Hey there football fans and fantasy owners. It’s your ol’pal, Peyton Manning. I know what you’re thinking: “Hey buddy, I need to know whether you’re 100 percent for the start of the season before I waste a high draft pick on you.” The same question sure is rankling Colts fans right now.

Let me tell you directly: I have no intention of breaking my streak of 160 consecutive regular season starts. I’ll be out there to see the Bears when we open the new stadium on September 7. No two ways about it. This is Pey-Pey you’re talking about. Don’t build ‘em tougher.

Pardon me for a moment.

[Attempts to take a step, a blood-curdling crack comes from his knee]

Aiiiiiiiiiii.

Ooooohhhhh.

Aaaahhhhhh

Heh heh. Just working out the postseason cobwebs. Everybody’s been making a big to-do about this surgery business. That’s nothing. Something like this, it’s just an everyday routine kind of thing. So I missed training camp, practices, preseason. Big whoop. I can watch all the gamefilm I want while my knee is immobilized. I mean, I can play through it. No problem. What do I look like, Tom Brady?

… who, by the way, is a tremendous competitor and I respect him greatly.

Nothing wrong with the knee. They just removed some fluid. I don’t even notice it’s gone, solongasIkeepmyrangeofmotiontolessthan30degrees.

So rest easy, everybody. I just got one more meeting with the doctors to show me one more minute procedure I got to go through before this is all cleared up.

Oh dear God.