The Emo Eagles Welcome Shawn Andrews To The Flock
Song: “Needle In The Hay” Elliott Smith
Mood: Weltsmertz :(
Down some dark defile of the mind, terra incognito to the blithe and bourgeois notions of normalcy, lies a swath of consciousness shrouded in a substance as dark as Kevin Curtis is light. Shawn Andrews has seen this place. So, too, have I. Indeed, I’ve felt its wintry contours and been contained within its clammy manacles.
There is no 4th and 26 in this place. There is no (some other accomplishment in Eagles history).
It is very essence of inner tumult. It is the disease of depression.
When I first read that Shawn Andrews had not just looked, but plunged, into this abyss, I reacted much as William Styron did when he first read Camus: I received the stab of recognition that only proceeds from a writer who weds moral passion and a quiet strength.
“Football is important” he said. “A means to an end, but my mental health, I feel like, is a lot more important. That’s a helluva lot of money … Money’s good, money’s a necessity, but it’s not everything. I can’t put a price tag on my mental state.”
Richly emotive.
Unstinting in its power.
Only a bit gay.
Even more than the ineffable and unrelatable darkness of melancholia, he has weathered the slings and arrows of five years in Philly. They say Ricky Watters blacks out anytime he sees a green shirt. And he was only here three years.
I can only hope that Andrews will find actual help and not some doctor who will try to narcotize him to a stupor. I had sworn off my pills, well, until I saw that’s what Zack Braff’s character did in Garden State. Even I’m not ready to emulate that guy. I took a month’s worth of Lexapro as soon as I turned it off. I’m almost regretting that. Since sales of my latest collection of sestinas, “Oleaginous Hypocrisy” are less than brisk, I might try to conserve some of that Lexapro to barter for Eagles preseason tickets. You’d be surprised how far those go with Iggles faithful.
Tags: the emo eagles, xmas ape
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August 5th, 2008 at 7:36 am
ape dude you’re too good at being emo, are you sure you aren’t that one guy from fall out boy?
August 5th, 2008 at 7:46 am
Even I’m not ready to emulate that guy.
Well played.
August 5th, 2008 at 8:32 am
There is no 4th and 26 in this place. There is no (some other accomplishment in Eagles history).
I can’t decide if I’m enjoying this so much because it’s poorly researched, or hysterically true. Either way, fine work.
August 5th, 2008 at 8:56 am
Emo Eagle uses his talons to cut himself.
August 5th, 2008 at 9:13 am
Ape is so emo
August 5th, 2008 at 9:15 am
Only a little gay?
Really? Reallllly?
August 5th, 2008 at 9:17 am
More posts about Andy Reid wanting to be a cop, please. Those were hilarious.
August 5th, 2008 at 9:25 am
Maybe he should try stroking his cock during team meetings. It did wonders for Charles Haley’s mental health.
August 5th, 2008 at 9:26 am
Only a little gay
Kind of like the outfit Andrews wore to the basketball game with Westbrook.
August 5th, 2008 at 9:29 am
Eagles and drug references and not a mention of Andy Reid’s kids?
August 5th, 2008 at 9:32 am
There is no 4th and 26 in this place. There is no (some other accomplishment in Eagles history).
I think the fact that they provided Freddie Mitchell with gainful employment for four years is a hell of an accomplishment in itself.
And as an Eagles fan… pass the Lexapro.
August 5th, 2008 at 9:33 am
every time I read an emo Eagles post I need to counter balance it by listening to Pantera or old Metallica.
August 5th, 2008 at 9:38 am
Er, Miracle at the Meadowlands?
/Eagles fan who’s REALLY on Lexapro
August 5th, 2008 at 9:39 am
@ Reggie Bush’s Pimp
I know, disappointing, right?
August 5th, 2008 at 9:48 am
Judging from the pic, I didn’t know NAMBLA members were Eagles fans.
August 5th, 2008 at 9:54 am
There’s gotta be a better picture to represent the emo eagles right? The guy on the right, sure, but if I had to pick someone who was the opposite of an emo kid, it would be my man red on the left.
You can’t possibly have a red moustache and be depressed can you?
August 5th, 2008 at 9:57 am
Every time I see an Emo Eagles post I think of a friend of mine back in L.A. He’s seen Bright Eyes about a dozen times, including the three solo shows he’s going to in the next month from what I gather. Dragged me to two of those shows before I said “never again” (which I said moments BEFORE a passing motorist called us “fags” on the way out of the show.) And then after taking his wife three times, she said she couldn’t take that whiny little phony bitch and “never again.” It was the most I’ve ever agreed with his wife in my life.
/Possibly why he got divorced.
August 5th, 2008 at 10:22 am
maybe Andre Waters can help him with his depression?
August 5th, 2008 at 10:23 am
@Jackin – Not as gay as the guy wearing a brady quinn jersey I saw at the gas station yesterday. That was the first time I have ever seen one out in the wild. I had to do a double take to make sure it wasn’t a couch jersey.
August 5th, 2008 at 11:07 am
@Upstate Underdog
Strangely, as I was reading your comment, I realized I had “Cowboys from Hell” playing on my computer.
August 5th, 2008 at 11:22 am
fuck emo
fuck almost-haikus
@ UU – good call with the testosterone metal, as long as it’s not “cemetery gates”
/hates phil anselmo
August 5th, 2008 at 11:23 am
If i saw either of those guys in public i would start stoning them and rally the locals to my cause. Then we would have to burn them at the stake as a sacrifice in order to prevent that kind of wackness from spreading.
August 5th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Note to self: never stand directly behind Shawn Andrews in case he gets a sudden impulse for seppuku.
August 5th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
Ricky “For who? For what?” Watters isn’t the only one that was traumatized by his 3 years as an Eagle.
August 5th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
I’m sure the Eagles’ medical insurance would pay to send Shawn Andrews down to Mexico for the Anti-Emo riots. Administering svere beatings to art fags in a vacation destination can be very therapeutic.
http://blog.wired.com/underwire/2008/03/anti-emo-riots.html
August 6th, 2008 at 11:04 am
The Emo Eagles aren’t Andy Reid’s kids?