Preseason Week 1: Inside the Headlines
Talk now, bitch!
-Steve Smith is being held out of practice today as a result of the concussion he sustained during the first quarter of Saturday’s game when he head-butted Blue, the Colts mascot, for “talkin’ too much shit.”
-Braylon Edwards is out of the hospital after receiving stitches to close up a gash on his foot. The injury occurred when Donte’ Stallworth’s cleat clipped the back of Braylon’s foot while the receiver was running sprints in his socks. Cleveland’s owner Randy Lerner was quoted as saying “I’ll pay for socks or I’ll pay for shoes, but I sure as shit didn’t get where I am today by paying for both. I got where I am today by skirting pesky inheritance taxes.” Then he started throwing suitcases filled with cash at Joe Cole.
-The Steelers lost Charlie Batch to a cracked collar bone, so they brought in Daunte Culpepper and Byron Leftwich to compete for the backup spot. Leftwich eventually won the job when it was determined that his name would sound much funnier coming out of Hines Ward’s mouth.
-Plaxico Burress announced that he doesn’t intend on practicing with his Giants teammates until his ankle returns to 100%. So that should cover him until sometime next summer at which point he’ll probably need a doctor’s note.
-Ahman Green and Gary Kubiak are both recovering today, the former from a groin injury, and the latter from a head injury sustained after fainting at the news of his running back’s ailment.
-Denver is missing both Boss Bailey and his backup at practice this week, which means Stefan Fatsis is one injury away from starting at middle linebacker.
-Earlier today Matt Jones appeared in court to face the charges levied against him. The Jacksonville receiver plead not guilty by reason of overwhelming whiteness.
-Shaun Andrews is back with the Philadelphia Eagles today after Andy Reid promised him all the happy pills in his home’s medicine cabinet.
Tags: Inside the Headlines, Preseason Injuries, Unsilent Majority
August 11th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
-Later, Reid promised Andrews more happy pills after his sons get out of jail.
August 11th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
- Matt Jones pleaded not guilty on account of being an NFL Supadupastar and not knowing who the f–k Joe Cole was. Joe Cole’s response was muffled by being in the middle of Keeley Hazell’s rack.
August 11th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
[blows face bubbles in Keeley Hazell's rack]
August 11th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
What does Joe Cole have to do with Randy Lerner?
August 11th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Are you talking about this rack?
August 11th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Randy Lerner owns Aston Villa.
August 11th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
I had to google Keeley Hazell, but then when i saw who she is, I felt better about not knowing.
August 11th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
Yes, Jackin’4beats, that is said rack.
August 11th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
I don’t think Andrews will want any of those pills after he finds out where Andy’s boys have been hiding them.
August 11th, 2008 at 10:19 pm
Fatsis might actually be able to properly fasten a football helmet. A skill that has, as of yet, eluded Nate Webster.
August 12th, 2008 at 4:23 am
No Currpebble? Too bad.
May 3rd, 2009 at 11:16 pm
It was interesting. You seem very knowledgeable in your field.