There’s no doing justice to this video, which comes to us via HBO via Deadspin via the video capture wizardry of Awful Announcing. You have to fucking watch it. I’m fucking dying. I wish they hadn’t edited this segment in any way, shape or form. But I’ve taken the liberty of filling in some of the gaps for you.
Jerry: Thank ya, darlin’. Look at that! YEEEEEHAWWWW!!!! THAT IS GOOD, HOT STUFF! ALMOST HOTTER THAN ONE OF MY STEWARDESSES AFTER I’VE DUMPED A WARM DIET PEPSI MAX ALL OVER HER TITS!
Peter King: (stuffing face) Mmmm, yes… so good… helps ease the pain of Brett being so far away…
Jerry: Hey, slow down there, Porkville Eatingcocker! Save a few for the Double-J! Don’t just leave a few unpopped kernels on the bottom of the box. I FUCKING HATE THAT SHIT, YOU FAT JERSEY QUEER!
Peter King: (stuffing face) Can’t stop eating it… gonna write three paragraphs on it and give it an A-… wish it had had juuuust a bit more canola oil… may have to create new “What’s Poppin’?” section in my column…
Jerry: Jesus Christ, you are a disgusting eater. It’s like your mouth is a goddamn compacter. Why don’t you just shove your whole arm down your throat while you’re at it? Look at me, Fatso. I eat three, maybe four kernels at a time. I don’t stuff my mouth like it’s a goddamn UPS box.
Peter King: (stuffing face) Can’t stop eating… wish we could mix some KFC into this bucket… do you have any good scoop for me?… tell me something decent and I’ll never criticize you again…
Jerry: Well, I got this new hat. You like it, fatty?
Peter King: (stuffing face) New hat! (furiously scribbles notes) Great stuff… lemme make a call to my darling Brett and eat more popcorn at the same time… need to tell him how insensitive Jets fans are…
Jerry: Oh, just have it all, Enola Gay. I done lost my appetite. Here’s a Pop Secret for you: YOU ARE ONE BIG GAY ASSHOLE!
Peter King: (stuffing face) Getting bad reception… have to leave to tell Brett about how good the popcorn is…
Jerry: Yeah well, stay slim! Just kidding. YOU HAVE AS MUCH A CHANCE OF STAYING SLIM AS OL’ WADE DOES! NOW GIT OUTTA MY OFFICE, HARVEY MILKSHAKE! YEEHAW WOOHOO I AM FUCKING CRAZY!
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Did anyone else notice the oh-so defeated tone in PK’s voice when he said “thank you” to Jerry’s little “stay slim” crack?
It must be tough to be Jerry’s media bitch.
Peter King:
This is good pop corn, but it could use some gravy.
By the way, “Harvey Milkshake”- that’s restaurant quality.
5 minutes before cameras rolled they were sharing some real sticky icky with Pacman
Not to pile on to PK generally sucking at life but his skinny legs are uncanny for being so fat. I’ve always thought of PK as really fat but his legs really aren’t.
I guess to sum up this quip… before this episode of Hard Knocks, if I were forced to choose PK out of a lineup of people only showing their legs I would’ve chosen the legs that most closely resembled the amorphous blob of Jabba the Hut’s tail.
The more you know….
I watched this last night on HBO and saw how PK’s hand was shaking so much in excitement as he shoveled it into his mouth. As I turned my head to stifle my gagging, I thought, KSK will have to have something up on this.
/life’s dream now fulfilled
// has so little to live for these days.
In the latest “hard knocks”, Tony Romo says,
” I take my job very seriously”. Really Tony? Really?
Because for the life of me I can’t imagine Roger Staubach or Troy Aikman jetting off to Cabo in the middle of the playoffs.
I’m going to bring J-Jo his bowl of popcorn. Oh, King’s in there? Do you have a old-timey barrel? A comically oversized wok? Well, I’ll just fill this wastebasket with popcorn and hope it fills the void in his tubby soul.
Harvey Milkshake is pure, inspired genius.
Gay joke and fat joke rolled up in one tidy package.
/stands & applauds
@ It’s Bill Brasky…this is what happened before the cameras started rolling.
(door flies open)
Jerry: YEEE-HAAAKKKK–KOFF KOFF KOFF! ACK! Jesus H. Bitchtits! Did Rosalinda use too much bleach in her spray bottle or is that your breath, Rumplestretchedskin?
Peter King: Oh, hi Jerry.
Double-J looks so disgusted to even be in the same city as PK.
Think he could smell the farve spunk on PK’s breath from across the room?
Too bad Princeton boy didn’t come to chastise PK for his Wade-like hoovering of the popcorn…
Hey, just noticed PK has a bandaid/ gauze with tape on right arm. Do you suppose he will unveil his tattoo of Favray on Monday in MMQB? And really, which angle pose did he take?????
/door slams open
Wade barges in….glaring at King…nostrils flaring.
“GIMME BACK MAI BUCKKIT!!!”
He also ate the paper container as well.
This must have been taped before the Favre trade. No way he leaves Jets camp. Or appears in public without Brett’s balls on his chin.
Baby, Baby, Baby, RUTH
Baby, Baby, Baby, RUTH
Tell me that’s not the technique King uses for cupping and kissing Favre’s balls.
And didya notice the fat fuck had to wipe the sweat off his brow after overexerting himself getting up for the popcorn? Amazing.
looks like we got a ksk fan on the Hard Knocks production team.
“oh peter king is here? Quick someone get Jerry in here, I have an idea…”
I could not help but think about how this was going to be written about last night as I watched PK inhale that popcorn.
Aggravating/Enjoyable Travel Note of the Week: Saturday afteroon, 5:30, the bathroom. I was treated to four buckets of popcorn in Jerry Jones private office. It is going right through me.
Watching that segment, it was like life imitating KSK.
Thats so perfect I can hardly fucking stand it. King hastily grabbing for the bucket.
I don’t stuff my mouth like it’s a goddamn UPS box.
Perfection in a description of over-fast eating…
Can you guys stop making fat jokes about PK? He didn’t gobble up that popcorn because of his obesity; obviously the popcorn was topped not with creamery butter but with Favre splooge.
Who would win in an eating contest: PK or Wade?
Worst Casting Couch video ever.
Usually SI keeps him chained up during feeding time.
For my next performance review, I’m definitely saying “Pacman ain’t down wid it.” when I get it.
There’s a good chance it could be my last.
I still can’t believe a human being could feed himself like that. Wow.
“Eat it all, sometimes the poison sinks to the bottom.”
“Canola Gay” would’ve worked better…
Damn hell yes.
I love how Jerry’s dressed like he’s part of the coaching staff, it’s like he thinks he knows how to run the team or something…
Hot butter on chin
Brett Favre in his wet dreams
Double J wretches
Just somethin about hot butter that sets Peter King off…
“Canola Gay” would’ve worked better… but Porkville Eatingcocker is a stroke of genius.
Glad I could help.