Ronnie and Ricky Discuss the Sticky-Icky
[Sound of keys in lock, door opening]
Ronnie Brown: Hello?
Oh fuck. Have you been here all day? You know we had practice, right?
Ricky Williams: Not so loud, man. Yoyoyo, shut the door. I’m tryna watch the opening ceremonies.
Holy shit, I think my eyes are cumming.
Ronnie: That’s all you’ve been doing for the last week and a half. You haven’t even watched any of the actual Olympics.
Ricky: No need, dude. The opening ceremonies are like the icing on the cupcake. The rest is just tasteless filler.
By the way, can I interest you in a hit off Mandela?
Ronnie: Nah. I told you I’m not using your bong and you shouldn’t either.
Ricky: It’s not my bbboooooonnnnnggggg, man. It’s Mandela. Show some respect.
Ronnie: Whatever it is, it’s gonna get you kicked off the team. Parcells finds out about this shit, you’re gone in a half a heartbeat.
Ricky: Pfft. Whatever. You just haven’t been around long enough to learn how to work Parcells. All’s you gotta do if you do something to get on his bad side is say Pepper Johnson told you to do it. Works. Every. Single. Fucking. Time.
Ronnie: So that’s how you got away with duct taping Ted Ginn to that tree?
Ricky: Exactly.
Ronnie: All right. But what about when the league does drug testing? Huh? What about that, smart guy?
Ricky: You know how we saw Pineapple Express? That was some funny shit. The over-the-top violence, the Gladiator quotes, all of it.
Ronnie: Uh-huh.
Ricky: So, yeah, you know how it’s got the new really potent strain of weed? Well, I employed my years of expertise to develop my own. I call it Ritzy Montclair.
It’s undetectable by all league and law enforcement testing methods. It also has subtle notes of pecan flavor. Already got Josh Howard and Lil’ Wayne coming over later to pick some up. Mike Vick is already asking me to ship him some in prison concealed inside a birthday brownie.
Ronnie: That’s cool, I guess. Still, I don’t feel right doing that stuff. Easy for you to take risks, being 31 and all.
Ricky: Hey hey, no problem, man. No pressure here. Anyway, you wanna play Ewok Village?
Ronnie: The fuck is Ewok Village?
[Ricky lights the end of a rolled up newspaper on fire and proceeds to stomp robotically around the room while holding the paper aloft]
Ricky: Yumyum! Yumyum!
Ronnie: What is the point of this game?
Ricky: [Still stomping around] Yumyum! Yumyum!
Ronnie: GODDAMN IT! I DON’T WANNA PLAY EWOK VILLAGE ANYMORE!
Ricky: [Calmly sitting back down on the couch] I never get tired of that game.
Ronnie: I feel a season-ended injury coming on extra early this year.
August 19th, 2008 at 8:10 am
Ewok Village and Prisoner Christmas are the two greatest things the interwebs ever done.
August 19th, 2008 at 8:20 am
I guess the team likes Ewok Village.
http://www.fannation.com/truth_and_rumors/view/62673
August 19th, 2008 at 8:21 am
Smells like a Tuesday morning xmas ape wake ‘n bake to me.
August 19th, 2008 at 8:33 am
Now I get it. All those times those kids ran amok after the Stanley Cup finals it was really just a game of Ewok Village gone bad.
August 19th, 2008 at 8:55 am
BEST BONG EVAR !!!111!!!!!!!
August 19th, 2008 at 9:01 am
Anyway, you wanna play Ewok Village?
I wonder how many funny jokes I’ve missed in my life from never having seen Star Wars…
/still not watching it
August 19th, 2008 at 9:05 am
I’m with Shinons.
August 19th, 2008 at 9:12 am
It’s not really a reference to any of the movies. But you’re still way cool for stubbornly refusing to watch something good just to be a contrarian.
August 19th, 2008 at 9:12 am
[sounds of key in lock, door opening]
what? I call bs, KSK! Nobody, *nobody* around here is polite enough to open a door in such a ridiculously calm manner.
August 19th, 2008 at 9:25 am
After seeing Mandela here, apartheid makes even less sense.
August 19th, 2008 at 9:38 am
Can you guess which three pictures in this post were taken at Maj’s house?
August 19th, 2008 at 9:54 am
Can you guess which three pictures in this post were taken at Maj’s house?
The weed, Mandela and Ronnie Brown.
Ricky is innocent of all this slander.
/loved Star Wars
August 19th, 2008 at 10:01 am
Ewok village is classic. I guess now that Mike is in prison Ricky Williams is the biggest smoker in the NFL
August 19th, 2008 at 10:09 am
my eyes are coming
Okay, so it wasn’t just me. Phew!
[rips creamer/coughs sporadically]
August 19th, 2008 at 10:13 am
Ricky would never wear aeropostale. That is way to corporate man.
August 19th, 2008 at 10:13 am
Where’s the “Brought to you by GayBearDating.com” tag?
August 19th, 2008 at 10:17 am
But you’re still way cool for stubbornly refusing to watch something good just to be a contrarian.
Oh, ok now I’ll run right out and watch them so you think I’m cool! What the hell’s the point of that? Do people seriously not watch movies that the think they might enjoy to be a “contrarian”? The only thing gayer-sounding than that is making snide comments at someone for not wanting to watch a movie that you think is good.
August 19th, 2008 at 10:18 am
But you’re still way cool for stubbornly refusing to watch something good just to be a contrarian.
Amen to that. You sound like the guy who gives a three-hour diatribe on how he never watches TV.
August 19th, 2008 at 10:21 am
@Shinons - the only thing gayer-sounding…
Arguing about it might be worse. Kind of a winless argument.
August 19th, 2008 at 10:22 am
If I gaze at that bud any longer I may turn into a lizard.
August 19th, 2008 at 10:24 am
Looks like Ricky stopped hitting the weight room in the offseason.
August 19th, 2008 at 10:29 am
That was more aimed at Maj than you, Shinons. He feels the need to boast anytime Star Wars comes up that he’s never seen it. Still, as dorky as its hardcore fans may be, the first three are classics.
August 19th, 2008 at 10:31 am
Maj has probably seen it, he’s just been too faded to remember it.
August 19th, 2008 at 10:42 am
How is there not a single comment relating to the “Gay Bear Dating” banner that is now on the top of this page?
August 19th, 2008 at 10:44 am
I feel pretty cool for never seeing “Titanic”
“How is there not a single comment relating to the “Gay Bear Dating” banner that is now on the top of this page?”
thank God for ad-block
August 19th, 2008 at 10:46 am
I refuse to see Dirty Dancing. Does that make me cooler (I’m already cool)?
August 19th, 2008 at 10:47 am
@James Valente
No Gay Bear ads on my browser: maybe they’re targeting their ads based on prior Google searches…
August 19th, 2008 at 10:56 am
Does the magazine near the bong read: “Lucid?”
Oh, Sweet Irony!
August 19th, 2008 at 11:05 am
That was more aimed at Maj than you, Shinons. He feels the need to boast anytime Star Wars comes up that he’s never seen it. Still, as dorky as its hardcore fans may be, the first three are classics.
Ah, all right then. Those movies are definitely classics - just seems like you have to watch them as a kid to fully appreciate them.
August 19th, 2008 at 11:10 am
Gay Man Bear Pig Dating!
August 19th, 2008 at 11:18 am
Ricky got so high he sat on the TV and watched the couch.
August 19th, 2008 at 11:24 am
If I never read another Maj post or Shinons comment can I be cool too?
August 19th, 2008 at 11:31 am
Let’s see: weed… discussion of Star Wars movies… soon we’re going to get to the point in the party where we debate religion while 40 Oz. to Freedom plays in the background
August 19th, 2008 at 11:37 am
+1 Grimey
August 19th, 2008 at 11:41 am
soon we’re going to get to the point in the party where we debate religion while 40 Oz. to Freedom plays in the background
i’m assuming there are no girls at this party.
/shows self out
August 19th, 2008 at 11:47 am
When do we get to the point where we brag about how often we used to smoke weed during lunch in high school?
August 19th, 2008 at 11:48 am
i’m assuming there are no girls at this party.
“Brah, I’m tellin’ ya, brah. This is a total sausage fest.”
“A bratwurst bash? A cockmeat celebration? Nah, we can’t hang here brah”
/Nick & Matt fly off into the night.
August 19th, 2008 at 11:56 am
I feel really cool for never having seen “Death to Smoochy”
Wait, I’ve seen that…
August 19th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Where the hell is the Neck Beard and Cumslinger post?
August 19th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
I refuse to see Dirty Dancing. Does that make me cooler (I’m already cool)?
Was right there with you ’til two weekends ago, rusrus. The fiancee caught me in a moment of weakness.
/Got put into a corner
//Hangs self
August 19th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
So glad my job blocks these ads. WTF guys?
August 19th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
@ James Valente: I had one earlier. Brett Favre must’ve deleted it.
August 19th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
That bong is precariously close to the edge of the coffee table. The douchebag who put it there is BEGGING for some hippie asshole to knockthe thing over and to spill bong water everywhere. Ricky, get a sensible glass piece or go Old School with papers, you gaylord. And stop pretending you read Noam Chomsky.
August 19th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
If I don’t miss my guess, Mandela is made of a standard 18 inch acrylic bong retrofitted with an empty gift wrapping paper roll.
I had a similar device, only mine was called the extendo 2000.
It was confiscated by a very confused park ranger.
August 20th, 2008 at 1:31 am
Ronnie Brown likely to be cut soon
http://www.collegefastbreak.com/
August 20th, 2008 at 11:59 pm
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