Final Commenter Draft of the Off-season: Your New Legal Name
The news today, besides John McCain picking some Alaskan woman as his veep (We get to blame women for spoiling the election! Everything that goes wrong the next four years will be their fault!), is that Chad Johnson has legally changed his last name to Ocho Cinco. Because he’s 17 different kinds of cray-cray.
However, wacky names are no longer solely the providence of hippies, celebrities and the generally coke-addled, because you – yes you, generically named reader – get to pick an amusing sounding but totally nonsensical appellation. For life!
This, the final commenter draft of the off-season, is dedicated to what name you would legally change your name to. It can be zany, awesome or it can even be a name already taken by a public figure. Carry out horrific acts and despoil their good name!
My opening pick: Cocknballs Hussein Von Rapesalot
Nobody’s ever mistaking my lunch order again!
Tags: commenter drafts, thank god the season's close cause we're out of ideas, xmas ape
![[badge]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/themes/default/images/100121_FOXmsnBadge_200x50.gif)
August 29th, 2008 at 10:29 am
Rock Thunderballs.
Middle name “Danger”
August 29th, 2008 at 10:29 am
Obviously I’d have to go with Richard (Dick, for short) Gozinia.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:30 am
Hmm, what a weird draft. Coincidentally, this may be the last day I can do the morning draft, so I’ll have to think of something good…
Well, how about Megatron Jones?
August 29th, 2008 at 10:31 am
Jimmy McNulty… I should have been named this… stupid parents
*tear
August 29th, 2008 at 10:34 am
Deez NUTZ
August 29th, 2008 at 10:34 am
goddamnit porky! I honestly was going to say that. wtf?
August 29th, 2008 at 10:35 am
Lord Rod Swellingcock
August 29th, 2008 at 10:35 am
Princess Consuela BannanaHammock of course.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:36 am
Don’t worry, undead, way things are going, “Megatron Jones” will be a starting wideout for Cincinnati in about seven years.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:36 am
I just don’t know how anyone could beat Lucious Pusey… the man should be ashamed for changing it.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:37 am
Max Power.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:37 am
Thor Slingnuts
August 29th, 2008 at 10:38 am
Sir Hotpants Throbbingcock
August 29th, 2008 at 10:39 am
Phuck Yoo, would be my second choice
August 29th, 2008 at 10:40 am
Bond. James Bond.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:40 am
tyrannosaurus
August 29th, 2008 at 10:40 am
Eaton Pussy Lover
August 29th, 2008 at 10:42 am
John Holmes, Jr.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:42 am
Slap Beefchest
August 29th, 2008 at 10:42 am
Second pick:
Carlito Santino Luca Chewbacca “Porky” Montana
August 29th, 2008 at 10:43 am
Ms. Vanessa Cockslobbington
August 29th, 2008 at 10:44 am
Hyram Beatwife
August 29th, 2008 at 10:44 am
Sir LargeDick Drinksalot
August 29th, 2008 at 10:45 am
Darth Vader.
I think i remember reading about someone naming thier kid that actually, and his sister was princess leia. seriously…
August 29th, 2008 at 10:45 am
Sir Nigel Throbbincock
August 29th, 2008 at 10:45 am
Duke Lacrosse: man of action, cool customer and women’s health advocate
August 29th, 2008 at 10:45 am
Just call me GOD OF ALL CREATION.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:46 am
Det. Steve Tampico Esq.
also, I asked my wife the other day if we could name our children Mandible and Thorax. it’s good to throw inside the plate once in a while.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:46 am
Big Dickens Cider
August 29th, 2008 at 10:46 am
Damn you, Ufford
August 29th, 2008 at 10:46 am
Any name where the last name that involves the preceding first name:
Johnny Johnson
August 29th, 2008 at 10:46 am
philip marmalard
August 29th, 2008 at 10:47 am
The Artist formally known as Yo’ Mama
August 29th, 2008 at 10:47 am
Longar Longar
August 29th, 2008 at 10:47 am
Maximum Justice
August 29th, 2008 at 10:47 am
always been partial to Jarvis Redwine, but that’s just me
August 29th, 2008 at 10:47 am
Second pick: SNUGGLE PUPPY
August 29th, 2008 at 10:48 am
Amanda Hugandkiss
August 29th, 2008 at 10:48 am
TDub: how dare you take Jason Kidd’s pick.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:49 am
Optimus Prime
August 29th, 2008 at 10:49 am
Greatest name in history is an actual name of a Korean War-era general:
Charles Bonesteel III
No shitting you, he wore an eyepatch.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:49 am
Bear Pascoe
August 29th, 2008 at 10:50 am
Baron Von Tokesalot Bonshimmidden III
August 29th, 2008 at 10:50 am
Buffalo Chicken Wing Dip
August 29th, 2008 at 10:50 am
King Big Jim Slade The Questionable
August 29th, 2008 at 10:50 am
Stiff Damage
August 29th, 2008 at 10:51 am
Buck Naked.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:51 am
The Dude
August 29th, 2008 at 10:51 am
Frankenstein
August 29th, 2008 at 10:51 am
Bowie Tang
August 29th, 2008 at 10:51 am
Nuke Laluche
August 29th, 2008 at 10:52 am
Dick Bigdickian
(An actual character name in The Bare Wench Project http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0233289/)
August 29th, 2008 at 10:52 am
Dick Pound
August 29th, 2008 at 10:52 am
Greatest name in history is an actual name of a Korean War-era general:
Chinese leader Hu Yaobang — pronounced “who you bang” — would kindly disagree.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:52 am
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dick_Pound
August 29th, 2008 at 10:53 am
Gino Tourettsa – Big Jims Slade is priceless
I’ll just go with the old, tried and true – Buster Hymen
August 29th, 2008 at 10:53 am
I’ll upgrade my pornstar name to my official name of
Sir Miles O’Toole II
August 29th, 2008 at 10:54 am
@TDub
Charles Bonesteel III:
That’s the coolest thing I’ve heard. I think he played for the Vikings. He didn’t tackle anybody, he just told them to lie the fuck down.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:54 am
second pick: cool.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:55 am
Mr. Oprah Winfrey
August 29th, 2008 at 10:55 am
Don donkeypuncher.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:55 am
Canyu Graib Maititties – and of course I would.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:55 am
Seven Costanza
August 29th, 2008 at 10:55 am
Magnum Upinyalady
August 29th, 2008 at 10:55 am
Id just change my first name to Grizzly . That way my name would be Grizzly Adams and yes i do have a beard.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:56 am
Brett Favre Madden-King, GS
August 29th, 2008 at 10:56 am
Smoky Boner, has a touch of class
August 29th, 2008 at 10:56 am
Chest Rockwell
August 29th, 2008 at 10:57 am
Humphrey McFrankencock
August 29th, 2008 at 10:57 am
He Hate Me
August 29th, 2008 at 10:57 am
Ike Truck Turner
August 29th, 2008 at 10:58 am
Dennis Northcutt
August 29th, 2008 at 11:00 am
Lord Itchyballs McQueen IV
August 29th, 2008 at 11:00 am
@Gino,
No, that was Fred Smoot, and he wasn’t very persuasive…
August 29th, 2008 at 11:01 am
Chytsyz Brytchyz, the only Czechoslovakian golfer on the PGA Tour.
/what’s that smell
August 29th, 2008 at 11:02 am
So really, would “Dick B. Smalls” be the worst name ever?
August 29th, 2008 at 11:02 am
Mrs. Chad Ocho Cinco
August 29th, 2008 at 11:02 am
Herb Bluntsworth
August 29th, 2008 at 11:03 am
Katrina Gustav
Too soon?
August 29th, 2008 at 11:03 am
Possum Jenkins
August 29th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Actually a county sheriff name… Dick Wrinkle
August 29th, 2008 at 11:05 am
This is terriffic.
And I shall be known as Rex Mantlepiece.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:05 am
Biggus Dickus
August 29th, 2008 at 11:05 am
Melvin Just
Just Melvin, Just Evil
August 29th, 2008 at 11:05 am
Roscoe P. Coltraine
August 29th, 2008 at 11:09 am
Ceaser Toothius Maximillian
August 29th, 2008 at 11:09 am
I’ll take my actual porno name…you know, where you take your first pet and the street you grew up on.
Charlie Clyde
August 29th, 2008 at 11:10 am
Fantastic Sam
August 29th, 2008 at 11:10 am
Batman.
Just batman. Can’t believe no one picked this up.
“Batman, party of 2? Batman, party of 2?”
August 29th, 2008 at 11:10 am
Papa Lazarue
August 29th, 2008 at 11:11 am
i thought porno name was middle name and street. in that case, i would be regina fairway.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:11 am
God Shammgod
August 29th, 2008 at 11:12 am
Flozell Rumph – Take one part Flozell Adams, one part Mike Rumph, mix their DNA together and you’ve got…uh… me?
August 29th, 2008 at 11:12 am
John Doe…
Try identifying me now New Jersey State Troopers!
August 29th, 2008 at 11:13 am
Rubytits Von Diamondcock
August 29th, 2008 at 11:13 am
Brock Savage
August 29th, 2008 at 11:13 am
Bama Lama Ding Dong Johnson
August 29th, 2008 at 11:13 am
“Batman, party of 2? Batman, party of 2?”
Pfft. If that’s your standard, go with Jesus H. Christ.
“Christ, party of 13? Jesus H. Christ!”
August 29th, 2008 at 11:13 am
Rhino McElroy
August 29th, 2008 at 11:14 am
@oz – Fuckin Great One!!
I think I’ll take Tommy Chong Jr.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:14 am
Carl Highway
August 29th, 2008 at 11:14 am
Pacman. I heard that no one was using that name anymore.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:15 am
The Esteemed Schlongus Gashington
August 29th, 2008 at 11:15 am
my porn name Harley Thunderbird
August 29th, 2008 at 11:15 am
Officer Steve Grabowski
August 29th, 2008 at 11:15 am
Captain Blank Jetlauncher.
“Blank, you’re needed on the flight deck!”
“Not now, dammit!”
awesome.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:15 am
and someone tried to kill me, they’d be made fun of for “shooting blanks”.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:17 am
Briscoe County, Jr
August 29th, 2008 at 11:18 am
Mrs. Brett Farve
August 29th, 2008 at 11:19 am
If it’s legal to partially re-use a name, I’ll draft:
Jesus Marion Joseph.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:20 am
Hugh G. Balls
August 29th, 2008 at 11:20 am
Johnny Utah
August 29th, 2008 at 11:21 am
Hugh G Rection
August 29th, 2008 at 11:21 am
Tokyo Sexwale
August 29th, 2008 at 11:24 am
Ambrose Burnside
August 29th, 2008 at 11:25 am
i thought porno name was middle name and street. in that case, i would be regina fairway.
Now if you changed the “re” to a “va”, you’d be in business.
Eric Stratton…Rush Chairman…damn glad to meet you.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:26 am
Sir Edward Ellington Humphery III
August 29th, 2008 at 11:27 am
C’mon….McLovin.
I am McLovin.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:27 am
Tonto Kowalski
August 29th, 2008 at 11:28 am
@ otto man – don’t forget – “Jesus Party of 13. Last call.”
I’ll take Bubba Franks
August 29th, 2008 at 11:33 am
Staff Sgt. Max Fightmaster
August 29th, 2008 at 11:33 am
Plenty O’ Toole
August 29th, 2008 at 11:37 am
hhhmmm…. can we use titles? I f so then I take Lord Niles Rockingham
August 29th, 2008 at 11:40 am
Bill Brasky.
“Bill Brasky was a two ton man-mountain who could palm a medicine ball!”
August 29th, 2008 at 11:40 am
Johnson Q. Gagonit
August 29th, 2008 at 11:41 am
Mama Lucaboobooday
August 29th, 2008 at 11:42 am
@dick – just pronounce regina as though it rhymes with vagina, and i think that should be pretty good.
speaking of rhyming, for my next pick, ill take Mulva.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:44 am
Long Rod von Hugendong
August 29th, 2008 at 11:46 am
Baron Wolfgang von Awesome
August 29th, 2008 at 11:46 am
Mr. Dick Makesthembleed
August 29th, 2008 at 11:47 am
Major Ace Magnum = Can’t Tell Me Nothing!
August 29th, 2008 at 11:48 am
Best name I ever came across…Dick Wild, VP of Sales for the Tingley Rubber Company.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:50 am
Chad Q. Sexington
Like Chad Pennington, I have no velocity or durability
August 29th, 2008 at 11:51 am
Lance Uppercut
August 29th, 2008 at 11:55 am
Leroy Jenkins
August 29th, 2008 at 11:55 am
If I was born as Miroslav Satan’s brother, I hope my name would have been
Vladimir Satan.
August 29th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Jethro Q. Walrustitty
August 29th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Rod Woodstock
August 29th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Joey Jojo Shabadoo
August 29th, 2008 at 11:57 am
Julius Orange
August 29th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Chad Ocho Cino has it perfect. His initials are now COC. How many heart attacks have the NFL brass had over that?
August 29th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Rembrandt Q. Einstein
August 29th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Staff Sargent Max Fightmaster
August 29th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Porn name…Don Wand.
August 29th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Honest to God, the name on my old fake ID from college was:
Vincent J. Alluzzio
August 29th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Packin van Megaschlong
August 29th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Ron Burgundy
OR
Heywood Jablomee
August 29th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
carmen (after the two things i like most!)
i hope to find myself a dr. bj golfandtits to marry.
August 29th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Mr. Beau Kaki
August 29th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Pussy Galore
August 29th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Titus Von Pumpencock
August 29th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
A guy I knew in college was named Eeder. He claimed he legally had his middle name changed to Outt. If true, I’m sure his parents were overjoyed.
August 29th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Nineteen Seventies Porn Star
August 29th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Buford T. Thudpucker
August 29th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Wendell the Impaler
August 29th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Brock Lesnar. What? Shit!!
August 29th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Col. Leslie “Hap” Hapablap
“What is your major malfunction?”
August 29th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Dr. James Andrews
August 29th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Rock Strongo or Bill Hadababyitsaboy
August 29th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
really? no one’s taken this?
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.
August 29th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
If Ocho Cinco and War Machine are already taken than I’d have to go with my would be porn name: Richard Bloomingbank. Side note: if I were to be a gay porn star I’d tell people my name is Richard but I prefer Dick.
August 29th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Tits McGee
August 29th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
Excalibur Rapeseed Hardrata von Hammersnatch
bonus points to me for use of historical badass viking and alliteration
August 29th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Dong Dong
August 29th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Gary Playfair
August 29th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Boba Fett
August 29th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Phil Ken Sebben
August 29th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
@the great bambi: Damn you.
I’ll take Dr. Kenneth Noisewater.
August 29th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Hurry up please I’m late to the draft and have plenty of picks ready. Thank you.
August 29th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
@L-Jam3 – Mine was Juan G.G. Gonzalez. What did the G.G. stand for? Going Going, of course.
I’ll take my then roommates fake ID name – Seam McMulligan. Every time he finished a beer, he just asked to do it over again!
August 29th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Truckasaurus
August 29th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Mrs. Smurftastic Ditka-Beckham
August 29th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Walter Pinnochio Whistledick
August 29th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Hercules Rockefeller
or
Handsome B. Wonderful
August 29th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Sgt. Hulka Von Bigtoe
August 29th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Ghandi, the Killer Pimp
August 29th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
Adolf McHitlerberg
August 29th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
@Bruin: Uh….maybe….uh….well….all the guys in my car club, they call me “The Cruiser”
August 29th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Walter Pinnochio Whistledick
true story, was going to name my first born son Walter Pinnochio. Alas, I was only able to produce daughters. On account of there’s something wrong with my semen
August 29th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
Tsu Doh Nimh
August 29th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
MRS. HARF HARF HARF
August 29th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Pat McCrotch
August 29th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
Baron von Longenschlong
August 29th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
Nopleasestop Getoffmee. “I thought she was just screaming my name, your honor.” “Honest mistake, I suppose. Case dismissed!”
August 29th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Titanium Slab.
Or Race Bannon, the biggest badass ever on TV.
August 29th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
@ Microscopic “They should have called you The Dork!”
@ Savior +1
Next pick: Twatsky LaRue
August 29th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Close TDub but first name should be Gunny. Gunny Highway. Or Chesty Puller. Goodnight Chesty!
August 29th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
@Rocco – at least go w/ “The Octagon” otherwise you’re just one nut.
I pick “Spiderman McManaman”
/Quagmire picks “LongDong von Hugenrod”
August 29th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Pi Grape Pigrape
August 29th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
Ace Rimmer
August 29th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Chad Sexington aside?
Black Steve.
August 29th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Biej von Swallowdale
August 29th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
Amado Carillo Fuentes. A million points to anybody who understands who that is.
August 29th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
BA Barracus
August 29th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Iron Mike Orieda
August 29th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Rusty Shackleford
August 29th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Rad Thibideaux
August 29th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
Well, since Staff Sgt. Max Fightmaster is off the board….
Im going to go with: Baron Von Wrecksasnatch, my friend Chris said hes Billy the Rapesaurus.
YA BETTA ASK SOMEEEBODAAAAAAYYYY!
August 29th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
great jesus, what a draft topic….so many options….
– kanye east (as stated above)
– a pimp named wetback
– tyrone power
– ramon de la conception de altas (when in latin countries)
and my favorite…
– ron johnson…a friend and i both use this nom de dirt all around western pennsylvania. he 5′5″ and stout, i’m 6 foot 1 and 195 pounds of dynomite. so the reports of ron’s description can vary, useful when engaging in fisticuffs and wooing spoken-for gentleladies in the taverns of the the ohio river valley.
August 29th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
With a last name like “Asendorf” why would I want to change anything?
August 29th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
Joseph P. Brenner
August 29th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
My name is Ynigo Montoya. You keel my father. Prepare to die.
August 29th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
Tum Tum Rockylovesemily
August 29th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
Banjo Tee MacGillicuddy
August 29th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Wait, did anybody take Hank Scorpio yet?
August 29th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
@ Smurftastic: would Pat McCrotch ever consider dating Mary Jane Rottencrotch (and fingerbanging her through her pretty pink panties)? If they married, she could be Mrs. Rottencrotch-McCrotch.
August 29th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
Bruce Leroy.
August 29th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Sex Cannon.
/No one believes my name is my real name anyway. I may as well just keep it.
August 29th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
My friends at the office decided to get in on this we have…
Johnny Na$hinal
Tait Nucleus
The Colonel
and
The Rock N Roll Indian.
August 29th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
@Shane: When my buddy is into a solid night of drinking he is “The General”, leading his troops into battle. He usually puts up a good fight but in the end it’s always the same story. He goes down in a hail of F bombs and passes out on the lawn/bar/floor/wherever.
August 29th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
Bob Loblaw.
And yes, I would write a law blog.
August 29th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Mr. Captain Breaknstuff Awesomeface
August 29th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
Guess I’ll go with what I’d always wanted to use as a porn name: Doug Tunnels.
August 29th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
Professor Horatio Huffnagel
August 29th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
In honor of my lawschool roommate, I will take his drunken alter ego – Rooster Cogburn.
August 29th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
And Pat McCrotch and Ms. Rottencrotch should TOTALLY hook up… would their kids be Stinkette McTwat and Skunky McCum?
August 29th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Johnny Bravo
/just cause I fit the suit
August 29th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
pretty sure one would be named Lindsey Firecrotch
August 29th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
@dick_gozinia: you sir are a mouthful
August 29th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
smurf you forgot smegma mcqueeferson
August 29th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
@Rocco: Dude have we hung out before? I fit this description of “The General”….except when I drink its more like Dave Chappelles portrayal of the late, great Rick James.
August 29th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Frankenstein “Poppa” Giorgio
August 29th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
@sdbruin – +1 for the princess bride reference that was a kick ass movie back in the day.
Uknowuwan Mycocknballs
August 29th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Coach Gordon Bombay
August 29th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
Big McLargehuge
August 29th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Shifty Balzac
August 29th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
Lance Oceanside……..hello?!
August 29th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
I wouldn’t change my name to this but I went to college with a kid whose legal name was “Muhammad bin Hussein”. Many New Yorkers and Christians did not like him.
August 29th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
Jiggle Metimbers
August 29th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Orenthal McHugeballs-SlippyFist
August 29th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Footsteps Falco
August 29th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
A) To the people who took names straight from TV/movies – you people suck hard, get creative fuckos
B) I’ll become Dutch Rockledge, P.I. 100% man,
August 29th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Howie Pheltersnatch
+1 for Doug Tunnels
August 29th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
since taking Dr. Tobias Funke would make me suck hard and a pressing need for me as a fucko to get creative, I’ll go with Chazz Magnum, impregnator of plus sized models.
August 29th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
I would have to go with Ramsey Rod.
Ram Rod for short.
August 29th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
Ray Dee O’Station
Jackie O’Lantern
August 29th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Mr. Marisa Miller.
August 29th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
i’ve always been partial to Spicey McHaggis
or Rock McAwesome
August 29th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
TYRONE SHOELACES IF I WAS AFRICAN AMERICAN
August 29th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
I can’t belive this one is still on the board – I select:
Dirty Harry
August 29th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Mike Hunt. Say it youll get it
August 29th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Alexander Wendover
My middle name and the street I grew up on… try it
August 29th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Punch Rockgroin
August 29th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
Studly McFistHammer
August 29th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
Taliban Jones, Compton Private Eye.
August 29th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Kurt Kustard
or, if I could take names that already exist
Lincoln Hawk
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman
August 29th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
Slam Rockingham or
Trent Stillwell, Office Shortstop
August 29th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
I can’t believe no one took Stringfellow Hawk.
August 29th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
Felix Wristmissle
August 29th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
Dabrickashaw Ferguson, Big Ol’ Nasty Moosedawg – One Man Wrecking Crew.
August 29th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
Hank Scorpio all the way.
August 30th, 2008 at 12:11 am
Jeez, both my porn names suck — Lucky Range Road 592, and Stephen 33rd. Curse you, Cartesian numbered street fetishist civil planners!
I’ll take Bill Barylko.
August 30th, 2008 at 12:34 am
Spanky Datass…what?
August 30th, 2008 at 1:02 am
Four Dollar Combomeal
Hooray Mywifeisactuallyhornytonight
August 30th, 2008 at 1:47 am
Gotta go with my porn star name on this one: Sean Lakewood.
August 30th, 2008 at 4:03 am
Malcolm Peter Brian Telescope Adrian Umbrella Stand Jasper Wednesday (pops mouth twice) Stoatgobbler John Raw Vegetable (sound effect of horse whinnying) Arthur Norman Michael (blows squeker) Featherstone Smith (blows whistle) Northgot Edwards Harris (fires pistol, which goes ‘whoop’) Mason (chuff-chuff-chuff) Frampton Jones Fruitbat Gilbert (sings) ‘We’ll keep a welcome in the’ (three shots, stops singing) Williams If I Could Walk That Way Jenkin (squeker) Tiger-draws Pratt Thompson (sings) ‘Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head’ Darcy Carter (horn) Pussycat ‘Don’t Sleep In The Subway’ Barton Mannering (hoot, ‘whoop’) Smith.
August 30th, 2008 at 5:30 am
From the original Cherokee Dawes Commision Rolls of 1899
Walter Bigmeat
August 30th, 2008 at 6:58 am
Cojones Johnson
August 30th, 2008 at 9:39 am
Ok, I gotta go with Ron Mexico. Solid.
But if Vick still has the legal rights to that one, we could try a few others:
Myles O. Koch
Dick Lane
Dougie Style
and, my personal favorite, from way back in the day … Lance Goodthrust
August 30th, 2008 at 9:40 am
As for the middle name + street name trick …
Andrew Tallwood
(I shit you not.)
August 30th, 2008 at 10:28 am
I’d like to be called Derek Horseballs
August 30th, 2008 at 11:26 am
Flint Michigan, race car driver and lover of fine pilsners
August 30th, 2008 at 11:55 am
Alabama BlackSnake Jenkins
August 30th, 2008 at 11:57 am
Impaled Pussymonster
August 30th, 2008 at 11:57 am
What happened to my 1st comment?
It was Alabama BlackSnake Jenkins
August 30th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Dick Pound.
August 30th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
@Kimbo: +1.
I hate that smug self-righteous Samaranch-sucker.
August 30th, 2008 at 9:35 pm
Angel Matos Norris – The Peoples’ Roundhouse
August 31st, 2008 at 12:46 am
Dick Cock Boner Penis Prick Dong
get it?
August 31st, 2008 at 1:24 am
Nobody took Randy Coxman? Or am I just old…..?
Sheesh….
August 31st, 2008 at 11:59 am
In honor of former Pittsburgh Pirate outfielder–look it up–
Johnny Dickshot II
August 31st, 2008 at 1:26 pm
David Michael Penisjoke.
August 31st, 2008 at 4:33 pm
Ron Mexico Jeremy
September 1st, 2008 at 12:18 am
either my porn name, Clint Taurus
or
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
September 1st, 2008 at 2:25 am
Ernie von Schledorn. He’s real, though, he’s an old Nazi war criminal (I assume) who sells Volkswagens in Milwaukee.
September 1st, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Jefferson Starship
September 1st, 2008 at 2:51 pm
I would just like my legal name to be Papi so that all the lovely ladies in the neighborhood would have to go “good morning papi”
September 1st, 2008 at 5:05 pm
RoboCop McDieHard2. Obviously.
September 1st, 2008 at 8:52 pm
Carl Wycked
September 2nd, 2008 at 2:35 am
Bolt Upright
September 2nd, 2008 at 3:44 am
Sir Rocksyur Fukinsoxoff.