Tale of the Tape: Patrick Willis vs. Adrian Wilson


Competitor (seed): Patrick Willis (7)

Nickname: The Rolling Ball of Butcher Knives

Height: 6′1″

Weight: 242 lbs.

Reach: That nickname (bestowed upon him by Brad Childress)

Sponsor: Under Armor

Ring Music: Boom

Hometown: Bruceton, Tennessee, the home of literally dozens of other people.

Pedigree: Patrick had the kind of tragic childhood that we’ve seen from countless boxers over the years. The Peterson brothers are a great example of how boxing can help young men learn proper focus and discipline in the wake of tragedy.

Strength(s): Seeking. Destroying.

Weakness: Fudge

Predilection towards violence: Paternal neglect oftentimes results in pent up aggression.

Fighting Style: Willis is a whirling dervish in the ring. He’s going to throw punches, and if you’re too crazy/slow to stay out of his way you’re gonna have a bad day.


Competitor (seed): Adrian Wilson (10)

Nickname: “A-Dub” (sigh)

Height: 6′3″

Weight: 230

Reach: He’s a Cardinal, so he’s obviously not a real contender.

Sponsor: Creative Recreation

Ring Music: Last Caress by Will Leitch and the Wailers

Hometown: High Point, NC. So if you need any furniture, you know who to ask.

Pedigree: Adrian has always excelled at a variety of sports. In fact, he was an honorable mention high school All American in basketball.

Predilection towards violence: None that’s readily apparent. But he does own a sneaker boutique in Scottsdale called High Point Shoes, and that alone kicks ass.

Strength: Freakish athleticism.

Weakness: Anything with a patent leather trim.

Fighting Style: You can call Adrian a finesse fighter if you want, but there’s a good chance he’ll knock you out in retaliation for such a slight.

Tags: , , , ,

15 Responses to “Tale of the Tape: Patrick Willis vs. Adrian Wilson”

  1. Doc's Sports Picks Guru Says:

    Mmmmmm..fudge.

    Great call bringing attention to two of the best young fighters in The League. Adrian Wilson absolutely has to stay healthy if the Cardinals are going to fulfill the lofty expectations that everyone has for them. I mean, both they and the Lions have been Everyone’s Sleeper Team for about seven straight years now, so it would almost be fun if one of them actually came through. Or maybe not.

  2. TDub Says:

    What’s wrong with the nickname A-Dub, huh guys?……… Guys?

  3. jackin'4beats Says:

    Patrick Willis has the type of guns that make the men in Frisco go heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeee!!!

    But regardless of that, I’ll take him in a boxing match, because Cardinals are pussies.

  4. Mark from Calgary Says:

    Am I the only one who can’t find the voting for this matchup?

  5. Unsilent Majority Says:

    It’s there now.

  6. John Says:

    no

  7. Tech N9ne's Tribute to Falco Says:

    Q: When you said Dantrell Savage runs with passion what did you mean?

    EDWARDS: “Just watch him. He’s like a bowling ball with butcher knives on it.

    HERM EDWARDS: Plagurizer, or playjunizer?

  8. Shane_Falco Says:

    Willis = Terry Tate, Office Linebacker

  9. claude balls Says:

    “Nickname: The Rolling Ball of Butcher Knives”

    I’d say it’s too early for all these comparisons to Ray Lewis.

  10. ognihs Says:

    willis is gonna be a lot angrier when he finally realizes who’s competing for the starting QB job.

  11. Shinons Says:

    Adrian Wilson will get you to talk yourself into his potential, then be extremely disappointing once the match start.

  12. Westbrook Is My Anti-Drug Says:

    Adrian Wilson, because San Francisco gays you up good.

  13. dick_gozinia Says:

    Damn…I thought we had abandoned this dam tournament. Can we rename titletown next?

  14. Spanky Datass Says:

    ‘Can we rename titletown next?’
    Civilization may end befor this tourney does.

    /please-don’t-hurt-me

  15. Spanky Datass Says:

    *before*

    /hurts-self

Leave a Reply