I get legitimately angry when people enjoy something in pop culture that I myself cannot tolerate. The idea that there are people out there who like “Sex And The City,” and that they are quite legion in number, makes me want to abandon this planet for Rigel 7 posthaste. And the fact that some people find System of a Down’s music appealing makes me want to chug a bottle of Fantastik.
This is a very irrational reaction on my part. If everyone on Earth liked everything everyone else did, the world would be a pretty lousy place to live. And yet, I’m possessed with the ridiculous desire to persuade everyone to like the things I like (“Listen to this Sugar album. FUCKING LISTEN TO IT!”), and to hate the things I hate (“What do you mean, you liked Magnolia? What are you, a fucking asshole? Let me explain to you why your feelings are unnatural and wrong.”).
This is nothing more than insecurity. If you like something, you like it. If no one else does, big fucking deal, right? What does it matter? Well, it doesn’t. It really doesn’t. Unless you don’t like the movie “Tombstone”, in which case I have no fucking idea what’s wrong with you. You should be deported, you little shit. You know nothing about fine art.
With that in mind, this week’s draft is movies you hated that everyone else liked. The movie you pick has to have received an imdb rating higher than five stars. If you’re all like, “Boy, I really hated Catwoman. What’s wrong with people?” you’re a fucking moron. Pick one movie. Be sure to explain the depths of your hatred. The movie you pick will instantly be reviled by the rest of the population, conforming to your desires. YOU MUST WAIT 10 PICKS UNTIL YOU PICK ANOTHER MOVIE.
My pick? Fucking “Almost Famous”. What a fucking piece of shit this movie was. A fucking “Tiny Dancer” singalong? Groupies with hearts of gold? Fuck you and your overly earnest bullshit, Cameron Crowe. Oooh, music is so special! Hey, thanks for the tip.
Congrats, jackass. You made the least rocking rock movie of all time. And you helped start Kate Hudson’s career. I’ll never forgive you for either transgression.
I want more like this!
Follow Kissing Suzy Kolber on Facebook and get the latest NFL news & humor before everyone else.