Eli Manning’s Big Off-Season Change
Hey guys, good to see you again, did you have a good summer? Oh, you went to the beach? Dang, that sounds like fun, I bet the weather was great! Oh, well that’s too bad, but I bet you had fun playing board games in the condo. What do you mean you don’t play board games, what did you do all night? Oh, those clubs never let me in, I figured they were member’s only. Well that’s cool, I guess.
What did I do this off-season? Oh nothing much, unless you count… GROWING THIS TOTALLY KICKASS BEARD!!!
HELLS YEAH, IT’S GROWIN’ IN THICK AND EVERYTHING. DAD SAYS IF HE’S NOT TOO BUSY HE MIGHT TAKE ME TO BUY BUY A REMINGTON BEARD TRIMMER AFTER PRACTICE. THAT THING’S GOT LIKE, A BAZILLION ATTACHMENTS!
WHY DID I GROW IT? BECAUSE I NEEDED A NEW LOOK FOR THIS SEASON. WE WON IT ALL LAST YEAR, AND NOTHING SAYS “I’M A BIG MAN NOW” LIKE SOME FACE PUBES!
HEY, YOU NEED SOME CONDOMS ROOKIE? ‘CAUSE I GOT ABOUT A THOUSAND OF ‘EM IN MY LOCKER. HURRY UP BEFORE I USE EM ALL…
FOR SEX!
Tags: elisha, Mommy Wow, Unsilent Majority
August 4th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Why do I got the Pampers’ theme in my head?
“I’m a big kid now!”
August 4th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
The only downside is that i get mommy’s PB&J sandwiches stuck in it after lunch
August 4th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Are there any QB’s the gay mafia likes?
August 4th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
rocco – sex cannon?
August 4th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Charles Haley likes that rugged look on his QBs.
August 4th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
“Forget winning a Super Bowl. My biggest off-season achievement: Mom made Shake N’ Bake… and I helped!”
August 4th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
NOW THAT I’M A SUPER BOWL MVP LIKE PEY-PEY I CAN GROW A KICK-ASS 5 O”CLOCK SHADOW LIKE THAT ‘80′S ACTOR, DON JOHNSON. I LOVE MY MIAMI VICE DVDs! GRRR FOOTBALL!
P.S. SHOCKEY IS GONE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
August 4th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
I’m just amazed that somehow Tarvaris has risen above the KSK fray so far.
August 4th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
With the mop of hair and the new beard, Elisha looks like he could be this guy.
August 4th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
@Rocco-
I thought they nice to David Garrard.
Then again I let everyone at work call me “Soft Mouth” so I might not be finely tuned to mocking.
August 4th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
@Tdub: I think that’s because, as far as Drew is concerned, the Vikings’ offense consists of nothing more than Purple Jesus and a minimum number of necessary linemen.
August 4th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
younger niggas pullin the triggers, bringin fame to they name
August 4th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
Smurphette, please don’t forget Visanthe Shiancoe.
August 4th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Once again:
Grizzly Adams DID have a beard.
August 4th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Smurphette, please don’t forget Visanthe Shiancoe.
That’s the Hindu deity with all the arms, right?
August 4th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
“That’s the Hindu deity with all the arms, right?”
Yes, and none of them can catch a fade pass.
August 4th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
and claim some corners, crews without guns are goners
August 4th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
thusfar, Bills QBs have been exempt i think. Senator Edwards and the Guy who looks like Billy Madison might as well be playing in the CFL for all i know. come to think of it…
August 4th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
In broad daylight, stickup kids, they run up on us
August 4th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
I see where you’re going with that dougery. I like it. The sooner Ralph dies and the Bills leave the better.
August 4th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Hey lil’ bro, nice try at shedding your hoity toity image. Go pick me out a nice chardonnay.
August 4th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
So now when Mommy makes my lunch, I’m all “leave the crust on!”
She still cuts the sandwich in half, though. Plus, now I get TWO Capri Suns!
August 4th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
I know this crackhead, who said she gotta smoke nice rock
And if it’s good she’ll bring ya customers and measuring pots
August 4th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Catchy tune.
August 4th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
I hear that, next year, “Eli Manning’s Big Off-Season Change” is going to involve his testicles dropping.
August 4th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
What is going on with the rap quotes? is this a new KSK Fad? Should I start signing my comment with a lyric?
[i]Livin in a world no different from a cell
August 4th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
It’s just a New York State of Mind.
August 4th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
I was going to see how long we could keep the verse going before somebody figured it out.
August 4th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Someone mentioned Neckbeard and Sex Cannon on the radio this morning. I nearly hit a truck I was laughing so hard.
August 4th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
I think I might grow a beard.
/Kids in the Hall
August 4th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
“No. The beard stays. … You go!”
August 4th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
I posted a video of a Raffie concert on my blog and titled it “Exclusive Eli Manning Honeymoon Video”
Biggest day of traffic my blog saw for months.
/sign of the apocalypse
August 4th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Just because…
Kielbasa milkshake…sorry Otto but that’s some funny disgusting shit right there.
August 4th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
Hey – I love my Miami Vice DVD’s. Just bought season 5 this weekend.
/almost wish I was joking
August 4th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Kielbasa milkshake…sorry Otto but that’s some funny disgusting shit right there.
Ironically, that’s about what my yakking last night looked like. No frosting, but still…
August 4th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
“I don’t know if it’s my strength, but this chair keeps… BREAKING….”
August 4th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
someone’s been training for the oreo eating contest…
August 4th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Why does that beard remind me of the one Beavis and Butthead ‘grew’ to look older?
With Eli at QB, the Giants are definitely Born to Run
August 4th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
Geez…like puberty’s not hard enough already? What with mystery boners, body hair, and voice changes, it’s gotta be tough for Lil’ Manning in that locker room.
/never trusted men who shave anyhow
August 4th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
“i’m a big kid now” isn’t from pampers. It’s from Pull-ups. You can pull them up and down.
August 4th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
OT, but the Packers have apparently hired Ari Fleischer to handle the Brett Favre Saga for them. You can expect the levels of douchebaggery from that front office to increase exponentially from here on out.
August 4th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
HEY, YOU NEED SOME CONDOMS ROOKIE? ‘CAUSE I GOT ABOUT A THOUSAND OF ‘EM IN MY LOCKER. HURRY UP BEFORE I USE EM ALL…
FOR SEX!
Funny, I was under the impression that Eli thought sex was when he pulls down his underoos and makes peepee onto some girl’s hoohoo.
Good thing Osi is there to set the record straight…..
August 4th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
Took him that long to grow his playoff beard.
/hockey reference
August 4th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
like a fireman! or somebody’s dad!
August 4th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
I think they’ve been fairly unscathing towards McNabb, which is funny, seeing that nearly every other media outlet isn’t…
August 4th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
OT, but the Packers have apparently hired Ari Fleischer to handle the Brett Favre Saga for them.
Good heavens, Favre; Thompson has now brought in a former presidential spokesperson to deal with the clusterfuck you started. You’re like Iraq, or something.
August 4th, 2008 at 11:38 pm
OT, but the Packers have apparently hired Ari Fleischer to handle the Brett Favre Saga for them.
I can’t wait for him to tell us, “You’re either with the Packers, or you’re with the terrorists.” So true. So very true.
August 5th, 2008 at 7:20 am
David Garrard has a blog?
August 5th, 2008 at 8:12 am
I like this lin character
August 5th, 2008 at 11:33 am
I seem to remember Cartman suddenly growing a beard, too.
/wonders if eli has been making deals with o-line
August 6th, 2008 at 9:08 am
David Carr needs longer shorts if he’s gonna beat out Anthony Wright for that #3 QB spot.
[WTF... is this the NBA?]
September 6th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
fuck all you guys who are hating on eli.