Holy fuck, I am seriously hungover. Of course that’s what happens when you drag your lazy ass off the couch to attend a friend’s birthday party on a weeknight. So what could have possessed me to do such a thing? Was it my affection for the birthday girl or the two hours of open bar featuring all of my favorite top shelf liquor, beer, and champagne? Fuck no, it’s all about the possibility for those delicious little hors d’oeuvres.
So today, while I’m burping up a delightful combination of Hendricks, Macallan, and Veuve at my desk, I’m still regretting that one last fried risotto ball I missed out on. Dear god those fuckers were tasty.
Any party can, and should, be judged by the quality of the hors d’oeuvres. Hell, I can still rank every Bar Mitzvah I ever attended on the quality of their (kosher) pigs in a blanket.
Today your task as commenters is to select the best and the brightest of delectable shrunken foodstuffs. With the first selection, I’ll be helping myself to a tray of mini latkes topped with crème fraîche and caviar. I am not joking in the least when I tell you that I could eat those little fuckers by the hundred, and if I have to prove it, I will do so happily.
The rules are the same as always, you draft one hors d’oeuvres at a time (no napkin stacking here, fatty) and wait at least ten picks before you select again.
Take it away, I’m going to reload on some mate to keep me from passing out on my keyboard.
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damn – went on vacation and missed a fabulous commenter draft! the one and only correct answer: BOUDIN BALLS. the only good thing about living in baton rouge, LA. sausage and rice mixed together with a ton of spice, dipped in corn batter, fried and served with cajun mustard. mmm…
had this at a weeding this weekend, the cute waitress’s description (not mine):
rare new york steak on crostini, topped with carmelized onions and blue cheese. I cornered the waitress and put back an entire tray.
Chicken livers, water chesnuts wrapped in bacon and broiled or fried. Ramaki, I think it’s called.
Not for beginners.
Lambsicles — lamb chops frenched to the point of being just the eye on a bone, marinated and grilled. They’re supposedly an entrée (at Vij’s in Vancouver), but you could probably knock back a dozen without any problems.
Grape leaves, bitches.
Tiropitas: Chopped Broccoli, Feta, tarragon, wrapped in teensy phyllo triangles and basted with tons of butter. Tasty and very portable.
All cheese served on crackers at my house must be cheddar so sharp that it makes your nose run, topped with homemade green tomato chutney with enough ginger to make your eyes water.
/wonders why no one ever comes to visit
Little Chocolate Donuts. They taste good, and they’ve got the sugar I need to get me going in the morning.
Heart-a-Tot’s
Big ass plate of tater tots, smothered in Alfredo sauce, bacon drizzled way liberally all over that bitch.
This draft? It be won, now.
Best pick for late night hors d’œurves made specifically for the Drunk, Stoned & Lazy: chips and salsa purchased in a convenience store, then served at home on the couch in front of movies like “Caddy Shack”, “Predator”, “Blues Brothers”, “Re-Animator”…
Garlic bread with melted cheese
/king of the late-round steal
Pickled eggs. And open a window, would you?
Wegman’s is pretty much the greatest supermarket ever invented. They make my previous favorites, Trader Joe’s, look like Darfur in comparison.
Parmesan puff-pastry sticks
Garlic Cheese Spread from Wegmans. Anyone who lives in the five states that are blessed with a Wegmans should agree
Its basically shredded cheese, with mayo, garlic, and french onion dip mixed together. You can, as the draft has dictated, top it with bacon. This works well when you serve it well.
Since there’s a lull, I’ll break with protocol and make another pick: Cannabis (Sativa or Indica). It’s a great all-around hors d’œurve, a real crowd pleaser. Try it before attending a party full of people you don’t like, know or have anything in common with. Cannabis will make things more tolerable and will also curb homocidal urges.
This is really low rent, but spray some cheese in a can on a Ritz cracker and put a half a cherry tomato on it. Damn that’s good, I shit thee not. What do you expect on the salary of a college professor in Alabama?
Triscuits. With or without any toppings.
Damn, I am hungry and everything good is taken.
I’ll just be over here in the corner with a bag of BBQ pork rinds.
IMO – the mini lamb chops always win.
@cumpidgeon: but you knew what I meant, right?
Also, chili con queso is just cheese w/peppers if you ask me, which you didn’t.
/fucks self
As usual, I’m late to the party and my potential picks are way off the board, but I’ll take Norwegian pickled herring. I don’t have a drop of Scandinavian blood but damn, it’s good. I grew up in Minnesota (Skål Vikings!) and this delicious fish was at grown-up parties everywhere. Pickled herring makes me long for Christmas parties full of tall, blond, blue-eyed Valkyries in sweaters.
Blue point oysters rockafeller. Cold. And. Raw. Maybe a drop of lemon, or a dab of cocktail sauce. Nothing will ever conquer.
Damn I’m Hungry!
Green bean fries and wasabi ranch dipping sauce. A veritable steal this late.
screw appetizers, i want an Amuse Bouche
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amuse_bouche
I’ll have to go with slices of cantaloupe melon wrapped in prosciutto.
Not mentioned yet…. I’ve recently come to love it…
Saganaki
[Diner Door flies open]
//Tony Siragusa comes in to light the saganaki and steals a half-the-portion “bite”.
McNulty’s right! We’ve eschewed fictional boxing matches for fictional finger food.
little caesars crazy bread
Whitewings, apparently a San Antonio area delicacy. Marinated pounded boneless chicken wrapped around jack cheese and a green chili, then grilled over a mesquite fire. 9 years later, the thought of them still gets the drool flowing.
this post fucking sucks, WHERE IS THE SWEET 16 BOXING SHITHEADS?!?!
Fallex; Mexican Cheese Dip? Fucking yankees… Its called queso. OR Chile con Queso if its got beef in it.
Swedish meatballs, I have no idea how these fell, or if I just missed them, but if they are taken, then bacon wrapped Swedish Meatballs. YOINK!!!
Spicy Tiger prawns wrapped around Andoullie sausage…try me
Chips and mexican cheese dip. A late round steal!
@dick_gozinia: My great uncle used to hollow out giant green olives, stuff them with a mixture of bits of prosciutto and provolone, coat them in bread crumbs and deep fry them. My mother always lets me have the last one of whatever we’re sharing, but they are the only foodstuff my mother has ever taken the last one of.
Damn, everybody took mine…shrimp LeJon, pigs in blankets, crab Rangoon, asparagus wrapped with pork products, little lamb chops, tiny cheeseburger sliders, spanikopita.
@jacking’4beats: Fuck. Now out of season though.
Sexy Friday Flautas
Before this comes off the board, I’ll take crawfish or crawdads – whatever the kids are calling it these days. Little mini lobsters as an appetizer? FUCK and YES.
Bacon tempura. The restaurant that used to serve it in DC closed, but it’s batter-fried bacon. Impossible to top, especially at this point in the draft.
i dont know what crab wontons are, but crab rangoons are the shit. i could eat 28357328578290357 of them with sweet and sour sauce.
@krwynn I grew up in Dayton, but I’ve only had that cursed offal once. That was all I needed. Incidentally, you’re not from Boston are you? Perhaps lived in Las Vegas for a few years? A wife in radio?
Hard Pretzels and Grandma Utz’s Bar-B-Que chips. They’re cooked in real lard ya know.
To whom ever is next to use the phrase EVOO, please place a lit highway safety flair into / next to your reproductive organs
Does Black Tar Heroin count as an appetizer? I usually eat some before I tackle the hard drugs…
Bagel Dogs, dipped in Dijon Mustard
Pot Stickers!
Even many mole smirre! Finge ricking dericious.
Crab wontons. Many smirre!
Popcorn shrimp, because it contains more batter than actual shrimp.
@UU: Just grabbed a 30-pack of Genny Light for the weekend. That and the 19 High Life’s I have left should get me to Sunday.
I haven’t drafted yet, and it’s more or less been aluded to or taken, but I’m a simple crackers and cheese platter or fruit platter guy. Guess I’ll take the cantelope/honeydew/watermelon/pineapple/grape selection. Guess I’m not pretentious enough.
rare filet, creamy horseradish, carmelized onion, toast point
EddieBear Wins.
@Tracer, never has a more accurate statement been put in print.
/if I can bust a little wisdom on some of you, please let it be this. If by some unfortunate event you find yourself at a Skyline Chili, please, I beg of you, order a PLAIN hotdog. Nothing else. Then slowly back out of the place and NEVER return.
A sampler platter of everything named on this thread
I win :)
Beer. That’s my Hors d’oeuvres.
@rocco, i’m out east in the Albany area, but am pretty familiar with WNY (Buffalo and Rochester)
/drinks Genny light
Corn Nuggets. Deep fried cream corn…nuff said.
Armadillo Eggs: Hollow out a Jalapeno, stuff with combination of Cream Cheese and any kind of Sausage (venison or a mild italian preferred), wrap with bacon and extra bacon. Place in oven until thoroughly browned. Ignore pool of grease at bottom of pan.
@UU: I’m thinking the Upstate part might put you in WNY?
You’d all be amazed at the insane amount of delicous and unhealthy food here. It explains why most people are fat. It doesn’t explain the ugly part though.
Frank’s is the only hot sauce I recognize. Yes, Frank’s and butter is your basic wing sauce and it’s fantastic.
Fried Dill Pickles with Ranch Dressing
I would get down with those.
And because the culinary summit known as the Indiana State Fair begins next week, I present to you: Deep-Fried Bananas Foster On a Stick. And no, I can’t hear you telling me this is a dessert and not an hors d’oeuvre.
Raw oysters, mignonette, lemon wedge. Let’s say kumamotos and malpeques for the east coast / west coast comparison.
@ UU You, sir, are a gentleman and a scholar. May your sons be hung like the mastadon and your daughters live out their days unsullied by contact with penis.
RE headballcoach Says:
August 1st, 2008 at 11:49 am
Fried Dill Pickles with Ranch Dressing
Yes. These sound kinda gross, but they are the shit. Fried ravioli, too.
@Naptown Drew: Yeah, that sounds about right. It’s my weakness, much like chocolate is for most women.
@Jeff V: WTF. Are you fucking kidding me? Buffalo wings? They’re simply called wings. The Buffalo is redundant. Fuck, all you people in the rest of the country get it fucking right.
/end of rant
If this is like the cheesecake factory thing, then sorry. Fried mac and cheese fritters. Roll mac and cheese into a ball, deep fry.
Fried Dill Pickles with Ranch Dressing
Smurphette, your love of anything fried is the repressed Hoosier in you.
Behold the yummy goodness of Culver’s Dairyland Cheese Curds.
@ Dick_gozinia
Excellent sleeper pick.
@ognihs, yes frank’s and butter is a winning combo for wing sauce
those fried macaroni things from cheesecake factory. jesus h. christ those things are good.
@ UU – frank’s red hot (not the buffalo wing sauce) is the greatest sauce ever. my wife uses a combo of that with butter for her homemade wing sauce.
@Tracer bullet, here you go
http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/member/views/MARINATED-CHERRY-PEPPERS-STUFFED-WITH-CAPICOLA-AND-PROVOLONE-1270176
How did it go this long and no one’s mentioned pierogies??
@ UU You got a recipe for those peppers? I’ve been searching but the closest thing is from Rachel Ray and I don’t trust that grinning jackal.
Not really a traditional choice, but I’ve never gone wrong with blue cheese stuffed green olives. You get the giant Spanish style ones (no pits), jam them full of blue cheese and clog an artery all night. You can also roll them in flour and bread crumbs and fry the little buggers.
Toasted ravioli. Apparently a St. Louis thing, but it’s hard to beat fried raviolis.