Eli Manning’s Big Off-Season Change
08.04.08
Hey guys, good to see you again, did you have a good summer? Oh, you went to the beach? Dang, that sounds like fun, I bet the weather was great! Oh, well that’s too bad, but I bet you had fun playing board games in the condo. What do you mean you don’t play board games, what did you do all night? Oh, those clubs never let me in, I figured they were member’s only. Well that’s cool, I guess.
What did I do this off-season? Oh nothing much, unless you count… GROWING THIS TOTALLY KICKASS BEARD!!!
HELLS YEAH, IT’S GROWIN’ IN THICK AND EVERYTHING. DAD SAYS IF HE’S NOT TOO BUSY HE MIGHT TAKE ME TO BUY BUY A REMINGTON BEARD TRIMMER AFTER PRACTICE. THAT THING’S GOT LIKE, A BAZILLION ATTACHMENTS!
WHY DID I GROW IT? BECAUSE I NEEDED A NEW LOOK FOR THIS SEASON. WE WON IT ALL LAST YEAR, AND NOTHING SAYS “I’M A BIG MAN NOW” LIKE SOME FACE PUBES!
HEY, YOU NEED SOME CONDOMS ROOKIE? ‘CAUSE I GOT ABOUT A THOUSAND OF ‘EM IN MY LOCKER. HURRY UP BEFORE I USE EM ALL…
FOR SEX!
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/lol-gonna-miss-you-nfl-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/suvmass-150x150.png)
fuck all you guys who are hating on eli.
David Carr needs longer shorts if he’s gonna beat out Anthony Wright for that #3 QB spot.
[WTF... is this the NBA?]
I seem to remember Cartman suddenly growing a beard, too.
/wonders if eli has been making deals with o-line
I like this lin character
David Garrard has a blog?
OT, but the Packers have apparently hired Ari Fleischer to handle the Brett Favre Saga for them.
I can’t wait for him to tell us, “You’re either with the Packers, or you’re with the terrorists.” So true. So very true.
OT, but the Packers have apparently hired Ari Fleischer to handle the Brett Favre Saga for them.
Good heavens, Favre; Thompson has now brought in a former presidential spokesperson to deal with the clusterfuck you started. You’re like Iraq, or something.
I think they’ve been fairly unscathing towards McNabb, which is funny, seeing that nearly every other media outlet isn’t…
like a fireman! or somebody’s dad!
Took him that long to grow his playoff beard.
/hockey reference
HEY, YOU NEED SOME CONDOMS ROOKIE? ‘CAUSE I GOT ABOUT A THOUSAND OF ‘EM IN MY LOCKER. HURRY UP BEFORE I USE EM ALL…
FOR SEX!
Funny, I was under the impression that Eli thought sex was when he pulls down his underoos and makes peepee onto some girl’s hoohoo.
Good thing Osi is there to set the record straight…..
OT, but the Packers have apparently hired Ari Fleischer to handle the Brett Favre Saga for them. You can expect the levels of douchebaggery from that front office to increase exponentially from here on out.
“i’m a big kid now” isn’t from pampers. It’s from Pull-ups. You can pull them up and down.
Geez…like puberty’s not hard enough already? What with mystery boners, body hair, and voice changes, it’s gotta be tough for Lil’ Manning in that locker room.
/never trusted men who shave anyhow
Why does that beard remind me of the one Beavis and Butthead ‘grew’ to look older?
With Eli at QB, the Giants are definitely Born to Run
someone’s been training for the oreo eating contest…
“I don’t know if it’s my strength, but this chair keeps… BREAKING….”
Kielbasa milkshake…sorry Otto but that’s some funny disgusting shit right there.
Ironically, that’s about what my yakking last night looked like. No frosting, but still…
Hey – I love my Miami Vice DVD’s. Just bought season 5 this weekend.
/almost wish I was joking
Just because…
Kielbasa milkshake…sorry Otto but that’s some funny disgusting shit right there.
I posted a video of a Raffie concert on my blog and titled it “Exclusive Eli Manning Honeymoon Video”
Biggest day of traffic my blog saw for months.
/sign of the apocalypse
“No. The beard stays. … You go!”
I think I might grow a beard.
/Kids in the Hall
Someone mentioned Neckbeard and Sex Cannon on the radio this morning. I nearly hit a truck I was laughing so hard.
I was going to see how long we could keep the verse going before somebody figured it out.
It’s just a New York State of Mind.
What is going on with the rap quotes? is this a new KSK Fad? Should I start signing my comment with a lyric?
[i]Livin in a world no different from a cell
I hear that, next year, “Eli Manning’s Big Off-Season Change” is going to involve his testicles dropping.
Catchy tune.
I know this crackhead, who said she gotta smoke nice rock
And if it’s good she’ll bring ya customers and measuring pots
So now when Mommy makes my lunch, I’m all “leave the crust on!”
She still cuts the sandwich in half, though. Plus, now I get TWO Capri Suns!
Hey lil’ bro, nice try at shedding your hoity toity image. Go pick me out a nice chardonnay.
I see where you’re going with that dougery. I like it. The sooner Ralph dies and the Bills leave the better.
In broad daylight, stickup kids, they run up on us
thusfar, Bills QBs have been exempt i think. Senator Edwards and the Guy who looks like Billy Madison might as well be playing in the CFL for all i know. come to think of it…
and claim some corners, crews without guns are goners
“That’s the Hindu deity with all the arms, right?”
Yes, and none of them can catch a fade pass.
Smurphette, please don’t forget Visanthe Shiancoe.
That’s the Hindu deity with all the arms, right?
Once again:
Grizzly Adams DID have a beard.
Smurphette, please don’t forget Visanthe Shiancoe.
younger niggas pullin the triggers, bringin fame to they name
@Tdub: I think that’s because, as far as Drew is concerned, the Vikings’ offense consists of nothing more than Purple Jesus and a minimum number of necessary linemen.
@Rocco-
I thought they nice to David Garrard.
Then again I let everyone at work call me “Soft Mouth” so I might not be finely tuned to mocking.
With the mop of hair and the new beard, Elisha looks like he could be this guy.
I’m just amazed that somehow Tarvaris has risen above the KSK fray so far.
NOW THAT I’M A SUPER BOWL MVP LIKE PEY-PEY I CAN GROW A KICK-ASS 5 O”CLOCK SHADOW LIKE THAT ’80′S ACTOR, DON JOHNSON. I LOVE MY MIAMI VICE DVDs! GRRR FOOTBALL!
P.S. SHOCKEY IS GONE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
“Forget winning a Super Bowl. My biggest off-season achievement: Mom made Shake N’ Bake… and I helped!”
Charles Haley likes that rugged look on his QBs.
rocco – sex cannon?
Are there any QB’s the gay mafia likes?
The only downside is that i get mommy’s PB&J sandwiches stuck in it after lunch
Why do I got the Pampers’ theme in my head?
“I’m a big kid now!”