Competitor (seed): D’Brickashaw Ferguson (2)

Nickname: Brick

Height: 6’6″

Weight: 312

Reach: He has a wingspan of 7’3″

Sponsor: Freemasonry

Ring Music: Brick House

Hometown: Freeport, New York. It’s also birthplace of IFL welterweight champion Jay Hieron, legendary Jew Dick Schaap, and a notable heroin enthusiast.

Pedigree: Teddy Atlas joined the Jets as a conditioning coach a year after D’Brick came into the league. Max Boxing recently spoke to the former trainer about the dearth of American heavyweights and the popular theory that they’re all playing other pro sports. Said Atlas, “I see some of these guys I work with and if they had started early enough, some of them could be good prospects to be fighters, especially as it turns out to be the big guys, heavyweights.” Something tells me he wasn’t talking about Chad Pennington’s fairy ass.

Strength: He has the combination of size and athleticism that is incredibly rare in the heavyweight division these days.

Weakness: He was named after the priest from The Thorn Birds, and his degree in religious studies means that his head is probably filled with all that Buddhist inner-peace horse shit.

Predilection towards violence: D’Brick is well versed in the martial arts, earning a black belt in shotokan karate as well as a brown belt in taekwondo. So show him some respect or prepare to face the Touch of Death.

Fighting Style: D’Brick is perfectly at home in the ring, standing tall to maintain his height advantage while moving around the ring with an effortless grace. Oh, and he also beats the shit out of people with his fists if they get too close.

Competitor (seed): E.J. Henderson (15)

Nickname: Does E.J. count?

Height: 6’1″

Weight: 245

Reach: His placement in this bracket, quite possibly.

Sponsor: Nonfat Ice Milk (Unflavored)

Ring Music: Something in the public domain.

Hometown: Aberdeen, Maryland, birthplace of Cal and Billy Ripken.

Pedigree: None.

Strength: Unassuming personality belies a fighter’s spirit.

Weakness: Went to Maryland.

Predilection towards violence: The most violent thing he does off the field might actually be bass fishing. Extreme bass fishing!

Fighting Style: I got nothin’. But hey, he’s a pretty badass linebacker.