No, No, It’s Not Really A Crippling Pain, Just An Excruciating One
Hey there football fans and fantasy owners. It’s your ol’pal, Peyton Manning. I know what you’re thinking: “Hey buddy, I need to know whether you’re 100 percent for the start of the season before I waste a high draft pick on you.” The same question sure is rankling Colts fans right now.
Let me tell you directly: I have no intention of breaking my streak of 160 consecutive regular season starts. I’ll be out there to see the Bears when we open the new stadium on September 7. No two ways about it. This is Pey-Pey you’re talking about. Don’t build ‘em tougher.
Pardon me for a moment.
[Attempts to take a step, a blood-curdling crack comes from his knee]
Aiiiiiiiiiii.
Ooooohhhhh.
Aaaahhhhhh
Heh heh. Just working out the postseason cobwebs. Everybody’s been making a big to-do about this surgery business. That’s nothing. Something like this, it’s just an everyday routine kind of thing. So I missed training camp, practices, preseason. Big whoop. I can watch all the gamefilm I want while my knee is immobilized. I mean, I can play through it. No problem. What do I look like, Tom Brady?
… who, by the way, is a tremendous competitor and I respect him greatly.
Nothing wrong with the knee. They just removed some fluid. I don’t even notice it’s gone, solongasIkeepmyrangeofmotiontolessthan30degrees.
So rest easy, everybody. I just got one more meeting with the doctors to show me one more minute procedure I got to go through before this is all cleared up.
Oh dear God.
August 20th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
“Aiiiiiiiiiii.
Ooooohhhhh.
Aaaahhhhhh”
I picture Peter Griffin tripping and holding his leg.
August 20th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Where’s Kimo von Oelhoffen when you need him?
August 20th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Can’t the Colts just pay for bionic legs? Robo-Pey-Pey could break Brady’s records — and that’s what he wants.
August 20th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
/wishing I could replicate Dr. Hibbert’s chuckle in type.
August 20th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Goddammit.
/been having acid reflux for five weeks because of this shit
August 20th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
@RBP: could we call him Pey-Tron instead of Robo-Pey-Pey?
August 20th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
In related news, my friend claims he was sitting next to Eli Manning in a Gucci store in Manhattan yesterday trying on shoes, and that Eli purchased at least 10 pairs for himself.
Looks like the queertastic influence of Men’s Vogue has rubbed off on him. Rubbed one off on him? What?
August 20th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
[door flies open]
Dr. Nick: HI EVERYBODY!!
Pey-Pey: Hi Dr. Nick!
Dr. Nick: What do we have here? A surgery? I’m in!
shenanigans abound
August 20th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
When in doubt, go with the Sex Cannon…..can’t lose!!!
August 20th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
@The Rooster Sex Cannon…..can’t lose!!!
As a Bears fan, I wish that were true…
August 20th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
@ PirateSloth
(door flies open, enter Nick Harper’s wife)
August 20th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Peyton – I’m super ceral. The guys at KSK, they jest.
But I have picks #6 and #7 in two seperate leagues and I need a stutus update RIGHT, THEFUCK, NOW
August 20th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
HEY EVERYONE
IS THIS THE WEBSITE I READ ABOUT IN GENTLEMAN’S QUARTERLY
August 20th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
drafting peyton manning in the top 10?
HIGHLY DUBIOUS!!!!!!!!!!1
August 20th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
i think pey-pey lets elisha win in hungry hungry hippos.
also, who effed up pey pey’s knees? wasnt it supposed to be brady who was supposed to go down? man, people, you got it all messed up!
August 20th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
@PirateSloth: Alright he’s all sowed up now … wait, where’s my scalpel?
August 20th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Cut that knee! Cut that knee!
August 20th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
That photo really shows Peyton’s smoldering Karl Malden sexiness. Rrrrrrrrooooww!
August 20th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
I thought Favre being on the cover of Madden was supposed to get the serious knee injury?
August 20th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Wait a colt’s post and no response from smurphette. She is probably busy catering to Steve King.
August 20th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
Dammit, I want him in my DSRL fantasy league! Will this injury affect his cream-licking ability?
/drafting Eli instead
August 20th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
In the absence of Smurphette, I’d like to say,
Guaran-damn-teed victory opening day at Lucas Oil Field. Even Sorgi could be those lazy sacks of crap.
August 21st, 2008 at 1:04 am
Who the bloody fuck is Steve King? I don’t know, but I can tell you that I sure as hell am not “catering” to him.
/Went to see Vicky Cristina Barcelona instead of commenting earlier
August 21st, 2008 at 9:55 am
As sad as it makes me to say this: Don’t waste a high draft pick on Manning. The Colts will be using the fuck out of Addai/Rhodes this year not just at the goal line, but on the way to it as well.