Why, you’d get 49er reserve running back Zak Keasey, who was prominently featured in last night’s exhibition game against the Bears. Yes, that’s Zak with a K. TO THE EXTREME HE ROCKS THE MIC LIKE A VANDAL.
Zak comes to us from Princeton. And if you don’t think he had a Che Guevara poster on his dorm room wall, played hacky sack, protested the WTO, and read lots of John Updike books in order to tell people he read lots of John Updike books, then you don’t know preppy white assholes with dreadlocks as well as I do.
If you’re gonna handcuff Zak to Frank Gore, you better make sure those handcuffs have pink fur on them. He’s auditioning to be the bassist for Incubus as we speak.
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There’s nothing wrong with spelling Zak with a k, or just one k.
…Yeah.
Um… so… how bout them dead people?
he looks like Jason Taylor
http://www.collegefastbreak.com/
Looks like Gutter finally found a home in the NFL.
shit locks
@Otto and Gino: You’re not a real fan of Mr. Marley unless you’ve got Uprising or Exodus. Natural Mystic is also acceptable. I’m sure this ass clown has neither.
Usain Bolt is not impressed.
if you don’t think he had a Che Guevara poster on his dorm room wall, played hacky sack, protested the WTO, and read lots of John Updike books in order to tell people he read lots of John Updike books, then you don’t know preppy white assholes with dreadlocks as well as I do.
My favorite sentence in the history of sportsblogs. Thank you sir.
Holy shit, mamacita.
Whiskey does count as a beer. Or water, if I’m talking to my doctor. Eight glasses a day!
Freshmen love that CD, but I was laughing at calling the greatest hits collection an “album,” which seemed to capture that freshman-year hey-I-just-discovered-this-new-music-called-reggae! cluelessness perfectly.
And personally, I’m seeing more Jason Taylor + Rolf from the Muppets.
@FMRA — smurphette and I are going to kidnap you and re-educate you in the fine art of man candy.
Otto Man,
Does whiskey count as beer?
If you walk through any freshman dorm at any college, you’ll hear that album multiple times.
I wonder if he has Bob Marley’s “Legend” album?
That’s some nice subtle snark, Gino. Have someone who knows you in real life buy you a beer.
Living proof that the NFL’s proposed hair-length rule was neither racist nor pointless.
I was second row at the Bears/Niners game last night and never wanted to see someone have a career ending injury on the field more than this fucktard.
He’s been trying to start a drumming circle but hasn’t had any luck yet.
Motherfuckin’ Charlie Bronson!
FMRA’s boyfriend?
Don’t be silly. Dude doesn’t have any visible tats.
It ain’t White Boy Day.
Rookie hazing is getting lazy
He musta thought it was white boy day.
I wonder if he has Bob Marley’s “Legend” album?
You’ll never get the beeswax out of your couch if you let this guy come over. And the smell of Egyptian Musk scented oils.
I know I’m pretty, but I ain’t as pretty as couple of…Zak Keaseys?
That baby’s not retarded, it’s gaytarded.
has no one told him it looks like his ears are pooping?
white fullback with dreadlocks named “Zak” from Princeton. Played LB in college.
the random generator from madden couldn’t make anything better than that.
i was hoping incubus would be left out…..goddamit
As Patton Oswalt says, patchouli smells like dirt that’s been fucked by a hobo.
Didn’t you hear? Patchouli is now the official incense of the National Football League.
GOD i hope gore gets injured! this kid’s going places
I look at those dreds, and all I hear is “FUCK YOU, Dad!”
Really feeling that GQ influence now. No wonder Tommy’s been scarce lately.
@ Jay: I believe the preferred term is “octaroon.”
He doesn’t like football, too violent
I fucking hate people who say ‘ire mon’. It makes me wanna push in their eyes with my thumbs. Oldman was the shit in ‘True Romance’.
Zak reminds you always recycle… TO THE EXTREME!
He’s white? Looks more mulatto to me
Mom LOOK! Tootsie rolls!
Drexl Spivey is a badass. Zak has done nothing to attain that sort of badassitude.
Incubus? Tommie from Quinzee approves.
No one’s made the Drexl Spivey reference? Really?
“Sit down, boy. Grab yo’self an egg roll.”
Wasn’t he one of the henchmen in the Matrix sequel? From that freeway chase?
Drew, you know me too well.
Shouldn’t Lord Rog have suspended him already? Who needs a drug test?
He will not take that position away from the smoothest man in rock, Ben Kenney.
Che stood for the racial equality of running backs.
He would have wanted it this way.
Careful with that, you’re gonna get Tim Shriver all agitated again.
/full retard
I can smell him from here.
Always look forward to these Sexy Friday posts.