Upshaw Now Seeking Increased Benefits For Dead Players
THE AFTERLIFE — The late Gene Upshaw has been as active as ever.
Even after suddenly abandoning his post as former NFL Players Association presiden, Upshaw has taken a new position in the NFL’s labor battle. He’s now spearheading an effort to increase benefits for deceased NFL players.
“It’s high time that some of those dead players saw that money,” Upshaw said. “I know the money’s there, because I saw it and didn’t give it to anyone else.”
Upshaw points out that deceased players that played less than three years in the league currently receive a annual pension of $0, while those who played three years or more receive a payment of $0 per year.
“That’s despicable,” Upshaw said. “How’s a dead man supposed to live on zero dollars?”
The League’s ownership seems to be resistant toward Upshaw’s efforts.
“While I’m sympathetic to the various needs of dead players,” Patriots owner Robert Kraft said, “The money simply isn’t there. And secondly, lots of dead players are getting by on what the Players’ Association currently provides.”
Upshaw conceded that organizing the tens of thousands of deceased NFL players will be difficult.
“We’re not going to let these players just rot away, not while all the living players are earning millions. We’re going to get organized and we’re going to knock on the NFL’s door and get what we feel is rightfully ours.”
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell was not available for comment.
Tags: gene upshaw, halfassed NFL labor posts, jeez punter that's just wrong, MMP
August 22nd, 2008 at 11:39 am
Geez Punte, that’s just… unlikely.
August 22nd, 2008 at 11:43 am
dude…well played.
August 22nd, 2008 at 11:47 am
Too soon?
August 22nd, 2008 at 11:48 am
Beware the Zombie Gene Upshaw.
August 22nd, 2008 at 11:52 am
I can’t believe Al Davis outlived him.
August 22nd, 2008 at 11:52 am
nice onion ripoff.
August 22nd, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Evil. And solid.
August 22nd, 2008 at 12:21 pm
This should be a lesson to all those whining disabled ex NFL players. You could be dead, how’d that be? Now crawl across the room and wash down that oxycontin with Nyquil.
August 22nd, 2008 at 12:21 pm
I hope he has better luck negotiating a CBA with Satan than he did up here.
August 22nd, 2008 at 12:23 pm
well done.
August 22nd, 2008 at 12:28 pm
IZ FRIDAY!!! BRING ON TEH SEXY!!!!!11!!!!!!!!1
August 22nd, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Seriously though, good post.
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Upshaw’s also working with Pete Rozelle to get benefits for formerly living NFL executives. Something about a cold day in Hell.
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:12 pm
I can’t believe Al Davis outlived him.
Davis has been dead since 1994. They’re just doing a Weekend at Bernie’s thing with him.
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:33 pm
Wow, brah, just wow. Funny though.
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:23 pm
saying brah identifies you as an idiot. good game though.
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:49 pm
Has the tag ‘Punter is going to hell’ ever been used?
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:02 pm
That would be redundant, methinks.
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:13 pm
@ j 4stupidity
Not recognizing a respected commenter’s play on a SERIES of posts indentifies you as an idiot. Brah, eat a bag of brahs (and shift keys)!
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:18 pm
saying brah identifies you as an idiot. good game though.
Maybe you should take a course in sarcasm and funny you sorry jackass. And try prying that dick out of your ass before you make a comment ya ankle grabbah.
Thanks for having my back Spanky.
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:33 pm
Anytime…Brah
August 22nd, 2008 at 7:40 pm
i disapprove of this
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:38 pm
it is by not buy fyi
August 26th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
[...] dealing with injuries and the medical bills/debt that accumulate with those (a subject for which the joking of is best left to others more enriched with such, um, talents) post-football career [...]