolis. Bryant McKinnie and Fred Smoot just chartered a boat to show some uptight Republican bitches “real-estate opportunities” on Lake Minnetonka.
Larry Craig is feeling slighted.
August 25th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
“It’s got the highest THC content of all!”
Brady Quinn wants a puff
August 25th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
Larry “Wide Stance” Craig has Mark Foley to comfort him.
August 25th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Hey ladeez… wanna confer with my “superdelegate?”
August 25th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
@j4b: Coincidentally, Travis Henry calls his penis K-19: The Babymaker
August 25th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Hey Travis, when the time is right, why don’t you just take your lady friends on a nice scenic drive, perhaps near the Colorado river? That always worked for me…
August 25th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Darren McFadden is sooo looking forward to Week 1 against Denver.
August 25th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Personally, I’ve always been in favor of the more controversial after-birth abortion procedure…
August 25th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Larry “Wide Stance” Craig has Mark Foley to comfort him.
True. I hear Sen. Craig Vitter (R-Pampers) is looking for some action, though.
August 25th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
You haven’t lived ’til you’ve held your lady friends hair back for four hours after she takes the morning after pill.
“If you ever though tabout having a baby go to Costco. After five minutes you’ll hire a skinhead to kick your girlfriend in the stomach”
-P.O.
August 25th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
/hangs out at the 7-11 across from the “womens clinic” waiting to buy the next lucky lady a slurpee, SCORE!
August 25th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
A Chappaquiddick joke! Man, how do conservatives stay on top of current events like that?
August 25th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
@TR
Drudgereport doesn’t refresh as quickly as it used to.
August 25th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
@tr
being a republican means never having to have an original thought again. rush’ll do that for you, for a small pharmacological stipend.
August 25th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
Exactly Grimey, exactly.
I hear Cindy McCain just bought a house on the moon. That makes 8 homes that Johnny knows nothing about.
/pacman ain’t down wit da stepford bitches
August 25th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
The Libertarian Party is also holding their national conference in Denver (no shit), so Travis should check that out, too. Libertarian chicks would probably be down for abortions.
August 25th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Pro-choice and anti-abortion women everywhere unite to cheer the fact Osi Umenyiora’s will have the inability to squat for the rest of the season.
August 25th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
I’ll have you know that I was Ted Kennedy, and that I am not a Republican. Rather, I am someone who likes to kick a dying man while he’s down.
/will be accepting apologies all day from you bleeding heart liberal pansies
August 25th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
I don’t know, Gooch. If you’re this into lying, secrecy, and hypocrisy, are you sure you’re not a Republican?
August 25th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Otto Man - Come to think of it, I have been having an inordinate amount of anonymous, homosexual, public restroom sex lately.
Hmm….
/That current enough for ya, TR, or should I say TIM ROBBINS!!!
August 25th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Gooch, will you please go back to terrifying Arnold? Those pay-day loan commercials are getting annoying. Also, I hear the entire Kennedy clan is really into “Different Strokes”, so consider your actions carefully.
August 25th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
Yeah Oberlin! You should see the girls rugby team calendar–yowza!
August 25th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Neat. Big Daddy Drew talkin’ bout Big Baby Daddy.
August 25th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
I knew it, Gooch. Contact the Republican National Committee. They probably have a Senate nomination waiting for you.
August 25th, 2008 at 11:19 pm
Ahem.
/Tommy_from_Quinzee_MODE: ON
WHAT THE FACK !
Why the FACK are you talking about Trahvis Facking Hanry? Nobodhy gives a crahp about some dahky that knocked up 9 stupid fat chicks. Who Ca-uhs about some running back and his brood of illogical children.
ALL ANYONE WHANTS TO TALK ABOUT IS THE PATRIOTS! NOBODY DENIES THIS ! GET YA FACKIN PRIORITIES STRAIGHT !
Although I give him props for getting more ‘tang than a space shuttle astronaut.
August 26th, 2008 at 3:22 am
Oberlin is a college, not a university. There is no such thing as a “masters thesis art project at Oberlin.”
/nitpicky douchebag