What If Ricky Williams And Keith Elias Had A Retarded Baby?
Why, you’d get 49er reserve running back Zak Keasey, who was prominently featured in last night’s exhibition game against the Bears. Yes, that’s Zak with a K. TO THE EXTREME HE ROCKS THE MIC LIKE A VANDAL.
Zak comes to us from Princeton. And if you don’t think he had a Che Guevara poster on his dorm room wall, played hacky sack, protested the WTO, and read lots of John Updike books in order to tell people he read lots of John Updike books, then you don’t know preppy white assholes with dreadlocks as well as I do.
If you’re gonna handcuff Zak to Frank Gore, you better make sure those handcuffs have pink fur on them. He’s auditioning to be the bassist for Incubus as we speak.
Tags: FMRA's boyfriend?, Maj hated him an American Idol, making fun of people who look different, mmm yes indeed, white people who say "irie mon" a lot, zak keasey
August 22nd, 2008 at 2:40 pm
Always look forward to these Sexy Friday posts.
August 22nd, 2008 at 2:42 pm
I can smell him from here.
August 22nd, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Careful with that, you’re gonna get Tim Shriver all agitated again.
/full retard
August 22nd, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Che stood for the racial equality of running backs.
He would have wanted it this way.
August 22nd, 2008 at 2:51 pm
He will not take that position away from the smoothest man in rock, Ben Kenney.
August 22nd, 2008 at 2:52 pm
Shouldn’t Lord Rog have suspended him already? Who needs a drug test?
August 22nd, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Drew, you know me too well.
August 22nd, 2008 at 2:56 pm
Wasn’t he one of the henchmen in the Matrix sequel? From that freeway chase?
August 22nd, 2008 at 2:57 pm
No one’s made the Drexl Spivey reference? Really?
“Sit down, boy. Grab yo’self an egg roll.”
August 22nd, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Incubus? Tommie from Quinzee approves.
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Drexl Spivey is a badass. Zak has done nothing to attain that sort of badassitude.
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:01 pm
Mom LOOK! Tootsie rolls!
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:02 pm
He’s white? Looks more mulatto to me
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Zak reminds you always recycle… TO THE EXTREME!
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:03 pm
I fucking hate people who say ‘ire mon’. It makes me wanna push in their eyes with my thumbs. Oldman was the shit in ‘True Romance’.
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:06 pm
He doesn’t like football, too violent
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:06 pm
@ Jay: I believe the preferred term is “octaroon.”
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Really feeling that GQ influence now. No wonder Tommy’s been scarce lately.
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:08 pm
I look at those dreds, and all I hear is “FUCK YOU, Dad!”
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:09 pm
GOD i hope gore gets injured! this kid’s going places
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:09 pm
Didn’t you hear? Patchouli is now the official incense of the National Football League.
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:14 pm
As Patton Oswalt says, patchouli smells like dirt that’s been fucked by a hobo.
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:18 pm
i was hoping incubus would be left out…..goddamit
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:24 pm
white fullback with dreadlocks named “Zak” from Princeton. Played LB in college.
the random generator from madden couldn’t make anything better than that.
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:24 pm
has no one told him it looks like his ears are pooping?
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:25 pm
That baby’s not retarded, it’s gaytarded.
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:31 pm
I know I’m pretty, but I ain’t as pretty as couple of…Zak Keaseys?
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:45 pm
You’ll never get the beeswax out of your couch if you let this guy come over. And the smell of Egyptian Musk scented oils.
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:46 pm
I wonder if he has Bob Marley’s “Legend” album?
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:47 pm
He musta thought it was white boy day.
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Rookie hazing is getting lazy
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:58 pm
It ain’t White Boy Day.
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:17 pm
FMRA’s boyfriend?
Don’t be silly. Dude doesn’t have any visible tats.
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:34 pm
Motherfuckin’ Charlie Bronson!
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:38 pm
He’s been trying to start a drumming circle but hasn’t had any luck yet.
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:48 pm
I was second row at the Bears/Niners game last night and never wanted to see someone have a career ending injury on the field more than this fucktard.
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:54 pm
Living proof that the NFL’s proposed hair-length rule was neither racist nor pointless.
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:11 pm
I wonder if he has Bob Marley’s “Legend” album?
That’s some nice subtle snark, Gino. Have someone who knows you in real life buy you a beer.
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Otto Man,
Does whiskey count as beer?
If you walk through any freshman dorm at any college, you’ll hear that album multiple times.
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:25 pm
@FMRA — smurphette and I are going to kidnap you and re-educate you in the fine art of man candy.
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:29 pm
And personally, I’m seeing more Jason Taylor + Rolf from the Muppets.
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Whiskey does count as a beer. Or water, if I’m talking to my doctor. Eight glasses a day!
Freshmen love that CD, but I was laughing at calling the greatest hits collection an “album,” which seemed to capture that freshman-year hey-I-just-discovered-this-new-music-called-reggae! cluelessness perfectly.
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Holy shit, mamacita.
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:52 pm
if you don’t think he had a Che Guevara poster on his dorm room wall, played hacky sack, protested the WTO, and read lots of John Updike books in order to tell people he read lots of John Updike books, then you don’t know preppy white assholes with dreadlocks as well as I do.
My favorite sentence in the history of sportsblogs. Thank you sir.
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:11 pm
@Otto and Gino: You’re not a real fan of Mr. Marley unless you’ve got Uprising or Exodus. Natural Mystic is also acceptable. I’m sure this ass clown has neither.
Usain Bolt is not impressed.
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:26 pm
shit locks
August 22nd, 2008 at 7:12 pm
Looks like Gutter finally found a home in the NFL.
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:44 pm
he looks like Jason Taylor
http://www.collegefastbreak.com/
August 22nd, 2008 at 11:01 pm
There’s nothing wrong with spelling Zak with a k, or just one k.
…Yeah.
Um… so… how bout them dead people?