I get legitimately angry when people enjoy something in pop culture that I myself cannot tolerate. The idea that there are people out there who like “Sex And The City,” and that they are quite legion in number, makes me want to abandon this planet for Rigel 7 posthaste. And the fact that some people find System of a Down’s music appealing makes me want to chug a bottle of Fantastik.
This is a very irrational reaction on my part. If everyone on Earth liked everything everyone else did, the world would be a pretty lousy place to live. And yet, I’m possessed with the ridiculous desire to persuade everyone to like the things I like (“Listen to this Sugar album. FUCKING LISTEN TO IT!”), and to hate the things I hate (“What do you mean, you liked Magnolia? What are you, a fucking asshole? Let me explain to you why your feelings are unnatural and wrong.”).
This is nothing more than insecurity. If you like something, you like it. If no one else does, big fucking deal, right? What does it matter? Well, it doesn’t. It really doesn’t. Unless you don’t like the movie “Tombstone”, in which case I have no fucking idea what’s wrong with you. You should be deported, you little shit. You know nothing about fine art.
With that in mind, this week’s draft is movies you hated that everyone else liked. The movie you pick has to have received an imdb rating higher than five stars. If you’re all like, “Boy, I really hated Catwoman. What’s wrong with people?” you’re a fucking moron. Pick one movie. Be sure to explain the depths of your hatred. The movie you pick will instantly be reviled by the rest of the population, conforming to your desires. YOU MUST WAIT 10 PICKS UNTIL YOU PICK ANOTHER MOVIE.
My pick? Fucking “Almost Famous”. What a fucking piece of shit this movie was. A fucking “Tiny Dancer” singalong? Groupies with hearts of gold? Fuck you and your overly earnest bullshit, Cameron Crowe. Oooh, music is so special! Hey, thanks for the tip.
Congrats, jackass. You made the least rocking rock movie of all time. And you helped start Kate Hudson’s career. I’ll never forgive you for either transgression.
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“The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly” is the worst movie ever. It’s 3 hours of Eastwood, Van Cleef and Wallach trying to get into a 3-way behind a dumpster and play hide the Italian sausage. Anyone who likes this gay-ass stool needs to wear a “Human Jizzmop” t-shirt.
Chicago and any other !@#$ musical. Any guy who watches one must receive mind blowing sex at the end of the evening or needs to open a closet door. My father in law needs to come to grips on a few items, since he loves this piece of crap. He thinks it is OK to watch because of Catherine Zeta Jones, but I told him no nakedness, no signing! Something about old men and Miss Zeta Jones…..
Very late to this party. Looked at most of the entries and didn’t see:
OUT OF AFRICA
From IMDB: Won 7 Oscars. Another 22 wins & 17 nominations ……the most blatant example of “The Emperor’s New Clothes” Syndrome I’ve ever seen……..If you don’t appreciate it, you’re obviously not sophisticated…….BITE ME!
Worst experience of my life was trying to sit through this boring self-indulgant piece of monkey shit. I think whenever a movie is referred to as “a film”…it’s time to start running the other way.
On the other hand, Tombstone remains a classic and I quote Doc, “It seems like he’s an educated man, now I’m sure I hate him.”
/twirls cup in provacative ways
I know it, I’m like a week late, but I can’t believe nobody picked:
Blue Velvet. That had to be the vilest friggin’ movie ever. Here we are czechin’ out the great rave reviews and pop cult worship status, go to watch it at the house, and sat on the couch bored to damned tears. Ugh. David Lynch, You. Suck. Dog. Balls.
Love, Actually…
Yes, I saw this peice of trash. And no, I didnt get laid. The criteria for the selection indicate that it has to have more than 5 stars on IMDB.com and this one has almost 8. I hate this movie with the passion of a thousand burning suns. Ohhhh but its sooo cuuuteeee~~
No, ladies, no its not. And the sooner you realize that the entire plot is a farce and that it has nothing to do with the way love,actually happens, the better off you are going to be.
If we were going to make it “actually”, it would have had a vignette of two hammered people meeting in a bar, fucking like rabbits, regretting not using a condom in the morning, and finding out that they have the same doc when they both get tested. Ah romance. But no- we get some old dude and his 8 year old son talking candidly about sex (what? how is that appropriate?) Hugh Grant dancing (OH MY GOD HES DANCING! ISNT THAT HILARIOUS!??) and some woman who cant get laid because she has a retarded brother (that one might be accurate, actually).
In the end, its clear that this movie was emotional pornography for women. It hit every stereotyped overdone romantic cliche all in one sitting. It was written solely to make women weep, sigh heavily (awwwww), and their uterus ache for some sort of male figure to maybe promise to be as effeminate as possible as portrayed in the film. Devoid of any clear commentary on love and relationships this movie is more fantasy than reality and deserves to be shot into space. Fuck Hugh Grant.
I thought this was movies that everyone else loved? I can’t think of anyone who liked half of the movies bitched about on here…
Two for the Money?
Accepted?
Scary Movie?
I take Clerks.
Some of the dumbest dialogue I’ve ever witnessed onscreen.
RE cannon fire Says:
August 9th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
“Thanks for the correction. I’m a retard for mixing up Jennifer and Kate Hudson. But that movie still licks my sweaty balls.”
I’ll take your word for that. I avoided it mostly because I’m sick of Beyonce getting shoved down my throat every time I turn around. I was kinda happy that chubby black chick won the Oscar instead of Beyonce. I don’t even give a shit about the Oscars, but I’m beginning to enjoy the disappointment rich famous people feel when they don’t get one.
Matrix 1 – Great movie. And not just because of the SE’s.
Matrix 2 – NYaaah. It was “ok”.
Matirx 3 – Wrapped up NOTHING and when it was over I turned around to two dudes sitting behind me and went – “WTF was THAT” ? (BEst part was the final battle scene)
Proof positive that getting a sex change operation is not conducive to finishing what could’ve been a great trilogy.
Shrek 2 and 3 (1 has been taken),
Look, it’s a pop culture reference in a fairy tale world, how hilarious!
Anything other than Raising Arizona that has to claim Nicholas Cage as a “star” in it is worthless. That guy is the worst fucking “actor” ever. Where did you get your acting lessons, at the Al Pacino and Adam Sandler school of playing yourself regardless of the role/situation? His movies make me want to vomit.
Remember the Titans is a real idealistic piece of shit. How nice, a crying paralyzed, redneck that “earns the support and respect” of his black teammates. So touching.
For some reason though, every black player in the NFL swears by it as some great social commentary. Garbage
Anything with that faggot piece of shit Justin Long(I fucking hate the fact that I know that jerkoff’s name).
Dodgeball? Piece of shit
Live free or die hard? Horrible piece of shit
Accepted? Stupid piece of shit filled owth other horrible “actors” like that fat cocksucker with the jewfrow–oh, i can speak like I am nearly retarded AND wear a headband. Hilarious. Plus that asshat Lewis Black is in it. No thanks, no time.
Jeepers Creepers? Worst fucking trash ever
The only satisfaction I take is that he dated the mosy heinous cunt in hollywood, drew barrymore, for almost a year and was then newar suicidal after she dumped him. Do us all a favor and make a nice murder-suicide happen with her and you.
You long faced, big nosed, greasy faggot. Die
stepbrothers
I tried to read through all of the posts, so if someone already picked this one, thanks douchebag.
Employee of the Month. Although the idea of Jessica Simpson working at a “sams” type store was TOTALLY BELIEVABLE.
Damn, I’m so fucking late to this, but I Control + F’ed and can’t believe that nobody took “40-Year Old Virgin.” I have yet to make it 15 minutes into the movie. It’s just not funny. Candidate for steal of the draft, I’m thinking.
I may be the only person to say this but I despise Goodfellas. A mob movie with the main character named Henry Hill??? Come on, you couldnt name the guy Vito Gabigahts and make him Italian. And any movie that wants us to believe that Lorraine Bracco is hot can suck my nut sack. If an Irish dude can make it that far in the mob, then the least he can do is get a hot wife or something. And worst of all, the movie glorifies the douche bag that sold out his buddies and pussied his way into witness protection. Fuck that movie and all you fuckers that worship it.
@slash
Thanks for the correction. I’m a retard for mixing up Jennifer and Kate Hudson. But that movie still licks my sweaty balls.
It’s not a movie, but I fucking hate Mad Men. I got through three and a half episodes before I gave up and ejected that piece of shit show from my DVD player forever. Holy shit, people are actually racist and sexist and they cheat on their wives, but on the surface they act like everything in their lives is okay. HOLY SHIT!!!!! WHAT GREAT INSIGHT!!!!! I haven’t that kind of brilliant social commentary since EVERY FUCKING SUBURBAN DRAMA EVER MADE!!!!!
“Remember The Titans” can blow me.
The new Incredible Hunk movie. It’s the same fucking plot line as Iron Man. Both villains are versions of the hero on steroids. Real fucking original.
Dreamgirls sucked so bad, even my wife didn’t like it. That’s bad. How in the fuck did Jennifer Hudson win an oscar with that shit? I think that Hollywood has made up for not giving blacks oscars already (Denzell, Jamie Foxx etc.) so stop it!
wall street. oliver stone has this incredible talent where he can take an incredibly interesting and nuanced subject matter and make it into the dullest and preachiest movie.
that and network. i know it’s a classic, but for some reason, i can’t get through the first hour. i don’t give a free fuck how “relevant” it is today in regards to news coverage.
Eraserhead. Wost movie ever, EVER.
Rescue Dawn.
I could use my ass to shit out a better war film.
And a plus for the people who mentioned fight club, children of men, pulp fiction, juno, and pretty much any academy award film in the past few years.
I fucking got the steal of the draft at pick number eleventy-threeve.
“ALI!”
How the fuck can you make a movie about the greatest heavyweight champion in the history of the world and turn it into a continuous loop of fucking really bad New Age music videos? Fuck Will Smith. Eat a dick. This movie doesn’t deserve turds for dinner.
RE cannon fire Says:
August 8th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
“Wow. I can’t believe this one is stilll on the board. “Dreamgirls” What an incredibly stupid pile of festering shit that movie was. Let’s see. I have a girl band. I have two choices for lead singer. The impossibly hot Beyonce or a fat lump of American Idol shit Kate Hudson. Who do I choose??? Good God give me a fucking break. What kind of fucking retard would pick Kate Hudson?
And Kate Hudson won an Acadamy Award for this???? (stabs self in eyes and ears) And I actually watched this stupid fucking movie all the way through. I was just hoping, even praying that Beyonce’s dress would fall off, just so I felt that I didn’t waste the last 2 hours of my life.”
You watched the entire movie with hatred burning in your heart and still failed to notice that skinny white bitch Kate Hudson isn’t in “Dreamgirls”? But not-skinny black bitch Jennifer Hudson is. If you’re gonna hate on someone for not being Beyonce, at least get her fucking name right. Just sayin’. And no, I don’t love Jennifer Hudson and I’ve never seen “Dreamgirls.”
The Shawshank Redemption. I’m sick of everyone pimping it as the greatest movie ever.
Just…. no.
Hey Duke of Windsor Knot – try Control-F sometime. It’s within the first 10-15 picks.
But here’s one I’d get lynched for – I’ve never really understood the appeal of Fletch. Is it funny? Really? If you say so…
Wow, Im coming late to this party as usual, but ive got the steal of the draft in the 5,000th round:
Superbad. Somebody get that fat fuck a muzzle.
Roadhouse. And pretty much every Patrick Swayze movie.
Dude, I hope you get….. Naw, even I can’t do that.
“Why Johnny Ringo, you look like someone walked over your grave”. Fucking loved Tombstone
live free or die hard sucked ass, balls and taint. totally unbelievable horse shit.
Tyler Durden, that movie is Stranger than Fiction. It was nice to see Ferrell not do a retro 70s movie, but yeah it wasn’t good, and I don’t think anyone liked it.
Erin Brockovich is by far one of the worst movies ever. No, just because Julia Roberts had cleavage in the movie does not make it good acting. That movie gets played on TNT every week, but Traffic never gets a showing? Stupid Soderbergh.
This draft could have easily gone the other way with “Movies you loved but everyone hated”. The Nicholas Cage version of Wicker Man is by far the greatest bad movie to be made in years. No joke.
493 picks in and I’m the first to scoop up “Brazil”? I have got the goddamned value pick of the draft right there. I’ve got Albert Pujols in the 14th motherfucking round.
Firstly, the fact that I am picking this 493 comments in proves that this is THE movie everyone else creams over. “Oh, it’s so visually imaginative.”
Secondly this movie is fucking eurotrash, and like all the other things that the euros love, it’s designed to grind your soul away to a nub so that the Nanny State can take you under its adoring wing.
Visually brilliant? Sure. But it’s a rip off of “Incident at Owl Creek Bridge” and its central message is “you can’t do shit about it anyway.”
Fuck you if you liked this movie. Fuck you even if I like you.
That craptastic movie with Will Ferrell where he hears voices in his head and somehow he is the character in Emma Thompson’s book?
@TDub & @thebestthereiswasandwillbe
I know I should love it. I just don’t. My stoner movie resume is long and distinguished. I’ll uh, give another shot this weekend.
@ Incredible Fulk
I agree with u, The Dark Knight fucking sucked. Any movie where Debo from Friday is heroic must be gay.
By the way Tombstone needs to cut every sappy shitty love scene immediately. Only then will it be redeemed. Flowery petals blooming while Kurt Russel dry humps some laudinum addled twat on the back of a horse comes way too close to negating every bad ass line Kilmer uttered. Women weren’t going to watch the thing anyway. Why include such contrived BS?
I’ll bolster my point… just because I film myself taking a dump and playing it backwards is new, it doesn’t make it a good movie. (Insert German Film Joke Here)
@Claude-Balls,
SCREAMING AT YOU AND YOUR PREFERENCES VIA INTERNET!!!
But seriously, Memento sucked.
Wow. I can’t believe this one is stilll on the board. “Dreamgirls” What an incredibly stupid pile of festering shit that movie was. Let’s see. I have a girl band. I have two choices for lead singer. The impossibly hot Beyonce or a fat lump of American Idol shit Kate Hudson. Who do I choose??? Good God give me a fucking break. What kind of fucking retard would pick Kate Hudson?
And Kate Hudson won an Acadamy Award for this???? (stabs self in eyes and ears)
And I actually watched this stupid fucking movie all the way through. I was just hoping, even praying that Beyonce’s dress would fall off, just so I felt that I didn’t waste the last 2 hours of my life.
This is Purple Jesus in the 12th round
Good night everybody.
Fahrenheit 9/11.
It was too long, too preachy, and it only energized the right-wing base instead of getting us Dems out to the polls. Fuck you, Michael Moore. (although you redeemed yourself with Sicko. and Bowling For Columbine is pretty good too)
Dead Poet Society
Beyond the fact that the film was allowed “Robin Williams, serious actor,” to be thrust upon us for the next two decades, it was just a bunch of rich kids bitching about their lives. Boo hoo, my daddy doesn’t like it that I like to prance about on stage in tights.
I wanted to take the gun from Neil’s dead hand and shoot the rest of the fucking ‘society.’ Suck the marrow out of this dick, bitches.
And fuck Ethan fucking Hawke too.
It got picked early, but I’m gonna go with Boogie Nights.
Try editing, fuck stick.
FIGHT CLUB FIGHT CLUB FIGHT CLUB.
Until I read cubsdynasty’s post, I thought I was the only one on Earth who hated that dogshit movie. Jesus … what the fuck happened to plot development in cinema today? Did we all get a huge memo saying it wasn’t important anymore? Because there wasn’t an ounce of cohesiveness throughout the course of that movie. And of course when I explain this to people, they say “Ohhhh … you must just “not get it”.
Listen, asshole — I get it. I get that you people have been fucking duped by thinking that just because something is edgy and original, it must equate to being a good movie. “Fight Club” is one of those movies where I think everyone says they love it because they’re too afraid to not feel like the dumbass who was thinking “what, so they’re rebelling against society now? But why?” Seriously, I couldn’t listen to that movie properly over the sound of hot air blowing over those gaping plot holes.
It’s kind of like in the Simpsons, where Moe’s bar turns trendy …
Carl: I don’t get all this eyeball stuff. Uh, what are they supposed to represent? Uh, eyeballs?
Moe: It’s po-mo!
[blank stares from all]
Post-modern!
[more staring]
Yeah, all right — weird for the sake of weird.
Guys: Oooh!
That’s Fight Club. Weird for the sake of weird, edgy for the sake of edgy.
Preach on Brother Mouzone.
Boondock Saints is a worthless piece of trash.
Fuck you Sex-Panther and TDub; fuck you both. Memento is the tits.
For my next pick, I’m taking a documentary called Dig!
It’s about Brian Jonestown Massacre and the Dandy Warhols. I despised 90% of the people in this film. Buncha self-absorbed douchebags. And there’s nothing special about their music, either.
God, some of the best are cropping up late. Saw, Memento, I am Sam… I’ve gotten into screaming matches talking about how overrated Memento was.
@Dan B., I hated that movie because Dakota Fanning talks and acts like a 37 year old.
I am Sam.
And let me just say this. All of my picks will be movies with actors playing retarded people. Christ I hate when an actor slurs their speech, blinks slowly, and everyone yammers about the Oscar Caliber performance. Every movie with a non retarded actor playing a Mongoloid is crap — a blatant pander to the Academy because for some reason, it’s the height of acting to be an idiot. Fuck that — I was more impressed with Penn’s portrayal of Spiccoli than his drooling idiocy with a thousand crappy bands covering bad Beatles songs in the background.
Since this is a mostly guy commenter site, I wasn’t gonna mention any chick flicks because, well, too easy. But I don’t think anyone’s mentioned “Steel Magnolias” here yet. Jesus tittyfucking Christ, what a horrible movie. All the way through. Every bit of it. I didn’t pay to see it, thankfully, my sister rented it and convinced me to watch it too and she thought it was funny. She’s not usually retarded.
I did get suckered into actually going to see “Sleepless in Seattle” (I think; I honestly get all those shitty Ephron movies mixed up) with my mother. I thought it would never end. Terrible movie. And yet, I still don’t hate Tom Hanks or Meg Ryan. Hmmm.
way to ruin EVERYTHING rocco!!
maybe i’m stupid, but i really just couldn’t stand The Fountain. it made no damn sense and everyone tells me its art like I must be part of the unwashed masses for not getting it.
@Sex-Panter: Memento crossed my mind, but I really don’t remember it enough to decide I hate it.
Really, 400+ and noone said it?
Memento.
Fuck that stupid fucking movie with holes in the logic the size of Madonna’s twat
How about “Wild, Wild, West” the Tim Burton surrealist dream that he tried to pass off as a movie. What the hell was this jackass thinking with a FUCKING GIANT MECHANICAL SPIDER IN THE AMERICAN WEST DURING THE 1800s???
Didn’t you all see Kevin Smith completely make fun of that douchebag?
I’m ok with the LOTR movies. 9 hours? A tad long, but New Zealand looks fucking sweet. I liked Beerfest but it’s no Super Troopers. Back to the Future is gay. All of them. I hate anything to do with the 80′s outside of the ’86 Mets, the Edmonton Oilers, and Guns ‘N Roses.
A League of Their Own, what a steal!
@What’s In Nate Newton’s Trunk?: You sir are a fucking retard. How can you not enjoy a classic like Trading Places? Not only was it funny, but it was pre-Boomerang Eddie Murphy where he just went around wearing a bunch of makeup like a bitch.
Someone give me a SAW so I can take out most of the commenters. GUHHHHHHHHHH!
Saw. I absolutely detested this movie, maybe cause I saw it stoned. OOOh look at me, I have terminal cancer but I can dodge bullets while leading you to a trap to chop off your head! Yipee!
Late to the party, but still: American Psycho.
Even when they’re about cool shit like hookers, blow, and killing people, Bret Easton Ellis books are a little gay. But this movie was totally fucking gay. And had Chloe Sevigny.
Next pick, The Squid and The Whale.
Proponents of this movie claim that it was funny. It wasn’t the least bit funny. It was boring as hell, and I hated all of the characters, and Noah Baumbach can lick my taint.
@fuckauburn
Dark Knight’s been drafted twice already, punch yourself in the throat.
_Signs_ has to be the dumbest fuckin’ movie ever made.
@Auksyte
I think the reason nobody hates Beerfest is because nobody even bothered to watch it.
How has anyone not said the Dark Knight. The next sick fuck to ask me why i am being so serious will get punched in the throat.
BABEL. Fucking awful trainwreck of a movie.
LOL, i thought i was the only person in the world who saw Ghost Dog
Ghost Dog. It’s not nearly as clever as you think, asshole who is explaining the plot to me for fifth time.
@smurphette: knocked up blew donkey balls big time…glad i wasted my time
can I take any movie with Paul Walker? I hope he dies of gonnahepaclap. for real. name an actor worse (besides Keanu)
@Government Mule
You better be careful my friend, because I read a book on Karate once….well I haven’t actually read it yet, but I own a book on Karate.
/Totally ripped off Flight of the Conchords
@ Yamabushi: Gene Wolder? Any relation to the (currently still living) Gene Wilder?
The first “Willy Wonka” movie kicks ass, the Tim Burton remake is atrocious.
I haven’t seen Titantic yet, is it any good? Does Titannica do the soundtrack?
The Last Boy Scout…it peaks about 2 minutes in…
obviously not a movie but i fucking HATE bjork and anyone who listens to her is fucking tone deaf!