I Think I’ve Finally Found The Perfect Running Mate
Barry: This has been a long, difficult search. I needed someone with a real WOW factor. Someone tough on defense. Someone with Southern appeal. Someone that could win over white, working class voters. I didn’t think there was anyone out there that fit those criteria.
But then I found you.
This won’t be easy. But I think you’re up to the task.
Will you join my ticket? Can you help me reshape America?
Jerry: YEEEEEHAWWW!!!! WOOOOHOOOO!!!!! YES I GODDAMN CAN! THANK GOD YOU DIDN’T PICK THAT LESBIAN BULL IN THE PANTSUIT! WHAT A COOZESLURPER THAT CHICK IS!
(fires sixty guns in the air)
Barry: Oh, dear.
Jerry: Don’t you worry, blackie. We’ll get along just swell. I’ll happily be your LBJay! JUST KEEP YOUR MITTS OUTTA MY GODDAMN POPCORN! That fat fuck Peter King licked the inside of my goddamn bucket!
Barry: Oh, I’m not one for popcorn. I prefer a good heirloom tomato.
Jerry: Sure you do, fella. SMOTHERED IN GRAVY WITH A BISCUIT AND SOME ORANGE SUNKIST I BET! WE’RE GONNA WIN THIS GODDAMN ELECTION! THEN I’M GONNA FUCK ME SOME DIPLOMAT PUSSY! IF YOU NEED ANYTHING, I’M GONNA BE LIVIN’ IN THE ANAL OBSERVATORY!
Barry: Maybe this was a bad idea.
Jerry: YEEHAW!!! WOO HOO! I AM FUCKING CRAZY!!!!
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, Obama-Jones 08, pretty sure he's gonna lose now
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August 22nd, 2008 at 7:39 pm
so… very… drunk
August 22nd, 2008 at 7:41 pm
You know you’re waiting for that text message just like every other asshole.
August 22nd, 2008 at 9:11 pm
I thought this was the text message?
August 22nd, 2008 at 9:21 pm
AWWW HELLLL NAWWWWW!!!
This sure as hell will end badly.
August 22nd, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Dammit, now I’m definitely not voting for Obama.
Now if it were Obama/Marmalard ‘08, maybe you’ve got something…
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:25 pm
Don’t tease me, BDD.
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:26 pm
I’m conflicted. Voting for Obama gives me a free pass on being a racist (I think Ape already made this argument), but voting for Double-J brands me an asshole. What to do?
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:32 pm
shit, I thought he was going to say Evan Bayh or something
http://www.collegefastbreak.com/
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:41 pm
Emmitt Smith: Minister of Education
Michael Irvin: Drug Czar (with Deputy Nate Newton)
Troy Aikman: Secretary of the Interior (Decoration)
Jason Garrett: Shadowy Karl Rove-type advisor
Wade Phillips: Fall guy for the inevitable administration-killing scandal.
August 22nd, 2008 at 11:24 pm
Gino T. Don’t forget Golden Richards as Second Deppity Drug Czar. WHOO HOO I AM FUCKIN’….drunk.
/crawles too bed
August 23rd, 2008 at 12:21 am
@shanxiety: Wait, there’s a text message being sent to assholes? Why am I just now hearing about this?
August 23rd, 2008 at 12:58 am
Well, Obama/Double-J would certainly sew up Texas for the Dems.
August 23rd, 2008 at 1:52 am
@Will — HE’S FROM ARK… Oh, never mind. Anyway, not even the ghost of Tom Landry could deliver Texas for Obama.
August 23rd, 2008 at 3:34 am
obama worked quickly to appease the yosemite sam demographic
approve
August 23rd, 2008 at 4:13 am
You forgot “door flies open.”
Does Joe Biden photograph well? I look forward to seeing him put in embarrassing situations with a fetus and chris henry.
August 23rd, 2008 at 6:39 am
Biden isn’t that far off. I’ll lay twenty bucks right now that he punches whatever assbag the Republicans nominate at their debate.
/please be Romney, please be Romney….
August 23rd, 2008 at 8:49 am
Mmmmmmm, Give me some of that Purple Drink!
August 23rd, 2008 at 10:34 am
@mamacita – Stone Cold could get Texas for Obama. Probably.
August 23rd, 2008 at 10:49 am
@Otto Man
I think you’re right, and Biden’s the VP most likely to knock someone upside the head with a pipe wrench. You’d think it’d be Cheney, but he abhors violence. He’s all about the quick and clean kill: a href=”http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Touch_of_Death”>touch of death.
August 23rd, 2008 at 10:50 am
goddammit!
stupid HTML!
August 23rd, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Nice shot you took at the Virginia tech massacre the other day, Drew.
August 23rd, 2008 at 2:32 pm
if this ticket idn’t the mother of all fubars, it’ll do til the real thing comes along.
/cindy mccain approves, although from which of her houses she has no idea.
August 24th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
Why is this non-aflete political nigger on this blog?
August 24th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
Silly yorik,
If you’re an inside man trying to stir up chatter, then you’re an ineffectual and improvident lackwit. But if those are your genuine views, then express ‘em (you got the right, sho nuff!)- just be more articulate and less retarded.
August 24th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Needs more [door flies open]
August 25th, 2008 at 12:53 am
Yorik, by any chance are you from Quincy, Massachusetts?
August 25th, 2008 at 2:32 am
Did you ever notice that white people have names like Lenny and black people have names like Carl?
August 25th, 2008 at 9:45 am
[...] Obama names a running mate. [...]
August 25th, 2008 at 10:08 am
How could you forget
Jessica Simpson: Blow-job giving, scandal causing-intern
August 25th, 2008 at 11:49 am
Does this mean the Garrett boys will be running the country?
If so, I’m in because I get less of a Jimmy Carter vibe from them than I do Obama.