This Week’s KSK Commenter Draft: Movie You F—king Hated That Everyone Else Liked
I get legitimately angry when people enjoy something in pop culture that I myself cannot tolerate. The idea that there are people out there who like “Sex And The City,” and that they are quite legion in number, makes me want to abandon this planet for Rigel 7 posthaste. And the fact that some people find System of a Down’s music appealing makes me want to chug a bottle of Fantastik.
This is a very irrational reaction on my part. If everyone on Earth liked everything everyone else did, the world would be a pretty lousy place to live. And yet, I’m possessed with the ridiculous desire to persuade everyone to like the things I like (“Listen to this Sugar album. FUCKING LISTEN TO IT!”), and to hate the things I hate (“What do you mean, you liked Magnolia? What are you, a fucking asshole? Let me explain to you why your feelings are unnatural and wrong.”).
This is nothing more than insecurity. If you like something, you like it. If no one else does, big fucking deal, right? What does it matter? Well, it doesn’t. It really doesn’t. Unless you don’t like the movie “Tombstone”, in which case I have no fucking idea what’s wrong with you. You should be deported, you little shit. You know nothing about fine art.
With that in mind, this week’s draft is movies you hated that everyone else liked. The movie you pick has to have received an imdb rating higher than five stars. If you’re all like, “Boy, I really hated Catwoman. What’s wrong with people?” you’re a fucking moron. Pick one movie. Be sure to explain the depths of your hatred. The movie you pick will instantly be reviled by the rest of the population, conforming to your desires. YOU MUST WAIT 10 PICKS UNTIL YOU PICK ANOTHER MOVIE.
My pick? Fucking “Almost Famous”. What a fucking piece of shit this movie was. A fucking “Tiny Dancer” singalong? Groupies with hearts of gold? Fuck you and your overly earnest bullshit, Cameron Crowe. Oooh, music is so special! Hey, thanks for the tip.
Congrats, jackass. You made the least rocking rock movie of all time. And you helped start Kate Hudson’s career. I’ll never forgive you for either transgression.
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, elaine you don't like the english patient?, ksk commenter drafts, you're fucking next napoleon dynamite
August 8th, 2008 at 10:23 am
Wall-E
Fuck that piece of shit right in its sanctimonious ass.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:24 am
Into the Wild. No movie has infuriated me like that movie. Fuck that movie and fuck that dead douchebag who it was based on.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:24 am
Gladiator
Deal with it
August 8th, 2008 at 10:24 am
War of the Worlds.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:24 am
Pirates of the Caribbean.
America is retarded, apparently.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:24 am
Drew has a list of 4 million things that everyone should hate.
Nothing really comes to mind for me for this draft. I’m conformist!
August 8th, 2008 at 10:25 am
enemy of the state
August 8th, 2008 at 10:25 am
Donnie Darko. Cult classic my ass. Thats one of the worse movies ive ever been forced to sit through.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:26 am
Angela’s Ashes.
Although the scene with the boys wanking to the sheep was pretty damn funny
August 8th, 2008 at 10:26 am
i HATED the depaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahted. sorry tawmmy but aside from some eye candy, the script pretty much blew goats. after they killed martin sheen i totally lost interest.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:26 am
Interview with a Vampire. This was a horror movie for Oprah fans… Most whiny, boring and pussy-assed vampires I’ve ever seen. And, it also launched the career of Kirsten “Ugly-assed” Dunst…
August 8th, 2008 at 10:27 am
@Shinons,
preach son… wish that guy would have actually died from those plants, that would have been more painful.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:27 am
“Crash”. How this mediocre high school drama club examination of race won an Oscar is totally beyond me.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:27 am
Crash
Not the awesome one about people fucking while watching accidents. The awful one that won the Oscar. Ooooh, people aren’t all good or all bad. Oh no, there’s racism in Los Angeles. I’ve never seen a movie with a dumber version of moral relativism. Paul Haggis can go get fucked.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:27 am
Ten picks. Now I can take “Napoleon Dynamite” and rest in peace.
Fucking unfunniest piece of shit ever.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:28 am
The Firm – the book sucked ass, too
August 8th, 2008 at 10:28 am
Napoleon Dynamite. I don’t know how much value you place on this pick, but I’ve never wanted more to reach into the screen and give every fucking character in that fucking self-conscious piece of hipster tripe an atomic wedgie the likes of which few on this world have ever had the misfortune of experiencing. Jesus H. Fuck, only Chloe Sevigny inspires more hipster hate in my blackened heart.
/hategasm
August 8th, 2008 at 10:29 am
Fuck, taken as I was typing! Is “Gummo” and anything else starring Chloe Sevigny an option?
August 8th, 2008 at 10:29 am
Fucking Moulin Rouge. If Nicole Kidman weren’t dying already, I would have jumped through the screen and drowned her screechy ass.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:30 am
This might be too obvious, but you go with the sure thing in the early rounds:
Titanic can suck sweaty, shit-streaked grundle from now until the end of time, and it still wouldn’t be punishment enough.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:30 am
Juno
Take your hamburger phone and shove it your your ass Diablo Cody. Fucking hipster piece of shit. No one talks like that.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:30 am
Magnolia
Oh its raining frogs? Fuck you
August 8th, 2008 at 10:31 am
Fuck me, I was going to take Crash with my second pick. Oh well. And yeah TDub, that movie really gets my haterade flowing. That spoiled arrogant little piece of…
Oh yeah, second pick: X-Men. I don’t care, I hated it.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:32 am
Superbad. Never made it past the 25 minute mark.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:33 am
The Wedding Singer,
nevrmind that Drew Barrymore is the least hot woman after Rosie O’Donnel, there wasn’t a single funny part of that movie. “Ohmygod! he just sang loudly ito the microphone… you’ve just been comedied!!”
August 8th, 2008 at 10:33 am
@TDub – seconded. Good one
August 8th, 2008 at 10:33 am
Garden State.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:34 am
Babel
See my above rant about Crash. Please preach to me about your very important lesson. Oooooh, we’re all connected and the same.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:34 am
Rain Man.
fucking sucked
August 8th, 2008 at 10:34 am
Giant frogs! Giant frogs what can I say???
Back to you.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:35 am
V for Vendetta
just a big steaming pile of horseshit
August 8th, 2008 at 10:35 am
@ blue: No kidding. What’s worse is that every girl seems to think that liking Garden State makes them cool and hip.
For my first pick, I’ll go with Rushmore. In fact, fuck every Wes Anderson movie. They are not that deep or that interesting!
August 8th, 2008 at 10:36 am
Forrest Gump
August 8th, 2008 at 10:36 am
Citizen Kane is an Olde Timey piece of shyte.
It’s the original biopic (a genre as worn out as Jeff Garcia’s asshole), and it’s got horrible old school Hollywood acting, to boot.
Look, it’s a crazy rich dude! It’s a fucking metaphor for America! It’s fucking genius!
Oh, there’s SYMBOLISM, you say? Holy shit, what a novel fucking concept!
You know you want to suck this, Orson Welles.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:37 am
Sideways
“I’m drinking wine! I can’t finish my book! Angst, quest for a soul mate, insignificance!”
August 8th, 2008 at 10:37 am
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
There, I said it. Oh, the Knights say “ne”. That’s funny. Really? What will you say with my foot up your ass?!?
August 8th, 2008 at 10:37 am
Se7en. ZOMG it’s Gwenyth’s head in that box! What a fucking twist!
August 8th, 2008 at 10:38 am
The Princess Bride is the most irritating film of all time. What is wrong with everyone that likes that movie!?
August 8th, 2008 at 10:38 am
Too easy, The English Patient. Elaine was right, a brutal brutal movie.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:38 am
“Listen to this Sugar album. FUCKING LISTEN TO IT!”
/agrees
//points to commenter name
Also, fuck “Dances With Wolves”. shitty movie made shitter by the fact it beat “Godfellas” for the Oscar
August 8th, 2008 at 10:38 am
Good pick Gooch – I was hoping to get that later on. Best movie ever my ass. My third pick is Scarface. That movie is garbage, especially compared to Godfather.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:38 am
There’s Something about Mary… Ben Stiller is the biggest dushbag around
August 8th, 2008 at 10:39 am
Wedding Crashers
Please Owen Wilson–please explain every joke to me again. You’re so good at playing jerks and weirdos in Wes Anderson movies. Why does everybody I work with think Wedding Crashers is a classic?
August 8th, 2008 at 10:39 am
Spider Man.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:39 am
Hancock. This doubly pisses me off because I really wanted to like this movie, and for about 20 minutes after leaving the theater, I did. Sort of. But the more I thought about that stupid ass plot twist (His wife?! WTF?) and all the holes in the plot, the angrier I got. Damn you, Will Smith, for making 45 minutes of a good movie and pairing it with 45 minutes of an unspeakable awful one.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:40 am
@ tdub: i forgot that movie even existed. thanks a lot for reminding me, but good pick.
for my second pick, im going to take “the mummy”
August 8th, 2008 at 10:40 am
@Hustler,
I’m not sure what’s worse, Monty Python or the fucktards that think they do good Python impersonations and recite key parts of the holy grail to you.
Wait, I’m entirely sure what’s worse.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:40 am
Boogie Nights
At least an hour too long and horribly acted. Lots of tits though.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Lord of the Rings. People were obsessed with these movies and they won a bunch of Oscars. I tried watching them many times but turn it off after about a half hour. Fucking dumb people. Lets spend 9 hours watching some fuck carry a ring to a volcano to destroy it. And this idea won an Oscar. I hate the fucks that worship this movie. I hope all they all get AIDS. I don’t mean H.I.V.. I’m talking about FULL BLOWN FUCKING AIDS. Suck on that Frodo.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Brokeback Mountain. BORING.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Kids. In fact, Larry Clark, Harmony Korine and Todd Solondz should all be sentenced to the gas chamber and die while Bijou Phillips, in sad clown makeup, looks on from the viewing room and shoots heroin into her asshole. Hey, I just wrote a Larry Clark movie!
August 8th, 2008 at 10:41 am
The Big Labowski. I should’ve liked that movie and all my friends loved it. I hated it.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Fucking Shrek. Fucking CGI. Fucking kids in this country that eat that shit up.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Tim Burton’s Batman.
What it had: Michael Keaton as the Dark Knight, Prince soundtrack, Jack Nicholson, Robert Fucking Wuhl.
What it didn’t have:No peeks at then-hot Kim Basinger’s garters, either.
And I’m done, unless I can trade the rest of my draft for the rights to Napoleon Dynamite.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:42 am
great pick freak Power. Jenny was a whore
The Matrix
August 8th, 2008 at 10:42 am
We Own The Night – What a piece of shit. Fuck whoever put the preview together that made this movie look like it would be good.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:42 am
@ EDinCali,
YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!
August 8th, 2008 at 10:42 am
the fantastic four… what a lame movie… other than jessica alba this movie had no reason to be watched.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:43 am
Second pick: Gone With the Wind. Four fucking hours to find out that: Scarlett’s a big time whore, Rhett’s a rapist asshole and Georgia can be full of idiots. Great!
August 8th, 2008 at 10:43 am
Titanic…
I actively avoided watching that movie for years, why the fuck do I know who is in it?
August 8th, 2008 at 10:43 am
i agree tdub “the dude” doesnt deserve this list… EDinCali go watch it again…. stoned.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:43 am
“The Wizard of Oz”
I hated it when I was growing up and I still fucking hate it. I may refuse to let my daughters watch it.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:43 am
The English Patient – I would rather be locked in a room alone with brady quinn for 3 hrs then sit through that garbage.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:44 am
the Sixth Sense. Or any movie with Haley Joel whatever. Fuck that kid. and fuck M. Night Shamammslsong whatever.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:44 am
Million Dollar Baby, oh paralyzed people can’t possibly have a good life, time to die now
August 8th, 2008 at 10:44 am
Manhattan – or just about any Woody Allen movie. Even the new one where we allegedly see Scarlett’s tits. I used to think his movies were funny, then I realized he’s just making the same damn movie over and over and over again.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:44 am
Wow this draft makes everyone sound like whiny complaining bitches. Big Lebowski? Monty Pyphon? If everyone else thinks its a classic and you hate it, perhaps something is wrong with YOU
August 8th, 2008 at 10:44 am
Reservoir Dogs. Yeah, they cut a guy’s ear off. Big deal.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:44 am
Transformers… How fucking stupid was this shit? People call it the best movie ever made. Fucking terrible. I want to slit my wrists everytime someone so much as mentions it. “O look at me, im in the air force special forces! I talk all cool and hip” Get a fucking job.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:44 am
@thebestthereiswasandwillbe
Did anyone actually like Fantastic 4?
August 8th, 2008 at 10:45 am
Rocky. Way to make mindless, race-baiting tripe and ruining Philadelphia for professional sports for the rest of time, you mumble-mouthed, meat-faced motherfucker. Best Picture, my big black ass. That shit is only a catering truck better than Ted Bundy’s home movies.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:45 am
10 PRINT “How the fuck can you not like that movie?”
20 GOTO 10
RUN
August 8th, 2008 at 10:46 am
HEAT.
One good scene. The rest? Overrated cinematic Nyquil. Yes, DeNiro and Pacino, together at last…BIG FUCKING DEAL. They shared about 10 minutes of screentime in a 3 hour movie.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:47 am
@ Tracer Bullet: Have to agree with that one. Rocky is ok. its fine. But it was no Taxi Driver, which lost best picture that year to sylvester fucking stalone.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:47 am
@UU: damn you. You took my next pick!
OK…next pick: Fargo. Dear God the accent.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:47 am
Forest Gump. If I want to watch a retard run, I’ll buy a machete and chase a retard.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:47 am
Star Wars
August 8th, 2008 at 10:47 am
Cocktail.
My friends are obsessed with it. There’s no fucking plot, Cruise isn’t good in it, Shue looks hot in no more than one scene, and Coughlin’s law’s are crap.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:48 am
I hated Ferris Buelller. It’s not that good. Stop talking the fucking thing up.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:48 am
Snakes on a Plane….I wish the plane would have crashed during the filming of this movie.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:48 am
The Prestige. from watchable movie to horseshit cloning machine in no time
August 8th, 2008 at 10:49 am
Knocked Up. Shitty, shitty movie, not the slightest bit funny. Fuck Judd Apatow.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:49 am
@ Cumpigeon Didn’t “Deliverance” come out the same year? I wish I could have attended Hollywood parties in the 70s because the drugs must have been absolute dynamite.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:50 am
Harry Potter, dumb witches, dumb accent.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:50 am
Fast and the Furious. Few shitty movies have had such a wide-spread and annoying cultural influence.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:50 am
Swingers. Vince Vaughn needs to be sodomized with a hot lead pipe.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:51 am
Since Garden State was taken, Sin City
August 8th, 2008 at 10:51 am
Ricky Bobby – so not funny it was painful to watch. Will Ferrell needs to be castrated now for the good of the human race.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:51 am
Usual Suspects
If this wasn’t so slow moving – Ooh, i’m more scared of some asshole who might not exist than the devil – maybe I would have stayed awake the first two times I watched it. Fuck you. I don’t have the time to deal with your trickery. And fuck you too for making this an entire genre of movies with Scooby Doo endings. Yeah, Keyzer Soze would have gotten away from it too it it weren’t for you meddling kids.
Fuck you Spacey. And fuck you Brian Singer.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:52 am
Also, “E.T.” was not a good movie.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:52 am
I am Legend – virus hits city/people die/animals run wild/only Will can save them/yeah, been there/seen that before
August 8th, 2008 at 10:52 am
Meet the Parents – more Ben Stiller dushness
August 8th, 2008 at 10:52 am
GRINDHOUSE.
Final proof that Tarantino fell off and Rodriguez is only good at stretching a budget (which is commendable, the guy could probably do Transformers with my mortgage and make it about as good as the real one…which sucked, but at least it looked expensive.)
August 8th, 2008 at 10:53 am
when harry sent sally some mail in Seattle.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:53 am
@Cumpidgeon,
I agree that the fairway is becoming pretty narrow for unquestionably good movies. Between shitty movies that the general populus likes (see The Mummy) and bullshit indy movies that everyone just thinks that they should like to seem smart (see Royal Tenenbaums); That being said, Monty Python is in no way funny anymore.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:53 am
Pretty Woman. Not because it is a vapid chick flick. Because it is a vapid chick flick with the not so subtle message that every woman is a whore whose only goal in life is to snag some rich guy that she can leech off of for the rest of her life. And all the women I know, including educated successful professionals, loooooove that movie. I can’t figure that out.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:54 am
THE NOTEBOOK.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:54 am
“Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” – Jim Carrey was such a whiney little bitch through the whole movie, and kate winslet is one fugly cunt
August 8th, 2008 at 10:54 am
@claude balls:
I know, how dare they call it a romantic comedy or chick flick…it was CLEARLY a documentary.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:55 am
finding nemo
August 8th, 2008 at 10:55 am
The Passion
I can’t stand the following that nutcase Mel Gibson got with this film (and I’m Catholic).
In the immortal words of Stan Marsh: “That wasn’t a movie, that was a snuff film!”
August 8th, 2008 at 10:55 am
Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I don’t give a shit how cute and stylish Audrey Hepburn is, that flick is fucking awful.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:55 am
Tracer: Yeah and Network too “We’re in the boredom-killing business.”
August 8th, 2008 at 10:55 am
Blow. Johnny Depp is a douchebag. A Bill Simmons level douchebag.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:55 am
@Optimus Prime Minister…
Damn you, I already had that snoozer queued up in my copy/paste…
August 8th, 2008 at 10:56 am
@senor mullet, my 3 year old would like a word with you.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:56 am
The Simpsons Movie.
There. I said it.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:56 am
Preemptively taking Lakeview Terrace
August 8th, 2008 at 10:56 am
A.I. – I still can’t believe that anyone anywhere thought that was a good movie
August 8th, 2008 at 10:56 am
Goonies!!!
August 8th, 2008 at 10:57 am
castaway. boring as HELL.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:57 am
There Will Be Blood. Texas oil men don’t sound like Sean Connery.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:57 am
Austin Powers, nough said.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:57 am
The Departed. Apparently Boston’s full of pricks.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:57 am
I fucking HATE that flick!
August 8th, 2008 at 10:57 am
There Will Be Blood
Started the shyte seven times…turned it off after 20 minutes…seven times. I can not get into this fucking movie.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:57 am
ICE AGE.
They’re on three of these now? Or is it four? At least SHREK had the “Duloc/Small World” song. Ice Age had 90 minutes of Denis Leary further burying his former greatness and Ray f’n Romano.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:58 am
“Last of the Mohicans,” there, I said it. Jesus are you all really that entertained by the French and Indian war. “Ohhh but the soundtrack…” gay… “Ohh but when he puts that axe…” not bloody enough and pretty much no more violent than a lacrosse game… gaygaygay…
Daniel Day “I get paid to act like a normal dude but get all sorts of cred cause I’m a little light in the loafers artsy type mick” Lewis… except when he played the kid who could only move his foot, that actually was kinda talented… can otherwise take his fairy earring and shove it.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:58 am
E.T.
You travel across entire fucking GALAXIES, and you miss your ride like a poor mope at a bus stop? FUCK. THAT.
Bullshit. Give me Dreyfuss and spud mountain any day.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:58 am
@burnso, California oil men
August 8th, 2008 at 10:58 am
the departed. more like, the defarted.
infernal affairs was a fine movie, why remake it with a bunch of lousy irishmen from boston? plus, enough of the crazy nicholson bit. i get it. and that fucking bagpipe punk song is awful.
god i really hate irish people.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:59 am
@TDub
The Simpsons nuked the fridge 10 years ago.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:59 am
@paxcincinnatus, already took ET
August 8th, 2008 at 10:59 am
@ reggie – i already took departed – though you probably didnt find it cuz i spelled it in a boston accent.
next i will take the royal tenenbaums.
total piece of shit.
August 8th, 2008 at 10:59 am
Did someone just call Kate Winslet ugly? HOW DARE YOU?
August 8th, 2008 at 11:00 am
LOST IN TRANSLATION.
Zzzzzzzzz.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:00 am
Blair Witch Project – No further explanation needed.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:01 am
Pearl Harbor. Yeah, it actually won an Oscar.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:01 am
Tyler Perry. I know he’s a “filmmaker” but he keeps remaking the same movie so I won’t bother to actually name one. Let’s look past all the obvious coonery, the shuckin’ and jivin’ that would shame even Al Jolson and the shameless pandering to black women. The writing is hackneyed, the plots are cliched and the characters are all woefully underwritten. His movies are just plain bad. One may not like Spike Lee’s movies, but they’re all at least professionally made. Yet Perry is probably the most popular black “filmmaker” in Hollywood and he wouldn’t even wipe his ass for the money the average Spike Lee movie makes. Tyler Perry is living proof nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:01 am
I want Kate Winslet to swallow my future children
August 8th, 2008 at 11:01 am
hi there marry- i have to admit i liked the notebook.
Casino- Robert Deniro almost saved the movie… but to much like so many other mob movies
August 8th, 2008 at 11:01 am
Meet the Fockers – Actually has been ranked on some lists as one of the best comedies of all time. Seriously? Just because Dustin Hoffman is in something doesn’t automatically make it great. Ugh.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:01 am
Dazed and Confused – ‘look we’re smoking pot, aren’t we cool?’
No.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:01 am
As I have said here before, Say Anything is a horrible movie. Much like Sex and the City and ranch dressing, it makes me physically ill. On the bright side, when someone tells me how much they love it, I can totally judge them and know right away that we’ll never be friends.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:02 am
How about Kill Bill. Both of them. Fucking pretentious artsy-fartsy shit.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:02 am
@ Auksyte – DAMN! Then again, we weren’t the only ones.
OK, can I instead have me some Little Miss Sunshine. Honestly, what is it about movies with retards and their families?! They are not funny!
Now Tourette’s Dad on Youtube…He’s funny!
August 8th, 2008 at 11:02 am
@Tech N9ne’s Tribute to Falco
re: Last of the Mohicans
You are a tool
August 8th, 2008 at 11:02 am
i tried to ask Kate Winslet out on a date once, but the police got to me before i could break into her apartment
August 8th, 2008 at 11:02 am
http://tubearoo.com/articles/30863/Family_Guy_Peter_Doesn_t_Like_The_Godfather.html?autoplay=true
August 8th, 2008 at 11:02 am
@ Upstate -
But I type so slow . . .
August 8th, 2008 at 11:03 am
50 first dates. Drew + adam =/= funny. See: Wedding Singer already having been picked.
Although, fucking a chick everyday who thinks its the first time she is fucking you does sound appealing… only when that chick ISNT Drew “an M1A1 Tank Ran over my Face” Barrymore
August 8th, 2008 at 11:03 am
Boiler Room
My friends in sales loved it, constantly quoted it, and nearly drove me insane.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Kate Winslet’s ripe naturals are the single reason to ever watch Titanic.
Even if you’re a chick.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:04 am
technine is a tool… the only actor that should not be chastised for his choice in roals and skill is daniel day lewis. my god…
August 8th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Can I just pick “any comedy by Adam Sandler”? The man does not make funny movies. Except for Reign Over Me.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Let me have it:
Batman Begins.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:05 am
People are speaking against Casino and The Departed… No feel like smirre right now.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:05 am
Ocean’s 11. Ooo, look how cool we are! We’re just so smooth and slick!
August 8th, 2008 at 11:05 am
@UU: that will probably be the most traumatic experience of their short life
August 8th, 2008 at 11:05 am
American Pie
Jason Biggs can swing from my nuts.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:05 am
Tracer: Once again i cannot agree more. I cant stand Tyler Perry and my wife has EVERY ONE OF HIS FUCKING MOVIES/PLAYS. ive actually gone to the bathroom and sat on the toilet and waited till i needed to take a shit instead of watching a Tyler Perry movie……….. just waited. it will happen soon…. eventually ill need to take a dump and it will be 10 times more entertaining
August 8th, 2008 at 11:05 am
@Chocolate Construda
Re: Last of the Mohicans
Yeah, but at least I’ve never said in earnest that some 19th century period piece instrumental get’s me “pumped up.”
homo
August 8th, 2008 at 11:05 am
@ Cumpigeon Are you telling me Rocky beat Deliverance, Taxi Driver and Network? Fuck me. I guess white people really wanted to see Ali get his ass kicked.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:06 am
You’ve Got Mail. Oh, no one actually liked that movie? Oh well, it still belongs on this list. My last pick – I’m through my list.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:06 am
lol
August 8th, 2008 at 11:07 am
ANALYZE THIS
Note to DeNiro…you made MIDNIGHT RUN. You will never top it. Stop making fucking comedies. And especially making them with Billy Crystal.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:07 am
I thought Borat sucked and everyone who constantly quoted it a moron.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:08 am
On Kate Winslet: there’s something about decent chicks saying dirty things with their hot accents that makes them hotter. If Winslet was from Boston or Minnesota instead of England, her hotness level would drop.
Onto the next pick: Sin City. I don’t care how cool you make it look. It’s boring.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:08 am
Damnit I waited 10 posts instead of 10 picks. I’ll sit out this turn.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:08 am
ohhhhh i had three sisters and i sware to the lord if someone ever trys to make me watch ALLADIN ever F***ing again, ill take the dvd out of the player and slice their throat with it.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:08 am
porky1:
Wouldn’t that be two reasons?
August 8th, 2008 at 11:09 am
Braveheart.
Fuck Mel Gibson and fuck that overwrought piece of garbage passed off as an epic. Flaming bag of twat.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:10 am
i didn’t care much for porky’s.
also, EP4LIFE, no one was supposed to like snakes on a plane. that was the point, it was supposed to be terrible. way to be retarded.
/saw SNAP the day it came out. laughed through the entire movie. funny as shit.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:10 am
I can’t believe its still on the board. Eyes Wide Shut was unbearable. Oh, Stanley Kramer is such a genius. How can there be that many naked women in a movie and yet not be sexy. Confirmed Tom Cruise’s gayness.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:10 am
@claude balls–hiyo!
@ big dave: the movie “Porkys” or my picks?
August 8th, 2008 at 11:11 am
elliot you are a fucking retard.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:11 am
The Avatar Says:
August 8th, 2008 at 11:01 am edit
Dazed and Confused
Get out of this thread right now.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:11 am
The Land Before Time… that dinosaur was such a little bitch. your mother died, get over it.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:11 am
Sideways. A guy I dated really really liked this movie and talked about how awesome it was on multiple occasions…time to break up.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:11 am
Joe you mean Stanley Kubrick?
August 8th, 2008 at 11:12 am
the movie. i love being specific.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:12 am
See what you have started Drew??!
August 8th, 2008 at 11:12 am
Is it me or has the commenter illiteracy rate skyrocketed in the past month?
August 8th, 2008 at 11:12 am
@bill belichick: seriously people search the thread before picking
August 8th, 2008 at 11:13 am
Boondock Saints. Fucking worthless.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:13 am
Its Stanley Kubrick, but whatever…that movie was unbearable.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:13 am
Jerry McGuire
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
August 8th, 2008 at 11:13 am
In the spirit of Reggie Bush’s Pimp’s pick (Sin City) I’m taking…
300.
Wow, a 90 minute cutscene for a homoerotic video game. Empty, empty, empty. And you know what, speaking of “spirit” I’m going to lump “THE SPIRIT” in here pre-emptively even though it’s not out because that looks like dog balls too.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:14 am
STOP PICKING THE DEPARTED PEOPLE! We get it, you don’t like Irish people, but 4 picks is enough.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:14 am
Every sports-themed Disney movie. There isn’t a good one in the bunch. Dr. Jack Shepherd needs to get his ass back to the island and stop trying to resurrect a mid-major that will one day spawn Randy Moss.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:14 am
American Beauty. Can a stupid movie take itself any more seriously? (touche, Crash). Oh, suburban life is not all it’s cracked up to be? Wow, what a fucking revelation.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:14 am
Here’s another one for you, “Gangs of New York.” Moulon Rouge + Titanic with stupider accents. Bizarro period piece with the whole New York obsession = suckfest. Seriously, I wanted to like it, but made no damn sense.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:14 am
wow, this is starting to read like a list of some of my favorite movies (Wiz of Oz, eternal sunshine, there will be blood, blair witch, princess bride…)
but my first pic is A Beautiful Mind. All that academy award nomination horseshit and the movie sucked so much. I’m not even talking about how the plot was restructured and dude whose life the film was based on was way more interesting and darker than the polished turd Russell Crowe ended up acting in. Just basic movie stuff, like an interesting plot. Blech, I can’t stand it.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:14 am
Brother Mouzone Says:
August 8th, 2008 at 11:13 am
Boondock Saints. Fucking worthless.
LIES!
August 8th, 2008 at 11:15 am
@ Kyle…
“BUT WE DON’T WANT THE IRISH”
/anyone who picks Blazing Saddles on this board can lick their own taint.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:15 am
Lost in translation. Not only did I not “get it,” I wanted to punch Bill Murray in the face for whining so much.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:15 am
Walk the Line,
It was “Ray” except they edited out the talent, the good music, a disability, and the interesting drug habit.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:15 am
Ironically, I really like There will be Blood and In the Name of the Father.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:15 am
Can I just pick the second half of Full Metal Jacket? That movie could have ended after Pyle shot himself and it would have been 100x better.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:16 am
Pan’s Labyrinth. Boring as hell. Some cool effects, But it very well could have been a Michael Bay movie, At least then it would have cooler explosions and comically bad dialogue, instead of just bad dialogue.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:16 am
I thought we were only supposed to choose movies with 5 stars or more? If not, this could go on all day.
@joeg- His name is Kubrick, he makes great films. Agree with pick, but show some respect.
Who Framed Roger Rabbit- who the fuck cares?
August 8th, 2008 at 11:16 am
Top Gun…fuck that Scientologist assclown.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:16 am
@BDD
I guess that makes it a good pick, no? :)
August 8th, 2008 at 11:17 am
+++++ to all you who hated sideways. the two dudes are a couple douchebags. i hate anythign having to do with guys having to find themselves. if youre a dude, and youre in your 30s, and you havent found yourself yet, youve got bigger problems.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:17 am
Shrek
August 8th, 2008 at 11:17 am
City Slickers. I hate Billy Crystal.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:17 am
American Beauty. I hate white angst. I hate the fascination with the suburban “underbelly.” I hate ungrateful shithead teenagers. I hate roses. I hate virgin cheerleaders. I hate camcorder videos of bags in the wind. I hate this pretentious piece of shit and everything it validated in the way white kids from my generation feels so put upon from all the years of living well, getting everything they need, and still having the audacity to be mad. Fuck this movie.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:17 am
Side note, Princess Bride is a classic, if only because it’s a tolerable movie that will get you laid everytime. It beats any other chick flick.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:17 am
Anyone that hates a movie where a snake chomps on a chick’s bare tit is no friend of mine.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:18 am
Children of Men
worst piece of shit ever, and all these movie buff assholes talked it up and it got decent reviews, terrible, one of few movies where i really did walk back to the box office and ask for my money back, FUCKING TERRIBLE
August 8th, 2008 at 11:18 am
it’s getting rather hostile in here.
btw, big lebowski, holy grail, braveheart, batman begins, oceans’ 11, the departed, austin powers, finding nemo, usual suspects, batman, the matrix, rocky, spiderman, princess bride, were all fine movies.
whoever picks the godfather is going straight to hell.
the money pit. is what i have to say to that.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:18 am
Like that missing ‘ key on your keyboard?
August 8th, 2008 at 11:18 am
Every single movie with Owen Fucking Wilson in it. The bastard’s not funny, not cute, and not able to act his way out of a paper bag. HOW did he get an agent and HOW does he continue to get acting jobs? Most people suck and go away but not this punk. Who hears this douchebag’s name and thinks, yeah, he’ll bring shyte to the table. This cunt did Drillbit Taylor…THAT alone should have him exiled to New Caprica after the cylons invaded.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:18 am
armageddon
August 8th, 2008 at 11:18 am
To those who hate Adam Sandler: Fuck and yes.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:18 am
brother mouzone- you pick your name from the coolest television show ever, then you decide to put down the coolest movie ever (boondock saints) are you just trying to F*** with my head?
August 8th, 2008 at 11:18 am
Cloverfield….. what a fucking waste.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:19 am
@Undead Zombie Horde:
“Oooh, we’re vigilantes, but we go to church and pray, too! We’re so complex! And we shoot people, but everything’s shot in slow motion with Bach playing in the background! How profound!”
Having said that, I think we’ve unleashed a monster with this draft. People get very worked up. We might as well debate abortion.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:19 am
Sorry, that last message was for Auksyte
August 8th, 2008 at 11:19 am
@porky1 – that would be an absolute travesty
that said, Mel Brooks Producers was about 1/10 as good as people said it was, with the exception of the Springtime for Hitler song
August 8th, 2008 at 11:19 am
Brother Mouzone, are you a communist? boondock saints? really?? reeaaalllllyyy????
communist.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:19 am
Its a Wonderful Life.
Its a Terrible Movie.
/or is it It’s?
August 8th, 2008 at 11:20 am
Wow. “The Village” is a 6.6/10 on IMDB. I wanted to hurt children, the elderly, and myself after that steaming pile of shit. M. Night, lick my nuts. Try making a movie without a twist once, you unclever jackass.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:20 am
ERIN BROCKOVICH
A push-up bra and a trashy accent don’t make you suddenly hot, Julia.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:20 am
for that matter, pretty much any michael bay movie.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:21 am
No Country For Old Men
How about No Movie for anyone who wants a goddamn plot other than “look at this weird-looking fucker do sick shit” for awhile with no goddamn rhyme, reason, or resolution.
“Oh, it’s about the interpretiveness of art and what you THINK happened!” Fuck you. Fucking contemplating the mind of a demented killer.
I don’t call it art, I call it EVERY GODDAMN night…
August 8th, 2008 at 11:22 am
@ claude – youre lucky i use any punctuation whatsoever.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:22 am
senor- i wish there would be a mishap on a michael bay set, like say he was in that house in Bad Boys 2 when it blew up… or he fell off the chopter filming Arnold and Jamie Lee Curtis in true lies… something… but he should die
August 8th, 2008 at 11:22 am
How has no one taken Mystic River off the board yet? It combines all the elements that people have come out against: pretentiousness, over-acting and the Irish.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:22 am
Raging Bull. Wasn’t awful… but I officially started hating it when AFI ranked it the best sports movie of all time and completely left Rocky off the list. Die in a fire, AFI.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:22 am
damn Reese, you dont like to actual think your own thoughts do you?
August 8th, 2008 at 11:23 am
@Reese
You go to hell and you die!
August 8th, 2008 at 11:23 am
CLoverfield, everyone swears by this movie, even insisted that the comic relief was great. I saw that movie three times, once drunk, once sober and once stoned and you know what, I hated it each time.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:23 am
Mission Impossible 3 = Rocky Balboa?
Does anyone remember what he calls the organization there at the end? Impossible Mission Club or something really, really, really gay like that?
Fuck that shit, Fuck Tom Cruise, Fuck his wife, Fuck his baby and Fuck you for paying him.
/Haven’t beaten it in two hours
//Getting Ornary
// \ Hornary
August 8th, 2008 at 11:23 am
and while i’m ranting, someone picks armageddon. perfect.
fuck yeah! i’m taking con air. how fucking horrible was that movie?! ooooh, steve buscemi is questioning the norm, he’s as crazy as hannibal lecter! i know who can save us! homo cusack and nicholas cage with a southern accent! hooray!
jerry bruckheimer can fuking die. i hope he’s contracting AIDS as we speak.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:23 am
Correction – the didn’t leave rocky off the list… sorry… I meant Rudy.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:24 am
Reese the movie isnt about Shakur. Its about Sherrif Bell. maybe thats why you didnt like it.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:24 am
im just waiting for Tawmy ta stawt throwing his spit cup collection at all of us for picking on the irish
August 8th, 2008 at 11:24 am
children of men is the best film i’ve seen in the 2000s. how it ever appeared on this list baffles me. this friday list is actually much harder than I thought, mostly because if i don’t like a movie, i just stop watching it, or don’t go and see something that I know I might hate, they are too fucking expensive.
princess bride will indeed get you laid every time. It worked twice for me, the only other film that comes close is (oddly) Bill and ted’s excellent adventure.
my second pick is Bottle Rocket. I. Just. Don’t. Get. It.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:24 am
Leprechaun
once again the irish ruin a perfectly good movie.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:25 am
and i’ll be more than happy to join in the lynching of Reese.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:25 am
@Auksyte
your comment was hilarious when I read it as:
F@#% you to all you who hated sideways. the two dudes are a couple good guys. i love anythign[sic] having to do with guys having to find themselves. if youre a dude, and youre in your 30s, you have to find yourself yet, youve got bigger problems if you don’t love this movie.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:25 am
@john john
Same here, only once at 9 am, drunk, in a Cafe in Italy waiting for my plane.
Fuck. That. Shit.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:25 am
children of men, fuck yeah. best of the 2000’s? i’ll buy that.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:25 am
Scary Movie. How has no one taken this?
August 8th, 2008 at 11:26 am
cumpidgeon- i think the movie was about all the characters really… not one more than another… at least that’s how i saw it
i liked it
August 8th, 2008 at 11:27 am
that could be true. thats why its an awesome movie
August 8th, 2008 at 11:27 am
@ dougery – bill and teds excellent adventure is my all time favorite movie. dont ask why, but i know it by heart. for real.
next is far and away – keeping up with the hating of the irish and tom cruise.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:28 am
Mystery Alaska, because it makes my favorite Hockey team look like a bunch of dicks.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:29 am
S.W.A.T.
do i have to explain this one… or does Colin Farrel and that tranny Rodriguez just plain suck ass. LL Cool J and Samuel were the only believable actors and that’s sad
August 8th, 2008 at 11:29 am
StuScottBooyahs Says:
August 8th, 2008 at 11:25 am
Scary Movie. How has no one taken this?
Does anyone think that was good? At least anyone born before 1987?
August 8th, 2008 at 11:29 am
if i wrote my post that way, tech, it would be funny indeed.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:29 am
Fight Club
When I left the movie theater with my gf I was not in a good mood. The irony of two big stars in a big budget hollywood movie telling me that people are too materialistic was a little to much for me. Plus I wanted to see more fighting.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:29 am
Bridget Jones Diary. You weight about 110lbs and that’s fat only if you’re 4-foot-2, Renee, and that pouty lipped squinting thing you do doesn’t make you look sexy, it makes you look like you’ve got a lemon in your mouth and a sour persimmon up your ass. Why do women like movies about such scatterbrained, pathetic women and how did you queers let this movie slide so far?
August 8th, 2008 at 11:29 am
Ratatouille. Why hate the Irish when you can hate the French? And Pixar style movies that are NOT Toy Story. Fuck them.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:30 am
Uh…I thought No Country for Old Men sucked too. I kept thinking that I should like it, but never did. Watched it around the same time as There Will Be Blood thinking they’d be on the same level, but thought the latter was heads and shoulders better.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:30 am
You know, anytime a list like this can document the worthlessness of the Irish for all posterity, that’s a good day for me.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:30 am
@Auksyte – Don’t blame us for that, the Irish hate that movie too.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:30 am
I know, I know, I probably just don’t get it, but I can’t get through Casablanca.
What the fuck is the draw there???
August 8th, 2008 at 11:30 am
The Chronic(what!)les of Narnia.
The books suck too.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:31 am
you know what i take that back… cause the dude from sportsnight was awesome in that movie…i cant remember his line at the dinner table but it was classic, something like “i work in the dirrt and play in the clouds?”
August 8th, 2008 at 11:31 am
Further Irish hatred: Cinderella Man. Russell Crowe and Renee Zellweger annoy us for 2 hours of hammy acting to prove the Depression sucked. And we get 2 boxing scenes for it.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:32 am
Blade.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:32 am
Man, 240 comments in, there’s no way a movie I hate hasn’t already been mentioned.
But who doesn’t like “Tombstone”? That movie rocked in every possible way. If someone doesn’t at least think it’s a good movie, they’re dead to me.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:33 am
Field of Dreams. Fuck that movie.
Yes, James Earl Jones, baseball was pure, back when they wouldn’t have let you play.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:33 am
im your huckleberry, and that’s just my game
August 8th, 2008 at 11:33 am
WOAH not Cinderella Man RBP…. come on now. I know yall hate us but if anything that movie proves any hard headed mick could kick just about anyones ass
August 8th, 2008 at 11:33 am
This is the kind of thread that starts civil wars
August 8th, 2008 at 11:33 am
i’d like to select the entire works of Michael Moore. so that’s what i’m going to do to finish my picks.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:34 am
brother mouzone that was awful…. funny as hell but awful, i cant believe you said that. haha
i just spit milk out of my nose.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:34 am
172 responses and no one picked Legends of the Fall yet – came out while I was in high school and all my friends were in love, I’m pretty sure it’s longer than all the Lord of the Rings combined – I fucking hated that movie
ditto on The Last of the Mohicans – “oh no, the bad guys are coming and I can’t fight them all off on this little 2 foot-wide path underneath a waterfall, let’s have a really romantic kiss before I leave you to be gang-raped by them – I’ll rescue you later in the movie after we’ve had more time to explore our emotional depth” – and was it just me or did the little sister plummet off the cliff to dramatic music for a full half hour?
August 8th, 2008 at 11:34 am
Oh, and all the dialogue in “Tombstone” that isn’t spoken by Val Kilmer is super-gay
August 8th, 2008 at 11:35 am
@claude balls: It’s not you.
@porky1: Blasphemy. 300 is fucking sweet.
re: Tombstone – I don’t even like Val Kilmer, but he is such a badass as Doc Holliday in that movie. Yes, he’s hot, even with TB.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:36 am
Rounders for multiple reasons. I don’t mind Matt Damon or Edward Norton and Malkovich is pretty cool. However, screw the entire poker craze that every frat boy douchebag picked up coupled with the WorldWide Leader playing 8 hours of poker coverage per day. Plus, Simmons was all over this movie’s nuts. Every time some asshole says, “Pay that man his money,” I wish to crush his skull.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:36 am
ok that’s enough for me my last pick is also the best pick….
the ENTIRE HARRY POTTER COLLECTION, i cant believe one of my best freinds is planning on sleeping outside the movie theatre to go see the newest one…
truly thinking about finding new freinds that arent complete f**king douschebags
August 8th, 2008 at 11:36 am
Most depressing IMDB research discovery ever:
Wild Hogs made over $168 million in the US. And is 135 on the all time highest grossing US movies ever.
Not only do I hate that movie (or I would have if I were dumb enough to see it), I now hate America.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:37 am
When did KSK become so anti-Irish? Not all of us live in Boston.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:37 am
Scream. Blows.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:37 am
@Cumpidgeon: the boxing scenes were awesome. It’s just the godawful over-sentimentality of it. I blame Zellweger for it.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:37 am
FACE/OFF
John Woo has never made a good movie outside of Hong Kong, ever, ever, ever. Travolta and Cage hamming it up in a vacuous piece of implausible crap.
I would have picked BROKEN ARROW, but I think more people liked Face/Off. Both sucked.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:37 am
Speaking of self important pieces of birdshit, “Clerks.”
If you knew that many big words, you wouldn’t be working at a video store, or be such a horrible, horrible actor.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:38 am
Austin Powers. Not funny
August 8th, 2008 at 11:38 am
RBP: Touche
August 8th, 2008 at 11:39 am
Smurftastic,
those people you speak of are my in-laws. First in fucking line to see that shit.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:39 am
As much as hating “No Country for Old Men” will bring down the wrath of the KSK mafia, just imagine the clusterfuck that awaits the poor soul who drafts The Dark Knight.
\loved the movie.
\\Baiting
August 8th, 2008 at 11:39 am
naked lunch.
i can think of two things wrong with that title.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:39 am
I’ll take anything by David Lynch, but if I had to pick one, I would say Mulholland Drive – what the fuck was this movie even about. Worst piece of shit I ever saw, praised by all my art-fag buddies.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:40 am
hey smurftastic it’s kinda stupid to pick a movie you havent seen…. that’s not stupid actually it’s ignorant.
i saw that movie and yeah it sucked, just not as much as you would expect. Ray Liotta was hilarious, just hilarious. and the dude who plays the huge eskimo in mystery alaska is classic (WE drink our PISS COLD)
watch a movie before you select it as a movie everyone liked and you didnt. jackass.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:41 am
Good pick TDub – I can’t believe that movie lasted this long.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:41 am
@kyle
im certainly not anti-irish. the people who sign my paycheck are irish and are taking me out for beers for my 30th bday. they are just in a lot of cruddy movies.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:41 am
“In The name of the Father”
/realy didn’t like this movie
//continues the hatred of Irish movies
August 8th, 2008 at 11:42 am
i am irish so i certainly dont hate them… but i cant fawkin’ stand da faggots in bahstan
August 8th, 2008 at 11:42 am
in fact throw gone baby gone in this one just to continue the mick/bahstan hatred
August 8th, 2008 at 11:44 am
HAIRSPRAY (musical version)
While it’s nice that Travolta got to satisfy his cross-dressing desires on film without actually having to leave the closet, fuck ‘em. The original wasn’t the greatest film ever, but any thirty seconds from the original is more entertaining than the shitty remake.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:45 am
Woooooooow…. defending Wild Hogs… Fine, you’re the one who has to live with yourself thebestthereiswasandwillbe. I take it off my picks… but it’s still sad that it made that much fucking money.
I replace that pick with Anchorman.
First time I saw it I thought “Quotable, but not great.” Everyone loved it so much I thought, maybe I’ll watch it again. Watched it again. Then thought “I can recite all the funny parts of this movie because everyone quotes it like it’s their job… and I am irritated.”
August 8th, 2008 at 11:45 am
THIS DRAFT IS MAKING ME ANGRY!!
HULK SMASH!!
/smashes.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:45 am
E.T.
The intergalactic adventures of a lizard queer.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:46 am
The Big Lead selects The Godfather.
“Sorry. We just didn’t get the hype.”
August 8th, 2008 at 11:47 am
Smurftastic, you’re dead to me.
Anchorman is the zenith of comedy for this decade.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:47 am
Requiem For a Dream: Bad shit happens to awful people. I’m supposed to feel bad. Not today. It makes a good comedy I guess.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:47 am
And if anyone takes one more Coen Bros’ movie that ISN’T “The Hudsucker Proxy”, they get a cocklashing.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:47 am
The Cooler – I fucking hated that movie more than I hate Racism and anti-drug commercials. Alec Baldwin is awesome at a lot of things but not as a vegas casino pit-boss.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:48 am
Tombstone rocks. “Tell ‘em I’m comin’! And Hell’s comin’ with me!”
Just to end the hatred and bring all peoples together under one banner, I say: Chariots of Fire.
I saw it as a kid and it’s a damn movie about guys running? WTF? I want what the title said “CHARIOTS OF FIRE!” Hopefully with a soundtrack by Dio.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:49 am
smurftastic – oh no i agree with your pick i just think you should have watched it… or should watch it stilll…. and your right i cant believe it made that much money… my wife loves, absoluetly loves travolta so i had to watch it.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:49 am
@ BDD fargo was already taken
too many good movies are on this is draft board… which i guess was the point.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:50 am
TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE – all versions (yes, including the original original)
There’s a reason Tobe Hooper never did a good movie after this (and don’t bring up POLTERGEIST. Spielberg’s fingerprints are smudged all over that one.)
For the time, I suppose it was shocking. Hasn’t aged well, sorry.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:50 am
Last Pick…Little Miss Sunshine…
what. the. fuck. ever.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:51 am
“it seems my hypocricy knows no bounds”
one of the best movie lines ever
August 8th, 2008 at 11:51 am
For any of the D-Bags who didn’t like the godfather, see the following-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avddxEad7u8
“I liked the Money Pit. That is my answer…”
August 8th, 2008 at 11:52 am
i’m surprised “once upon a time in america” is still on here. just because a movies 2 days long doesn’t make it a classic. and the ending fucking sucks.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:52 am
@tdub
“…bullshit indy movies that everyone just thinks that they should like to seem smart (see Royal Tenenbaums)”
Oh yeah, that’s why i like it because i want to ’seem’ smart. No way am I as smart as you, who is smart enough to not like it and secure enough to not have to pretend too..
And my pick is Anchorman. The worst part about it is that Ferrell is a douche that we’re supposed to laugh at because he’s such a douche, and yet he gets the girl by being a douche.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:53 am
8 Mile. With the exception of that one song that was good and the fact that I got endless laughs out of Mekhi Pheiffer’s hair (completely misspelled, I know)… Eminem being surly and ghetto is not worthy of a full length feature.
Also I hate Michigan more than the Irish.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:53 am
Transformers.
Thanks for ruining my childhood nostalgia. I’m glad you’re working on a GI Joe movie. What’s next? Go-Bots? M.A.S.K.?
August 8th, 2008 at 11:53 am
Ben Stiller’s twatting twat of a career…seriously…these damned stand up comics/actors and their cookie cutter movies have to stop…I’m talking to you Judd Apatow.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:54 am
The greatest sleeper pick ever: Grease.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:54 am
Atonement.
I managed to duck it while it was in the theaters. I even bought my gf a copy so she could watch it alone. So what does she do? She insists we watch it together. Jesus God, I want my two and a half hours back.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:55 am
@Incredible Fulk,
smart enough to know “Anchorman” was taken off the board already.
/smug sense of self-satisfaction.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:55 am
Peter King will take The Ladykillers for the cocklashing.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Apocalypse Now.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:57 am
I’m ridiculously late to the game, but I’d like to applaud those of you who’ve already taken the time to urinate on “Crash,” “Napoleon Dynamite,” and anything connected to Jerry Bruckheimer.
If “Independence Day” hasn’t been taken, it’s mine. A plot cribbed from countless sci-fi movies, dialogue written by a retarded six year old, and shitty slo-mo effects over and over again. Oh, Jeff Goldblum is a hero? A hero who saves the world with a Mac laptop? FUCK YOU.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:58 am
RE “Apocalypse Now” – Oh, no, you di’n't…
August 8th, 2008 at 11:58 am
Independence Day. I’d like to make all the men who think Independence Day is fucking awesome watch When a Man Loves a Woman until all their testosterone dries up. Then I want to beat Andy Garcia, Will Smith and Bill Paxton with their shriveled sacks. While Meg Ryan tosses my salad.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:58 am
I’ve read all the Harry Potter books and have watched all the movies so far and will admit to liking them all. I’m 30, in case you’re wondering. I didn’t think I’d like them, but read all the books this year and was pleasantly surprised.
My first pick: The Breakfast Club. Fucking boring and stupid.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:59 am
oh dag jefferson shortbus – atonement did suck! and im a girl!!!
August 8th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Sixteen Candles. Fuck you Molly Ringwald , you never were hot and yet you managed to be in every fucking movie. Donger, where is my automobile? It should be shoved up your ass you stupid douche.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:59 am
@Otto Man: That’s what the aliens get for not installing Windows 95
August 8th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Little Women. For all the reasons that were discussed with the book version a bunch of drafts ago, plus Claire Danes and Kirsten Dunst.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:59 am
I did a double feature Wednesday night of Pineapple Express then snuck into Wanted.
Wanted is somehow rating 73% at Rotten Tomatoes and is easily the dumbest movie I’ve ever seen.
Spoiler Alert
You know how the assassins pick their targets? A MAGIC LOOM WEAVES THEM BINARY CODE MESSAGES
August 8th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Wanted. Aaah, how could I forget the two hours I wasted on that bullshit? Angelina, eat a goddamn sandwich already.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Must Love Dogs
Diane Lane is one of the hottest women on the planet, she should just be a porn star so we can watch her without the awful romantic comedy cover.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
To fully complete the “everyone on this comment post hates me and wants me to die” I’ll take Caddyshack. I just don’t get that kind of comedy. They’d be classic SNL sketches… string them all together with a “plot” and I lose interest.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Drat, I missed it by mere seconds.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
it was bad enough it deserves to be hated on more than once
August 8th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Fried Green Tomatos.
Can’t remember anything about the movie, but did get to play stink finger with girlfriend.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
@tdub
Yes, I concede to your intelligence. I was not smart enough to turn off “Match case” when searching for it ;) I humbly apologize for questioning you and am burning my double-disc edition of Royal Tenenbaums as we speak. Carry on.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
As Good as it Gets. Walked out of a free screening to go back to work I hated it so much.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
i actually dont mean to hate on the irish all that much. i mean, they did redeem themselves as a race with Riverdance
August 8th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Romeo & Juliet (1996)
John Leguizamo is annoying in absolutely everything, Claire Danes can’t act, and this entire movie is virtually unwatchable. How does it have a 6.9/10 rating on IMDB? Oh yeah, because teenage girls are fucking stupid.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
Someone took Caddyshack? Someone took Apocalypse Now?
/faith in humanity gone
August 8th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
MR AND MRS SMITH.
Not only for being an inane ripoff of a TRUE LIES sequel, but for unleashing BRANGELINA upon magazine racks everywhere.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Dirty Dancing. That wasn’t a movie, it was an advertisement for pedophilia. Between that and Ghost, I sorta hope Swayze dies.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Apocalypse Now should in no way be on this list. A 17 year old Lawrence Fishburne makes up for whatever faults the movie has.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
@Slash…..should have had more Brando….less Sheen
August 8th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Incredible Fulk,
it’s all good baby… we’re just funnin’ around.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
“Reefer Madness” – not really but i had to mention it
August 8th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
@Kyle….well it is hahah
August 8th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
@Steelerspride
A MILLION TIMES YES
August 8th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Pick 2 – Empire Records. Ferreal.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
oooooh nice empire records grab, runningboard7.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Fuck The Royal Tennenbaums. And fuck everyone who thinks I’m ingorant because I don’t like this movie. “Oh, he’s not that intelligent. He doesn’t understand the whole dark humor thing. He only likes fart jokes and Will Ferrell.” How does not liking this movie always elicit that reaction? More importantly, how can I make everyone feel ignorant for not thinking I’m awesome?
August 8th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
I can’t believe the worst movie of all time is still on the board — The Thin Red Line. Three hours of my life I’ll never get back. By the time the piece of crap was finished, there were more people waiting in the lobby for their friends who stuck with this idiocy. I’ve never seen that many people leave a movie. Denigrating the Americans who fought and died in one of the most significant battles in World War II is appalling. When Malick dies, I hope he has to clean Hitler’s toilet in hell. After a few centuries, he can have a brush.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Tdub..
So can I still watch it? Can I still watch Rushmore? Don’t worry, I’ll never watch The Life Aquatic again. But I do love that Wes Anderson AMEX commercial where he’s eating the french fries and wearing that weird suit.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
@TDub:
It’s versatile because it could also go in a “soundtrack good, movie piece of shit” draft.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
How has no one taken Vanilla Sky? I have friends that swear this is the greatest movie of all time. The plot twist was so absurdly inconceivable, and I can’t really feel sorry for Tom Cruise, ever.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Incredible Fulk, ask McDeez 2 above you. If it’s cool with him, I’m on board too.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
Even though Drew and Smurphette mentioned it, I believe nobody has taken Sex and the City. A steal this late. If I wanted to see chicks that old get naked, I’d watch granny porn.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
The first user comment on IMDB for Vanilla Sky is disturbing.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
I only skimmed through the first 20 or so comments, but “Titanic” not being in the top 20 is a damn travesty!
August 8th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
FATHER OF THE BRIDE
Answers the trivia question: “At what exact moment can it be determined that Steve Martin lost it?”
August 8th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Great Badger, I think you just finished off my favorites list.
How about the Dark Knight man, that was stooooopid. Why would a grown man wear clown makeup? And why does Batman sound like Harvey Firestein? And how come Two-Face’s face doesnt get infected? And how come Rachel got butt-ugly in like 2 years? And how does Jim Gordon go from Detective to Commissioner on the spot? And who drives the Batmobile when Batman gets on his belly to shoot the guns? And where was Robin? And Zeus does not have a heart of gold, he once tried to kill Hulk Hogan. And what does the Joker do at the party after Batman jumps out the window after Rachel – does he say ‘thank you all and have a good night and just leave?’ And how come…. looks around… raises hands and slowly.. backs.. out… of… room.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Mamma Mia (exclamation point!). Apart from all the other things that were obviously unbearable about this movie, Pierce Brosnan can’t sing for shit.
/was dragged to it… honest
August 8th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
RE The Rooster Lives Says:
August 8th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
@Slash…..should have had more Brando….less Sheen
I actually think it had about the right amount of Brando, but whatever. It’s America, you can hate whatever you want. It’s what makes us mighty, our hate. That’s right, young Skywalker, use your hate…
I don’t take movies all that seriously, so I can’t think of any that almost everyone else likes that I absolutely hate. I’ve seen movies that blow, for sure, but can’t think of POPULAR ones that I feel that strongly about. Who liked “Vanilla Sky”? I saw a couple minutes of it on cable and it was so fucking boring I turned it off, but I don’t hate it.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Incredible Fulk- You’re alright as long as you’re cool with me hating you for liking that crap. What a beautiful circle of irony.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Syriana can get screwed in the ass by a Horse with Viagra. Biggest piece of garbage this side of Troy Williamsuck. How can you have that many stars in a movie about the Middle East (I think that’s what it was about, I was fucking sleeping) and it blows. The newspaper stories on the wars in that region or more riveting. If I had only had a gun to shoot myself because my douche bag group thought it was inappropriate to leave a movie in the middle, Oh, I’m sorry, is your Dad George Clooney? I wish he was so I got give him a cock slap to the face.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
I’ll go with the 80’s doubleheader value pack
‘Flashdance’ and ‘Footloose’
Some shameful shit right there
August 8th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
MRS. DOUBTFIRE
Robin Williams isn’t funny.
Actors in fat old lady suits (see Travolta) aren’t funny.
Therefore, it can be logically determined…
August 8th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Batman Forever. 5.4/10? Really? The first 2 were good. At least Tim Burton was on to the whole “Dark Knight” part and movies for adults, not this gargabe. At least Batman and Robin doesn’t make the 5.0 cut.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
I can’t wait for the bizzarro, Movies you loved that everyone else hated.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
clueless. this movie came out the year i graduated high school. i watched it, i tolerated it but it wasn’t until i had to deal with EVERYONE suddenly becoming alicia silverstone with that hand/finger “W” whatevA and “AS IF” that i developed major homicidal tendencies. btw you all reservoir dogs, lotr, matrix, apocalypse now, etc haters out there, i fear you are the same people who must make the notebook and sex and the city popular. if i see evil dead 2 & full metal jacket up here, i’m going to have to start rethinking you “men”.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Each and every Monty Python movie. Monty Python sucks, plain and simple. It does not matter whether the venue is a TV show or a movie.
The only thing more pathetic than Monty Python is someone quoting Monty Python.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Has no one mentioned Saving Private Ryan? What an insulting fucking movie. It’s the movie the Nazis would’ve made if they won the war.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
@Otto Man: That’s what the aliens get for not installing Windows 95
True, indeed.
I actually caught three minutes of “Independence Day” on TV the other day, wondering if it was really as bad as I remembered. It was actually worse.
Doubt me? Take a look at the script, flip to any random page, and imagine the lines being delivered by award-dodging actors like Bill Pullman, Robert Loggia and Randy Quaid.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
“Shakespeare in Love.” I know somebody already picked everything Ben Stiller has ever done (I agree — he’s as funny as pudding), but this takes the cake. This piece of post-modernist crap won the Academy award, but “Saving Private Ryan” didn’t? Yep, twenty years from now people will be saying, that “Shakespeare in Love,” what a great film; “Saving Private Ryan”? Nope, never heard of it. That’s like Halle Berry winning an Academy Award!
/what do you mean she did win?
August 8th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
@Slash
Lots of people LOVED Vanilla Sky. Read the imdb comments and look at the awards it won.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days.
As a female viewer, I wanted to stab Kate Hudson in her stupid face. Even when she wasn’t trying to be annoying, she makes me hate my gender.
Also, having rockhard abs and curly hair does not a good romantic lead make, Matthew.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
@Slash
Ok maybe I broke the rules…..I don’t necessarily “hate” Apocalypse Now. I am a big Brando fan, Godfather is probably my favorite movies of all time, but I just am not a huge Martin Sheen fan….for whatever reason I just dont care for him. That’s probably why I didn’t like the Departed either. But I realize this movie is better than movies like Vanilla Sky.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
@JJB,
go ahead and start that draft up now, everyone is all good and pissed off at eachother.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
All three Spiderman movies…..Tobey McGuire sucks! I am glad I never paid to watch these movies.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Brother Mouzone,
first, the nazis make shitty movies…
second, what’s your point?
August 8th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Attack of the Clones. Can’t believe this is still here.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
speaking of tobey mcguire – seabiscuit anyone?
August 8th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
As someone who really likes David Lynch movies, I’m surprised I haven’t seen any on the list… Wait, now I’m pissed at myself!! sonofabitch!
August 8th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
I don’t know if its universally loved, but I’ve had enough people try and push this movie on me for it to count in my little world.
The Doom Generation
Rose McGowan naked cannot even come close to saving this film. James Duval is Keanu Reeves with a lobotomy, Rose McGowan is totally obnoxious and the dialog in this film is so unbelievably stupid it defies explanation.
Witness the horror for yourself….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGnM2wmpDF4
August 8th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
My last pick that people loved and I hated?? Apocalypto. I want to know where Mel Gibson gets his knowledge of languages that have been dead longer than Jesus.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
ah, found the comment i missed.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
@Kyle – You mean there was a second half of Full Metal Jacket? Huh, I never knew.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
Pretty Woman
First, the movie loses all credibility with Julia Roberts in the title role. She’s not pretty, and she doesn’t look like a ho. Also, Richard Gere likes chicks? Methinks not. And a dude falls in love with a ho? Puh-leze.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
WOW, 377 comments and not one person picked RENT? (according to ctrl+f)
Shame on you all.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
How is it possible that no one has picked “Nell?” Fuck, I think I just got a late steal there.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
The Cell. I snuck into that movie and walked out. That was the worst piece of shit ever fucking made. Is it a dream, is it real? Why is that jackoff hanging from those hooks? Plus J-Lo made her role in Enough seem like Meryl fucking Streep.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
@ naptown drew – preach. this movie had me thinking all hookers had hearts of gold. after killing, a couple i found out that they have regular hearts. AND they’re worth a lot less than non-hooker body parts on the black market.
August 8th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
RE The Badger Says:
August 8th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
“Lots of people LOVED Vanilla Sky. Read the imdb comments and look at the awards it won.”
OK, maybe the fucking geeks on IMDB loved it, but so what? They’re probably all Scientologists. I bet they loved “Battlefield Earth,” too. And “Wild Hogs.”
August 8th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Four Weddings and a Funeral. I actually said, out loud, “I’d better get head if we’ve got to sit through this shit” when we saw this in the theater.
Girlfriend at the time didn’t approve. I stand by my statement, though.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Gay.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
RE Government Mule Says:
August 8th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Four Weddings and a Funeral. I actually said, out loud, “I’d better get head if we’ve got to sit through this shit” when we saw this in the theater. Girlfriend at the time didn’t approve. I stand by my statement, though.
I’m a chick and I actually agree with that. If a spouse/girlfriend makes you sit through a chick flick, I think she owes you a hummer. Not sure what the compensation for going to the mall with her and standing around for hours holding her purse should be. A threesome with her hot friend, maybe.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
BORAT. Maybe laughed two, three times? Nothing like beating a dead, one-trick-pony for an hour and a half.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
I’m breaking the rules and taking Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas as well, cause I know no one else here will.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Three words:
Meet Joe Black.
Try renting that piece of shit with some chick whose pants you’re trying to get into. I tried to be the nice guy and let her pick the movie…the asshole at the video store puts down TWO fucking tapes. 3.5 hours of Brad Shitt walking around some house? What the fuck? She fell asleep and I was so pissed off by the end that I snuck out of the house, never to be seen or heard from again.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
@ dick_gozina Good call on Romeo and Juliet. Underwritten and overacted is a bad, bad combination. Except for Daines and DiCaprio because they can’t act at all.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
@Slash: If that’s the case, I’m due quite a few threesomes with my ex and one of her hot friends. However, I’m pretty sure it doesnt’ work that way. That dog won’t hunt.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
@Grimey: Holy shit, I can’t believe I forgot about Grease. Terrific pick.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Little Miss Sunshine- Hey little fatass you’re not funny and you’re movie sucks.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
@McDeez
I get the same response when I tell people I didn’t like Rushmore. That movie blew donkey dicks. In fact, I normally hate all movies about quirky kids with dark senses of humor, including Juno. Quirky kids aren’t cool, they’re fucking weird. And to the people who said they didn’t like The Big Lebowski and There’s Soemthing About Mary….that’s just crazy talk.
Also, Christopher Guest movies just aren’t funny.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
@Hollywood, but that scene where Brad Pitt gets nailed by two cards is HI-Larious.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
@brother mouzone
Boondock Saints
Thank God someone hates that retarded ass movie as much as i do, fell asleep the first time, gave it another shot because every one was all ‘its so good’
wait they’re angels, oh the dude from head of the class, willem defoe is a homophobic gay man so hilarious
that was a turd of a movie and the director is a huge d-bag too
August 8th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Iron Man….
just kidding.
Phantom Menace. i know it was the first Star Wars movie in 20 years, but how many people saw this shitty movie more than once to get it up to 5th in all-time box office. what’s that Lucas, parasites give you the force? does that mean as the chosen one, Anakin has a 10-foot tape worm up his ass? yippee!!!
August 8th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
some responses to too many to list here:
Saving private Ryan. Thank You! what a big p.o.s! beyond the first admittedly awesome 30 minutes this is pure crap and makes no sense. Yes, lets spend all this energy and elite manpower to get one guy, oh, and along the way a bunch of people are going to die, just for you One Soldier!
Royal Ts. I don’t like anything else by Anderson, but this one clicked with me. I like the cookiness, i like the characters and the design is incredible. I can completely understand not liking it, and unlike everyone else you spoken to (apparently) I’m not going to talk shit and say you’re stupid. I liked it, you don’t have to.
Nobody liked meet joe black. nobody.
The original Texas chainsaw massacre is fantastic. Its only a let down if you are looking for gore (which it has, surprisingly, little of). The tension and xenophobia and perverseness and horror of that movie are hard to top.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Pulp Fiction.
I wanted to kill John Travolta halfway through.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
The Matrix sucked. It was loser-geek fantasy, propped up by cheap-ass late-night stoner philosophy. “Oh man, what if, like the whole world was an illusion?” Fuck you fanboy, Plato and Descartes got through that shit a long time before the Whatever brothers did. Mysteriousing it up with a bunch of shit that doesn’t make sense doesn’t make it deep, it makes it stupid. Furthermore, even in the context of the stupid film, the bad guys were right. Living in a fucking cave eating blue glop? Give me the fucking illusion. And the battery shit violates the laws of thermodynamics, assholes. Keanu Reaves, asshole. That chick with the leather, looks like a man.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Man, there are a lot of mediocre movies on here. I decided to glance at the IMDB Top 250 list. (Wow, “The Dark Knight” is really #1? Are you kidding? It shouldn’t be in the Top 30, as it’s definitely not better than “Godfather” (I and II), “Casablanca”, “GoodFellas”, “Star Wars” or “Young Frankenstein”. But I digress.)
I was going to pick “Full Metal Jacket” but someone already took the second half . . . so in a similar vein I’ll go with The Deer Hunter (#137, 8.2/10). DeNiro sleepwalked through it, Walken is good but barely in it, and the whole movie is weighed down by the heavy-handed anti-war message due to Michael Cimino’s crappy direction. Ugh. I never want to sit through this again.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
21 Grams. Just. F@#king. Depressing. And I have Sean Penn. Gay.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Saving Private Ryan… SPR?? Wow. Another movie i cant believe lost Best Picture. and the winner goes to: Shakespeare in Love
What a fucking joke
August 8th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Sorry. “hate” Sean Penn.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
I call total bullshit on Gladiator, Top Gun and especially The Godfather picks. That shit just ain’t right and I demand they are removed from the list forthwith!
August 8th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Not that I care one way or the other, but violating the laws of thermodynamics in a movie is just unacceptable. Every other movie ever made follows the laws of phyiscs without question.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
Thanks Tracer Bullet – My #2 & 3 movies were already taken (Moulin Rouge and Boondock Saints) but Romeo and Juliet is far and away numero uno.
Actually, I wasn’t going to include Coffee & Cigarettes here because I just assumed that everybody hated Jim Jarmusch and knew that he was a fucking hack. But there it is on imdb with a 6.9/10 rating. Do 7 of every 10 people enjoy watching short black and white clips of idiots talk about nothing with lots of awkward pauses and slow pacing? In scenes that have nothing to do with each other? In a movie whose brilliant concept is to have 20 random scenes connected together by (wait for it….) the fact that they all involve coffee and/or cigarettes? Damn Jarmusch…you’ve blown me away with your “genius” concept. Go fuck yourself.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
I’ll take Ghost since there’s no way Swayze should have been with a 1980s Demi Moore and Whoopi is just the worst possible actress for any role in any movie.
And I realized something after reading most of these posts…that most of you either have no fucking idea what a good movie is because you can’t see past your miserable existence of a life or you’ve spent too much time huffing paint thinner.
The Matrix (original) – Are you fucking kidding me? And fuck Plato and Descartes, I’m sure they stole much of their philisophy from Ancient Egypt anyway.
Braveheart, Crash, The Usual Suspects, Tombstone, Boiler Room…give me a break people.
I’ve just lost faith in 90% of society. Drew any space on Rigel 7?
August 8th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
I’ll take the heat.
The Dark Knight.
Can I get a fucking smile up in that dour bitch? Bruce Wayne has MFU money, fucks entire Russian ballet troupes, has Michael goddamn Caine as his butler and Red as his gadget guy and he’s the most saddest boy at the party because Maggie Gyllenhaal’s awkward fugly ass won’t fuck him. I wanted to drop a Joker magic pencil trick on his ass. Also, Scarecrow is lame.
The whole movie would have improved if Oldman took on Joker as Stansfield instead of Jim Gordon. And if you don’t know who that is, everyone get fucked. EVERYONE!
August 8th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
Can I make a pick that encompasses any movie starring Hugh Grant? How the hell is some guy who got caught being sucked off in a public park by some prostitute so revered by women?
If I have to pick just one Hugh Grant film, I will take Notting Hill.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Willow. Hated that god-awful movie even though midgets rule.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
@J4B: I’m trying to figure out what movies this group does like. There has to be some sort of common thread, theme, or pattern. I think we’d all like a feature film with the Double J and friends.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
@The Rooster Lives I will fight any man to the ground for Apocalypse Now. Name the time, name the place, name the people who’ll drag you to the hospital.
Probably doesn’t hurt that my dad was, basically, Kilgore… down to the weird laugh and the strangely paternal relationship with his soldiers.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
The Departed isn’t about the Irish; it’s about a couple of completely unbelievable Bostonians in a riduculous story. And its awful.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
VAN WILDER
Ryan Reynolds isn’t funny, and his sidekick was played by a fucking Real World kid.
…And it didn’t show Tara Reid’s lopsided sweater cows.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
@Rocco: Any movie encompassing any of the characters in the next post + Tawwmy and the Sex Cannon + Biff and PK is a movie I can get behind…uh..in front of…well nevermind you know what I’m sayin’.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Every Lord of the Rings
Every Matrix movie
Star Wars
August 8th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
X-2: X-Men United
Overrated fanboy crap. zomg let’s have Terri Schiavo pwn the most powerful mutant in the world. YEAH!
August 8th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
The Aviator. That’s the problem with being a living legend: everybody is going to suck your dick as a lifetime achievement award. Stick to gangster flicks, Marty.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
@dick_gozinia
Agreed. However, can I get a pass for really liking the RZA/GZA/Bill Murray part?
August 8th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Morpheus: I got my degree in philosophy, and I was fine with the Matrix. Sure, it’s a Plato’s cave spin-off, but Glaucon wasn’t wielding a desert eagle and colliding choppers into fuckin’ skyscrapers… so I still say that movie rocks the house.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
All my good ones (Gladiator, Eternal Sunshine) are picked so I’ll go with I Heart Huckabees. Such a stupid and shallow vanity project made by the Hollywood elite.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
@Echto: She was in a bikini top though.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
The Fifth Element. Even Gary Oldman and that no-tittied bitch couldn’t save that steaming pile of syphilitic donkey felchings.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
12 Monkeys. Brad Pitt was so fucking terrible. His overacting killed this movie.
Another movie I’m suprised didn’t make the short list, The Beach. I don’t think I can ever forgive Leo for that chunk of fecal paste.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
Girl 6…They should have blown up every movie theater that decided to show this. Then punched every customer in the face on the way out.
August 8th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
@Rocco
I think we DO need the opposite version, the movies you love that everyone hated, to try to draw the common theme here. But how can you possibly find one when there are people on here that hate LOTR and Big Lebowski? Nobody mentioned Star Wars seriously (I assume that gut that said LOTR, SW and Matrix was kidding), but I’m sure somebody will. And if anybody feels like hijacking this thread with the loved/hated movies, I’ll proudly start it with Vanilla Sky. I did love that movie and maybe it was just the soundtrack, but I dont care. IT’S A NIGHTMAAAAAARE.
August 8th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
@naptown drew – You can. Even in a shitty Jarmusch project, Wu Tang is way cool and Bill Murray is infinitely likable. But that doesn’t exempt the other 95% of the movie that features the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked. (especially the White Stripes scene)
August 8th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Wow, I’m super late to the draft, and I’ve still got several of my picks unpicked.
A huge +1 to Smurphette for Knocked Up.
+1 to dick gozinia for the Jarmusch hate.
And for my first pick, I’m taking Before Sunrise. Fuck Ethan Hawke and his chocolate milk mustache, and fuck this pretentious, obnoxious movie. And fuck Richard Linklater, for that matter. I liked Dazed and Confused, but other than that, Linklater is just waaaaaaay too pleased with himself.
August 8th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Two For The Money
Al Pacino, gambling…to quote William Hurt at the end of the awesome History of Violence, “How do you fuck that up????”
August 8th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Guess I won’t get all three (Phantom Menace got snapped up a few picks back) but I’ll go ahead and take Revenge of the Sith. Everybody was so excited that it didn’t suck as bad as the first two that they forgot all about the fact that it did, in fact, suck. Just not as much.
August 8th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
+1000 to everyone who picked Juno
+10325 to everyone who picked Napoleon Dynamite
+20972552580.35 to Million Dollar Shitstorm
August 8th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Day after tomorrow…HATE it
August 8th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
I read eight thousand comments just to find that my pick, “Fear and Loathing” was stolen by Rocco. Fucker, a pox on your house. “Where the Buffalo Roam” made F&L look like ten pounds of shit in a one pound sack for anyone that has read Thompson’s stuff.
I’ll go back to my board and choose, “An Inconvenient Truth.” Fucking Al Gore should change his name to Gore-Al and start wearing a unitard with goatse on the front. Only blithering morons can actually like that movie packaged as a documentary for retards.
August 8th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
By the way, the worst movie ever in the history of cinema is “Southland Tales.” Rent it.
August 8th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
I am late to the draft as well, but I am going to have to take Trading Places. Goddam Dan Akroyd. Ghostbusters was good, but not because of that asshole. Not even a coked out Eddie Murphy saved this flick for me. Fuck, I hate that movie!
August 8th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
The Conversation. MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN, GODDAMMIT.
August 8th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
I would like to chime in with Terminator 3. In my world, that shitbomb was never created. I can get through the day by convincing myself that there were only two made.
August 8th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
@ What’s In Nate Newton’s Trunk?
Do I know you? Trading Places is one of the greatest movies ever made…what is wrong with you? It was also the first time that they showed Jamie Lee Curtis’ cans on screen. If you take away the fact that her face makes her look like a dude, that was more than ok!
August 8th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
My 3rd pick…and sad no one else thought of it…
Fools Rush In
got a 5.7/10 on IMDB. Seriously, what do you need to do to qualify for less than a 5??
August 8th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
THERE ARE MOVIES WE ALL LIKE AND THAT ARE NOT OFF THE BOARD!!!
- ghostbusters
- the back to the future trilogy
- beerfest
- pretty much any movie having to do with football (though did i see rudy on the board!??! come on man..)
August 8th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
@Auksyte
I don’t know man, Back to The Future 3 was a pile of gorilla shit. Flying locomotive my ass!
August 8th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
word, back to the future three blows my asshole
August 8th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
ok ok… but no one can hate on btf 1 and 2. brilliant!
August 8th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
Back to the Future 3 never happened
August 8th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
The Zapruder Film? (Too late? Too soon, I need a ruling here.)
/really late to this draft and actually read every posting
/killing time at work
/dick joke
August 8th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
@Auksyte
Agreed, btf 1 & 2 were the balls.
I am going to stay along the same lines for sequals here and pick Rocky 5. Fuck me. A fucking street fight? How can you go from Rocky 4, kicking the shit out of Ivan Drago to fight Tommy “The Aids” Morrison in the back alley of a fucking Chinese food restaurant? Sylvestre Stallone can eat my taint for that one.
August 8th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
@ Two Dogs
+ 1000
Fuck and yes. I was almost to the end and kept waiting for someone to bring up that shitfest known as “An Inconvenient Truth”. Here is an inconvenient truth Al Gore, you need to quit hitting the buffets and mix in a salad once in a while you pompous, arrogant, bulbous, gasbag. Fuck you, and I believe Eminen said it best when he said “Fuck Tipper Gore”. If you quit taking private jets, traveling in limos, and living in a mansion (all of which use massive amounts of fossil fuels and energy) and I’ll try to take you seriously. Until then go fuck yourself, in the ear, with an icepick.
August 8th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
i hate children of men so much that i will get on here and post a snide comment about children of men for every positive thing someone says about it, thats how deep my hatred runs for this movie. children of men made the happening look like the shawshank redemption, i enjoyed the mist more than children of men…THE MIST!
August 8th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
‘Charlie and the Chocoalte factory’
Gene Wolder deserved to die and I hope he burns in hell.
And F’ midgets too.
August 8th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
BTW, I know everyone is entitled to their opionion and here is mine (albeit very late). Lords of The Rings was the biggest suckfest ever. Fuck that movie and my nephew for getting me to agree to take him to it. Also, if you’re dressing up and waiting outside a theatre for any movie (i.e. Harry Potter, Star Wars, Batman, etc….) you are a loser beyond description and all comprehension. Die dickheads, die.
August 8th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
*Lord of the Rings.
/Didn’t wait to be corrected by a defender of this cinematic abortion.
/Dick Joke
August 8th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
For my next pick, I’m taking I’m Not There. I didn’t see the movie, but I hate Dylan and his worshippers so much that I’m taking it anyway.
August 8th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
2001: A Space Odyssey
Movie fucking raped the book, and the last 20 minutes are a moonscape with slowly changing colors. I get the potheads and people that trip like that part, but how is that great cinematography?
August 8th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
Titantic
August 8th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
The Jay, great call on Oldman as Stansfield.
Aside from Apollonia and the “I’m smaht!” rant from Fredo, I’d be happy if I never saw Godfather or Godfather II again.
August 8th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
The Last Boy Scout…it peaks about 2 minutes in…
obviously not a movie but i fucking HATE bjork and anyone who listens to her is fucking tone deaf!
August 8th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
@ Yamabushi: Gene Wolder? Any relation to the (currently still living) Gene Wilder?
The first “Willy Wonka” movie kicks ass, the Tim Burton remake is atrocious.
I haven’t seen Titantic yet, is it any good? Does Titannica do the soundtrack?
August 8th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
@Government Mule
You better be careful my friend, because I read a book on Karate once….well I haven’t actually read it yet, but I own a book on Karate.
/Totally ripped off Flight of the Conchords
August 8th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
@smurphette: knocked up blew donkey balls big time…glad i wasted my time
can I take any movie with Paul Walker? I hope he dies of gonnahepaclap. for real. name an actor worse (besides Keanu)
August 8th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Ghost Dog. It’s not nearly as clever as you think, asshole who is explaining the plot to me for fifth time.
August 8th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
LOL, i thought i was the only person in the world who saw Ghost Dog
August 8th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
BABEL. Fucking awful trainwreck of a movie.
August 8th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
How has anyone not said the Dark Knight. The next sick fuck to ask me why i am being so serious will get punched in the throat.
August 8th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
@Auksyte
I think the reason nobody hates Beerfest is because nobody even bothered to watch it.
August 8th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
_Signs_ has to be the dumbest fuckin’ movie ever made.
August 8th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
@fuckauburn
Dark Knight’s been drafted twice already, punch yourself in the throat.
August 8th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Next pick, The Squid and The Whale.
Proponents of this movie claim that it was funny. It wasn’t the least bit funny. It was boring as hell, and I hated all of the characters, and Noah Baumbach can lick my taint.
August 8th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Late to the party, but still: American Psycho.
Even when they’re about cool shit like hookers, blow, and killing people, Bret Easton Ellis books are a little gay. But this movie was totally fucking gay. And had Chloe Sevigny.
August 8th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Saw. I absolutely detested this movie, maybe cause I saw it stoned. OOOh look at me, I have terminal cancer but I can dodge bullets while leading you to a trap to chop off your head! Yipee!
August 8th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
@What’s In Nate Newton’s Trunk?: You sir are a fucking retard. How can you not enjoy a classic like Trading Places? Not only was it funny, but it was pre-Boomerang Eddie Murphy where he just went around wearing a bunch of makeup like a bitch.
Someone give me a SAW so I can take out most of the commenters. GUHHHHHHHHHH!
August 8th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
A League of Their Own, what a steal!
August 8th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
I’m ok with the LOTR movies. 9 hours? A tad long, but New Zealand looks fucking sweet. I liked Beerfest but it’s no Super Troopers. Back to the Future is gay. All of them. I hate anything to do with the 80’s outside of the ‘86 Mets, the Edmonton Oilers, and Guns ‘N Roses.
August 8th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
How about “Wild, Wild, West” the Tim Burton surrealist dream that he tried to pass off as a movie. What the hell was this jackass thinking with a FUCKING GIANT MECHANICAL SPIDER IN THE AMERICAN WEST DURING THE 1800s???
Didn’t you all see Kevin Smith completely make fun of that douchebag?
August 8th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Really, 400+ and noone said it?
Memento.
Fuck that stupid fucking movie with holes in the logic the size of Madonna’s twat
August 8th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
@Sex-Panter: Memento crossed my mind, but I really don’t remember it enough to decide I hate it.
August 8th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
maybe i’m stupid, but i really just couldn’t stand The Fountain. it made no damn sense and everyone tells me its art like I must be part of the unwashed masses for not getting it.
August 8th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
way to ruin EVERYTHING rocco!!
August 8th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Since this is a mostly guy commenter site, I wasn’t gonna mention any chick flicks because, well, too easy. But I don’t think anyone’s mentioned “Steel Magnolias” here yet. Jesus tittyfucking Christ, what a horrible movie. All the way through. Every bit of it. I didn’t pay to see it, thankfully, my sister rented it and convinced me to watch it too and she thought it was funny. She’s not usually retarded.
I did get suckered into actually going to see “Sleepless in Seattle” (I think; I honestly get all those shitty Ephron movies mixed up) with my mother. I thought it would never end. Terrible movie. And yet, I still don’t hate Tom Hanks or Meg Ryan. Hmmm.
August 8th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
I am Sam.
And let me just say this. All of my picks will be movies with actors playing retarded people. Christ I hate when an actor slurs their speech, blinks slowly, and everyone yammers about the Oscar Caliber performance. Every movie with a non retarded actor playing a Mongoloid is crap — a blatant pander to the Academy because for some reason, it’s the height of acting to be an idiot. Fuck that — I was more impressed with Penn’s portrayal of Spiccoli than his drooling idiocy with a thousand crappy bands covering bad Beatles songs in the background.
August 8th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
God, some of the best are cropping up late. Saw, Memento, I am Sam… I’ve gotten into screaming matches talking about how overrated Memento was.
@Dan B., I hated that movie because Dakota Fanning talks and acts like a 37 year old.
August 8th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
For my next pick, I’m taking a documentary called Dig!
It’s about Brian Jonestown Massacre and the Dandy Warhols. I despised 90% of the people in this film. Buncha self-absorbed douchebags. And there’s nothing special about their music, either.
August 8th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Fuck you Sex-Panther and TDub; fuck you both. Memento is the tits.
August 8th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
Preach on Brother Mouzone.
Boondock Saints is a worthless piece of trash.
August 8th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
FIGHT CLUB FIGHT CLUB FIGHT CLUB.
Until I read cubsdynasty’s post, I thought I was the only one on Earth who hated that dogshit movie. Jesus … what the fuck happened to plot development in cinema today? Did we all get a huge memo saying it wasn’t important anymore? Because there wasn’t an ounce of cohesiveness throughout the course of that movie. And of course when I explain this to people, they say “Ohhhh … you must just “not get it”.
Listen, asshole — I get it. I get that you people have been fucking duped by thinking that just because something is edgy and original, it must equate to being a good movie. “Fight Club” is one of those movies where I think everyone says they love it because they’re too afraid to not feel like the dumbass who was thinking “what, so they’re rebelling against society now? But why?” Seriously, I couldn’t listen to that movie properly over the sound of hot air blowing over those gaping plot holes.
It’s kind of like in the Simpsons, where Moe’s bar turns trendy …
Carl: I don’t get all this eyeball stuff. Uh, what are they supposed to represent? Uh, eyeballs?
Moe: It’s po-mo!
[blank stares from all]
Post-modern!
[more staring]
Yeah, all right — weird for the sake of weird.
Guys: Oooh!
That’s Fight Club. Weird for the sake of weird, edgy for the sake of edgy.
August 8th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
It got picked early, but I’m gonna go with Boogie Nights.
Try editing, fuck stick.
August 8th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Dead Poet Society
Beyond the fact that the film was allowed “Robin Williams, serious actor,” to be thrust upon us for the next two decades, it was just a bunch of rich kids bitching about their lives. Boo hoo, my daddy doesn’t like it that I like to prance about on stage in tights.
I wanted to take the gun from Neil’s dead hand and shoot the rest of the fucking ’society.’ Suck the marrow out of this dick, bitches.
And fuck Ethan fucking Hawke too.
August 8th, 2008 at 5:54 pm
Fahrenheit 9/11.
It was too long, too preachy, and it only energized the right-wing base instead of getting us Dems out to the polls. Fuck you, Michael Moore. (although you redeemed yourself with Sicko. and Bowling For Columbine is pretty good too)
August 8th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
Wow. I can’t believe this one is stilll on the board. “Dreamgirls” What an incredibly stupid pile of festering shit that movie was. Let’s see. I have a girl band. I have two choices for lead singer. The impossibly hot Beyonce or a fat lump of American Idol shit Kate Hudson. Who do I choose??? Good God give me a fucking break. What kind of fucking retard would pick Kate Hudson?
And Kate Hudson won an Acadamy Award for this???? (stabs self in eyes and ears)
And I actually watched this stupid fucking movie all the way through. I was just hoping, even praying that Beyonce’s dress would fall off, just so I felt that I didn’t waste the last 2 hours of my life.
This is Purple Jesus in the 12th round
Good night everybody.
August 8th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
@Claude-Balls,
SCREAMING AT YOU AND YOUR PREFERENCES VIA INTERNET!!!
But seriously, Memento sucked.
August 8th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
I’ll bolster my point… just because I film myself taking a dump and playing it backwards is new, it doesn’t make it a good movie. (Insert German Film Joke Here)
August 8th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
By the way Tombstone needs to cut every sappy shitty love scene immediately. Only then will it be redeemed. Flowery petals blooming while Kurt Russel dry humps some laudinum addled twat on the back of a horse comes way too close to negating every bad ass line Kilmer uttered. Women weren’t going to watch the thing anyway. Why include such contrived BS?
August 8th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
@ Incredible Fulk
I agree with u, The Dark Knight fucking sucked. Any movie where Debo from Friday is heroic must be gay.
August 8th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
@TDub & @thebestthereiswasandwillbe
I know I should love it. I just don’t. My stoner movie resume is long and distinguished. I’ll uh, give another shot this weekend.
August 8th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
That craptastic movie with Will Ferrell where he hears voices in his head and somehow he is the character in Emma Thompson’s book?
August 8th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
493 picks in and I’m the first to scoop up “Brazil”? I have got the goddamned value pick of the draft right there. I’ve got Albert Pujols in the 14th motherfucking round.
Firstly, the fact that I am picking this 493 comments in proves that this is THE movie everyone else creams over. “Oh, it’s so visually imaginative.”
Secondly this movie is fucking eurotrash, and like all the other things that the euros love, it’s designed to grind your soul away to a nub so that the Nanny State can take you under its adoring wing.
Visually brilliant? Sure. But it’s a rip off of “Incident at Owl Creek Bridge” and its central message is “you can’t do shit about it anyway.”
Fuck you if you liked this movie. Fuck you even if I like you.
August 8th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
Tyler Durden, that movie is Stranger than Fiction. It was nice to see Ferrell not do a retro 70s movie, but yeah it wasn’t good, and I don’t think anyone liked it.
Erin Brockovich is by far one of the worst movies ever. No, just because Julia Roberts had cleavage in the movie does not make it good acting. That movie gets played on TNT every week, but Traffic never gets a showing? Stupid Soderbergh.
This draft could have easily gone the other way with “Movies you loved but everyone hated”. The Nicholas Cage version of Wicker Man is by far the greatest bad movie to be made in years. No joke.
August 8th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
live free or die hard sucked ass, balls and taint. totally unbelievable horse shit.
August 8th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
Roadhouse. And pretty much every Patrick Swayze movie.
Dude, I hope you get….. Naw, even I can’t do that.
“Why Johnny Ringo, you look like someone walked over your grave”. Fucking loved Tombstone
August 8th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
Wow, Im coming late to this party as usual, but ive got the steal of the draft in the 5,000th round:
Superbad. Somebody get that fat fuck a muzzle.
August 8th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Hey Duke of Windsor Knot – try Control-F sometime. It’s within the first 10-15 picks.
But here’s one I’d get lynched for – I’ve never really understood the appeal of Fletch. Is it funny? Really? If you say so…
August 8th, 2008 at 10:47 pm
The Shawshank Redemption. I’m sick of everyone pimping it as the greatest movie ever.
Just…. no.
August 8th, 2008 at 11:07 pm
RE cannon fire Says:
August 8th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
“Wow. I can’t believe this one is stilll on the board. “Dreamgirls” What an incredibly stupid pile of festering shit that movie was. Let’s see. I have a girl band. I have two choices for lead singer. The impossibly hot Beyonce or a fat lump of American Idol shit Kate Hudson. Who do I choose??? Good God give me a fucking break. What kind of fucking retard would pick Kate Hudson?
And Kate Hudson won an Acadamy Award for this???? (stabs self in eyes and ears) And I actually watched this stupid fucking movie all the way through. I was just hoping, even praying that Beyonce’s dress would fall off, just so I felt that I didn’t waste the last 2 hours of my life.”
You watched the entire movie with hatred burning in your heart and still failed to notice that skinny white bitch Kate Hudson isn’t in “Dreamgirls”? But not-skinny black bitch Jennifer Hudson is. If you’re gonna hate on someone for not being Beyonce, at least get her fucking name right. Just sayin’. And no, I don’t love Jennifer Hudson and I’ve never seen “Dreamgirls.”
August 8th, 2008 at 11:25 pm
I fucking got the steal of the draft at pick number eleventy-threeve.
“ALI!”
How the fuck can you make a movie about the greatest heavyweight champion in the history of the world and turn it into a continuous loop of fucking really bad New Age music videos? Fuck Will Smith. Eat a dick. This movie doesn’t deserve turds for dinner.
August 9th, 2008 at 1:11 am
Rescue Dawn.
I could use my ass to shit out a better war film.
And a plus for the people who mentioned fight club, children of men, pulp fiction, juno, and pretty much any academy award film in the past few years.
August 9th, 2008 at 1:24 am
Eraserhead. Wost movie ever, EVER.
August 9th, 2008 at 3:54 am
wall street. oliver stone has this incredible talent where he can take an incredibly interesting and nuanced subject matter and make it into the dullest and preachiest movie.
that and network. i know it’s a classic, but for some reason, i can’t get through the first hour. i don’t give a free fuck how “relevant” it is today in regards to news coverage.
August 9th, 2008 at 4:07 am
Dreamgirls sucked so bad, even my wife didn’t like it. That’s bad. How in the fuck did Jennifer Hudson win an oscar with that shit? I think that Hollywood has made up for not giving blacks oscars already (Denzell, Jamie Foxx etc.) so stop it!
August 9th, 2008 at 4:19 am
The new Incredible Hunk movie. It’s the same fucking plot line as Iron Man. Both villains are versions of the hero on steroids. Real fucking original.
August 9th, 2008 at 11:44 am
“Remember The Titans” can blow me.
August 9th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
It’s not a movie, but I fucking hate Mad Men. I got through three and a half episodes before I gave up and ejected that piece of shit show from my DVD player forever. Holy shit, people are actually racist and sexist and they cheat on their wives, but on the surface they act like everything in their lives is okay. HOLY SHIT!!!!! WHAT GREAT INSIGHT!!!!! I haven’t that kind of brilliant social commentary since EVERY FUCKING SUBURBAN DRAMA EVER MADE!!!!!
August 9th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
@slash
Thanks for the correction. I’m a retard for mixing up Jennifer and Kate Hudson. But that movie still licks my sweaty balls.
August 9th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
I may be the only person to say this but I despise Goodfellas. A mob movie with the main character named Henry Hill??? Come on, you couldnt name the guy Vito Gabigahts and make him Italian. And any movie that wants us to believe that Lorraine Bracco is hot can suck my nut sack. If an Irish dude can make it that far in the mob, then the least he can do is get a hot wife or something. And worst of all, the movie glorifies the douche bag that sold out his buddies and pussied his way into witness protection. Fuck that movie and all you fuckers that worship it.
August 9th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
Damn, I’m so fucking late to this, but I Control + F’ed and can’t believe that nobody took “40-Year Old Virgin.” I have yet to make it 15 minutes into the movie. It’s just not funny. Candidate for steal of the draft, I’m thinking.
August 9th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
I tried to read through all of the posts, so if someone already picked this one, thanks douchebag.
Employee of the Month. Although the idea of Jessica Simpson working at a “sams” type store was TOTALLY BELIEVABLE.
August 10th, 2008 at 12:11 am
stepbrothers
August 10th, 2008 at 3:32 am
Anything with that faggot piece of shit Justin Long(I fucking hate the fact that I know that jerkoff’s name).
Dodgeball? Piece of shit
Live free or die hard? Horrible piece of shit
Accepted? Stupid piece of shit filled owth other horrible “actors” like that fat cocksucker with the jewfrow–oh, i can speak like I am nearly retarded AND wear a headband. Hilarious. Plus that asshat Lewis Black is in it. No thanks, no time.
Jeepers Creepers? Worst fucking trash ever
The only satisfaction I take is that he dated the mosy heinous cunt in hollywood, drew barrymore, for almost a year and was then newar suicidal after she dumped him. Do us all a favor and make a nice murder-suicide happen with her and you.
You long faced, big nosed, greasy faggot. Die
August 10th, 2008 at 3:39 am
Remember the Titans is a real idealistic piece of shit. How nice, a crying paralyzed, redneck that “earns the support and respect” of his black teammates. So touching.
For some reason though, every black player in the NFL swears by it as some great social commentary. Garbage
August 10th, 2008 at 3:48 am
Anything other than Raising Arizona that has to claim Nicholas Cage as a “star” in it is worthless. That guy is the worst fucking “actor” ever. Where did you get your acting lessons, at the Al Pacino and Adam Sandler school of playing yourself regardless of the role/situation? His movies make me want to vomit.
August 10th, 2008 at 4:17 am
Shrek 2 and 3 (1 has been taken),
Look, it’s a pop culture reference in a fairy tale world, how hilarious!
August 10th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Matrix 1 – Great movie. And not just because of the SE’s.
Matrix 2 – NYaaah. It was “ok”.
Matirx 3 – Wrapped up NOTHING and when it was over I turned around to two dudes sitting behind me and went – “WTF was THAT” ? (BEst part was the final battle scene)
Proof positive that getting a sex change operation is not conducive to finishing what could’ve been a great trilogy.
August 10th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
RE cannon fire Says:
August 9th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
“Thanks for the correction. I’m a retard for mixing up Jennifer and Kate Hudson. But that movie still licks my sweaty balls.”
I’ll take your word for that. I avoided it mostly because I’m sick of Beyonce getting shoved down my throat every time I turn around. I was kinda happy that chubby black chick won the Oscar instead of Beyonce. I don’t even give a shit about the Oscars, but I’m beginning to enjoy the disappointment rich famous people feel when they don’t get one.
August 11th, 2008 at 12:31 am
I take Clerks.
Some of the dumbest dialogue I’ve ever witnessed onscreen.
August 11th, 2008 at 9:53 am
I thought this was movies that everyone else loved? I can’t think of anyone who liked half of the movies bitched about on here…
Two for the Money?
Accepted?
Scary Movie?
August 11th, 2008 at 11:49 am
Love, Actually…
Yes, I saw this peice of trash. And no, I didnt get laid. The criteria for the selection indicate that it has to have more than 5 stars on IMDB.com and this one has almost 8. I hate this movie with the passion of a thousand burning suns. Ohhhh but its sooo cuuuteeee~~
No, ladies, no its not. And the sooner you realize that the entire plot is a farce and that it has nothing to do with the way love,actually happens, the better off you are going to be.
If we were going to make it “actually”, it would have had a vignette of two hammered people meeting in a bar, fucking like rabbits, regretting not using a condom in the morning, and finding out that they have the same doc when they both get tested. Ah romance. But no- we get some old dude and his 8 year old son talking candidly about sex (what? how is that appropriate?) Hugh Grant dancing (OH MY GOD HES DANCING! ISNT THAT HILARIOUS!??) and some woman who cant get laid because she has a retarded brother (that one might be accurate, actually).
In the end, its clear that this movie was emotional pornography for women. It hit every stereotyped overdone romantic cliche all in one sitting. It was written solely to make women weep, sigh heavily (awwwww), and their uterus ache for some sort of male figure to maybe promise to be as effeminate as possible as portrayed in the film. Devoid of any clear commentary on love and relationships this movie is more fantasy than reality and deserves to be shot into space. Fuck Hugh Grant.
August 11th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
I know it, I’m like a week late, but I can’t believe nobody picked:
Blue Velvet. That had to be the vilest friggin’ movie ever. Here we are czechin’ out the great rave reviews and pop cult worship status, go to watch it at the house, and sat on the couch bored to damned tears. Ugh. David Lynch, You. Suck. Dog. Balls.
August 11th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
Very late to this party. Looked at most of the entries and didn’t see:
OUT OF AFRICA
From IMDB: Won 7 Oscars. Another 22 wins & 17 nominations ……the most blatant example of “The Emperor’s New Clothes” Syndrome I’ve ever seen……..If you don’t appreciate it, you’re obviously not sophisticated…….BITE ME!
Worst experience of my life was trying to sit through this boring self-indulgant piece of monkey shit. I think whenever a movie is referred to as “a film”…it’s time to start running the other way.
On the other hand, Tombstone remains a classic and I quote Doc, “It seems like he’s an educated man, now I’m sure I hate him.”
/twirls cup in provacative ways
August 19th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
Chicago and any other !@#$ musical. Any guy who watches one must receive mind blowing sex at the end of the evening or needs to open a closet door. My father in law needs to come to grips on a few items, since he loves this piece of crap. He thinks it is OK to watch because of Catherine Zeta Jones, but I told him no nakedness, no signing! Something about old men and Miss Zeta Jones…..
September 4th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
“The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly” is the worst movie ever. It’s 3 hours of Eastwood, Van Cleef and Wallach trying to get into a 3-way behind a dumpster and play hide the Italian sausage. Anyone who likes this gay-ass stool needs to wear a “Human Jizzmop” t-shirt.