Oh My God! Brett’s Coming To Jersey! All My Fantasies Are Coming True!
Oh my god oh my god oh my god! It’s happening! IT’S REALLY HAPPENING!
After waiting 16 years, Brett is finally coming to my home state! No more long distance relationship! No more driving hours and hours in the middle of the night to quench my insatiable butt-lust! I just… I can’t believe it. Pleasure overload! Pleasure overload! My God, WHAT DO I WEAR WHEN HE ARRIVES!
(rifles through closet)
Hmmm… the pencil skirt? Too prudish. The brum? (NSFW) Too weird. Oh, I know… the stockings! Stockings and a full-length mink coat for my Bretty! B-b-b-b-Bretty and the Jets!
I can’t believe we’re finally going to be together EVERY DAY. I’m gonna spend the night at his apartment all the time. There are so many things we’re going to be able to do. We can go have dinner in the city. We can go have weekends in the country. We can fuck like animals. It’s gonna be amazing.
I gotta get ready! Better call my wife…
Wife: Hello?
It’s over, dear. I’m so sorry. But Brett is here now. THE BUTTHOLE WANTS WHAT IT WANTS!
I‘m also gonna have to break it off with Tony, Tom, and Peyton. God, I hate doing that. I just loved the way Tony smiled. But I want Brett to know I’m a one-QB journalist! We’re finally going exclusive! I can’t wait to take him to my kid’s first softball game. I can’t wait to show him my garden. I can’t wait to sit with him on the train and bitch about the fact that there are people sitting around us. I can’t wait to grade lunches with him. I can’t wait to feel his manly stubble tickling my ball bag.
I’m gonna bring him over to the NBC set all the time. Collinsworth will be SOOOOO jealous. And I’m totally going to have lunch with him every day at Quizno’s. MAYBE I CAN GET A JOB WITH JETS AND WE CAN WORK TOGETHER!
God, I hope he moves in. Keep your fingers crossed! I know he’s tough to pin down, especially on the bathroom floor. But I think this marks a real turning point in our relationship. I think he’s finally ready to take this things to the next level. God, I can’t wait to have little gunslinger babies with him! I’m so in love!
I’M SO HAPPY NOW! I LOVE MY BRETT!
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, crazy love, nightmare fuel, peter king gay porn, relationships like this always go wrong, wacko girlfriends, you'll never hear the end of it
August 7th, 2008 at 11:28 am
You may now kiss…uh…the guy who receives.
August 7th, 2008 at 11:29 am
pretty sure b-b-b-bretty and the jets is going to have me laughing all day long….thanks
August 7th, 2008 at 11:31 am
GAY LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL, AND ALL YOU DO IS BASH IT!!!!!
/cries, eats carton of Haagen Dasz
August 7th, 2008 at 11:32 am
I’m sorry that Peter’s butthole didn’t have a speaking part.
August 7th, 2008 at 11:32 am
What the hell is a “brum”?
August 7th, 2008 at 11:33 am
Be careful what you wish for, PK, you just might get it.
Peter may just experience his own Madden Curse soon, after he gets his anus torn apart by Bretty Bear’s hate fuck following one of the many, many losses the Jets will endure this season.
August 7th, 2008 at 11:37 am
I had totally forgotten about the Madden Curse. Maybe this IS the Madden Curse! Instead of getting traded to the Bucs, which arguably could have been a contender, he gets traded to the Jets, who are a long shot for the playoffs at best, and even if they make it won’t get out of the first round!
August 7th, 2008 at 11:39 am
“I can’t believe we’re finally going to be together EVERY DAY. I’m gonna spend the night at his apartment all the time. There are so many things we’re going to be able to do.”
- Exactly what my girlfriend was thinking when I was moving. guhhhhhhhh.
August 7th, 2008 at 11:46 am
I puked in my mouth at the stockings and full length mink coat part.
August 7th, 2008 at 11:46 am
HAHA look at the fucking stipulations on the pick the Jets traded:
if Favre takes 50 percent of total snaps with the Jets in 2008, the fourth-rounder becomes a third-round pick. If he gets 70 percent of the snaps and the Jets make the playoffs, it becomes a second-round pick; and if he gets 80 percent of snaps and the Jets make the Super Bowl, it becomes a first-round pick.
I’m sure the Jets are really sweating that last one. Enjoy your 3rd-round pick, Green Bay.
I cannot WAIT for the press conference in which a microphone accidentally left on picks up Favre furiously whispering, “Laveranues Coles? Who the FUCK is that?!” GOD IT’S LIKE CHRISTMAS COME EARLY
August 7th, 2008 at 11:47 am
I puked in my mouth a little bit at the part about Pk wearing stockings and a mink coat.
August 7th, 2008 at 11:48 am
i can see them lasting for a long time because i think king can take a punch.
August 7th, 2008 at 11:55 am
Brett Favre’s drama was meant for the big city, not some little podunk town like Green Bay.
August 7th, 2008 at 11:59 am
There’s love, there’s gay love, there’s one man putting his fist inside another man love and then there’s the love Peter King has for Brett Favre.
August 7th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
No, Peter, NO! Don’t fall into Bretty’s trap again! Remember what happened with Greta? I don’t think we can carry you through another dark period after he brushes you aside for someone at the Times.
August 7th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Couldn’t they have sent him to Tampa where few still remember they have a team, did this story really need to be shipped to New York much to the delight of the New York Post, “Jet Favre!”
August 7th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
/having siezure from gayness
August 7th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
epileptic homophobia strikes again.
August 7th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
I can see this ending badly -
What’s the matter? WHAT’S THE MATTER? I will tell you “what’s the matter!” I go out of my way for you! I do everything to try and make you happy. I feed you, I clean you, I dress you, and what thanks do I get? “Oh, you bought the wrong paper, Anne, I can’t write on this paper, Anne!” Well, I’ll get your stupid paper but you just better start showing me a little appreciation around here, Mr. MAN!
August 7th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
It’s no coincidence that Brett’s coming to New York, the adopted home of the Conchords.
I have a vision and all I can see
Is all of you with-a all of me
In a world of peace and harmony
Where every lady gets a little piece of Bretty.
August 7th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
Where was Biff? Oh and I just puked in my mouth after reading this line: “I can’t wait to feel his manly stubble tickling my ball bag.” Thanks a lot for that Drew. Now I need mouthwash - FACK!
“Hey put your mom on the phone…yeah Alice? Lookit, I ain’t comin’ home no more. Take it easy…yeah…”
August 7th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
favrade, the insatiable butt-lust quencher
August 7th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
It’s not often you see a Harlem Nights quote.
As Belichick said to Mangina, “D-d-d-don’t t-t-t-take this a-a-a-ass w-w-w-whoopin’, p-p-p-personal”
August 7th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
At this point, I think that Peter King may need to fight Gene Wojciechowski for Brett’s affection. The latter of the two seems to be way ahead right now.
August 7th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
Peter King in over-size sunglasses: “That’s my quarterback…sniff, sniff…that’s my quarterback…sniffle, sniffle…
August 7th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Brett, have you been using all that Enzyte I’ve been sending you?
August 7th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
Peter King in NYJ green sweater on PTI.
/sighs
August 7th, 2008 at 5:53 pm
Damn…”Brettie and the Jets” has some legs, don’t it?
August 7th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
B-B-B-B-Bretty and the Jets is my favorite KSK thing since “The Giant Snatch”.
Trade Negotiations Dialog:
Jets - We’ll give you a first round pick for Favre
Pack - Fuck him….you can have him for a 4th rounder. That’ll really chap his ass.
August 8th, 2008 at 9:55 am
Parts that made me put my mouth in my hands and hope my boss didn’t hear me laugh:
-We can go have dinner in the city. We can go have weekends in the country. We can fuck like animals
-THE BUTTHOLE WANTS WHAT IT WANTS! HAHAHAHAHA lmfao
-Quiznos, Train
and the grand finale:
-I can’t wait to feel his manly stubble tickling my ball bag.