Tale of the Tape: D’Brickashaw Ferguson vs. EJ Henderson
Competitor (seed): D’Brickashaw Ferguson (2)
Nickname: Brick
Height: 6′6″
Weight: 312
Reach: He has a wingspan of 7′3″
Sponsor: Freemasonry
Ring Music: Brick House
Hometown: Freeport, New York. It’s also birthplace of IFL welterweight champion Jay Hieron, legendary Jew Dick Schaap, and a notable heroin enthusiast.
Pedigree: Teddy Atlas joined the Jets as a conditioning coach a year after D’Brick came into the league. Max Boxing recently spoke to the former trainer about the dearth of American heavyweights and the popular theory that they’re all playing other pro sports. Said Atlas, “I see some of these guys I work with and if they had started early enough, some of them could be good prospects to be fighters, especially as it turns out to be the big guys, heavyweights.” Something tells me he wasn’t talking about Chad Pennington’s fairy ass.
Strength: He has the combination of size and athleticism that is incredibly rare in the heavyweight division these days.
Weakness: He was named after the priest from The Thorn Birds, and his degree in religious studies means that his head is probably filled with all that Buddhist inner-peace horse shit.
Predilection towards violence: D’Brick is well versed in the martial arts, earning a black belt in shotokan karate as well as a brown belt in taekwondo. So show him some respect or prepare to face the Touch of Death.
Fighting Style: D’Brick is perfectly at home in the ring, standing tall to maintain his height advantage while moving around the ring with an effortless grace. Oh, and he also beats the shit out of people with his fists if they get too close.
Competitor (seed): E.J. Henderson (15)
Nickname: Does E.J. count?
Height: 6′1″
Weight: 245
Reach: His placement in this bracket, quite possibly.
Sponsor: Nonfat Ice Milk (Unflavored)
Ring Music: Something in the public domain.
Hometown: Aberdeen, Maryland, birthplace of Cal and Billy Ripken.
Pedigree: None.
Strength: Unassuming personality belies a fighter’s spirit.
Weakness: Went to Maryland.
Predilection towards violence: The most violent thing he does off the field might actually be bass fishing. Extreme bass fishing!
Fighting Style: I got nothin’. But hey, he’s a pretty badass linebacker.
Tags: Sweet Science 16, The Champ Is Here, Unsilent Majority
August 6th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
You all should be commended for the speed with which you’ve moved this tournament along.
I already have the title bout circled on my calendar. July 18, 2011 can’t get here fast enough.
August 6th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
I figured I was going to vote for Ferguson, but Maj makes some persuasive arguments for E.J
August 6th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
You all should be commended for the speed…
Yeah, I think they bit-off more than they could chew, now they need to swallow it! Instead of a player “boxing” competition, it should have been NFL city stereotype fans fighting each other cage-match style (e.g. Tommy vs. that fat Packer guy…)
August 6th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
Blow me.
August 6th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
D’Brick is 6″6′ and weighs 312. We can safely assume he was a “big” child and a “big” High School kid. Who in their right mind is going to mess with him anyway?
This guy taking Shotukan is like putting Nitrous on a Porsche.
August 6th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Blow me.
Sure, I’ll get right on that. Look for me sometime between 8am tomorrow morning and the Apocalypse.
August 6th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Weak. EJ deserves better than that. Where the fuck is Drew?
August 6th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Seriously, Brett Favre is leaving green bay and you give me this garbage. I need more coverage post haste.
August 6th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Brett Favre is leaving Green Bay? Why hasn’t there been any mention of this by the media?
August 6th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
M-A-R-Y-L-A-N-D!!
Maryland Will Win!!!!
/Shows self out
August 6th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Are we still in the opening round of this?
August 6th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
we have to assume EJ will have access to flaming couch cushions.
August 6th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
In my mind, Todd Sauerbrun has already won this whole thing
August 6th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
In my mind, Todd Sauerbrun has already won this whole thing
Ellis Hobbs is forced to agree.
August 6th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
“Who the fuck do I gotta knock out to get on this thing?” - Steve Smith
August 6th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
A guy from Maryland? Gotta be a pushover.
August 6th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
IS THIS WHERE I VOTE FOR TITLETOWN, USA?
August 6th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
D’Brick by 1st round KO. Can’t go wrong with Freeport and UVA. The Shotokan and Taekwondo also have something to do with my choice of winner.
August 6th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
For EJ, the sweet science quickly degrades into the unsweet taste of his own blood. The Commissioner of blog-created fake fights is looking into the match making in this one.
August 6th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
“Can’t go wrong with…UVA”. Yeah, unless they are playing against the national powerhouse known as Wyoming or choking against Texas Tech. I think the UVA fans went to that Gator Bowl disguised as empty seats. But yeah….Brick would probably win.
August 6th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
I continue to boycott this series, as it does not include Bob Sanders, who would knock any of these guys the fuck out.
August 6th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
@UI
No, but I think D’Brick is Who’s Now.
August 6th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
@UM - Working on our Charles Haley impression?
I vote for D’Brick only because a vote for a Viking is a vote for making the finals ending in failure, and I’m just not ready for that kind of pain and humiliation right now. Or in 2011, whenever the finals might take place.
August 6th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
I just got a closer look at that picture of D’Brickashaw.
Looks like there’s writing on those gloves: “I am tired of these jokes about my giant hands. The first such incident occurred in 1956 when…”
August 6th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
But the thing that Wyoming and Texas Tech fans can look forward to is working for us UVA grads who will be happy to pay them minimum wage to clean out our bathrooms.
August 6th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
You’ve got the ring music all wrong. It should obviously be one of a countless number of Redman songs that begins with, “Da brick da bricks/ da brick da brick da bricks”
August 6th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
@ Tyler - would that make him taking TKD fitting a spoiler? It’s flashy, but functionally useless and I should know, I studied the damn thing for two years and it’s bloody useless in a real fight.
August 6th, 2008 at 6:17 pm
I stand corrected Jay.
August 6th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
@Monkey Business
I’m sorry, but everytime I try to picture your scenario, I just think of a guy like D’Brick holding Sanders at arm’s length while Sanders swings his arms in multi-colored cartoonish swirl three feet from his intended target.
August 6th, 2008 at 9:25 pm
I’ll take EJ in a late-round upset KO. He’ll out-manœuvre the big fella, wear him out, then let loose a barrage of punches, one of which will knock Brick to the canvass.
/My pick has nothing to do with Vikings homerism. Also, that QB EJ’s about to crush in the above picture is Philip Rivers- and that’s just cool.
August 6th, 2008 at 11:11 pm
OT, but a special thanks to the gay mafia for making this new season of HBO’s Hard Knocks absolutely hilarious.
August 7th, 2008 at 1:15 am
Got to go with the Terrapin over the Cavalier, even if Ferguson probably would be the better boxer.
August 7th, 2008 at 2:03 am
EJ is the Cinderella Man of this tournament.
August 7th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Even though I’m a huge Maryland fan, it doesn’t outweigh common sense. There are not a lot of human beings that could handle the Brick in a fight.
//Otherwise, Wahoos LOSE!
August 8th, 2008 at 12:16 am
Tommy Zbikowski would kick the crap out of most of these guys including fat bob “colonel” sanders. Move on!! Next fight.
August 8th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
Too many damn Murrlund fans here! Wa-hoo-wa!
Also, Sauerbrun would have an unnatural advantage…