In news you already know: Kyle Orton has won out over the Sex Cannon for the Bears starting job. Judging from the above pic, he’s as shocked as you are.
In news you already know but still can only scarcely believe: The Bengals have welcomed back troubled wideout Chris Henry. Apparently Chad Johnson’s shoulder injury is something of a concern and there wasn’t anyone else on the face of the planet who could catch a football other than this fuckup. How much of Dade County will he be showing us?
And, as a quick addendum: Pats fans still annoyingly find tangential reasons to rant about bullshit:
IT HAS been an honor to watch Michael Phelps in these Beijing Olympic Games, despite nearly drowning in the wake of the overwhelming media coverage.
However, I was most touched by the segment on NBC in which Bob Costas hosted a conversation between Phelps and 1972 Olympic swimming sensation Mark Spitz. I was moved by the gracious manner in which Spitz congratulated Phelps on his truly epic feat, going so far as to say that he was honored to be an inspiration to him.
Spitz’s words caused me to reflect on the media coverage of the 2007 Patriots’ quest for perfection, and specifically the remarks from some of the 1972 Dolphins as the Pats approached their remarkable feat.
Hopefully, Don Shula, Mercury Morris, Jim Mandich and others were watching the NBC segment. The next time a team challenges their epic season, they could certainly learn a lot from Spitz about how to carry oneself like a champion.
Congratulations to Michael Phelps, and go Pats!
GIDEON Y. ZELERMYER
Montreal
Yes. A Canadian Pats fan named Gideon. Nothing like the Olympics to bring together douchetaaaaahd Pats fans living under the flags of all different nations. And the only thing perhaps as gay as this ad.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/redskins_thin_man1-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/rodneyharrisongrief-150x150.jpg)
You know whats more annoying than Pats fans? Fucking idiots (writers of this fine site excluded) talking about Pats fans. Seriously, its real fucking old.
Oberlin = Gay
Thanks for spotlighting that commercial. It has been disturbing me ever since I saw it.
Luckily, Gideon is from Canada, so his opinion is worth 40% less.
Oh wait, French Canadian? Then his opinion is worthless.
Is that a N. Illinois helmet?
http://www.collegefastbreak.com/
I swear I know that chick.
Yes, how dare the Dolphins be so ungracious as to not acknowledge a team that was worse than them as their betters. Truly, an affront to the game.
@smk: i think its a bass-ment, according to the sign
@sonofspam
r u really really good at anagrams, or do u just take KSK commenting as seriously as we all should? I salute you
That picture gives no clue as to who gets to fuck the blonde in the back of a van. An educated guess would be the guy who didn’t blow his load on Orton’s shirt.
I guess Gideon the Dumbshit didn’t see the FIRST time they interviewed Spitz about Phelps, where every sentence translated into “fuck Michael Phelps because I’m a gigantic douchebag.”
Typical Canadian wimpiness. That’s why they’ve got snowballs and we’ve got the H-Bomb.
The Pats fan who wrote the letter? His name, GIDEON Y. ZELERMYER, is an anagram for EYED MEN – ZERO GIRLY.
Pats fans are gay, Q.E.D.
I’m guessing Gideon Zelermeyer watches Patriot games the same way Bela Karolyi watches women’s gymnastics
@Dan Daoust: Charles?
The first version of that ad had those guys sucking instead of blowing. Luckily someone told them that was too gay.
i’m pretty sure i read an article about how mark spitz refused to show up to michael phelps’ historic race, even going as far as to say wasn’t invited. i also remember countless interviews of that dolphins team where the players said that they were not in fact all just a bunch of mark spitzes sitting around hoping their record wouldn’t be broken. proof once again that canadians should talk never.
Or conversely, the Pats and Pats fans could take a lesson from Michael Phelps. In persuit of the record, show some fucking humility and when you’re “at a loss of words” you could…you know…shut the fuck up.
Fuck Orton…who’s the hottie on the left?
@Auksyte
…’scofflaw’, wow! I just……wow!
/has nothing
This warrants further ranting. We have here an advertisement in which two dudes blow bubbles two and a half feet from another dude’s balls, while that dude takes a bath. I mean, seriously, how in the fuck, right?
Oh my god that ad is so gay. You take every ad by McDonald’s, every ad by Nobody Beats the Wiz, every ad by Levitra — none of them hold a candle to that one for the sheer incomprehensibility that it could actually make it on to the air.
A douchebag named Gideon?
I bet he’s the one who keeps putting Bibles in the bedside tables in my hotel rooms. You’re not helping with the sexy mood, mister.
Can we officially start the Sex Cannon to SF rumors now? Sexy Rexy in a Mike Martz offense would put me in a pure state of Rextacy. Plus the Cannon was born for SF. I’d be surprised if he wasn’t shoulder deep in a Thai “massage therapist” as I type this.
neckbeard is going to be tough to make fun of. i mean, of course, aside from the neckbeard. he certainly doesnt fit the mold for most of the poking fun that goes on around here (gay, fat, scofflaw, kid brother, gay). hes just, like, a dude with a neckbeard. what a challenge for the gay mafia though to come up with something for him! cant wait!
I could see Wade Philips blowing bubbles for JJ
that is one happenin’ basement… no wonder Orton hangs out there
That may be the gayest fucking ad of all time!!!
God, can’t the Pats return to mediocrity so that Bostonians can only be mouthy about the fucking Sawx?
I’m really not looking forward to when Simmons come back from the Keys, or whatever gayass hiatus he’s on…
Viva El Neckbeard!
Fuck the Patriots.
That is all.
Spitz’s words caused me to reflect on the media coverage of the 2007 Patriots’ quest for perfection, and specifically the remarks from some of the FACKIN QUEE-AH 1972 DAAAAAHHFFINS as the Pats approached their remarkable feat.
/Tommy’d
How am I supposed to believe that having your face that close to the water level … EVEN with bubbles … that those guys didn’t catch a glimpse of some man-meat?
- Kyle Orton over Rex Grossman: Turd Sandwich wins! Turd Sandwich wins!
- Chris Henry’s back: So what exactly IS a dismissable offense? Double homicide? Mob money laundering? Where’s the line?
- Pats fans: 18-1. Forever.
Bench Cannon.