Sexy Friday & a Gentle Reminder Not to Embarrass Yourself at the Fantasy Draft
If you don’t want to read me rambling on about fantasy football, feel free to skip straight down to the tits. I won’t mind.
In his recent column, Stephen A. Smith discusses the disparity between whites and blacks when it comes to participating in fantasy football. One of the possible reasons cited was that whites have disproportionate access to better paying jobs and the high-speed internet access that often entails. Perhaps there is some validity to that theory, but I’m not here to talk about race. Talk, by the way, is all we do about race in America. But if it’s any consolation, we talk about it a whole fucking lot.
No my point, and I’m sure you wish I’d get to it and on to the aforementioned tits, is that Smith’s column reminded me of the days lo’ those many years when I started playing fantasy football. A time when a) I was working shitty retail jobs and; b) next to no one had dial-up—let alone high speed—internet access. I remember going to drafts with dozens of index cards and the football issue of “Fantasy Baseball” magazine. If there were any dedicated fantasy football magazine in those days—it never made it out to the hinterlands.
It was in that first draft I witnessed what is still the worst pick I have ever seen or will ever see. First pick of the second round: JEFF FUCKING JAEGER. I still remember the guy smirking indignantly, “He led the league in scoring last season.” A lot of you have drafts coming up this weekend and early next week. Don’t be the Jeff Jaeger Guy. And as you sally forth into the holiday weekend, enjoy yourselves and for God’s sake don’t get any stupid songs stuck in your head.
And now, as promised, the tits…
Tags: of course fantasy football is nerdy, oh no you didn't, sexy friday
August 29th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
hooray for sexy friday…finally
August 29th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
AH! Sexy Friday. Now I have to, um, have a conference call with me office door closed.
Yes, Yes, Hell Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, (almost finished) Hell Yes and if the dude in the blue hat doesn’t get out of the way, he may have a new story to tell the other nerds at their FFL draft this weekend!
August 29th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Sometimes I really hate the Internet.
August 29th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
Like a certain Mr Jones, I am SO down wit dat.
/happy.
August 29th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
Whoa. Tits AND ass? Can you do that?
August 29th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
At least that was years ago. I had a draft last week where David Akers went with the last pick of the first round.
August 29th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
I really appreciate the variety on the menu today.
August 29th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
Delicious, and I can’t get that fucking oh no you didn’t song out of my head either.
August 29th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Dude, you live in Kentucky. I’m pretty sure you’re still get your news from newspapers.
August 29th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
Did that first picture come from the Poon Saloon?
August 29th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
@ twoeightnine
when did they get the printing press or fancy new english?
August 29th, 2008 at 7:13 pm
thanks for the T & A, and fuck off for sticking that damn song in my head.
HAPPY LABOR DAY to all!
August 29th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
Jeff Jaeger is a pretty stupid pick to make, but I do have one that rivals it. I was in a forum-based Fantasy league two seasons ago and a guy I detest ended up with pick #1. He spends a couple of days gloating about his plans and shit until the draft officially began, whereupon he selects Reggie Bush.
Reggie Fucking Bush.
With everybody else available, his master plan centres around Reggie Fucking Bush. Suffice it to say he clammed up pretty quickly.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
Last year, fourth overall pick – my friend’s brother gets this really smug looks on his face and then proudly exclaims: “Bernard Berrian!” We’re in a keeper league, so the talent at the top of the draft isn’t that great, but still. Next guy goes, “You’re a fucking idiot. Give me Adrian Peterson.” I love being in a league with Bears fans. Delusional Bears fans, at that.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:49 pm
I don’t recall sellecting Jeff Jaeger. By the way I have eliminated the “Smirk” from my “Collection” as you assholes call it. Mad Ups for BIGGS. BIG RED TOMATO.
August 30th, 2008 at 12:53 am
I have you beat on worst picks ever, someone in my league the first year we did it picked Trent Dilfer (The Tampa Bay Edition) with the 2nd pick in the draft…..
August 30th, 2008 at 2:03 am
I got LT at number 2. Purple Heyzeus went 6th. Yeah, 6th.
August 30th, 2008 at 3:35 am
Denver defense went second round first pick last year in my draft.
What a hoot!
August 30th, 2008 at 6:35 am
I have some of you beat on the worst pick. I was in a draft a few years ago back in ‘03 and I had the 1st overall pick. I was pretty excited and I knew who I was gonna pick (can’t remember now.) So 15 minutes before the draft im setting up my que with some defensive players, and i get done with that. Now my pick comes and I THOUGHT I clicked on the player I wanted, but instead I accidently drafted from my que. I drafted mother fucking Marcus Trufant #1 overall. Oh god I wanted to shoot myself. Marcus fucking Trufant.
August 30th, 2008 at 6:39 am
Best I can do is from a draft I had a couple days ago. Some dude had the fifth pick overall and selected Ben Rongrastname.
August 30th, 2008 at 6:58 am
@SSF – You have every one of us beat.
August 30th, 2008 at 10:25 am
And twiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiins!
August 30th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
Where da white wo…
Oh there they are! Me likey.
August 30th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
10th pick, first round, 2 years ago: Alge Crumpler. Because the guy who took him thought “Vick is going to have a HUGE year.” He then didn’t take Vick on the way back.
Finish: Dead fucking last.
August 30th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
So far this year I’ve seen Eli Manning taken with the first pick of the third round (with the likes of Palmer and Roethlisberger still available) and the Vikings defense taken with the second pick of the third round.
Unbelievable.
August 30th, 2008 at 10:23 pm
i think 85 takes it for having the most cumilative stupidity in one draft. LT 2nd and AP 6th? are there stars in the nfl i dont know about?
August 31st, 2008 at 3:08 am
I don’t suppose that steven A ever considered the possibility that the fact that the overwhelming majority of Fantasy players are white is due to the fact that the overwhelming majority of white guys are smart enough to realize that sports areFantasy instead of fucking their lives in every way possible secure in the belief that their first pro contract will make everything right.
You say PacMan, I say Tom Brady.
August 31st, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Just got back from a 12-team draft. One dude just takes the cake for lousy picks. Here’s his first five rounds (He had the No. 6 pick and the rounds snaked).
1. Darren McFadden RB
2. JT O’Sullivan QB (First QB after Brady, Manning and Homo)
3. Chris Johnson RB
4. Brett Favre QB (THAT idiot? But, but he already has JT O’Sullivan)
5. Lavern Coles WR
6. Felix Jones RB (Not horrible, but sixth round?)
Of course, I picked No. 9 and ended up with the one player I normally hope breaks his leg every week: Tom Brady.
August 31st, 2008 at 4:01 pm
@Kimbo Gash
Pat Buchanan, is that you?
August 31st, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Sexy Friday … meh. I kinda liked Limerick Tuesday!
http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/08/i-shall-crimson-your-face-in-a-hue-not-unlike-my-togs.html
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:01 am
Absolutely yes x7.
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Girl on far right looks like Cooley-wife.
March 10th, 2009 at 5:49 pm
Life needs more Fridays :)
-Rich